Here is an update. My meds got readjusted a couple of hours ago. I really was frigging crazy the last couple of days. And a lot of that was likely chemical.
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My deep depression is driving people away from me. I should start pretending everything is OK and start saving my sadness for my therapist sessions instead.
I just want to quit my job and spend my remaining days playing games.
I am no longer gay. I am now asexual. I need no partners. I need to survive.
Either I should kill myself, or I should force myself back into the closet.
I am going to slow down on my movie buying and save up for Uber rides to social events. Starting right now. All the movies in the world do nothing to ease my isolation.
I just severed ties with a couple of people who were more concerned about me being concerned than they were about the crap going on in the world these days. I am crazy because I am worried about my future livelihood? Forget those people.
Stop the world, I want to step off. The vacuum of space. The endless abyss of nothingness.
Just emailed my therapist, trying to see if I can get in this week.
Frankly, I don't have the strength to go to work every day, and then go home to spend every afternoon, evening and weekend in isolation. I can't keep this up any longer.
All hope is lost. Evil has won. Might as well end my life now before they get around to it.
I want to feel peace within myself, but instead I feel a lack of hope. I feel defeated. I am defeated.
To quote Ben Folds - You know what hope is, hope is a bastard, hope is a liar, a cheat and a tease. Hope comes near you, kick its backside, got no place in days like these.
I shall take Benadryl at all hours I am not at my job from now on. Sleep my life away. I find pleasure in my dreams. Not so much in the real world anymore.
Life has no meaning. Life has no purpose. We are put here to suffer, except for those lucky few who are evil enough to claw their way over all of the others and dance over the corpses of those who believe in the illusion of decent morality.
Today is the first day of humanity's ultimate downfall and extinction.
Tacos and non-alcoholic beer for lunch on my paid day off today. And with my Xbox keeping me company, I am set.
Three day weekend, time for binge gaming sessions. Playing Astria Ascending on the Xbox.
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