Good to hear it. I'm glad you don't have that. Rest up and heal as best you can!
Much hope of healing.
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Boyfriend is obsessed with me
- Thread starter Rebecca35
- Start date
Much hope of healing.
Zain
Active Member
Looks is everything. What do you think people were doing before language was invented when choosing a mate?
I agree, really I don’t think autism has anything to do with this guy’s behavior at all. You meet people like him everywhere, or versions of him.
We have language now. Sort of. Language is a skeleton compared to what it used to be.
But the OP didn’t dump her boyfriend because of his looks, which she never once mentions in any of her posts. She dumped him because of his vampiric behavior.
Zain
Active Member
Doesn’t matter if she mentioned it or not.
What does it matter that we have language now? I don’t see the relation.
Rebecca35
Member
You need to grow up. There's a reason why you're single. Go get help
Do you mean that she secretly dumped him because of his not-good looks rather than his despicable behavior? Why would she have entered into a relationship with him to begin with if she didn’t like the way he looked?
You asked what people were doing before language. Language has existed for 100,000 years. We are 100,000 years past the existence of language.
Zain, quit harassing people, and go take your six months' piano practice so you can continue being single but at least will be MAYBE able to get through the right-hand part of "Autumn Leaves" if you play it really slowly.
Quit making everything about you. You need to keep your mouth shut, sit down when the adults talk, and read the first post in here with a strong mindset of "There, but for the grace of God, go I." About the main difference (sounds like) is that the recently dumped guy was forty-three.
Quit making everything about you. You need to keep your mouth shut, sit down when the adults talk, and read the first post in here with a strong mindset of "There, but for the grace of God, go I." About the main difference (sounds like) is that the recently dumped guy was forty-three.
Zain
Active Member
Exaggerating and lying so you can be dramatic. Yawn.
Plenty of reasons. Not even going to bother to try and guess.
The part of your brain that processes attraction is so much older than the part that manages and process language. It's similar to why we aren't entirely rational.
So you’re suggesting that a rational woman would find you attractive? Seriously, a man like you, there isn’t a single woman I know or have ever known who would find you attractive even if you looked like Jonathan Rhys Myers. What makes you ugly is your misogyny. Nothing less.
Zain
Active Member
You're very disingenuous. I said nothing like that at all.
Steelbookcollector217
Well-Known Member
i'm sure your BF was the one who asked you out and courted you, pursued you.
Rebecca35
Member
No, the toxic relationship I had with him doesn't make me think that ALL autistic people behave like this. I've read alot of forums with someone is in a relationship with a partner who is autistic that is overly obsessed, overly sexual, co dependent etc. I understand that not all autistic people are like that. Me making this post is me searching for other women who've gone through this situation. I'm trying to understand how someone could put another person through things like I've mentioned. I know autistic people understand yes and no. They CAN understand boundaries. Begging someone for sex all the time (I would always say NO and explain and remind him of my ptsd) but he had the sick audacity to keep begging. I would say NO then he would start begging, "please please please?!! Just for a minute.. it will make me feel better." I don't care what someone is struggling with, no means no it's a moral thing.
I understand this dynamic, having had to deal with it from a partner who was hypersexual.
I'm just thinking this is just another issue in relationships where both persons must have the capability to set aside their own needs and desires relative to considering how their partner feels at any given moment. And to always be cognizant of a need to be prepared to compromise over anything and everything.
Above all, never to demand- or beg. That if you have such an overwhelming need to be satisfied, take care of it on your own.
That you can never approach a relationship over much of any issue with an "all or nothing" mentality. Which also reminds me how many of us unfortunately sometimes attempt to rationalize things with that "black and white" mentality. Where IMO it will get you into a great deal of trouble in this particular scenario. A "boundary" not to be crossed.
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In truth I don't think it has much to do with autism and quite a lot to do with poor parenting. My sister had the same problem with quite a few men she met and she dumped them again pretty quick, she described it as "all the emotional maturity of a six year old chucking a tantrum.".
I went to visit my sister one Saturday morning and her daughters greeted me at the front door and let me in, I walked inside just in time to here my sister yell "If you're that bloody desperate then a shower is all you need. And you wash that flannel out when you've finished with it, don't just throw it in the dirty clothes basket!". Then she walked out of the bedroom and saw me standing there and went bright red in the face, she said "He's such a child.".
I went to visit my sister one Saturday morning and her daughters greeted me at the front door and let me in, I walked inside just in time to here my sister yell "If you're that bloody desperate then a shower is all you need. And you wash that flannel out when you've finished with it, don't just throw it in the dirty clothes basket!". Then she walked out of the bedroom and saw me standing there and went bright red in the face, she said "He's such a child.".
To the op, you may want to learn to accept that is what he is, learn from the situation, get any help you need from that suffering. So yes, a good decision to move on, but to figure out too where that rage is coming from as I can assure you you may be forever alone too if you cannot handle the fact that regardless of condition many people in life are very selfish, rigid in their ways, not great in many ways, and do not listen, but will try to get things they need in life, often without concern for the other if they lack the ability to compromise, with many not being able to back off in their abusive ways and show empathy.
It is one thing if the guy is some rapist, purposefully wants to hurt you, is yelling and screaming at you, and violent, to get his way, instead of polite, and showing desire, but yes, him threatening to kill himself and pressuring you to do what you cannot do is a form of controlling and manipulative behavior, and showing little empathy and understanding would be very stressful and unfair. For that reason alone, and as his needs are opposite of what you can handle and triggering to you, yeah, move on obviously. It sounds like he was far too needy, which would annoy the heck out of me too. I have experience dealing with that here.
But, contrary to the replies of some here, I think you need to let go of that hostility, as do some other members here who seem to be personally attacking weirdly without the full story. It is obvious that prior bf likely has some empathy, self centeredness and comprehension problem, and maybe some OCD issue too. Perhaps Autism related, perhaps not. But, does that justify this hostility from others? You both need to take responsibility for your actions and reactions, as you both contributed to the relationships demise--because you both entered in some relationship apparently before knowing the other, and as you both have mental illness that should make it very difficult for the other.You both seem to have been abusive to the other. Society often wants one perpetrator and one victim! In many cases yes, but when mental illness is involved for both, in many cases, both are the issue.
Does anyone with mental illness have the right to pressure, manipulate or rage at the other, with some excuse to justify it? Both likely cannot articulate their pain or in better ways, limitations and needs they have or are going through too. Both could be on edge or shut themselves down or be pushy in ways when intense emotions become present. You both need to take responsibility. Get support yes, from women, but let us not have double standards here and act like this guy is some monster, as we do not know him, and as we cannot assume things.
If guys were allowed to rage at needy and dysfunctional women, and if some of those those women who seemed selfish and did not listen to the guy who told her to back away from the insults, nagging, pressures to do certain things, etc., I am sure the reactions would be different here, with members demanding or rolling there eyes and thinking, "That guy is abusive! He does not show love and care. Leave him immediately! " The truth is somewhere in the middle usually I feel. That is why in this case I refuse to take either side. For those often to jump to one side, I often see biases, sorry, especially with such hostility shown or limited information shown that would expect that
You both are who you are. Neither is a fit for the other. It is why many with mental illness eventually, if not from the start, are alone. They have too many issues and needs, and attention has to be on them. They have less choices for relationships regardless of looks. Whether either side has strong empathy or not, I can jut say, it is not a match. It usually takes two to make the relationship work. No need for intense anger, as all you have to do is say no, and move on, if he does not get it. He is not going to change, when you maybe cannot change your reactions either
I feel I was fair and balanced and not at all attacking in my views here.
It is one thing if the guy is some rapist, purposefully wants to hurt you, is yelling and screaming at you, and violent, to get his way, instead of polite, and showing desire, but yes, him threatening to kill himself and pressuring you to do what you cannot do is a form of controlling and manipulative behavior, and showing little empathy and understanding would be very stressful and unfair. For that reason alone, and as his needs are opposite of what you can handle and triggering to you, yeah, move on obviously. It sounds like he was far too needy, which would annoy the heck out of me too. I have experience dealing with that here.
But, contrary to the replies of some here, I think you need to let go of that hostility, as do some other members here who seem to be personally attacking weirdly without the full story. It is obvious that prior bf likely has some empathy, self centeredness and comprehension problem, and maybe some OCD issue too. Perhaps Autism related, perhaps not. But, does that justify this hostility from others? You both need to take responsibility for your actions and reactions, as you both contributed to the relationships demise--because you both entered in some relationship apparently before knowing the other, and as you both have mental illness that should make it very difficult for the other.You both seem to have been abusive to the other. Society often wants one perpetrator and one victim! In many cases yes, but when mental illness is involved for both, in many cases, both are the issue.
Does anyone with mental illness have the right to pressure, manipulate or rage at the other, with some excuse to justify it? Both likely cannot articulate their pain or in better ways, limitations and needs they have or are going through too. Both could be on edge or shut themselves down or be pushy in ways when intense emotions become present. You both need to take responsibility. Get support yes, from women, but let us not have double standards here and act like this guy is some monster, as we do not know him, and as we cannot assume things.
If guys were allowed to rage at needy and dysfunctional women, and if some of those those women who seemed selfish and did not listen to the guy who told her to back away from the insults, nagging, pressures to do certain things, etc., I am sure the reactions would be different here, with members demanding or rolling there eyes and thinking, "That guy is abusive! He does not show love and care. Leave him immediately! " The truth is somewhere in the middle usually I feel. That is why in this case I refuse to take either side. For those often to jump to one side, I often see biases, sorry, especially with such hostility shown or limited information shown that would expect that
You both are who you are. Neither is a fit for the other. It is why many with mental illness eventually, if not from the start, are alone. They have too many issues and needs, and attention has to be on them. They have less choices for relationships regardless of looks. Whether either side has strong empathy or not, I can jut say, it is not a match. It usually takes two to make the relationship work. No need for intense anger, as all you have to do is say no, and move on, if he does not get it. He is not going to change, when you maybe cannot change your reactions either
I feel I was fair and balanced and not at all attacking in my views here.
Due to executive dysfunction, my ASD2 son was impervious to parenting leverage/tactics...
Worse still, some of his non-ASD brothers saw that we had legal limits on the amount of pressure we could bring to bear.
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Rebecca35
Member
I couldn't even finish reading your post because it's ridiculous. The only that I was to know from you is, what did I do to him? I've bent over backwards in the relationship for him, I did so much for him that I'm unable to list out. I will not tolerate your personal attack. I probably could have put more info in the post since many had extra questions. But I will be clear with you, stop. Obviously this topic isn't for you.
I stand by what I said. I have nothing more to add. Thanks.
Rebecca35
Member
Great! You do you. Don't come on here and try to defend some theory you have when you don't have the facts. Have a great day hun.
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