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Markness

Markness

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  • Markness
    I had another scary dream. Thank goodness my alarm clock woke me up.
    tree
    tree
    Ever keep a record of your dreams? Not just particular ones that stand out, but any that you remember? Can be interesting to review, see what was on your sleeping mind over time.
    L
    Luca
    Mine are often scary. I like tree’s suggestion though.
    Markness
    Intensely sad that I don’t have a girlfriend and others are telling me they don’t want me to have a relationship.
    View previous comments…
    tree
    tree
    That must be very tiresome. At the risk of sounding like that mental health service ad.....you'll feel better when you stop carrying the weight of their opinions around.
    Markness
    Markness
    I’ve often been told the best revenge is living well. I don’t really understand what it means, though.
    tree
    tree
    Source of that phrase is much older than I realized.
    Markness
    I finally saw the lowest price for Swans’ Cop album ($33. Still ouchie, yes, but less so than other times I’ve seen it.) and ordered it.
    Markness
    I always feel like I am being talked negatively about. :(
    tree
    tree
    I've noticed that.
    L
    Luca
    Me too :( It’s most likely not real though. You have to have faith in the fact that there are people who really care about you.
    Markness
    I feel so rushed and anxiety isn’t helping that feeling.
    tree
    tree
    In general? Or was that particular to today ?
    Markness
    Markness
    Today after I found out I missed some assignments and emails as well as dropped low in my checkings. I am filing out my W2.
    Markness
    I am almost broke and I am not receiving college emails regarding my class for some reason.
    View previous comments…
    Streetwise
    Streetwise
    In the exact same club if I had less finances I couldn't make a free phone call on my mobile phone
    Markness
    Markness
    @tree I talked to the teacher and it turns out the emails we’re going elsewhere in my college email account than where I thought they should go.
    tree
    tree
    The "like" is for finding out by talking to the teacher.
    Markness
    Maybe I need to truly disappear from this place? I failed so much in this life that I think my death is approaching sooner instead of later.
    Metalhead
    Metalhead
    Seek out professional help if you are seriously thinking of ending it all, but we are still here for you.
    L
    Luca
    Message me if you think it might help… but yes, definitely contact a professional, especially if you’re thinking about suicide. But if you’re having anxiety about death in general, that’s probably something to bring up to a therapist. I have a death phobia too and it’s not easy to deal with :(
    UberScout
    UberScout
    I know i'm not the picture of good mental health, but if I can make it this far, so can you, friend. Hang in there.
    Markness
    How do I know if I am offered a VIP membership?
    View previous comments…
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    I knew in my gut that my comment would trigger that sort of response. I'm not saying females can't be friends with females. I just read these random acts of kindness as having more of a romantic undertone. And yes - I know not everyone is hetero, but in the western world nearly 90% of each gender is hetero. And yes, I know - apparently there's more than 2 genders.
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    Sorry if the tone seems off. I just feel like I need to cover my back here to avoid causing any further confusion or conflict.
    tree
    tree
    I didn't think of the gesture of gifting V.I.P. memberships as romantic, at all. Still don't.
    Markness
    I was running late for class but when I got to the campus, I was told a power outage happened so it’s been cancelled for today.
    L
    Luca
    That’s happened to me before lol
    tree
    tree
    Is it a M/W class? Or M/W/F? Or what?
    Markness
    Markness
    M/W
    Markness
    Ate another vitamin chewable. I actually like the taste of this variety!
    tree
    tree
    What flavor? (Also watch out about chewables. Sometimes they have sweeteners in them that can be laxative.)
    Markness
    Markness
    Lemon. Hmmm…maybe that’s partly why I’ve had to use the toilet a lot lately?
    Markness
    I feel like being mischaracterized as a misogynist and another person wrongfully accusing me of harassing someone has ruined my reputation.
    Markness
    Took a vitamin D chewable after work.
    tree
    tree
    Is that unusual for you?
    Markness
    Markness
    It is since I normally had to swallow stuff whole.
    tree
    tree
    The D I have is very small. Gel caps. 2000IU.
    Markness
    To all those who bullied me as a child and a teen: I hope you’re happy. You got what you wanted and that was for me to suffer.
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    You seem to be bullying yourself these days.
    Markness
    Markness
    My therapist has told me that before.
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    Those traumas and judgements of others can become internalised and then start repeating themselves. I still have parental judgements from many years ago running through my head daily.
    Markness
    Did I miss a social opportunity? I saw a girl wearing heavy metal fashion but was too nervous to approach her for some historical reasons.
    View previous comments…
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    Missed social opportunity and opted for the default of worrying, hesitancy and avoidance?
    Markness
    Markness
    I was also at work.
    tree
    tree
    That's what I had in mind when I said "depends on the circumstances." Work is not a social playground. Probably there could have been an appropriately phrased comment/compliment, though.
    Markness
    Not sure if my stepfather was being sarcastic or not when he replied with “Thanks” after I texted him a classic heavy metal video.
    BrokenBoy
    BrokenBoy
    Well metal is often called "dad rock" so maybe it's sincere?
    Gerontius
    Gerontius
    Also, hard to tell nuance by text. This is why I don't text much (apart from my phone being a pain to use.) I mean what else was he to text in reply?
    Best not to think abt. this stuff as it is meaningless.
    Markness
    Markness
    @BrokenBoy He tends to not like distorted music but I try to show him that just because something is distorted doesn’t mean it’s not musical.

    @Gerontius I suppose so.
    Markness
    I had a nightmare that involved my fears of never having a romantic relationship coming into my life. :(
    tree
    tree
    That makes sense. I used to have the classic *here I am in class, it's time for the test, and I haven't been to class in weeks.* or *the paper is due on Monday, it's Friday now and I haven't done any research....* Dreams can be pictures of what concerns us. Sometimes disguised. Sometimes, not so much.
    Markness
    Markness
    I sometimes get nightmares that I am still in high school while also still working or I am far away from work and I need to drive there but the time window is small.
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