Wondering if i was in an emotionally abusive relationship

[paloftoon]

yeh i was surprised that the pysical part was good, but it was because this time i didnt let him have control.
i agreee with you

With a potential partner I could have personally, I wouldn't mind if they controlled me or were the dominant one as long as I felt that person respected and me and wanted to pleasure me (on top of other superficial stuff, lol.)

 

[Kit]

Kind of sounds like my last boyfriend I had right before I met my husband. He hid behind "honesty" to say negative things to me and to share stuff with his son about me and claimed he is just honest. He seemed to hate me and then like me. He would ignore me unless he felt I was acting mature enough for him. All my likes and interests were "childish" and so was my excitement and my smiles. He acted like I was mentally challenged and would say how he is worried about being a pedophile so he can't be around me when I am too immature because then he feels like he is with a 5 year old instead of with a 21 year old.

I find out years later my ex was borderline personality disorder so that explained the splitting and the clinginess and he would call me selfish if I wasn't with him enough. That also explains the narcissism too and I wasn't surprised when he had altered his memory of our relationship which also seems common in borderlines from victims who were hurt by their partners who had it.

Another thing I notice with abusers is when they have abused you, they seem to have forgotten how they treated you so they just move on like nothing happened. Then if they see you again, they act all nice and stuff but there is no apologies and no amends. Either they have truly forgotten or they feel so guilty it's easier to just pretend it never happened so they wouldn't have to deal with it. It's the same with former bullies too.

 

[WeirdoGuy]

that sucks :/ I jut blocked him. I asked my mom before doing so she said need to be [forgiving]. this for some reason made me sad. but i decided to block him.

Sadly, seeing what your mother said makes me feel like the relationship with her may be emotionally abusive as well. People often enter abusive relationships when it feels normal to them. Typically, the only way that behavior seems normal is when it is learned early on from childhood. For any mother to pardon someone that treated her daughter this way is unacceptable. She may have some traits in common with him.

Now I know that you can't sever the relationship with your mother. But you can start looking at things differently. Understand that you are worthy of love, and start moving forward and do some serious self care. If possible, maybe start sessions with a therapist to work on your self love.

 

[nowwhat]

i had this feeling for a while. i also felt like i was thinkng about it too much. but the way my ex is acting now that we are not together, it is making it more clear what kind of person he is.

I think he is a gaslighter. whenever i have a problem he will deflect. he makes me feel ugly. he said i was too hairy on my face. sorry i am a mammal. he wouldnt kiss me (now of course he wants to) so it made me feel even uglier. when i try to defend myself, he doesnt want to hear it. i really think he wants someone who is just a doll that worships him and ha no feelings besides happy and the desire to worship him. i remember when i tried to defend myself through reasoning he said, why are you attacking me?! Nothing is his fault. We broke up because i was depressed and too dirty for him. i was and am depressed. i am very dirty. i was sad but undrestood that i am overwhelming, even tough i was and am sad about that. still he comes by to try to have sex. i asked him (crying of course) does this mean we are together, and he will make an exucse after excuse, deflecting until finally he admitted (hours later), "hes being weak" and he has no thoughts of us together.

We had sex, even tough he didnt deserve it, but he knew what state i was in and took advantage of i guess my desperation to be with him in ANY form. i didnt put myself first.

the worst part for me was that when it was all done, he gave me this whole spiel about how i need to be cleaner. and it made me sad because he just ignores that i am depressed, anxious, and autistic. and i told him why i am messy many times and he just doesnt care.

i wish he was out of my life. i feel lame

i will probably just keep this as my complain thread so i dont keep making new ones.

Good for you getting away from that piece of ****. Sorry you had to spend any time under his control.