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Worrying about my autistic son's future

I can only speak for myself but I am sure there are many others that will agree. What my parents thought about what I chose to do or who I associated with was of no concern to me by the age of 16. I'm not saying I didn't respect my parents or seek their advice. They didn't try to choose my friends, interfere in my relationships or other than what is morally/legally right and wrong apply limitations on me. If they had I probably wouldn't have the confidence or achieved the things I have. Also I have been together with my wife for 28 wonderful years. So my question is what are you basing your ideas of parenting on?
 
@imdoneone

I am still curious about the information on your Profile.
"Diagnosis Status:
High Functioning Autism - Officially Diagnosed"

Presumably that refers to you.
But, what meaning should we take from it?

If you are diagnosed HFA yourself, and asking how to deter one of
your children from being a father, what does that indicate about
your children's father?

Do you, yourself, regret your own marriage and having children?
Is your life such that you wish someone had stopped you from fathering children?

Or what is going on?
 
You can't. Don't know what you're implying here either if anything, but there are plenty of "neurotypicals" (if the term even applies) who come across as dysfunctional and have trouble raising their own offspring for some reason or another. Surely you've read the news before, haven't you?

I'm not implying anything within this post by the way, but I feel you're missing the wider picture. We have parents on the spectrum (yes, that's right) here who would be glad to share their stories if you wish to listen.
 
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imdoneone said:
My oldest has autism. He is high functioning. How can I deter him from having a “girlfriend” and have children and at the same time encourage my younger son who is neurotypical to have girlfriends?
Click to expand...

Maybe you won’t need to deter him from having a girlfriend. He could be gay or asexual. Maybe you won’t need to encourage his brother to have girlfriends. He could be gay or asexual.
 
I am diagnosed HFA and have sons who are 5 and 2. My older son is suspected HFA. My son and I have talked a number of times about him eventually having kids. It is ultimately his choice. But as a kindergartener, we are more concerned about him learning to put his clothes on and brush his teeth and use words to communicate, and to help him learn how to make friends.

Maybe try focus on something more immediate? How can you help your 4 year old prepare for kindergarten? What are his existing challenges? Do you have support/strategies in place to help with those challenges?
 
GadAbout said:
Is your premise that people with autism shouldn't reproduce? That's barbarous.

Or is your premise that people with autism shouldn't have a close relationship as they mature, to replace the relationships with parents and other family? Equally barbarous.
Click to expand...

These views are apparently held by an autistic person who has already reproduced and, presumably, has or had a close relationship.

Which makes it equal parts tragic and hilarious.

Seriously, don't. Fortunately, your kids are still young enough and you have enough time to learn how to be a decent parent BEFORE you've done too much damage, hopefully. But not too much time, so you'd better start working on it now.
 
imdoneone said:
My oldest has autism. He is high functioning. How can I deter him from having a “girlfriend” and have children and at the same time encourage my younger son who is neurotypical to have girlfriends?
Click to expand...
Here is how you deter him from having a girlfriend: You don't.

You should respect him as a person, as well as respect his wishes. If he wants a girlfriend, then good on him. He should have a girlfriend if she wants one. Us Autistics are as capable, and sometimes even more capable of starting and keeping healthy relationships with others than non-Autistics.

You should give him a choice. The only person who decides if your son should have a girlfriend or not is, well, your son. It's his choice, not yours.
 
imdoneone said:
My oldest has autism. He is high functioning. How can I deter him from having a “girlfriend” and have children and at the same time encourage my younger son who is neurotypical to have girlfriends?
Click to expand...
I don't understand why you wouldn't want him to have a girlfriend either. My son is 30 and has high functioning autism and I want so bad for him to meet a girl. It is hard enough with ASD to get out in public and meet someone without someone deterring them from it..... Why do you say that?
 
Autistic people are valuable members of society. I hope your son finds a lovely girl (if he does turn out to like girls) who appreciates him and all his quirks. And if he wants to have kids, when the time is right, I hope he does. And they will likely be wonderfully autistic, just like him!
 
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