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AuroraBorealis

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  • I'm rocking back and forth in a train station bathroom stall. I've been travelling for almost 24 hours. There are so many people. It's so loud. I'm tired. My boyfriend's in a crappy mood. It's so loud.
    I just had a meltdown. It has been a long and extremely hot day, and my mother-in-law kept talking on and on about an apparent misunderstanding we've had (according to her), with a lot of emotional subtext. I couldn't handle it anymore. Now I'm really tired.
    HyperfixedAngel
    HyperfixedAngel
    Hey I hope everything is okay 🥺 We are here for you!
    AuroraBorealis
    AuroraBorealis
    Thank you. It's better today. Family visits (in both directions) are always a vulnerable time for me. I have been okay so far today. Meltdown yesterday and the day before.
    Jonn
    Jonn
    Meltdowns...The bane of those on the spectrum...
    Information overload.
    What fun.
    I am so exhausted, my body feels so heavy and my brain is clouded by fog. It's probably hangover from having been so anxious the past few weeks. Now I'm not anxious anymore but I still have to work on a project. I feel like my body and brain are close to shutting down.
    I've got a job interview in about 10 days! I'm so excited that I'm shaking! I'm going to get veeery nervous, but right now I'm just excited!
    I know I am a grown-up and all, but sometimes I really want to cuddle up in my childhood bed at my parents' and just be small again. Being a grown-up is scary and exhausting.
    How can people be together and talk for 8 hours straight? I fled for half an hour in between and I still feel like my brain is fuzzy, my hands are ice-cold and I want to cry. And they're still as relaxed as can be, just a bit tired but still very much sociable.
    M
    Misty Avich
    I could, but nobody seems to want to talk for that long.
    Misery
    Misery
    Well you did a whole lot better than I would have. I last like 10 minutes and then need to escape.
    I'm close to a tearful meltdown and need to put on my social mask at any moment. I don't know how I'm supposed to do it...
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    I understand the feeling and it is such a tough one.
    Hope you get through this and find yourself in a quiet and soothing place soon. 💚
    AuroraBorealis
    AuroraBorealis
    Thanks @Rodafina, it went alright, I managed to keep it together. I hate those situations, though.
    I discovered a pretty effective way to deal with loudness and fighting at my family home: covering my ears as soon as someone starts. Retro, but it does help.
    Does someone else absolutely love to make lists and create detailed schedules and routines but then never sticks to them? Creating the schedules is so much fun on its own.
    M
    Misty Avich
    Creating schedules is hard for me for some reason. Someone at work asked why I don't have a diary to mark off dates so I'll know what I'm doing each week, but I just said that I live life quite spontaneously and prefer to just play it by ear
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    This is so true, yet so funny to read. We have a true dedication to making lists. Of course it's a giant contradiction in itself, which you could never explain clearly to anybody.
    AuroraBorealis
    AuroraBorealis
    @Misty Avich That's completely fine, you don't need a diary or rigid schedules if you prefer not to use them. I have used a planner since first grade and never stopped, it's like an external part of my brain and helps me a lot to stay on top of things.
    I threw away 3 full bags of my old things at my parents' place. My old room looks so much better now! I'm really proud of myself. For once, I broke the clutter paralysis.
    I'm on family visit and while it's nice, I have to keep reminding myself that I am an adult, not a child, and my family doesn't have to understand or like all my decisions, and I don't have to explain myself if I don't want to. Now please, brain, believe all that.
    Bad day today. Sensory overload, no motivation whatsoever, and low mood. Time to stay in bed with a book (or several). I hope tomorrow will be better.
    M
    marc_101
    Google the term. It's like a color wheel with labels for emotions. It looks dumb but sometimes I can pin down the emotion. Or maybe I think I do
    AuroraBorealis
    AuroraBorealis
    Huh, that's interesting. Never seen that before. I guess right now it's tired, apathetic, pressured, withdrawn, overwhelmed.
    M
    marc_101
    Yep, good time to be in bed! :)
    I was just at a dinner with a friend and her family. It was very nice but I am DEAD right now. I am so worn out, I could fall asleep this second. Talking, smiling, listening, noises, smells, light... it was so much
    Anyone else's skin feels prickly and uncomfortable each time they're sick, and especially when they're running a temperature? Usually, I have no problems with skin sensitivity, but right now, it feels like everything prickles and touch is uncomfortable. It's always been this way. Interesting phenomenon.
    M
    Misty Avich
    When I even just have a cold I can feel very achy, lethargic and uncomfortable all over, to the point where I don't want to leave my home as it can soar my anxiety. This is why I often take sick days off when I have a cold, which I then get criticised about because it's an unwritten rule in most work places where a cold shouldn't stop you
    M
    Misty Avich
    from coming to work, as everyone else at work comes in with colds and they still seem functional, just have a stuffy nose. With me a cold seems to be more than just a stuffy nose, it seems to give me similar symptoms to the flu.
    AuroraBorealis
    AuroraBorealis
    @Misty Avich good for you to stay home when you're sick. I think it's really annoying that people have this expectation to come to work when you're sick. You give your illness to everyone else, and you can't recover properly.
    Thank god for text messages! The person I worked with for the past 2 months just said goodbye to me unexpectedly before leaving, and I just managed to smile and nod but was somehow socially blocked for more because I was caught off guard. So I sent a message with the things I wanted to say.
    I just managed 10 normal push-ups for the first time! Also, I can highly recommend to watch "Schitt's Creek" - it's hilarious, deep and lovely, and has some (inofficial) ND characters whose portrayals I just love.
    My family reacts to my increasing unmasking by suggesting a head scan because "suddenly noises bother you when they didn't before". I want to scream that they always bothered me, I just never showed it. I know they mean well, but those reactions make me angry and hurt me. I don't want those suggestions. Sorry for ranting.
    One of the dogs at the place I am right now might die soon (we found a nasty-looking tumor). I've only known the dogs for a month but I've grown attached, and I'm really sad about it. It's dog paradise here, he surely had a wonderful life, but I am still very sad.
    I just told my sister about my autism diagnosis. Her reaction: it doesn't surprise her. I don't know how I feel about that right now :D
    Tony Ramirez
    Tony Ramirez
    I told my trustworthy friends. They have not judged or treated me differently at all. It's a relief because now I can be myself around them.
    AuroraBorealis
    AuroraBorealis
    Thanks. Yeah, somehow, I didn't expect that reaction. She used to be very judgmental (and still is about some things). Her current job really seems to have given her some new perspective. It's weird but I guess it's good
    M
    Misty Avich
    When I was first diagnosed with ADHD my husband said "you don't need a diagnosis to figure that out" 🤣
    Some days are just "such days". Bad mood without a real reason, quickly feeling insufficient, sad and anxious through only minor triggers. But well, tomorrow'll be a new day. Maybe it's just a day to curl up with a book.
    M
    marc_101
    That's the best attitude, or at least what works for me. Not believing the feelings are true and thinking they will go away. And then go to bed or not do much that day.
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