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Misery

Misery

V.I.P Member
Amalga Heart 43 From Big stupid hole in the ground (Illinois)
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Viewing forum General Autism Discussion
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  • Misery
    Just got home, very sore, ugh. Not much else to say, just... ugh.
    Metalhead
    Metalhead
    Was any of it enjoyable at least, or was it all just ugh?
    Misery
    Misery
    It was okay... a bit too cold to do all that much outside except for walking in the forest where the wind cant get at ya too much. Sure beats snow though.
    Misery
    I'm off on a trip! Heading up north for the first time in awhile, since the weather has gotten to the "less stupid" phase. Good thing too, nice change of scenery and a chance for a lot of exercise. Good for the dogs, too. I'll see y'all next week, maybe I'll have some photos to share!
    Misery
    heartchecker.webp


    Here's my latest scratchy creation. Not much else to say really.
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    The collidascope look with the black lines surrounding the checkerboard heart, all look really cool. Kinda like the ebb and flow of energies. Maybe emotions.
    Misery
    Oh good, random shaky pain, my favorite! Bah. I clearly havent been exercising enough. AGAIN. Old habits really do die hard, dont they...
    Misery
    Ya know, I've been doing so much better recently since coming out... I hadnt realized just how much of a burden that had been on me. Still a long way to go, but for now, doing better. And I'm finally getting productive and making real progress towards various goals. I'm learning a lot of things... I'd forgotten how good it feels to learn new things. Also programming is hard.
    Misery
    20240214_225502.webp


    Work in progress. And yeah I know there's lines going through the ears because colored pencils are made of stupid and cant be erased. But they're going to be a dark gray anyway, so it likely wont show too badly. Going to practice shading a bunch before finishing, want to do it right. Particularly for the vibrant hair.
    Misery
    I will say though, the horrid thing has given me a new appreciation for all of my actual pencils/markers/whatever. And for my Android phone, which, you know, doesnt utterly suck and isnt restricted in its functionality. For the 800th time though, I question why I bought the iPad in the first place. I have no answer to that.
    Misery
    Ya know what, I think I'm done with digital art (drawing, I mean... fractals are still good). It was neat in a "novelty" way for about 5 minutes, but it's developed into a blazing hatred. For Procreate, the most annoying software I've ever used, and the iPad, my most loathed device I've owned (I *really* hate Apple products). Launched it across the room for the 20th time. Just... enough.
    Misery
    Physical therapy today, they did a new procedure on me. My whole face hurts, ugh. I'm super appreciative for them and all, but still, PT can freaking hurt sometimes. Though this was more intense than usual. Gee golly I think it's time to take more Advil
    Misery
    Gonna vanish for a couple of days, I'm sorta falling into bad habits again, too much internet, not enough anything else. No more just letting problems lay there when I could fix them. A couple of days where I just focus on my non-computer hobbies, and my projects, that's the thing. See ya in a bit!
    Misery
    On a side note, I'm typing this through my phone, got this gizmo that hooks the phone (Samsung Galaxy) to a screen and a keyboard and whatnot, so I can type without going mad. Learning a lot more about this phone but holy heck there is so much yet that I haven't explored.
    Misery
    Well it's been an interesting trip here. I finally did the talk with my father, and now my stepmother and brother know as well. Still kinda reeling from the extreme anxiety high I'd gotten myself into though. I get myself so darned worked up sometimes, often over nothing at all. But hey, good thing overall.
    1ForAll
    1ForAll
    Wow, congrats for telling them and for it going ok! I hope this will allow you to be yourself more around them and reduce all that stress you had inside about that.
    Misery
    I did it! Finally! Also pro tip, don’t drink all of the caffeine immediately before doing something really difficult like that. I am so overloaded right now. But I got through without clawing my arm.
    Misery
    Leaving for a trip tomorrow, up north. And I decided that once we get up there, well, it's time to finally have the talk. I've put myself through enough pain... after all these years it's time to break out of this cycle. There's so much to tell them... Nervous though, very nervous. Gonna do it anyway.
    Misery
    Whoever invented micro-USB cables needs to be dragged out into the street and covered in like, manure or something. In front of everyone. And then they get fined 2 bazillion dollars for being useless.
    tkcartoonist
    tkcartoonist
    There's a reason they've been mostly superseded by USB-C.
    kriss72
    kriss72
    I think it's one of these cases where they really tried their best... had the right intentions... but might have forgotten to test it in the wild :)
    Misery
    Ya know, hypochondria is really frustrating sometimes. Blob of mucus in my throat? Clearly I caught Death Disease Syndrome. It definitely cant be my omni-present allergies. Nope. Bah. Anxiety of any sort just sucks.
    Misty Avich
    Misty Avich
    I blame Google. Type anything in and it diagnoses you with either cancer or diabetes.
    Judge
    Judge
    True dat. Reminds me of my mother who kept the "Physician's Desk Reference" at no more than an arm's length in her last years. It caused more harm than good for her. But nowadays to think of our access to the Internet, there's no telling what information we find that discourages us in all sorts of ways relative to illnesses and treatment.
    Metalhead
    Metalhead
    WebMD told me that the little ache I feel in my back is probably cancer. The Internet is not a friendly place for those of us with medical anxiety. Sorry to hear about it.
    Misery

    If you could do with a dose of cuteness, here's some. Youtube just started throwing unexpected animal videos at me. Stuff other than cat videos, I mean.
    Misery
    I need to like, hire someone to just sit near me all the time, and any time I lean forward in my chair into an awkward position, they just hit me with a shoe until I stop doing it. It'd save me a lot of neck and back pain.
    tree
    tree
    I have to tell myself that *I'm just going to sit here and do this real quick* is not a valid idea.
    Body has to be parallel to desk, not just perching in a twisted at the waist way....
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    Yeah hunching in a chair is just the worst for the neck and back. And if you are leaning on a desk with your arms, pushing your shoulders up and then moving your head/neck, that is the number one fastest way to get neck pain.
    S
    Slime_Punk
    I actually had some really bad medical stuff going on once, but since I thought it was my back it essentially trained me to sit back in chairs and stop turning myself into a pretzel on a daily basis. Now that that is thankfully over, the habit somehow stayed!
    Misery
    So, uh... my stepmother was telling me about how the card thing was going at the store (it's going well) as she'd gone over to have a look. Apparently, someone asked "oh, did you make these?" (the nameplate was missing) and she says "no, I'm the stepmother of the card girl!" I dont think she caught what she'd just said, I didnt respond. This, uh... this isnt going to be a freaking surprise to anyone, is it...
    View previous comments…
    Misery
    Misery
    @1ForAll Aye, that's probably true. Though really somebody could at least briefly ACT surprised. Not a single person I've told has shown even a bit of surprise so far. Was my mask like completely defective or something? It occurs to me that I probably aint hiding certain autism traits as well as I'd thought either.
    V
    VictorR
    Sounds like they're ready whenever you are :)
    1ForAll
    1ForAll
    Some things we may be able to mask a little on occasion, like toning down any certain feeling or emotion and movements, but once we are totally relaxed or forgetting to mask we may be unaware we are reverting back to our natural selves in ways. NTs can often pick up on the smallest of details for nonverbal cues & any even rare trait or action we do that goes against stereotype may cause them to think.
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