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Yeshuasdaughter

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  • Things I've been blessed to do lately: Spin wool, weave yarn into bands and tapestries, meet other weavers, string and play a harp, befriend crows and duckies, sew quilt squares, draw on canvas, can foods, ferment kombucha and buttermilk, dance, lose myself in the forest, make babies smile, bark with dogs at sunset, see freight trains, feel an earthquake, smell volcanic gas, dream, forgive, heal.
    Up late. Had a terrible past 36 hours. PTSD times a thousand. I guess I'm spending time with my inner child.
    Tired
    Tired
    I hope you'll feel better soon
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Hey you, don't give up. You are a warrior.
    I'm just not having a good time. Dad's Yartzeit, anniversary of deadbeat ex, medical tests, yelled at by a tweaker, etc. It's really getting me down. And to top it off, Mt. St. Helens is doing something weird. Clusters of little earthquakes and a sulphur odor that could be smelled with windows closed all the way from Kelso to Eugene. I'm scared, tired, and I just want to find little reasons to celebrate.
    Gerontius
    Gerontius
    Sorry to hear it. I hope everything gets better and you can hopefully cut off some of the toxic folks.
    Yeshuasdaughter
    Yeshuasdaughter
    There aren't really any toxic people in my life right now. It's just the environment i'm in, and little events happening in my life that bring me down. But everyone I'm close to are the most amazing folks, and I love them so much.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Don't minimize what you are going thru. Some of us have dropped that low. We can get your despair and ask you to hold on and power thru.
    Sometimes mermaids are landlocked. Sometimes they're scared of volcanoes. Sometimes being a mermaid keeps them from the ocean. Sometimes it keeps them in bed.
    Today is the anniversary of the day that my ex husband ghosted us the day I said I have cancer. It's awful, because we can check his facebook and he's doing stuff and living life. He still won't return her texts. What on earth did a little girl do? Nothing but give and accept love and happiness. She blames herself to this day, asking "what did I do wrong mom?" He's a piece of...
    Going in tomorrow for an ultrasound. Been having a stomach ache for almost two months now. Pray please.
    FayetheAspie
    FayetheAspie
    Ok. Are there currently any suspected causes?
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Good luck with your appointment, Fingers crossed.
    Between crazy criminals, my father's 6 month Yahrtzeit, 9/11, and the two doctor's visits this week, I am very nervous. Wide awake. Unable to sleep. Weaving on my inkle loom, for comfort. Trying to even figure out what I'm thinking or feeling. Writing it through my hands on yarn as the shuttle passes through the warp.
    FayetheAspie
    FayetheAspie
    Do you speak Yiddish fluently?
    Yeshuasdaughter
    Yeshuasdaughter
    I try and learn languages. It becomes a special interest. But then I forget most of it within a year or two. To be honest, I barely even speak English.
    FayetheAspie
    FayetheAspie
    Languages cycle around as special interests for me too. It makes it hard to get fluent.
    I miss my father so much today. My daughter is all broken up too. So I'm faking positivity on the outside, trying to keep us distracted. It hurts though, like a knife into my heart.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    I think we don't have to hide our emotions to protect others in cases like this. You have every right to be absolutely a mess over losing your father and I think your daughter can handle seeing that. You don't need the additional pain of hiding your sorrow. You don't always need to be the pillar of strength for others.
    I have a friend right now, that I miss a lot. I don't know what's going on. But I know they are very strong and capable. But still, I'm a little sad. And I can't help worrying.
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