8 Reasons Straight Men Don’t Want To Get Married...

[Mary Terry]

Things have definitely changed over the years. I agree there are a lot of vindictive people out there - both women and men. Today the courts don't automatically give custody to the mom's like they used to - it's on a case to case basis and they are preferring joint custody over anything.

With my divorces I just wanted out - they can have all the possessions if they want. I remember standing in the courtroom in a divorce proceeding with my first husband. The judge was asking my ex who was the primary caregiver - who bathed, fed, clothed, etc the child. He said 'his mother', but he didn't think I should have custody on the basis that I could not financially take care of him. The judge said, "That's what child support is for". He said he still didn't think I should be given custody. The judge asked if he wanted custody and he said no. The judge asked who he wanted to have custody and he said his mother. He did it to himself - I got full custody - he didn't even get set visitation. He moved out of state and I would still allow my son to go visit him.

But today they do prefer joint, unless one parent is abusive or on bad drugs. They really don't consider infidelity at all when it comes to custody. I don't think they take that into consideration with property either - they just try to divide things in half. That might be one reason one or both parties have stopped to lying, because they want more than what the court is going to give them.

And as for those not wanting to get married - I can understand it. In today's society marriage doesn't mean what it used to and there is less true commitment. If both parties are not totally ready for a real commitment it's no more than just living together or dating. I'm about to make some enemies here, but part of the fall in successful marriage has been due to women now having to work and feminism. Used to be the man worked, the woman took care of the house and kids, but now that's almost impossible. Men are getting lazy and don't want to work and support their families and women are working, taking care of themselves and decide they don't need the men to have to take care of them, too.

I think you're right. Women generally have to work to support themselves and their children these days.

I used to handle some divorce cases many years ago. It is the least satisfying area of law practice IMO. Neither side is ever happy and two people cannot live apart as cheaply as they can live together.

I have had crying mothers call me to ask if they can force the fathers to engage in visitation in order to give the children a relationship of some sort with their father and to give the mothers a break from constant child care. The problem is that visitation is a right, not an obligation, so no, the mother cannot force the father to exercise visitation rights. Often, the men who refuse to engage in visitation are the very ones who fought tooth and nail and failed to get sole custody.

I have also had crying fathers call me to ask if they can enforce their visitation rights because the mothers play games, won't make the children available when they are supposed to, and send the children to the father for visitation with ragged, worn out, dirty clothing so the father will purchase new clothes for the children. My advice to the men is to keep appropriate clothing for the children in the man's home and not send the clothing to the mother.

I have seen fathers who quit their jobs just so they don't have to pay child support. I have also seen some judges order unemployed deadbeat dads to pick up aluminum cans on the side of the road to pay $50 per month in child support. The same thing happens with women who owe child support, too.

 

[Pats]

I think you're right. Women generally have to work to support themselves and their children these days.

I used to handle some divorce cases many years ago. It is the least satisfying area of law practice IMO. Neither side is ever happy and two people cannot live apart as cheaply as they can live together.

I have had crying mothers call me to ask if they can force the fathers to engage in visitation in order to give the children a relationship of some sort with their father and to give the mothers a break from constant child care. The problem is that visitation is a right, not an obligation, so no, the mother cannot force the father to exercise visitation rights. Often, the men who refuse to engage in visitation are the very ones who fought tooth and nail and failed to get sole custody.

I have also had crying fathers call me to ask if they can enforce their visitation rights because the mothers play games, won't make the children available when they are supposed to, and send the children to the father for visitation with ragged, worn out, dirty clothing so the father will purchase new clothes for the children. My advice to the men is to keep appropriate clothing for the children in the man's home and not send the clothing to the mother.

I have seen fathers who quit their jobs just so they don't have to pay child support. I have also seen some judges order unemployed deadbeat dads to pick up aluminum cans on the side of the road to pay $50 per month in child support. The same thing happens with women who owe child support, too.

Working in the past with my sister, who is a divorce attorney, I've seen a lot, too, and it's quite a shame where we have fallen to. And I did (being humorous, but also true) used to tell my kids if they ever get married to make sure they marry someone who's going to want the kids, at least every other weekend. It's hard to be the sole parent 24/7 365 days a year for 18+ years per child with no break whatsoever.

And I've seen the courts actually have to make an order of what the parents are permitted to talk about in front of the kids.

 

[Jojo_LB]

As a fierce intersectional feminist, I'll say that I notice a lot of people's extremely limited, illogical, nonsensical views about gender here. (I won't get specific unless someone gives me a reason to spout off more but I'm well medicated. And if I do, it'll be toned down from my usual I guess)

I guess I'm not surprised. It's everywhere. It's poisoned everyone's minds so I guess I can only hope the younger generations will make things better.

Anyway. I don't care how people view marriage. I don't care that fewer and fewer people are getting married. And actually, I think marriage, the institution that it is today, is unnecessary and harmful. It's a way that people in power can continue giving the privileged even more privileges, and making the marginalized more oppressed.

But I am also realistic, and know that some of us need to get married for our own reasons that no one else will understand. I am married. This is my second marriage. I didn't even want to get married again after an awful and abusive first marriage. I am perfectly fine with some sort of "common law" arrangement with my spouse, but being part of several extremely marginalized groups, I decided that marriage was necessary for my very survival.

What I do care about is that people make ridiculous claims that certain genders are to blame for shifting views and attitudes on marriage.

Like, come on. My goodness. Aren't we folks known to think totally outside the box?? Think of the entire systems of oppression that insidiously infiltrate every area of society so that they can keep us thinking in such limited ways as this. People keep revealing how inept so many of us are in having meaningful discussions about it. It's annoying, frustrating, and disappointing.

 

[AGXStarseed]

On an additional note, when I think of marriage I'm reminded of some lines by comedian Bill Burr. I can't show you the video because he swears and that isn't allowed on the forum, so I'll paraphrase:

"I'm at that age where everyone I know is getting married. Let me ask you a question; why the hell do people keep getting married? You know what I mean?
Isn't anyone looking at the stats? I mean 3 out of 4 marriages go right down the [toilet], right. If you were going skydiving and they told you "3 out of 4 parachutes weren't gonna open", you'd be like "[screw] that, I'm not going!"
No, I don't like those odds - I have a 75% chance of splatting on the ground, but there's something about getting married; people just have to do it, right. They're just like "is this the line to lose half my [stuff]? Awesome! This is going to be great".​

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

On an additional note, when I think of marriage I'm reminded of some lines by comedian Bill Burr. I can't show you the video because he swears and that isn't allowed on the forum, so I'll paraphrase:

"I'm at that age where everyone I know is getting married. Let me ask you a question; why the hell do people keep getting married? You know what I mean?
Isn't anyone looking at the stats? I mean 3 out of 4 marriages go right down the [toilet], right. If you were going skydiving and they told you "3 out of 4 parachutes weren't gonna open", you'd be like "[screw] that, I'm not going!"
No, I don't like those odds - I have a 75% chance of splatting on the ground, but there's something about getting married; people just have to do it, right. They're just like "is this the line to lose half my [stuff]? Awesome! This is going to be great".​

That said, he is married.

 

[Aspychata]

It's kind of funny - the ages 18-34 (this age in most cases they shouldn't get married - not mature enough). Every single man I dated after 40, I ended up only going out once because after the first date they wanted to get married and it scared me away.
What's funny is around 40-50 they desperately start looking for a wife for the following reasons:
1. more income into the household.

2. because they didn't want to end up alone.

3. someone to cook and clean for them.

4.someone to take care of them when they get older.

5. someone to take care of them when they get older.

6. someone to take care of them when they get older.
I didn't want to be that person.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, and again thank you. Yes, l am suddenly in the age bracket, that l look like a perfect slave, cook and clean for that age group, and they are extremely aggressive too.

 

[Aspychata]

l married a con, he robbed me anyway he could.

 

[inkfingers]

I found this interesting, and didn't realize that more and more men don't want to get married. I myself am a girl, but I don't want to get married either, and not for the reasons listed above. I simply prefer to be alone, so being stuck with someone for the rest of my life, and having to compromise and talk to them all the time sounds like torture for an introvert like me. Also, you'd have to share a bed with someone, and they might snore. And you wouldn't be able to do everything you want to do, because you have to take into account your spouse's life. And then you might end up with kids, and that would be a lot of work.

So basically I don't want to get married because it sounds like a pain.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Doesn't this stuff belong in politics? It's quite an eyesore to see this in here. On the other hand it's good to see people taking off the pink goggles and seeing marriage for the crucial Communist jigsaw in the grand puzzle of Marxist governments that it has become.

Just don't say that it's only men. Marriage will consume any responsible financially capable person, regardless of gender or sexuality. It's just that men are dumb enough to still get married to liberal arts majors that are 100k in debt, but there are quite a few women that have gotten the same treatment because they married a worthless bum "for love".

Like, come on. My goodness. Aren't we folks known to think totally outside the box?? Think of the entire systems of oppression that insidiously infiltrate every area of society so that they can keep us thinking in such limited ways as this. People keep revealing how inept so many of us are in having meaningful discussions about it. It's annoying, frustrating, and disappointing.

Systems of oppression? Such as marriage? Which you admitted to yourself, but I suppose it's ok for you to enslave and oppress others, just not the other way around?
You are not oppressed, you are privileged. You have your very own personal slave. If you had such a problem with oppression and slavery then you would not have married purely out of financial gain, as you admitted to elsewhere in your post.

It's kind of funny - the ages 18-34 (this age in most cases they shouldn't get married - not mature enough). Every single man I dated after 40, I ended up only going out once because after the first date they wanted to get married and it scared me away.
What's funny is around 40-50 they desperately start looking for a wife for the following reasons:
1. more income into the household.

2. because they didn't want to end up alone.

3. someone to cook and clean for them.

4.someone to take care of them when they get older.

5. someone to take care of them when they get older.

6. someone to take care of them when they get older.
I didn't want to be that person.

Those guys aren't looking for a wife. They are looking for a mommy. What worthy man would seek out a woman at age 40+ for "extra income". People desperate to get married are always looking for a slave.

 

[Jojo_LB]

Systems of oppression? Such as marriage? Which you admitted to yourself, but I suppose it's ok for you to enslave and oppress others, just not the other way around?
You are not oppressed, you are privileged. You have your very own personal slave. If you had such a problem with oppression and slavery then you would not have married purely out of financial gain, as you admitted to elsewhere in your post.

Why hello there judgmental "dude" (in quotes cause that's a euphemism) who knows absolutely nothing about me.

Oh it is so out of the realm of possibility to actually feel conflict about partaking in crap you don't want to partake in. And it is so nonsensical, isn't it, to acknowledge that there are levels of privilege. It's either all privilege or nothing, right? Going by your line of warped thinking. Where I am privileged in some ways, I am not so in others. Or, is that not possible to you? Judging by your comment, I guess it's not.

I have never denied having privilege, at all. Do you see anywhere in my post where I say, "Oh whoa is me, my life is SO hard, I am so oppressed, oh terrible world how dare you FORCE me into this horrible marriage." Show me where I said that. Go on.

But you want to completely erase the fact that yes, I absolutely am oppressed in other areas. I am privileged that I have someone who can give me health insurance, so that must mean I have hit the jackpot! Yes, I am sitting on a ton of gold here.

I said I had to do it for my survival. I will not tell you what choices I had to make if I didn't choose marriage, 'cause it's none of your damn business what those choices were. You know nothing of my life and what I need to do to survive, so your comments are inane, stupid, absolutely useless to me, and speak volumes about your character.

I've wasted precious time on you, let me go back to my horribly oppressive existence now so I can continue to scheme ways I can bleed my husband dry.

LOL it's always the one with absolutely no knowledge on the subjects that are quite relevant to this topic that MUST comment with inane bullcrap. I knew it was coming. So predictable.

 

[AGXStarseed]

Keep it civil, guys and gals.

 

[Jojo_LB]

Keep it civil, guys and gals.

I will. As long as insecure people who are afraid of someone like me don't reactively personally attack me for their own bizarre reasons.

I mean... that's a pretty damn low bar to set in any forum, and therefore, fairly, relatively easy to meet. Or so I thought. *shrug* My bad.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

mean... that's a pretty damn low bar to set in any forum, and therefore, fairly, relatively easy to meet. Or so I thought. *shrug* My bad

A small whisper is heard from the gallery...

She's just been dealing with her family...



But, yes!!!

 

[Jojo_LB]

A small whisper is heard from the gallery...

She's just been dealing with her family...



But, yes!!!

I guess I'm doomed.

My life is extremely hard. As ya'll have already seen. So much to contend with. So many horrible people.

But this forum is wonderful, I must say. I have found great people who get me.

And I've also found a wonderful solution to counter all this horrible oppression I am experiencing, from this very thread!

I just have to steal my spouse's money! Forcefully, through violent means! It can be done. I had him sent to me on a slave ship, bound and gagged, and made him swear to be with me for life under threat of castration. I can totally convince him that his hard-earned money is mine and he has no access to it whatsoever.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I guess I'm doomed.

My life is extremely hard. As ya'll have already seen. So much to contend with. So many horrible people.

But this forum is wonderful, I must say. I have found great people who get me.

And I've also found a wonderful solution to counter all this horrible oppression I am experiencing, from this very thread!

I just have to steal my spouse's money! Forcefully, through violent means! It can be done. I had him sent to me on a slave ship, bound and gagged, and made him swear to be with me for life under threat of castration. I can totally convince him that his hard-earned money is mine and he has no access to it whatsoever.

How could anyone possibly disagree?

 

[Skids]

Every time i explain my reasons to others for not wanting to marry my partner of 19 years i get criticized for being miserable and grumpy. As usual my brutal honesty and simplistic way of analyzing something gets totally misunderstood.

So here they are.

1. To me, marriage is just a certificate. A worthless piece of paper. Whether i own that piece of paper or not has no bearing or influence on how serious i take my commitment to my partner. That commitment comes from within me therefore marriage is completely pointless.

For example, if I were planning to separate from my partner or have an affair then the fact that i have a piece of paper stating I am married isn't going to stop me.

2. I dislike the shallowness and pantomime of the 'Big Day'.

A lot of women dream of that flash, fancy, elaborate wedding ceremony in a church despite the fact they aren't religious or never even go to church. It just seems to be to be a show of self obsessed grandeur. A register office or wedding away from it all are just as equal.

Then you have the statistic that many marriages fail and then what does that big day become? A nightmare. A pointless exercise. Yet many people do the same again and go through all that again with a new partner for ANOTHER 'special' day. I find it all a bit bizarre to be honest.

3. Another aspect of marriage are the wedding rings. I cannot wear any sort of jewellery. I find them restrictive. Therefore i wouldn't be able to wear one. Also i don't understand the attachment that people have to objects. For example my mum lost her wedding ring once and was really upset. My dad had passed away years before and she explained to me that the wedding ring had felt part of him.

I argued that it was simply a ring. A round piece of metal and jewels and that it had no connection to dad whatsoever. Dad was gone and his memories were precious but that the ring was just that. A ring. My mum wasn't too impressed with my blunt viewpoint let alone understand it.

I do understand that items / objects have symbolic value but ultimately they are just items / objects. I am not sure if anybody else with autism thinks the same way as me about this.

 

[AGXStarseed]

Doesn't this stuff belong in politics? It's quite an eyesore to see this in here.

When I posted this, I was half and half about whether to put it in politics or not. I felt "Love, Relationships and Dating" was the better option but the mods can move the discussion if they desire.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Those are not true. Get married. Have some kids.

Society will thank you later for keeping responsible manhood alive.

 

[AGXStarseed]

Those are not true. Get married. Have some kids.

Society will thank you later for keeping responsible manhood alive.

Could you explain why you think the reasons are all untrue?
I'm curious to hear your opinion.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Because women need men. Men need women. Society needs commitment. Children need fathers. Children need both parents together for life. How it's been since the beginning. Any deviation causes societal collapse within a few decades in all situations.

Also, I am a divorced single mom. I live far below the poverty line. My child's father abandoned us. We need her dad back. I see this every day. Life collapses without family stability. Have been divorced 12 years. It never gets better. Just a constant struggle.

Hedonism is a joke. Shacking up is a joke.

Children need both parents. Women need husbands, fathers, brothers. Anyone who tells you otherwise is an sjw or lying to you or themselves.