I know I am a grown-up and all, but sometimes I really want to cuddle up in my childhood bed at my parents' and just be small again. Being a grown-up is scary and exhausting.
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How can people be together and talk for 8 hours straight? I fled for half an hour in between and I still feel like my brain is fuzzy, my hands are ice-cold and I want to cry. And they're still as relaxed as can be, just a bit tired but still very much sociable.
I'm close to a tearful meltdown and need to put on my social mask at any moment. I don't know how I'm supposed to do it...
I discovered a pretty effective way to deal with loudness and fighting at my family home: covering my ears as soon as someone starts. Retro, but it does help.
Does someone else absolutely love to make lists and create detailed schedules and routines but then never sticks to them? Creating the schedules is so much fun on its own.
I threw away 3 full bags of my old things at my parents' place. My old room looks so much better now! I'm really proud of myself. For once, I broke the clutter paralysis.
I'm on family visit and while it's nice, I have to keep reminding myself that I am an adult, not a child, and my family doesn't have to understand or like all my decisions, and I don't have to explain myself if I don't want to. Now please, brain, believe all that.
Bad day today. Sensory overload, no motivation whatsoever, and low mood. Time to stay in bed with a book (or several). I hope tomorrow will be better.
I was just at a dinner with a friend and her family. It was very nice but I am DEAD right now. I am so worn out, I could fall asleep this second. Talking, smiling, listening, noises, smells, light... it was so much
Anyone else's skin feels prickly and uncomfortable each time they're sick, and especially when they're running a temperature? Usually, I have no problems with skin sensitivity, but right now, it feels like everything prickles and touch is uncomfortable. It's always been this way. Interesting phenomenon.
Thank god for text messages! The person I worked with for the past 2 months just said goodbye to me unexpectedly before leaving, and I just managed to smile and nod but was somehow socially blocked for more because I was caught off guard. So I sent a message with the things I wanted to say.
I just managed 10 normal push-ups for the first time! Also, I can highly recommend to watch "Schitt's Creek" - it's hilarious, deep and lovely, and has some (inofficial) ND characters whose portrayals I just love.
My family reacts to my increasing unmasking by suggesting a head scan because "suddenly noises bother you when they didn't before". I want to scream that they always bothered me, I just never showed it. I know they mean well, but those reactions make me angry and hurt me. I don't want those suggestions. Sorry for ranting.
One of the dogs at the place I am right now might die soon (we found a nasty-looking tumor). I've only known the dogs for a month but I've grown attached, and I'm really sad about it. It's dog paradise here, he surely had a wonderful life, but I am still very sad.
I just told my sister about my autism diagnosis. Her reaction: it doesn't surprise her. I don't know how I feel about that right now
Some days are just "such days". Bad mood without a real reason, quickly feeling insufficient, sad and anxious through only minor triggers. But well, tomorrow'll be a new day. Maybe it's just a day to curl up with a book.
I bought a plush animal today and I was so happy when I found it! Wearing headphones (because the store played too loud music), jumping up and down smiling because we had finally found the right kind of plush pokemon, it was probably the least masked I've been in public (apart from overstimulation/meltdowns) I remember. It was so great!
Starting tomorrow, my partner will be home again all day too. I love them, obviously, but it's been so good to be alone at home during weekdays until the afternoon. I need to figure out strategies to get enough alone-time and to unmask enough to not have meltdowns - haven't fully managed so far.
Anyone else hates booking travels? I just spent around 2h booking flights, trains and buses for a planned trip (after procrastinating it forever), and I feel like my brain has run a marathon.
I spent 2 hours today walking and reading in the forest. I haven't felt so much at peace for a while. Nature is awesome. -
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