• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Would This Bother You?

garnetflower13

garnetflower13

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Yesterday, I had an appointment for diagnostics at my doctors office. At one point there were only two women waiting for an X ray; myself and another lady. I noticed that she did not look up when I came in and sat down, and kept reading her magazine. Since I was not feeling talkative, I didn't mind that too much. After awhile, she put the magazine down and stared off into space. I am always on guard so as not to appear rude, so I was sort of waiting to see if she would speak or something.

Then I got the distinct impression that she was ignoring me. Of course, I have done that in waiting rooms, especially if not feeling well, but there was a certain hostility about her that made me uncomfortable. After awhile, another very talkative woman came into the room. She smiled at me, and started chatting away. The other woman responded to her and even smiled, but ignored me. A third woman joined us and a sort of discussion got started about insurance. I did not participate, but noticed that this first woman interacted with the others but did not with me.

Now, would this bother anyone? If so, why? And if not, why not? I am very sensitive and thin skinned, and it bugged me for the rest of the day. I kept thinking why did she act that way towards me?
 
Some people just take a instant dislike to others. Its not based on reality, just some crap in their head. It might not even be something they perceive negatively about you. It may be something they envy about you and it makes them jealous. When I get that negative response from someone, I just respond in kind. But I at least have a reason to dislike them.
 
garnetflower13 said:
Yesterday, I had an appointment for diagnostics at my doctors office. At one point there were only two women waiting for an X ray; myself and another lady. I noticed that she did not look up when I came in and sat down, and kept reading her magazine. Since I was not feeling talkative, I didn't mind that too much. After awhile, she put the magazine down and stared off into space. I am always on guard so as not to appear rude, so I was sort of waiting to see if she would speak or something.

Then I got the distinct impression that she was ignoring me. Of course, I have done that in waiting rooms, especially if not feeling well, but there was a certain hostility about her that made me uncomfortable. After awhile, another very talkative woman came into the room. She smiled at me, and started chatting away. The other woman responded to her and even smiled, but ignored me. A third woman joined us and a sort of discussion got started about insurance. I did not participate, but noticed that this first woman interacted with the others but did not with me.

Now, would this bother anyone? If so, why? And if not, why not? I am very sensitive and thin skinned, and it bugged me for the rest of the day. I kept thinking why did she act that way towards me?
Click to expand...


I think some people can just decide on the spot when they don't like someone. An example was my cookery teacher at High School, who decided on my sister's first day that she didn't like my sister and so acted like a proper b***h towards her and later to both me and my younger brother. Of course, it was always subtle so hardly something you could report.
Another example was when I first started going to the pub for my weekend dinner and noticed a few people staring at me out the corner of my eye.
 
It wouldn't bother me at all. The woman was and is a complete stranger. Odds are you may never see her again. That I had no investment in whatever they were thinking.

Besides, people can be so random at times. Mind over matter. They don't matter so I don't mind.
 
No, it wouldn't bother me in that situation. I have been ignored sometimes in work, school and social situations by people with whom I was familiar, that does bother me some. I have accepted that I am not as sociable/talkative as most people, and probably give off that vibe, so people aren't that open with me.

Random people sometimes are and sometimes aren't.
 
Yeah,let it go,it was a fleeting moment of discomfort and nothing to dwell over.
 
Wouldn't bother me at all. I'd just assume she didn't like the way I looked or, didn't think I looked like her kind of person. Mostly I don't look like anyone's kind of person unless you are either a backwoods bumpkin (if it's my time off) or a metal head rocker (if it's my public image.)

I'd have been more worried if she had struck up a conversation with me. I'd have to ask myself half a dozen questions to figure out why she was talking to me. (Assuming she didn't just ask for a picture and/or an autograph then ignore me or profess her love for me and/or my music. In which case I'd have to wonder where my bodyguard went unless he had previously excused himself to the men's room or, was dealing with other fans that tried to get too close.)
 
It would probably bother me because I like to talk to people while I am waiting for things as to keep my mind off of the appointment.
 
The other lady was very extroverted, smiling and talking to everyone. I didn't mind that, because she seemed really nice. It is when people behave peculiarly that it makes me anxious or nervous.
 
It would bother me but deep down I know I would know she's not worth wasting my brain space on her. Still would be irritating though and easier said than done.
 
It's one of those situations that can poke at my brain if I let it. Nowadays I know I just need to make an effort to remove them from my thoughts. Otherwise a habit - like biting of nails - of thinking the worst and then (even worse) blaming myself. Which I think of as a negative mental stim and remind myself: just don't. Today I had to stop myself from all sorts of wondering about a social interaction/situation. I was shoveling snow off the sidewalk out front and my neighbor came up behind me and asked, "can I get by?" I startled and said, "oh, sorry." I moved over. I do not like being startled, and it flustered me.
 
kestrel said:
It's one of those situations that can poke at my brain if I let it. Nowadays I know I just need to make an effort to remove them from my thoughts. Otherwise a habit - like biting of nails - of thinking the worst and then (even worse) blaming myself. Which I think of as a negative mental stim and remind myself: just don't. Today I had to stop myself from all sorts of wondering about a social interaction/situation. I was shoveling snow off the sidewalk out front and my neighbor came up behind me and asked, "can I get by?" I startled and said, "oh, sorry." I moved over. I do not like being startled, and it flustered me.
Click to expand...
This. When I get caught unawares, and feel like I have broken some invisible protocol or rule. Then I spend the rest of the day re-living it and mentally kicking myself.
 
Being thin skinned is not healthy. Aspies seem to come in two varieties: those who have no concern what others think of them and those who are over sensitive to possible rejection. I find myself somewhere in between but it is very possible to train yourself to eliminate negative thinking. It is neither easy to do nor is it quickly done.

The solution as I see it is living in the present moment. The past, can be a source of remorse and negative memories but it no longer exists and so it is valueless to spend time with bad memories of any type. Likewise the future does not yet exist and worry about what might happen is pointless and also damaging to a person's self confidence. The way to peace is living in the present awareness as it is the only time that is. This is a core principle of Buddhism as well as an element of many Western "spiritual" practices. Training the mind to refuse to consider negative and destructive thinking is a path to peace and serenity. I would suggest reading the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
 
Loomis said:
Being thin skinned is not healthy. Aspies seem to come in two varieties: those who have no concern what others think of them and those who are over sensitive to possible rejection. I find myself somewhere in between but it is very possible to train yourself to eliminate negative thinking. It is neither easy to do nor is it quickly done.

The solution as I see it is living in the present moment. The past, can be a source of remorse and negative memories but it no longer exists and so it is valueless to spend time with bad memories of any type. Likewise the future does not yet exist and worry about what might happen is pointless and also damaging to a person's self confidence. The way to peace is living in the present awareness as it is the only time that is. This is a core principle of Buddhism as well as an element of many Western "spiritual" practices. Training the mind to refuse to consider negative and destructive thinking is a path to peace and serenity. I would suggest reading the book The Power of Now
Click to expand...
Loomis said:
Being thin skinned is not healthy. Aspies seem to come in two varieties: those who have no concern what others think of them and those who are over sensitive to possible rejection. I find myself somewhere in between but it is very possible to train yourself to eliminate negative thinking. It is neither easy to do nor is it quickly done.

The solution as I see it is living in the present moment. The past, can be a source of remorse and negative memories but it no longer exists and so it is valueless to spend time with bad memories of any type. Likewise the future does not yet exist and worry about what might happen is pointless and also damaging to a person's self confidence. The way to peace is living in the present awareness as it is the only time that is. This is a core principle of Buddhism as well as an element of many Western "spiritual" practices. Training the mind to refuse to consider negative and destructive thinking is a path to peace and serenity. I would suggest reading the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
Click to expand...
I actually find great comfort reading about Buddhism. I have several books by Thick Nhat Hanh and HH The Dalai Lama. The problem is I have been isolated for too long and don't know how to respond to people but then I never have. When I married 43 years ago I took over the ranching while my husband (also an aspie) worked away from home. The cattle, sheep and horses kept me busy and away from people which suited me just fine. But now I'm retired, 65, and we moved to another very small town and I'm having panic attacks if I have to be around people. I was bullied terribly all through school and college and the memories don't seem to go away. I've found that the only things I seem to be good with are animals and machines (I could kit a Holley 4 barrel when I was 18 and was drag racing). I also am at peace in nature- just having lots of trouble even talking to people.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom