My life is a little bit messed up right now. I'm trying to fix things. But I'm so sensitive right now. Physically and emotionally. Memories and unfortunate recent private events in my life.
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This year, I need the magic of Christmastime so very badly, with all of my heart.
It's 4 am. I'm feeling pretty sick, but I cannot sleep. All I can do this night is think about my daughter.
All I have thought about, all day, since the moment I first knew I was pregnant, has been my daughter. Everything in life is for and about her. And to have her gone, it is the greatest heartbreak. I miss her and worry about her more than words can say. It is too quiet here. Too empty. In place of her joyous playful kindness, a void of shadows. I cry every day for her.
I don't know if I can take this much longer. I feel so bereft. Beyond words that I know how to say. I cannot.
I am so worried about my daughter. I don't know where she is or what she is doing. I can't live like this with this amount of ache in my heart for her. It is crushing me. I just want her to come home.
Can we all mutually agree that @FayetheAspie is so incredibly sweet and kind? She makes the forums a happier place.
Pray for my daughter. There are multiple planned riots in my city tonight. They just want to smash things up by any means necessary. My daughter is out at her work right now at a store in downtown. Please pray The Lord's favor over her and her coworkers, in Jesus name.
Every day I pray for you
Every day I pray
Every night I think about
Every day I pray
For better things to come
terribly lonesome. i'm happy for the new wheelchair. i can at least take care of the home. but i am stuck. when my daughter is gone, i am indoors and alone. i can't even step outside to breathe the open air. to remember all that i am blessed with around the home, i guess i need to quote sinead o connor: "i have all that i have requested. and i do not want what i haven't got."
Rather than a mermaid stuck on a bed, I am now a mermaid in a small swimming pool. That little bit of dignity means the world to me though.
A friend who lives in the coast range drove over an hour to get here. She works at a nonprofit. There was a donated manual wheelchair. It doesn't have foot rests or brakes, and only one armrest. But I've been able to do things around the house like a normal girl today. I cannot use it to go anywhere. I'm still stuck in or around the house for at least a month. But I'm so happy. I made strawberry lassi to celebrate.
I am truly a mermaid out of water now.
I am having a true medical emergency. But 911 can't help. My wheelchair is broken, and I'm almost completely unable to walk now. Even getting a glass of water is extremely difficult. Numotion won't come out to even look at the chair until the 18th, to assess damage and order parts. I am stranded inside, cannot even check mail. Cannot have food delivered, as I can't get downstairs to let them in the bldg.
I'm just checking to see if you are alright.
I'm glad I know herbalism and first aid. Ran into a medical emergency in the middle of the night involving a burn. Just now settling back in. Gonna try to get a little more sleep. Everyone is safe.
This kind of thing makes love well up in my heart, and dreams fill my mind.
One of the prettiest songs I know. It is calming to weave to. As it plays, I can process big thoughts, and weave out the story of my life, and my thoughts and imaginations as if they were a story or a prayer.
Things I've been blessed to do lately: Spin wool, weave yarn into bands and tapestries, meet other weavers, string and play a harp, befriend crows and duckies, sew quilt squares, draw on canvas, can foods, ferment kombucha and buttermilk, dance, lose myself in the forest, make babies smile, bark with dogs at sunset, see freight trains, feel an earthquake, smell volcanic gas, dream, forgive, heal. -
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