Your relationship status?

[paulb]

Oh yes, humor is amazing. Well the humor that I can actually grasp. Sometimes I won't get jokes and will hurt my feelings. Luckily I have a reaction that no one notices it hurt. I'm going to be as open as possible. This is the first relationship I've been in that I've known about myself, and was vocal about it. And it's no problem so far. Only problem I see is I react bad to plans changing, and he can tend to forget to let me know, so I flip out. I've told him a few times, it may take a few times more until he grasps completely how much it affects me.

OMG. You sound like my husband. I love change, it just kills him. Opposites do attract.

 

[XandirKai]

Yeah. Lol. If I initiate the change I'm fine. But if plans that were made days in advance change or fall through, I have to go on a walk to calm down so I don't throw a fit. XD it's always been an issue but now I'm trying to find ways to cope with it.

 

[paulb]

Yeah. Lol. If I initiate the change I'm fine. But if plans that were made days in advance change or fall through, I have to go on a walk to calm down so I don't throw a fit. XD it's always been an issue but now I'm trying to find ways to cope with it.

Your location states Kansas. Are you sure? Because it sure sounds like you live in SF and are about to come in our front door waiting for dinner and we have matching wedding bans. Guess not, here he is. Humor works, drama not necessarily.

 

[XandirKai]

Haha, yep Kansas it is but I do have family in LA. So that's the closest I will get. XD but I agree very much. Humor I prefer over drama. Another thing I enjoy about my boy, is he loves to talk. So he takes over the social part with friends. But one on one I am able to open up and he likes the stuff that are my super interests so I talk for hours. Lol.

 

[paulb]

Haha, yep Kansas it is but I do have family in LA. So that's the closest I will get. XD but I agree very much. Humor I prefer over drama. Another thing I enjoy about my boy, is he loves to talk. So he takes over the social part with friends. But one on one I am able to open up and he likes the stuff that are my super interests so I talk for hours. Lol.

And my boy loves to talk also. Perfect for me, I just sit there and pretend to pay attention and try to smile. Then I feed him. Perfect relationship as long as I deal with the finances.

 

[XandirKai]

I should say so. My relationship is very new still. So we just see each other a few times a week. I'm just trying to figure all this out that I've just realized with myself. He has some things to work through on his own, but we understand where the other is coming from and accept faults. I try and understand at least. Lol.

 

[paulb]

I should say so. My relationship is very new still. So we just see each other a few times a week. I'm just trying to figure all this out that I've just realized with myself. He has some things to work through on his own, but we understand where the other is coming from and accept faults. I try and understand at least. Lol.

That's all you can ask for, that early on. Sounds like you two are doing ok. It's a give a take. Our relationship is a bit unusual. Moved in his place first day, including all the measly money we had, and so far so good. Have fun, that's what it's all about.

 

[Andros512]

I chose that I'm single and looking, 18 years and counting.

 

[Andrew206]

I'm single and looking. I'm 31 now and have been on several dating sites over the years. I'm looking into speed dating, and perhaps a matchmaker.

 

[Kuribo]

Single and not actively seeking a relationship, but if I got to know someone with whom I connected well, I would happily enter into a romantic relationship. That being said, I can't say I've connected with anyone particularly well in a very long time and it'd be wise to sort out my mental health issues before making such a serious commitment.

 

[rollerskate]

I'm in a monogamous long term relationship with myself. :-D

 

[Sparticus]

A mountain lion waits for me every full moon...otherwise single...recently had to deflect a woman's affections towards me as I wasn't attracted to her. There's a woman who I just met in a support group. Not sure I'm interested but I do like her smiles and how her eyes lit up when she saw me [or did she recognize me from that FBI Wanted Poster $10,000 reward?] There's another woman in the same new support group I like but...dang, she craaazy!

 

[rollerskate]

There's another woman in the same new support group I like but...dang, she craaazy!

You sure that wasn't me? LOL just kidding, I don't go to any support groups.

 

[Stacey]

Currently, I would describe myself as single but 'curious'. Curious to find out if I'm completely unable to date successfully? I've been happily single/celibate for 2 years now. It suits me well because I just can't tolerate sharing the bathroom or my bed. I dated a really nice older man for about 6 months during my early twenties...he'd get so upset at me when I'd blow up the inflatable mattress after sex instead of 'hugging'. I thought this was practical, seeing as he was tall, and I liked my leg room. I've had a few absolute disasters in regards to relationships. I've only managed three very short term ones. I'm considering joining a convent...for the peace and solitude, in the event of my eventual spinsterhood...(unfortunately, I'm adverse to the smell of cats)

 

[Judge]

Currently, I would describe myself as single but 'curious'. Curious to find out if I'm completely unable to date successfully? I've been happily single/celibate for 2 years now. It suits me well because I just can't tolerate sharing the bathroom or my bed. I dated a really nice older man for about 6 months during my early twenties...he'd get so upset at me when I'd blow up the inflatable mattress after sex instead of 'hugging'. I thought this was practical, seeing as he was tall, and I liked my leg room. I've had a few absolute disasters in regards to relationships. I've only managed three very short term ones. I'm considering joining a convent...for the peace and solitude, in the event of my eventual spinsterhood...(unfortunately, I'm adverse to the smell of cats)

Sounds sort of similar to my downfall with relationships with Neurotypical women. They just couldn't seem to process my need for solitude and personal space. It would get misinterpreted and then I'd react with a shutdown and the relationship would eventually disintegrate. I think if I were to ever attempt another relationship again I'd really try to avoid NTs if possible. With all my past relationships I was unaware of my autism at the time.

Would having such knowledge now make a critical difference? I have no idea...

 

[tlc]

How recent is recent? 2nd divorce was 2 years ago. 1st was 11 years ago. I told myself I was done after the first one but I gave in and sure enough got burned and financially ruined again. This time is the real deal, not wasting any more resources on something impossible. Been with 15 people in 20 years and after learning from each one, I know exactly the qualities I'd want and they flat out don't exist in this area. There is no shortage of people here who would take me in a minute, but they consistently drink, smoke, have animals, choose to live on welfare, and are looking for a guy to support them and their kids.... and I want to stay as far away from that as possible. But even if I found what I wanted I can't count on it lasting, since both ex spouses quit their jobs after we got married and turned into the things I wanted to avoid, even with waiting 1.5 and 2.5 years before marriage. I can't take any more chances. Only a matter of time before something drastic would happen like being accused of rape or abuse, finding a psycho who breaks my windows or burns my house down (my dad found one).... there's just really no good in this area. Have already had an ex call cops on me and hack one of my accounts. I'm used up, burned out, just done with it all. It was a learning experience but I realize I'm getting old and only live once and I've wasted far too much of my life on it already. Not only that but I read that something like 1 in 500 to 4000 vasectomies fail over time which scares me to celibacy, and after all I've been thru with exs and courts (even though my daughter is the best kid I could have ever had) I'd most likely shoot myself before I had another kid. Been doing this 11 years, and 5 years to go till my daughter turns 18. Like a great line I just read in another thread, if I keep wading into this dating pool of sh!t I'm always going to have it on me. Thankfully I'm actually feeling really good about finishing raising my daughter alone, living the way we want to, and then be able to move. Somewhere far away from people. I've learned that true happiness for me is only when I (we) are alone.

 

[Stacey]

...They just couldn't seem to process my need for solitude and personal space. It would get misinterpreted and then I'd react with a shutdown and the relationship would eventually disintegrate. I think if I were to ever attempt another relationship again I'd really try to avoid NTs if possible. With all my past relationships I was unaware of my autism at the time.

I was unaware up until last week. It's all very new to me, yet strangely familiar. I truely believed I was just a waste of human oxygen because I just don't automatically 'get it'. Due to this certain people have told me that I'm annoying, totally unlikable...and 'okay in very low doses'. I've laughed and cried about it. A shutdown feels like an escape hatch. A huge blanket of safety. I lose track of time. A day or a month holds little difference to me.

I think I'll ultimately end up on my own. It's not what I want, but it's safe and can at least finally begin to accept myself.

I've displayed extremely bad judgement in relationships. Almost as if the jokes on me, because I miss so much of what is blatantly obvious to others.

I am common sense deficient! Lol

 

[Stacey]

I've had a hard time understanding why other people don't need as much space and solitude as what I need. I've not had many relationships, I've not actively searched or encouraged one. I'm aware that as I approach my 30's, marriage is something to be seriously considered.

However my lack of prospects isn't causing me to lose sleep... I ponder if it ought to? I worry I'll wake up at 60 with no one beside me due to my inabilty to form meaningful attachments.

Within 3-6 months the relationship cracks start to appear. Then again, I have proven myself to be an extremely bad judge of character. Society preaches its intricate rule book of morality, yet its a veneer for lies and corruption. Honesty is presented as an illusion. I find this immensely confusing.

Basically I can't date effectively. So I'll probably buy a hamster.

 

[Judge]

Thankfully I'm actually feeling really good about finishing raising my daughter alone, living the way we want to, and then be able to move. Somewhere far away from people. I've learned that true happiness for me is only when I (we) are alone.

I've had a hard time understanding why other people don't need as much space and solitude as what I need. I've not had many relationships, I've not actively searched or encouraged one. I'm aware that as I approach my 30's, marriage is something to be seriously considered.

However my lack of prospects isn't causing me to lose sleep... I ponder if it ought to? I worry I'll wake up at 60 with no one beside me due to my inabilty to form meaningful attachments.

Within 3-6 months the relationship cracks start to appear. Then again, I have proven myself to be an extremely bad judge of character. Society preaches its intricate rule book of morality, yet its a veneer for lies and corruption. Honesty is presented as an illusion. I find this immensely confusing.

Basically I can't date effectively. So I'll probably buy a hamster.

Sounds so familiar. Glad you found us. Nothing like discovering you aren't the only one in the universe who thinks in such a way. I went through nearly an entire lifetime having no idea why I have such a disjointed need and disdain for human companionship. I'm pretty sure I figured out the source of this condition. My own autism.

The only question I have at this point in my life is whether to pursue companionship with a fellow Aspie or simply go it alone...as I've been doing for some time. It's a hopeless "razor's edge" for me...craving solitude and companionship. Clearly not a dynamic the average Neurotypical is suited for.

 

[Stacey]

The only question I have at this point in my life is whether to pursue companionship with a fellow Aspie or simply go it alone...as I've been doing for some time. It's a hopeless "razor's edge" for me...craving solitude and companionship. Clearly not a dynamic the average Neurotypical is suited for.

For a long time, I truely believed that I was just inherently disturbed. I know for sure I have emotions. When I love it's unconditional. I'm loyal, honest and faithful. I just don't want to be in a persons pocket. I love from a distance, with intervals of intensity. As I type this, I realise how my behaviour could be percieved as 'hot' and 'cold'.

I do need/want social interaction, but only when I can cope with it. I've been called 'selfish' and 'immature' by friends and family that I've deeply loved. The rejection causes me to cut people off, from anywhere from 6 months to 6 years. I force myself to 'un love' the people, who can't unconditionally love me.

Hidden affection toward them always remains though.