24 yr son at home

[Mary Anne]

So you're an autism speaks advocate now? BTW, she never came back. It wasn't because of me, or Buzzerfly, I guarantee it. The real loving parents are the ones who stick around. There are dozens on here. Been on here for years. They introduce themselves, and a REAL parent always says good things about their child. Even if they have problems. Not introduced smut. The OP's actions actually are troll like. I'm not illogical. Quite the opposite. Tired of the grumpy cats and "angel cats" trying to sound caring, but being anything but.

No Did not remotely advocate for AS. Please reread my last post for clarification. Your attitude against parents asking for help is why I mentioned it. You really are misunderstanding things. Then you said, ”A real parent only says good things about their child” —What distant galaxy have you come from???? No parent I have ever known is like that. That is utterly illogical, unfactual, and ridiculous.

Where should a parent having problems with their adult autistic child go if not on the parenting or friends/family sections of these autism forums? Are you saying that all the posts in that section are all fake or made up? Not everyone “introduces themselves” either. It’s not mandatory, and it’s easy to understand why not everyone would want to do so.

 

[Joel's Hear]

No Did not remotely advocate for AS. Please reread my last post for clarification. Your attitude against parents asking for help is why I mentioned it. You really are misunderstanding things. Then you said, ”A real parent only says good things about their child” —What distant galaxy have you come from???? No parent I have ever known is like that. That is utterly illogical, unfactual, and ridiculous.

Where should a parent having problems with their adult autistic child go if not on the parenting or friends/family sections of these autism forums? Are you saying that all the posts in that section are all fake or made up? Not everyone “introduces themselves” either. It’s not mandatory, and it’s easy to understand why not everyone would want to do so.

You edited your last post after I commented and seem to be pretending you didn't Are you the parent of a child with autism ? I am.

 

[Lady Lucifer]

As a matter of fact, this forum is for aspies and asds. Do you mean not responding to a thread? It is spectrum, not spectrem. This woman (Mrs. Cut) came to this site once, slamming a supposed autistic son she had. She never even introduced herself. She Hasnt been back since. Troll? Good day.

So you're an autism speaks advocate now? BTW, she never came back. It wasn't because of me, or Buzzerfly, I guarantee it.

(read sarcastically) Your right because we aspies are so perfect. We're like gods we can do no wrong. Its the NT who are the evil ones.

(Read normally) There is something in help forums like this one called "one shot" users. They go in for one specific issue or problem and ask the forum for advice. Those users don't need to introduce themselves becuase they aren't interested in social media or forums. Second, it was users like you that made her not want to come back. I feel bad for her. She is going through so much right now.

 

[Joel's Hear]

(read sarcastically) Your right because we aspies are so perfect. We're like gods we can do no wrong. Its the NT who are the evil ones.

(Read normally) There is something in help forums like this one called "one shot" users. They go in for one specific issue or problem and ask the forum for advice. Those users don't need to introduce themselves becuase they aren't interested in social media or forums. Second, it was users like you that made her not want to come back. I feel bad for her. She is going through so much right now.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah... I'm a real NT basher It's not like my wife and one of my children aren't.

 

[Nitro]

 

[Ezra]

This whole thing would make more sense to me if the son was 14 instead of 24. I'm having trouble comprehending how at least 10 years after most males start this sort of thing, this is suddenly a major issue. I really can't imagine my mom making a post like this 6 years from now.

 

[Lady Lucifer]

Well ASD in men usually makes them childish. This is true with women, but I've seen it more prominent in men.

 

[Starfire]

You edited your last post after I commented and seem to be pretending you didn't Are you the parent of a child with autism ? I am.

I am the parent of a child with autism, and I have also been diagnosed myself. Autistic children are very hard work, and I believe many parents are reluctant to tell the truth about their children because they are so often judged and criticised if they don’t parrot on about their wonderful angels.

It is possible to love your child dearly as I do, yet struggle greatly with the often appalling behaviour they exhibit. For a 24 year old to masturbate while their mother is around, with the door open even if it’s a fraction, is absolutely unacceptable! This smacks of provocation to me especially if it’s been explained to this man, and 24 is a man, why it’s unacceptable and he continues.

Autistic children such as mine can and do become explosive with anger and rage, extremely verbally aggressive and threatening, and fully capable of dangerous and threatening behaviour even when what’s being done is for their own protection.

Parents are reluctant to discuss this type of behaviour though because it doesn’t paint the picture of their children which they want to present, or they are at a loss knowing what to do after trying everything they can, even if it completely true, so they come to places like this hoping for help, advice or compassion and continue to get a hard time! Autism is or can be a reason for this type of behaviour, but it’s not an excuse! Bad behaviour is bad behaviour. Living with an autistic child is not all cuddles, puppies, pink flowers and pretty dresses, it can be very dark and depressing at times, but no one wants to admit that.

 

[Mary Anne]

You edited your last post after I commented and seem to be pretending you didn't Are you the parent of a child with autism ? I am.

This whole thing would make more sense to me if the son was 14 instead of 24. I'm having trouble comprehending how at least 10 years after most males start this sort of thing, this is suddenly a major issue. I really can't imagine my mom making a post like this 6 years from now.

Men with autism can develop neurologically at a quite slower pace. Plus there can be other cormorbid issues / diagnosis Mrs. Cut did not mention. Every person is different, and it seems like the son is deliberately stressing his mother with many unacceptable behaviors, in addition to his sexual practices. It’s time for him to move.

 

[Mary Anne]

I am the parent of a child with autism, and I have also been diagnosed myself. Autistic children are very hard work, and I believe many parents are reluctant to tell the truth about their children because they are so often judged and criticised if they don’t parrot on about their wonderful angels.

It is possible to love your child dearly as I do, yet struggle greatly with the often appalling behaviour they exhibit. For a 24 year old to masturbate while their mother is around, with the door open even if it’s a fraction, is absolutely unacceptable! This smacks of provocation to me especially if it’s been explained to this man, and 24 is a man, why it’s unacceptable and he continues.

Autistic children such as mine can and do become explosive with anger and rage, extremely verbally aggressive and threatening, and fully capable of dangerous and threatening behaviour even when what’s being done is for their own protection.

Parents are reluctant to discuss this type of behaviour though because it doesn’t paint the picture of their children which they want to present, or they are at a loss knowing what to do after trying everything they can, even if it completely true, so they come to places like this hoping for help, advice or compassion and continue to get a hard time! Autism is or can be a reason for this type of behaviour, but it’s not an excuse! Bad behaviour is bad behaviour. Living with an autistic child is not all cuddles, puppies, pink flowers and pretty dresses, it can be very dark and depressing at times, but no one wants to admit that.

Thank you for your courage in relating the truths of raising an autistic child. I wish more came out on these forums with their challenges. There is often great spouted hatred and anger on these threads for parents. But parents are supposed to be welcomed here- there are even forum sections expressly for parents to find help, but they are criticized, slammed, bashed, and they often leave (extremely upset and bullied by people with autism) never to return.

The autism community can be extremely unwelcoming, despite the continual expressions /desires to be welcomed themselves, into this complex, difficult world we ALL live in. It confounds me greatly.

 

[Ezra]

I was told this is a less toxic forum, but I'm not seeing much indication of it in this thread.

As for myself I'm a moderate to severe autistic and I am well aware of the challenges my parents have had to endure in raising me.

As far as this thread goes, it seems the idea is the mother is a victim who must not be questioned and the autistic son is a monster. Is that the way it's supposed to go?

 

[Mary Anne]

I was told this is a less toxic forum, but I'm not seeing much indication of it in this thread.

As for myself I'm a moderate to severe autistic and I am well aware of the challenges my parents have had to endure in raising me.

As far as this thread goes, it seems the idea is the mother is a victim who must not be questioned and the autistic son is a monster. Is that the way it's supposed to go?

The mother did not describe her son as a “monster.” Where are you getting that from? He is deliberately abusive, and provoking her in several ways- including physical and mental. She factually described what she was going through. Her experiences and feelings count just as much as anyone else’s! Why can’t parents get help on these forums? Why are they supposed to lie and paint only rosy pictures of challenging behaviors?

I have seen many forums here where parents were forced to leave because of criticism, bullying, and slamming from people with autism. So no, it’s nothing new. It’s horribly bad behavior.

People with autism sometimes cannot wrap their minds around how others feel. They think only of themselves, and their own inner world. They are extremely sensitive when others describe behaviors that are not acceptable and Then, project distorted feelings that are not accurate.

 

[Mary Terry]

I was told this is a less toxic forum, but I'm not seeing much indication of it in this thread.

As for myself I'm a moderate to severe autistic and I am well aware of the challenges my parents have had to endure in raising me.

As far as this thread goes, it seems the idea is the mother is a victim who must not be questioned and the autistic son is a monster. Is that the way it's supposed to go?

No, a black and white view of mother as victim and autistic son as monster is not the way it should go.

Mother reached out for help here, having already discussed the public masturbation and porn usage issue with her son's doctor. Her son is neither a monster or a saint. He's a 24 year old disabled adult, living at home, disrespecting his mother's wishes by publicly masturbating, even after he has been asked not to do so, and inappropriately touching his mother without her consent. Son needs a big wake-up call that just because he is autistic, he is not allowed to do those things. I don't know what the wake-up call should consist of. He might be so disabled that he could not survive outside of his parents' home. I feel compassion for mother and son. They BOTH need help; mom needs help to cope with her disabled son's disrespect, and son needs help to become as independent as possible. Adult independence does not include public masturbation.

 

[Starfire]

I was told this is a less toxic forum, but I'm not seeing much indication of it in this thread.

As for myself I'm a moderate to severe autistic and I am well aware of the challenges my parents have had to endure in raising me.

As far as this thread goes, it seems the idea is the mother is a victim who must not be questioned and the autistic son is a monster. Is that the way it's supposed to go?

Less toxic? As toxic means poisonous, what in this thread is for you poison?

You may be aware of some of the challenges your parents had raising you, but that doesn’t mean you have experienced those challenges, and don’t presume that how you challenged your parents is exactly the same for every other parent child relationship, they differ wildly. If you’ve met one person with autism, you have met one person with autism, we don’t all behave the same.

Perhaps you’re not happy reading posts that you are not comfortable with, no one is forcing you to do so. “Is that the way it’s supposed to go?” There is no set way anything is supposed to go, people are entitled to their opinions whether you or I agree with them not. If anyone is perhaps more entitled to give an opinion it’s those who have experienced and live something on a daily basis, rather than those who only have an opinion, regardless everyone is entitled to speak.

 

[tree]

I have seen a tendency on forums for people to use
the word "toxic" to describe any interaction that is
dramatic or emotion-laden.
-----
I thought the question "Is that the way it's supposed to go?" was
rhetorical, an expression of dis-satisfaction, and pointed toward
a hope for useful, helpful discussion of the situation.

 

[Ezra]

My mom, who also has a masters in behavioral psychology, agrees with me that there's some things that don't seem to add up. But I guess if she posted any of that, she'd get her head ripped off.

 

[Starfire]

I have seen a tendency on forums for people to use
the word "toxic" to describe any interaction that is
dramatic or emotion-laden.
-----
I thought the question "Is that the way it's supposed to go?" was
rhetorical, an expression of dis-satisfaction, and pointed toward
a hope for useful, helpful discussion of the situation.

Oh! Thanks for your explication I wasn’t aware of that definition of ‘poison’, perhaps because it has no bearing on the word or it’s usual meaning.

I didn’t realise the question was rhetorical as there was a question mark at the end, I would have taken it as rhetorical if it had an explanation mark instead. Thanks for your post it was helpful and useful.

 

[Starfire]

My mom, who also has a masters in behavioral psychology, agrees with me that there's some things that don't seem to add up. But I guess if she posted any of that, she'd get her head ripped off.

If my mother was an astronomer and agreed with me the the moon was made of cheese, would not mean either that we were correct, or that the moon was in actual fact made of cheese.

The use of your mother’s qualification in a debate or discussion does not strengthen your position it weakens it, it is proof of nothing. I would be very interested to hear what she thinks however, and I think she could make a valuable contribution on this forum if she would like to, I hope she joins if she hasn’t already, I genuinely mean that.

No one has had their “head ripped off” and your mother would be no exception, I would hope however, that she would be treated considerably better than Mrs Cutt was.

 

[Tom]

I was told this is a less toxic forum, but I'm not seeing much indication of it in this thread.

The mods and most members do a good job keeping things civil and safe but no place is immune to a few toxic members. If I see junk coming repeatedly from someone I just put them on ignor list and the place is fresh and clean again like a mountain forest after a spring rain.