Would you date someone with kids?

[Soup]

In the past I've dated women with kids & my ex-wife had a child before I met her. However today I'm more highly selective in choosing a prospective partner. The woman would need to have a personality that meshes well with mine.
But this is an emotional issue for me for certain reasons.

It's normal per online/offline dating for both genders to have a mental list of pros and cons per a prospective partner.

That is a sensible way to approach a potential new relationship. Having some kind of picture of what you want will help prevent you from winding up in a toxic situation. Having a compatible personality is important if you are to get along with this person over a sustained time period after the initial endocrinology/chemical fizz simmers down.

The mistake I've seen people (both male & female) make is writing a list that contains a blur of superficial traits. One tech guy I know had a list that described a woman 5'9 + with long platinum blonde hair, a narrow waist, big boobs & a host of other traits. In other words, he wanted Malibu Barbie. The first problem is that such women do not truly exist (certainly not in his age range!). The second mistake is that he had an unrealistic assessment of what HE had to offer as a man! What would some super model want with him?!?
People have to be reasonable & realistic. Older women sometimes want a guy who is in his 40s but with no ex wives (never having even lived with a woman) & no kids. The odds of finding such a guy are slim to none. THen, too, a 40 something year old guy who has never been in a relationship is probably very troubled (living in Mom's basement)

 

[Judge]

It is kind of odd in retrospect to wonder if had I employed some kind of "shopping list" had it helped or hindered me...I have no idea. Not a clue.

Guess people just baffle me altogether on certain levels. It is what it is...<sigh>.

 

[Ereth]

It's okay, Judge. I think everybody finds people confusing sometimes.

 

[arnoldmcguire335]

That would be a maybe if the person is my age. Besides, I love kids, and they make me smile. So yeah, a maybe.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

No. I looked at my "list" again too, and it still says no. So, no.

 

[Licorice]

I think I would do it if:
1) They're not looking for someone to fill in as mom anytime soon.
2) The children aren't "problem children" I'm going to have one of those angry stepmother relationships with.

I like children and would be willing to care for one that isn't my own, but it's not something to take on lightly and if I'm not the biological mother it's going to be much harder to fit into the household.

 

[142857]

One tech guy I know had a list that described a woman 5'9 + with long platinum blonde hair, a narrow waist, big boobs & a host of other traits. In other words, he wanted Malibu Barbie.

That is awesomely funny.

A lot of aspie guys (not all) have difficulty finding any woman who will date us, and we cannot afford to be choosy. If I were still single I would have no problems dating a woman who already had kids. Maybe not Octomom, but up to 3 would be okay.

 

[ghoulbler]

No, I'm bad at taking care of anyone else. I can hardly take care of myself. I don't hate kids, I just don't think I'm someone who could ever be an authoritarian figure to one. I can be a good adult friend to a kid, but that's about it. Enforcing rules of any kind or "raising" them would be a disaster. I wouldn't be good for the kid. I'd be fun, but "fun" isn't the only thing kids need out of their parents. Plus, it's a big responsibility to pick up where another parent has left off.

 

[tlc]

It's not that hard to find women without kids. I've met several over the past few years. Most dating sites have an advanced search where you can eliminate anyone with kids (or kids still at home). It's even harder for me because I have to weed out the smokers and drinkers too.

I tried that on POF or Match or one of them. Nothing else, just trying to find someone who did not smoke or drink and +/- 5 years brought up ZERO people in a 100 mile radius. No surprise since this area is loaded with wineries and breweries and festivals that primarily celebrate alcohol. Upped it to 200 mile radius and got a few but they all had cats or dogs or were religious or didn't work. Found many on the other side of the pond but not going there. Oh well I'm better alone anyway.

But about kids, I kinda feel like the pot calling the kettle black because I do have a daughter, and she is my everything when she is here, we go do things, and I never dump out on her, always make sure to get her here and back which is 700 miles in a weekend. But my experience is 90% of single women who have kids, the father is not in the picture for whatever reason, and she is looking for a dad for those kids. Sorry but I don't want to be raising somebody else's kids full time while I hardly see my own, and then be expected to split up the little sliver of my kid's time on top of that. If I found one local who fit my criteria and had a well behaved kid with a dad, it might be worth considering. But I think I have a better chance of winning the lottery and that's fine with me.

 

[grapesicles]

No, I'm not a fan of children. I can't stand loud noises! I get on well with my 10 year old cousin and his friends, but I would definitely not cope well in a parental kind of role - it's hard enough looking after myself sometimes.

 

[Cerulean]

Only if he was a good dad. I wouldn't be interesting in potentially step-momming with a guy who treats his kids like crap.

 

[Flinty]

Not in a million years. Not that anyone would want me to help raise their kid anyway.

 

[Sylar]

Yes and no. I guess it'd depend on the age of the person. I'd be fine with dating a woman with young children (I actually got quite broody myself last year) but I'm 21. If the woman were the same age I'd be put off mostly by poor life choices.

The kids themselves wouldn't bother me but the circumstances around them are everything.

 

[Suiseiseki]

not at all, I thought of it and more often then not they are on welfare and have no personality, but that's just what I've encountered-meeting single mothers in their early 20s

 

[Cellborne]

I have a kid and I would date me because I'm awesome. So its only fair for me to agree to dating someone with little people. It is probably different mindset for those without children. I think there are other turn offs way before kids come into the picture.

 

[Alabamaguy57]

The mistake I've seen people (both male & female) make is writing a list that contains a blur of superficial traits. One tech guy I know had a list that described a woman 5'9 + with long platinum blonde hair, a narrow waist, big boobs & a host of other traits. In other words, he wanted Malibu Barbie. The first problem is that such women do not truly exist (certainly not in his age range!). The second mistake is that he had an unrealistic assessment of what HE had to offer as a man! What would some super model want with him?!?
People have to be reasonable & realistic. Older women sometimes want a guy who is in his 40s but with no ex wives (never having even lived with a woman) & no kids. The odds of finding such a guy are slim to none. THen, too, a 40 something year old guy who has never been in a relationship is probably very troubled (living in Mom's basement)

Good points! I'm not picky at all about looks. I prefer larger women over skinny (and most are bigger in the over 40 age group) My only real requirements are no kids or smokers, and not too religious (preferably agnostic) and no alcoholics or druggies. I just could not put up with any of that. I recently found out there is such a thing as "child-free" facebook groups and "child-free" dating sites. Already trying my luck there now. I have child-free ads running on Craigslist too. I'm finding out there a lot of CF women who have a hard time finding men who don't have or want kids..... Just haven't found one in southeast Alabama yet.

 

[Fox]

My views on this are as follows:
-A. If I want a child, I have perfectly functioning ovaries and an awesome set of genes to pass on. I won't be someone else's mommy.
-B. Anyone at my age with a kid has way more on their plate than I can handle, I can forego the baby momma drama and all the child rearing responsibilities.
-C. Someone my age who has a kid is probably looking for someone to share in the child rearing responsibilities anyways. Uh, nah, I'm fine.

 

[Nitro]

As far as I am concerned there is a point in life that women who have kids are often a better choice than those that don't...kids are a sign of some stability and commitment MOST of the time...there is nothing worse than a highly independent girl who never settled when it comes to relationships...I tried marriage for 10 years,had no kids but raised dozens over the years that belonged to significant others...then again,who would love or want an aspie to begin with...laughs

 

[KassieMac]

I went out with a guy once that brought his two kids on our first date … I didn't even know he had kids! I never quite got over the shock (notice I said we went out once) but by the end of the evening they were already kind of attached to me. This really terrified me, and the whole situation seemed cruel to the kids. Looking back now, I'm guessing it was probably just his weekend to have them & he didn't want to cancel the date, but didn't have the guts to tell me in advance … but that doesn't excuse letting the kids get attached before we even knew each other.

 

[Nitro]

I had a girl who had kids that asked me if it was alright to give me a fathers day card...after a second date with mom...I ran