Would you consider dating such a guy?

[paloftoon]

Some of you say you would independently go tell your parents to mind their own business and do your own thing 100% etc. I think each situation and personality is different, and that must all be considered. Not everyone is in a position to just tell their parents to go mind their own business unfortunately. Maybe someone in alien girl's position could:

1. be dependent on living on their parents funding and so their parents have a string to them
2. are in a culture where marriages are arranged
and other? . . .

I've read/seen stories on TV where a child who was defiant of their parents wishes ended up being killed. So, that is something to consider too. If you feel this is a position you'd be in or something else pretty extreme such as being disowned or taunted by the family, it may be in your best interest to go through the motions, but take as many precautions as you can. Since you told your date about the situation, and he doesn't seem to care about your feelings, you could "go" on the date and leave after like 15 minutes and officially break it off like that. If you are ever in a position where you have to be married, try to have a pre-nuptial.

Alien girl, you know your situation best. I understand your reservations to do something more independent.

 

[paloftoon]

No, my parents were worried about me not dating and not having friends. It was very important for them that I'd be like everyone else.

Oh god, my parents were like this too. While their concerns are valid, the way they are going about it is all wrong.

You need to be able to date on your own. If you're of age, it may be worth considering an app, but try to meet in-person in public settings during the day to start with, and easiest thing to do is be clear that you only want to meet, or you will or won't kiss on a first date. Better to be explicit too about stuff beyond kissing too, because you will "run into" all kinds of people that may have significantly different tastes than you. Being clear what you will accept and what you are looking for at the beginning will help keep you safe. Try to be as open and flexible as you can be too though, because otherwise you could scare off potentially good matches. Such as if someone ends up having some similar interests to you, but then say likes eating potatoes and you don't, be willing to compromise on some things. Good luck in this regard.


Easiest way to try to meet people is to join and participate in as many groups (that fit or might fit your interests) and go to as many activities as possible. meetup.com is a decent website, and look for conventions to attend too, maybe a variety of professional like and more activity interested. If you don't live near a big city, you can ask your parents to help you out with an apartment so that you can meet more people (and then follow your part and actually meet those people). When you're different than so many others, it's hard to find good people. Even if you get it right, we live in a cruel world. People still don't want to be friends with you outside of a group even if you have enough in common with them. A lot of people have prejudices and cliques and they hold dear to them too much. They aren't always as popular as they seem, and if they are, chances are their friendships are not quality. So, it is still important to try to be able to engage with other people. You don't have to like it or say much, but simply participating in an event or activity is sometimes good enough. This way, you can always tell your parents that you are (well) acquainted with so and so. Also, are your parents very social too? If not, they can't expect you to be doing more than them. They can only expect effort. Exercise can help attract people to you in the long run too. If you hate it like I do, try to do a little bit here and there.

That should help you develop a cool to build and keep your confidence. Best wishes.

 

[Maelstrom]

No, my parents were worried about me not dating and not having friends. It was very important for them that I'd be like everyone else.

WereBear ,makes a very good point, I feel for you alien girl ,this people dating love stuff it is so hard for us sort. I am very smart, and kind, and warm, and thoughtful, and some how it all seems to go bad anyways. I feel sometimes like that old Star Trek episode I am stuck in another frequency of time and space. I can see everyone swirling about me busy with life but some how they can't quite see me I am just a annoying buzzing or cosmic cobweb to them.
It seems quite difficult to mesh with someone well enough to build that love connection.