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UberScout

UberScout

V.I.P Member
Please Don't Be Mad At Me 02/09/1996 29
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  • UberScout
    I am giving up and I am serious as a heart attack in the operating room this time. I have finally made up my mind and have to decided to make a serious plan to kill myself and I am going to work on it every day until I am successful. I am so, so sorry to leave you all behind like this because I don't want to hurt anybody like that but i have already done it too many times
    UberScout
    After tonight it has officially become clear to me that my life is legitimately NEVER GOING TO CHANGE. My happiness is erased, destroyed, gone, my faith in Jesus Christ and the Christian God has now completely left me and is gone forever. My family will not practice being peaceful, they will not let me redeem myself or clear my name, I have been permanently branded an outlaw by the people i thought werw closest to me
    UberScout
    UUUUGH I WISH I COULD GET MY MUM TO ORDER ME A BULK SUPPLY OF DELTA 8 OR SOME FORM OF W E E D
    UberScout
    Welp, I'm suddenly back into tabletop RPGs again , this time it's coming from a neat surprise from our roommate Jennifer giving me a case full of sci Fi miniatures :) Time to find some character sheets for Savage Worlds :D
    UberScout
    Therapist decided to do hypnotherapy today. Induction was a week long state of calmness. Yay :) ....Man, I'm drowsy.
    UberScout
    I had a dream last night where Aloe helped me have an epiphany. At long last I had an epiphany about my true Inner Self and why I was born to be Gifted like I am, why my birthstone, Amethyst, is one of the Walls of Heaven (now how do you get THAT kind of luck?!), and why people from church always say I am "very special"... At last I found an answer...
    View previous comments…
    UberScout
    UberScout
    It was causing an anxiety attack and Caroline caught me before it became a panick attack. She told me to take some breaths, rub my hands together a bit and retrieve a psi Ball like I was talented with in my magick...
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Then she told me to "search for an inner light" and then call on Archangel Michael. I remember saying "Archangel Michael.. if you can hear me, please make my skin stop itching! It's so maddening I can feel it digging into my mind...!!"

    I stopped for a few seconds and realized the itching had stopped immediately.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    I couldn't believe any of it was real.

    But it was.

    And now, even as long as it took me to finally find the truth...

    I feel SO much better about life!!

    Dang, Charlie B. Barkin sure showed me one heck of a teaser...
    UberScout
    Hyu~uoh, watakushi o nero wa jikan de shikashi na desu yo...
    tree
    tree
    1691671877329.webp
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Crap, lmao, I was trying to say "Phew, I've stayed up too long, it's about time I go to bed already."
    UberScout
    I'LL TAKE A POTATO CHIP
    AND
    E A T I T
    UberScout
    UberScout
    BOKU GA NAKEGISHII DE, TO IIMAE
    T A B E R U N I T S U I
    tree
    tree
    Something about being sad??
    UberScout
    UberScout
    That was an attempt to repeat the above in Japanese a la the way the actual anime would do it, lol.

    Looks here like instead im shouting

    "I WANT TO EAT SADNESS!!!"
    UberScout
    Here comes that wave of gloominess that haunts me each day... But this time, even without smoking a bowl, and even after neglecting to take my meds (read: lost them again...), Somehow I'm able to fight it away!

    I hear Aloe in the background of it all. She's proud of me, I can tell. The sound of her chuckling with proud happiness... It... Has such a healing quality to it.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    (why do healing vibes always make me sleepy?)
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Congrats, it sounds like you are better with emotional regulation?
    UberScout
    UberScout
    It is NOT easy, but DEFINITELY possible! I just wish I ...wasn't...hypersensitive.
    UberScout
    Somehow as bad as I'm being battered by life, I still have some kind of will to fight.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    I guess I really must be the Warrior everybody here says I am because as much as kicking the chair under my feet sounds like it would be a vacation, I have to say, never being able to enjoy anything ever again or even do, think, say or talk about anything ever again does NOT sound relaxing at all.
    UberScout
    KumoCMD++MinecraftRadionicEnergyFieldSystemAddon (This is a special aura field frequency manifestation system I got from listening to a special YouTube "subliminals affirmations bundle" video which contains specially-made binaural beats/radionic/quantum sound frequencies that works to cause cells, energy in your body, your 3rd eye, pineal gland and even your own DNA to begin firing, spinning, toggled on and active
    View previous comments…
    UberScout
    UberScout
    about a Japanese high school kid who is alarmingly-addicted to visual novels and dating Sims getting murked by a randomly sprinting, bodaciously pissed off guy that looks like
    UberScout
    UberScout
    That looks like Matthew McConeghea dressed for a music video featuring Eminem, and dies, and finds out "Well I'll be a horse run rampant in a hospital, reincarnation really is a thing!! Hey, uh, why am I just a ball of blue grease?"
    UberScout
    UberScout
    You get the idea.

    Holy crap almighty, have I been typing and posting this whole time?! Jeez, what the hell is my brain doing?!
    UberScout
    I couldn't sleep for about 2-3 days because of my evil stepfather deciding to confront me about money I never stole and being thrown into heart endangering hysterics over insisting I did, and only now after I woke up today fully rested thinking it was still morning, and seeing my phone's clock say it was actually 3:26 PM, I missed my appointment once again, through no fault of my own.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    My therapist told me that the doc's office she works at were on the edge of closing my case with my therapist for being "non-compliant". Yeah, sure, I totally didn't feel like going to my appointments because Spectrum keeps bullying us with disabled internet connection, my ONLY father on THE PLANET is sabotaging my life, and God keeps pressing his "Make This Poor Suffering ASD Patient Sick For Three Days" button.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    I am officially finished trying to find the good in life. If I haven't managed to find proof that life is not all BS and lifetime-length bad luck and mishaps that I did NOTHING to legitimately deserve, and I'm still searching at this moment, then I have wasted the first half of my life doing so.
    UberScout
    Do people like me just reach a point in their lives where they just live through nothing but bad, just terrible luck and get harassed by their own fathers and have fingers pointed at them every day for things they KNOW they never actually did, and it just goes on forever? When you live through constant misfortune like that does it just last the rest of your life?!
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Good questions , boy, parents, l tell you, you never know what fate hands in regards to parents.
    elgat0verde
    elgat0verde
    I had to break relations with my narcissist father because his harassment would never stop (I'm 38) I can't say I've only had misfortune although it seems like it's been following me a lot as of late. As I like to tell myself: "there is sunshine on top of the dark clouds but you gotta build and climb that ladder"
    UberScout
    I found yet another little dose of weed, in the pocket of one of my pairs of pants this time! Definitely toking as a bedtime hit and I am MOST CERTAINLY doing a reality shift to my Minecraft world from Maddog's computer tonight! And yes, reality shifting to MC *is* possible, I actually did it two nights ago.
    UberScout
    I.....I ca---I-I can't even talk about what happened tonight. I'm not even going to get out of bed tomorrow. I'm...I'm just going to stay in bed and stay with Aloe and just keep sleeping and relaxing with her until I feel better not even until I feel rested, I'm just going to keep sleeping.
    UberScout
    I have no idea why, but I simply cannot help but have the ever so slightest sneaky suspicion that I keep feeling bad or sometimes a tiny bit sickly because I messed up BAD by allowing myself to neglect making time to take care of myself better!!! Brain fog waking up this morning, unable to keep myself focused and energized while creative writing , feeling like I didn't get enough sleep and need more time to wake up..
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Did I really screw up for real this time?! Is it because I've used delta/weed as therapy for this long?! Am I really already running out of time?! There's so many things I've done that I haven't made up for... I....I-I don't want to end up in Hell for eternity for that!!!!
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Without the basics, we simply cannot function well… Water, sleep, food, and safety. Anytime you’re wondering, if you can bring your focus back to these things, I am sure it will be helpful.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Well first I have to figure out how to get myself a tent to put in the backyard and some camping supplies, including a mess kit, and one of those portable butane stoves/people can use to boil water etc.
    UberScout
    I never once thought during any point in my life, being a child, teenager OR a young adult, that life in general would somehow become *this* level of difficulty for me. I mean don't get me wrong, I know that there are others out there all around me that are going through highly more hellatious bullcrap than me, but how can someone like me and my family just end up stuck in a perpetual loop of...
    UberScout
    UberScout
    ...what I could only describe as perpetual misfortune? If it's not something that's actually going to hurt us, it's some other inconvenience, and if it's not THAT, it's a problem that constantly persists and refuses to be solved!!!
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Leave me ALONE, Universe, I think you've harassed me for long enough!!! How about you let me catch a BREAK for once? How about letting my FAMILY catch a break?! Why can't we have a decent amount of time where things actually go RIGHT for us for once and all the bad stuff gets turned down to LOW?!
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