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Would you prefer a painful truth or a horrible lie?

Someone who loves you will often tell lies they wouldn't tell someone they did not care about. Being kind often involves lies.

And, as pointed out above, defensive lies may be used to prevent a much greater evil.

I am always forgiving of lies that were not told out of malice.
 
Yep. Then some people are like

AjQG.gif


swimming in lies.
 
I think the waters get a little murkier when you compare white lies to painful truths.

White lies are pretty much essential. "No, that dress doesn't look fat on you" is so much better than just stating the bitter truth of, "Hey, look -- you're fat. I accept you, but the clothes aren't going to change what you look like!".

Anyone who knows me (even just on the 'net) knows that I love talking about painful truths, but you just can't always be in that mode in a casual setting. I know I do it here a lot because discussing the difficult topics (alternatively titled: Adventures In Dark Human Psychology) is kind of a passion of mine, but if you only exist in a state of telling blatant truths, people are going to start getting those cold, cutthroat vibes from you really fast.

Cushioning the blow is a white lie, and white lies are sometimes a kind gesture that says, "Hey, I like you. Let's forget about the known, harsh truths of the universe and just hang out".
 
For me "Let's not enjoy the hard truths of the universe because, just because someone said so, it might not make it so" or "let's enjoy the truths of reality."

Or "whats true in the mass might be false in reality," where mass = a collection of people. You might be disliked by some, but liked by some, or "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Beauty fads change and are not reflecting of individuality.
 
I absolutely despise liars and feel I can never believe or trust them. I hate that our society is built on and runs on lies. You know, I heard in some countries that if you lie they still cut out your tongue. :smilingimp:
 
It depends. Even your closest and most trustful friend/relative may sometimes feel a lie might be better than the truth even if they usually tell you the truth. Reasons and situations behind lies are very complex and unique so there is no one rule. I generally prefer to be honest and for people to be honest with me, but sometimes I feel the situation would be better if I wasn't told the truth.

I think truth-telling is a social skill. Subconsciously your brain has to figure out all these questions:-
Can you imagine the outcome? Will you be better off lying to this person in this situation or telling the truth? Will they be better off being told the truth or would they be better off if you just told a lie? Will telling the truth in this situation get you in trouble? Will it hurt anyone? Is it that important, as in will you and the other parties survive not being told the truth?

All these questions are important, and typically many autistics have difficulties deciphering these questions. I don't have difficulties with this. I can easily imagine the outcomes in most situations of if I tell a lie or tell the truth.
 
Au Naturel said:
Someone who loves you will often tell lies they wouldn't tell someone they did not care about. Being kind often involves lies.

And, as pointed out above, defensive lies may be used to prevent a much greater evil.

I am always forgiving of lies that were not told out of malice.
Click to expand...
IMO, it is a rare circumstance where a lie is appropriate.
Part of the problem is the potential loss of credibility if the Truth emerges, even if it is seen the lie was a result of concern.

But this depends on the ppl involved.
I see no hard and fast rule here.
Much of it depends on the value system ppl embrace, with their various priority allocations of the constituent parts.
In English, this means prioritising what is important in your life.

For example, Honesty is extremely high on my list, probably more so than most ppl.
I see it as an autistic thing, but now realise there are some on the spectrum where this isn't the case.
I have a problem even with "White Lies" that NTs seem to have little problem with.

Often being diplomatic or not forcing a Truth on someone is a better way to go, IMO.
 
AngelWitch said:
Anyone who knows me (even just on the 'net) knows that I love talking about painful truths,
Click to expand...
The same here, but often at a heavy price for doing so.

Context:
A person's life perspective/weltanschauung.

People don't like to be contradicted.
If you point out a fallacy that their point of view depends on, there is often a strong backlash.
This is simply the result of evolutionary psychology.
It can be quite difficult to cultivate the discipline to overcome this instinctual knee-jerk reaction, but pays dividends IF the individual's priority is the search for enlightenment rather than emotional ease/comfort.

There are two types of ppl in life. (I don't mean this literally. :p)
Those who embrace reason and those who live their life through emotional satiation.

Self-confident ppl who value rationality/The-Truth will work through their "Cognitive Dissonance" to get to the philosophical "other side".
Those that may be emotionally insecure may choose to protect a false reality.
But ultimately, "to each their own" since it is up to the individual to decide on their own unique value system.
"Live and let live", assuming it doesn't have an indefensibly negative effect on another person, is a major concept I embrace. :cool:
 
Outdated said:
I'm often much more honest than most people find palatable. If you don't want to know then you probably shouldn't ask. I find that a lot of the time I can tell the absolute truth because most people will assume it's all lies and exaggerations. I can get away with a lot because I'm used to dealing with people from all walks of life. I have actual experience instead of a whole heap of preconceived ideas.

Which brings me around to a suggestion I want to make to @lovely_darlingprettybaby

You ask a lot of very bourgeoisé questions that demonstrate your lack of familiarity with the general population of the world. You should get out more, meet more people from outside your seemingly limited social circle. There's a lot of people living very different lives to your own but most of them are truly wonderful people once you learn to accept them on their terms instead of yours.

In the end, people are just people.

[Edit] P.S. I say this because you seem to have a good heart and I think you really care about people but your scope is limited.
Click to expand...

I am actually just autistic and can fall into the habit of thinking people think the same and wanting them to be perfect so they treat me perfectly with love and compassion always.
But I actually know people think very different and have experienced different things.
And the people on here have been great.
The reason I probably post what I do is I have complex ptsd and often just want to get validation for my feelings and how they are not wrong.
I have found connection with others very difficult, a lot of it is very verbal.
 
lovely_darlingprettybaby said:
The reason I probably post what I do is I have complex ptsd
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Based on being involved with the autistic community for almost 3 decades, I have discovered that PTSD/CPTSD and autism is fairly common.
I too have PTSD, but cope very well, particularly if I stay off the caffeine. ;)
 
Jonn said:
IMO, it is a rare circumstance where a lie is appropriate.
Part of the problem is the potential loss of credibility if the Truth emerges, even if it is seen the lie was a result of concern.

But this depends on the ppl involved.
I see no hard and fast rule here.
Much of it depends on the value system ppl embrace, with their various priority allocations of the constituent parts.
In English, this means prioritising what is important in your life.

For example, Honesty is extremely high on my list, probably more so than most ppl.
I see it as an autistic thing, but now realise there are some on the spectrum where this isn't the case.
I have a problem even with "White Lies" that NTs seem to have little problem with.believ

Often being diplomatic or not forcing a Truth on someone is a ing better way to go, IMO.
Click to expand...
I look for honesty in a spouse or a friend but not from most people I encounter. Defensive lies are probably more common than any other. ("White" lies are a variety of defensive lies.) I don't expect complete honesty from anyone. The absence of malice is the best I can hope for. Malicious lies are the ones that hurt.
 
Jonn said:
Those that may be emotionally insecure may choose to protect a false reality.
Click to expand...

Oddly I think this part is normal, otherwise it's hard to imagine humans retaining some sense of an identity or ego without it (since our brains have to basically remain in a somewhat concrete inner space, even if it's all a lie). But I'd also agree with you that the more we can shatter those walls (one at a time, of course!), the more we can welcome a new perspective which goes a long way to keep us fluid, growing and moving forward. Possibly even more compassionate, as well.

But of course, being resistant to growth might also be some kind of a spiritual death, too.
 
lovely_darlingprettybaby said:
I would prefer a painful truth and if it has to be painful then at least find a nice way to disclose it.
If someone loves you they will tell you the truth always and never try to conceal anything and if you struggle with things they understand and love you in spite of it
Because it is not evil to struggle and you go to bed at peace if you at least have an honest heart each day and do your best to be a kind person.
No one should shame you for that. To struggle is not evil, it is human same as feeling pain and having feelings
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I actually don’t understand why or how people lie and I can’t even do it.. it seems to me so theatrical and pointless and exhausting.. rather just say the truth but I’ve been told I say the truth to much. Which I don’t really understand..
So apparently people like to hear lies?
Confusing..
 
I’m pretty forgiving of most white lies, or people lying to protect themselves from abuse or bullying. I think we’ve all been guilty of that at some point in our lives.

But being dishonest about anything involving integrity or loyalty (especially backstabbing, or deliberately excluding me from something that everyone else knows about) is a fast road to the end of a friendship with me.

So I guess in that case, that is both a painful truth (the person being a disloyal friend) and a horrible lie (being dishonest in order to gain my trust.)
I don’t want to be faced with either of those, they’re equally bad in my opinion.
 
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