“Women aren’t just for relationships.”

[Kalinychta]

It makes me wonder why a good number of women, especially in their early 20’s, put up with men both verbally and physically harassing them. Could it just be a Texas thing?

I think it’s a society thing. It seems counter-intuitive, but it’s seriously like we’re almost taught to be masochists. But I really do think that people are changing. Probably not in Texas, but definitely in other places.

 

[Kalinychta]

I should add, though, that there seems to be a prevailing belief amongst incel-types that young women are primarily attracted to abusive men. Not saying you’re an incel-type (I don’t think you are)...it just seems that shy men tend to hold this bitter belief. I actually don’t know, and have never known, any 20-something women who put up with abuse. We do put up with a heck of a lot of nonsense, but I think we are, as I said, trained to do so. I do think it’s horrible in Texas, though. I’ve been to Dallas a few times and have been astonished by women there.

 

[Trophonius]

I should add, though, that there seems to be a prevailing belief amongst incel-types that young women are primarily attracted to abusive men. Not saying you’re an incel-type (I don’t think you are)...it just seems that shy men tend to hold this bitter belief.

Depends of the context. It is certainly false in general, but here is some degree of truth to that meme, especially when it comes to teenagers. In later years is more complex, but I attribute the persistence of this belief due it might very well be true to the online personas people have, or to people who are more active through the social media (I'm thinking with some degree of narcissism), which if being a socially isolated person is this your only world of experience, you may easily extrapolate from there. This is not necessarily wrong, as everyone find basis from their judgment in their experience, and lack of any other experience with people leads to this kind of thinking.

Women who read science fiction, listen to rock music, and want to do things usually considered for men only tend to get flack and are in the extreme minority. When I do encounter them, they tend to have boyfriends or husbands (Unless they are lesbians) who disallow them from having friendships with other men. I only have one female friend in person because her husband isn’t a control freak. I honestly wish I could have a female friend and our friendship could develop into a romantic one but the fact so many women in my area get into relationships early in my life puts me at an disadvantage.

I don't think the stereotype you wrote at the beginning hold that much, unless you live in a very conservative and relatively isolated town. In any case, you can all kinds of people online. Don't worry about women, if you feel you don't fit in the society you were born, rather than adapt to it (like abusive elders would tell you) you're free to move anywhere and find friends and romantic partners with people all over the world. It requires some wealth, but you can find a way if you're focused on doing just that and have patience.
(I personally don't like were I was born and the local culture, and I'm considering to do just that).

 

[Martha Ferris]

It’s not soft ambience they listen to. It would be CCM, gospel, country, and pop. I like ambient music. I wasn’t necessarily knocking gardening because that takes skill but these women do it because they feel like they have to or else they aren’t feminine enough and that their homes will look ugly without them.

Sounds like you live in a world from the fifties/sixites/seventies and if that is the case good luck being friends with a woman. It didn't happen then.
As a woman (and one who gardens but not for the reason you have assumed) it upsets me that you can generally speak for women as to their motivations for doing anything. Making assumptions about others sets up road blocks. Instead of assuming inquire.

As far as your difficulty in making friends with women I will tell you what I tell my son: broaden your interest base. He can't figure out why, if he is such a nice guy, he can't find a romantic relationship. His primary interests are skate boarding, snow boarding and video games. He will be 28 this year. Go where the girls are who have other interests than the ones you listed and get involved. Show some real interest in them.

I am old and the men of my generation and older have set ideas about women. We are things to them. Someone to be arm candy, keep the house nice, cook good, have sex with and be a hard worker. Their words. Like/respect women for who they are not what they can do for you.

Relationships are all about meeting each others needs and friendships ARE relationships. Endeavor to be someone who has something to offer others from within yourself.

 

[Markness]

I think it’s a society thing. It seems counter-intuitive, but it’s seriously like we’re almost taught to be masochists. But I really do think that people are changing. Probably not in Texas, but definitely in other places.

I definitely get that feeling. In my state’s case, I think it largely has to do with the fact religion still has a strong grip on people. Even in racial and ethnic minority groups who are religious, racism is frowned upon but homophobia is considered acceptable.

 

[Markness]

I should add, though, that there seems to be a prevailing belief amongst incel-types that young women are primarily attracted to abusive men. Not saying you’re an incel-type (I don’t think you are)...it just seems that shy men tend to hold this bitter belief. I actually don’t know, and have never known, any 20-something women who put up with abuse. We do put up with a heck of a lot of nonsense, but I think we are, as I said, trained to do so. I do think it’s horrible in Texas, though. I’ve been to Dallas a few times and have been astonished by women there.

What keeps me from being an incel is that I don’t hate women and I don’t wish for society to go back to the 1950’s or earlier which is what many incels want. I have also been told I am attractive while incels generally state no woman finds them attractive.

Dallas is a rough area but not as bad as Houston. I never want to go back to the latter.

 

[Markness]

Sounds like you live in a world from the fifties/sixites/seventies and if that is the case good luck being friends with a woman. It didn't happen then.

As a woman (and one who gardens but not for the reason you have assumed) it upsets me that you can generally speak for women as to their motivations for doing anything. Making assumptions about others sets up road blocks. Instead of assuming inquire.

As far as your difficulty in making friends with women I will tell you what I tell my son: broaden your interest base. He can't figure out why, if he is such a nice guy, he can't find a romantic relationship. His primary interests are skate boarding, snow boarding and video games. He will be 28 this year. Go where the girls are who have other interests than the ones you listed and get involved. Show some real interest in them.

I am old and the men of my generation and older have set ideas about women. We are things to them. Someone to be arm candy, keep the house nice, cook good, have sex with and be a hard worker. Their words. Like/respect women for who they are not what they can do for you.

Relationships are all about meeting each others needs and friendships ARE relationships. Endeavor to be someone who has something to offer others from within yourself.

I never once stated I thought women were “things” and if my post made you upset, you clearly did not get what I was saying. Don’t put words in my mouth.

 

[Martha Ferris]

I never once stated I thought women were “things” and if my post made you upset, you clearly did not get what I was saying. Don’t put words in my mouth.

"these women do it because they feel like they have to or else they aren’t feminine enough and that their homes will look ugly without them" How do you know that is the reason? Is every woman motivated by the same thing? I garden bacause my life has been so ugly that I want to put some beauty back into my world and be surrounded by it. I garden because my profession dealt with death and suffering and I want to be surrounded by life. I want to bring life into the world not keep having to ease it out.

Males speaking for females and generalizations make me upset. Your entire post did not. Generalizations are inherently incorrect. Life rule: don't make assumptions.

"I never once stated I thought women were “things” " And I never said that you did. Reread my post. I said that it was my experience with men of my generation and older. By relating that experience of a lifetime (it is still going on even at my age ie "I don't know why you don't have a man you are good looking and a hard worker") I share it as a cautionary warning. I gave the same warning to my son with the same explanations. I sincerely hope that the upcoming generations of men change their attitude concerning women from that of previous ones.

Perhaps you were so busy being upset that you missed a whole lot of what I was saying to you? There was so much more in my comment than the two items you found objectionable. Most people listen (read) to respond not to understand.

 

[Aspychata]

I never find I fit into the friends with women club either, and I'm a women.
Just as @Markness said, they are into and talk about things that doesn't interest me.

I do like listening to soft ambient music, but, I like rock also.
Gardening is interesting to me, but, the rest of those aren't.

I get along better with men and what men seem to like to talk about more.
Except I'm not looking for it to turn romantic at my age, nor did I ever have a child and never will.
But, I also understand that if they have wives or girlfriends how jealousy and control puts a stop to being friends.
The guy I live with is that way with me having men for friends and we're not even in a relationship
other than house sharing.
I would still be living the same as I did when single, but, he wants to know everything I do and when
and where.
Yeah, I get it.

I get this. I worked at a country club, man- l suffered because of the wives, and l am old. They gave the mason eye look, it was creepy.