"Male loneliness: The ticking time bomb that’s killing men"

[Markness]

https://www.happiness.com/magazine/health-body/male-loneliness-time-bomb-killing-men/
I don’t even know why I am still alive. I’ve been struggling with my inability to find love since 2006 and my day in the sun refuses to happen.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Me too. It's seems I only meet woman who are tied to a guy. Life groups give me a headache. I try now to do things I enjoy and vent in my journal. Because of this I am no longer considered suicide as a answer.

 

[Au Naturel]

(snark on) That's okay. Men aren't allowed to have those kinds of problems. And if they do it's all their own fault, so it doesn't count. (snark off)

 

[Jordy]

People don't care

 

[Kayla55]

I'm older now so I'm out dating scene but I remember being young and having opposite problem as a girl.
I really noticed limelight, and that's maybe where you may not be so happy.
My problem was wanting a guy to settle down and be boyfriend, young men it's not on their agenda.
Only as I got older that I understood what is going on like pubs and bars are for flings, not where you meet a boyfriend. When I left college, it was lonely because not meeting as many people and everyone tends to group where they fit in which helps....not because not popular but maybe I didn't want to date his car and my one friend kissed with her eyes open. Saying what I wanted when I was younger was impossible.....
A good tip is avoid dance or night club as it's just highlight what you may not be good at, and focus on your strengths.

 

[Kayla55]

Imagine me, my dad's families side was Hungarian.....we had lot Germans in family but I don't seem to get on with conservative German way!!
So here we are growing up in South Africa with all these blond girls, my dad remarried a blond. I always felt less as if I wasn't miss drama, my co-ordinate, miss beauty pageant.
I'm not ugly, I'm natural dirty blond but since I was surrounded by Queen bee I felt out!! So it was about finding prove who didn't seem to idolize this image that I had to live up to.

Someone on forum said to me
You are attracting "beta" males. Males who are insecure will "project" themselves as "manly", but in reality, they are weak.

You might be a weak "beta" male if:
1. You don't accept responsibility when things go wrong. You deflect and blame.
2. In order for you to feel more secure in yourself, you have to undercut another person.
3. You exhibit controlling behaviors.
4. You exhibit jealousy and envy yourself, but want others to be jealous and envious of you.
5. You love playing the victim.
6. You feel the need to be intimidating, because you are a coward.
7. You are a psychological, verbal, and/or physical abuser.
8. You frequently lie and deceive.


Probably some more, but you get the idea.

There was me on Saturday night watching bram Stoker's Dracula, and realising I was just more of a quiet mina.

 

[Kayla55]

Sexism and beta males get me down.
Do you like playing pool/snooker...it's actually a game of angles.

Go to a pub after lunch (quiet) and play few games with friend.
Go to gym in morning (quiet) I'm not into weight lifting, but always something fun, swimming or tennis.

Get out more and force yourself to smile and try say something when order smoothie or shake. Stop people ask for directions, try make small amounts small talk just to get bubbly.
(I limit small talk as in if it's sit down session for hours of socialising...
I get figgety)

 

[Hypnalis]

Humans don't actually have Alpha/Beta in the way animals do.

OTOH it's a safe working assumption in this context that Aspie males lose 20 of 100 hotness points due to the deficit in social skills, which takes almost all of us out of the "easy dating" zone.

But how does this apply to loneliness?

If you want human contact, take up some hobbies, go to the gym, work on being interesting.

Fortunately those all either improve your exposure to and attractiveness to women, or, depending on your preference in hobbies, don't make things worse.
Meanwhile you'll meet plenty of nice people.

If your goal is a romantic relationship, and you're not doing what it takes, you may fail.
But you don't have to be lonely on that journey.

 

[Kayla55]

Humans don't actually have Alpha/Beta in the way animals do.

OTOH it's a safe working assumption in this context that Aspie males lose 20 of 100 hotness points due to the deficit in social skills, which takes almost all of us out of the "easy dating" zone.

But how does this apply to loneliness?

If you want human contact, take up some hobbies, go to the gym, work on being interesting.

Fortunately those all either improve your exposure to and attractiveness to women, or, depending on your preference in hobbies, don't make things worse.
Meanwhile you'll meet plenty of nice people.

If your goal is a romantic relationship, and you're not doing what it takes, you may fail.
But you don't have to be lonely on that journey.

Fresh air and getting out improves overall feeling better. It takes pressure out of dating by having you relaxed in social scene that's less busy.

Let's buy few clothes....
Mostly department store will stock what's in fashion, buy 'nice' pair of jeans like other boys wearing, but few nice tops that break way you usually dress. Buy smart takkiez like casual smart.....

We working on feel good! I did this shopping at work ND reaction is different, but idea is to have little fashion sense at your age.

My boy is addicted to Gamez, but he loves sports and this is when he likes to go out... It stimulates dopamine (happy juice) in esp. male brain and allows experience range of emotions. Eli is his best friend at Montessori School and he's really boosted my boys confidence...even if he did get into bit of trouble...I wrote it off because his school performance is heavy on being out house more than grades, although he is learning.

 

[Slime_Punk]

It's not just romantic relationships where guys are failing; there are plenty of men in and out of relationships that don't even have other male friends. A lot of them are just consuming a lot of social media and porn to fill whichever void they're missing.

Connecting with other humans is definitely getting harder as time goes on for a large variety of reasons, even though it obviously falls on us to initiate a lot of that. But that still doesn't make it OK that male suicides are rising and a lot of us face degrees of crippling loneliness in our lives.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Also, personal opinion, but I think the concept of a beta male started out as blatant homophobia and it has now been retrofitted to a narcissistic personality type. It obviously means nothing, because we're not like other animals. Studies show that women prefer softer men anyway, despite what they might say.

I'm the least-macho man in the world and I've never had trouble finding romantic relationships

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Sexism and beta males get me down.

Isn't the term "beta male" sexist itself, though? As Hypnalis pointed out, there's no such thing.

 

[Kayla55]

Beta male has way of leaving women down, subconscious messaging system. NT males are usually beta.
A confident male doesn't try keep women down. It's true

If you read up about aspies girls behind masks is a different story, what I'm trying to say.

Quote:

• The autistic tendency to be direct and take things literally can make affected girls and women easy prey for sexual exploitation. Furthermore, the desire to fit in makes them feel “the only way to have a relationship with a man is to enter into a relationship sexually”. But Professor Carpenter said that safeguarding autistic girls could be challenging because a “black-and-white thinker” who was “desperate for friends” might believe that engaging in risky behavior was better than the apparent alternative – being “excluded” and “isolated”. [7]
• The problem with sexual exploitation is “endemic” among women on the spectrum, particularly because so many are acutely aware of their social isolation. “When you feel you’re too difficult to love, you’ll love for crumbs.” [8]
• A social life does not come naturally to high-functioning females with ASD, but they use their high intelligence to mimic and become excellent actresses when necessary. This often results in identity crises, suicidal ideations and exhaustion

 

[Hypnalis]

@Slime_Punk

Some interesting points in your posts, but the main one that caught my eye:

Connecting with other humans is definitely getting harder as time goes on

Quite a lot of rime has gone by for me, but I haven't found this to be true.

The process isn't "automatic" now, but it's nothing like as much trouble as e.g. dating (as a man).
I just follow the advice I gave above: activities, and don't be too boring in conversation.

"Beta males" seem to be a construct of both sides in the ongoing Culture War, which makes me extremely skeptical of everything about the concept. It's easy to see why some of the different "opinion clusters" find them convenient, though.

I think they were invented as a side effect of cynical politicization of fundamental human interactions.
Just another symptom of the unresolved collapse of the old "social contract".


Edit: "Social Constructionism" (see my use of "construct" above) is real. there's a wikipedia article.
It can be a useful lens for analyzing "human things".
But it's been weaponized, and used as part of the argument for some quite destructive things.

If you ever see it in play, a recommendation: Be skeptical; Check the facts; base your opinion on the facts.
I don't participate in the culture war, but this approach allows me to observe it without any stress

 

[Kayla55]

I'm miscommunicating: a beta male exploits a weakness where as giving someone a complement may be better way engage in relationship.

So: you look beautiful

 

[Forest Cat]

There is a documentary, a series, on tv here these days. Translated to English it's called "Fallen Men" or "The downfall of men". I was a little shocked by the facts they laid out in that series. Men are now on top of most of the worst statistics here. Falling behind/failing in school, suicide, sickness, loneliness, crime, drug abuse and the list kept going. There has never been more single men living alone in Scandinavia than there is now. Someone has studied this over time and made that series and it's a little crazy how badly things are going for men. And there is for the first time more men than women here, it's not 50/50 like it used to be.

In addition to that society changed and men are not needed like they used to be, so they have no purpose. Even with basic things like having kids, if you want to have a baby here you can buy one at a clinic in Denmark. You no longer have to find mister right to do that and the state pays childsupport and takes over the role as dad. I personally know several people who did that, it was easy and didn't even cost much. It is also a 'modern thing' now to not start families, people have less kids than before. Men are also expected to deal with all this and not complain. So they deal with it alone.

Anyway, this thread just made me think of that series. It has gotten worse in a short time. They interview men in that series and it was just sad and terrible, the personal stories.

 

[Kayla55]

Isn't the term "beta male" sexist itself, though? As Hypnalis pointed out, there's no such thing.

If I used it to say you lesser for physical quality or performing a task, I agree. But aspies see less shallow world, I'm refering to the reaction or behaviour towards a person based on how you feel about yourself, and need to exploit others as opposed to finding way of making yourself desirable.

Snooker works for me because I can use game to keep busy.... When I learnt to play practicing the angles kept me busy whereas normally I was annoyed by myself and lack small talk and would eventually leave early.

 

[Hypnalis]

If you want to find out what's going to happen, watch this:

A dramatic number: A fair guesstimate is that China's population will be down to 650 Million by 2050.
It's definitely best to watch the section from 05:00 to 11:00.
The bit about China is at 09:30

Note that Stephen J. Shaw is (as he self-describes) a Data Analyst.
He's not participating in the war. He should not be treated as a combatant.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Beta male has way of leaving women down, subconscious messaging system. NT males are usually beta.
A confident male doesn't try keep women down. It's true

If you read up about aspies girls behind masks is a different story, what I'm trying to say.

Quote:

• The autistic tendency to be direct and take things literally can make affected girls and women easy prey for sexual exploitation. Furthermore, the desire to fit in makes them feel “the only way to have a relationship with a man is to enter into a relationship sexually”. But Professor Carpenter said that safeguarding autistic girls could be challenging because a “black-and-white thinker” who was “desperate for friends” might believe that engaging in risky behavior was better than the apparent alternative – being “excluded” and “isolated”. [7]
• The problem with sexual exploitation is “endemic” among women on the spectrum, particularly because so many are acutely aware of their social isolation. “When you feel you’re too difficult to love, you’ll love for crumbs.” [8]
• A social life does not come naturally to high-functioning females with ASD, but they use their high intelligence to mimic and become excellent actresses when necessary. This often results in identity crises, suicidal ideations and exhaustion

I'm not disagreeing that these behaviors exist. I agree that many men try to put women down. I just don't agree with this ranking of people. It's the behaviors that count, not the person's sex.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

If I used it to say you lesser for physical quality or performing a task, I agree. But aspies see less shallow world, I'm refering to the reaction or behaviour towards a person based on how you feel about yourself, and need to exploit others as opposed to finding way of making yourself desirable.

That's worth criticizing, but women do the same thing. So why not discuss the behavior as something a human being can do? Why does it matter if they're male or female?