That's for her to worry about and for you to qualify. That's the problem here, you're playing along with the narrative. You shouldn't. What DO you want from a partner? List it out, you get to choose, you're not obliged to go along with the first person who likes you. But if the only standard you have is that they like you, well then yeah, it's all down to what you bring to the table. What that woman did on the second date would, to me, be a red flag large enough to soft-cancel any thoughts of a relationship. But then again I'm pretty much done with drama, so maybe I'm a bit intolerant.
Regardless of the sort of person they are, what they've done, their opinions, their experiences? I mean if you're up for a few flings, fair play, but you want to marry them, right? So how do you think it's going to feel, as that potential life partner, to know the only thing that mattered about you was that you had a vagina? Reckon that feels like you matter?
Get some standards for yourself and this problem goes away too. It doesn't have to be crazy standards, but things like: looks after themselves and their hygiene, curious about the world, not overly defensive or argumentative, etc..
Don't even bother. One thing I've learned is that many(most?) people will use every scrap of evidence or leverage to portray themselves as deserving something. You are utterly free to size people up as you see fit. They're not obliged to find you a great guy, but you do you. If you want to go for women based on whether you find them attractive in 2 seconds, you can. You might find you don't get the type of partner you're looking for, so might need to re-evaluate your approach, but it doesn't come from a rule book on how you must think. That book doesn't exist. Who cares if some random woman thinks you are shallow? You do you.
I don't find this a good idea at all. Sorry.
Then don't donate sperm and you won't have to worry about what people who give and receive sperm think about.
Take advantage? Why would they do that? I mean if that's what you're into, fine....
There is no rule book. There are no "standards" to have double. These women are looking for their partner, they are as packed with biases and weird stuff as all the guys. They post-hoc rationalise this by grasping on a bunch of sociological memes about what should happen and what they are entitled to as a way of making sense of things. Decide what you want, screen for that, disqualify people. If you want to be "shallow" go ahead, you're not obliged to be super thoughtful. Of course, make sure it's consensual, but free yourself from this feeling of playing a role.
So, I do get to have standards, then?
What I’d like in a partner
- Good person
- At least modestly attractive
- Best friend
- Loyal
- Someone whom I can spoil and pamper
- Common interests are not a requirement, but would help
- No smoking or doing drugs
- I don’t like piercings (ear piercings are fine) or tattoos
- Can’t be a trump supporter, MAGA, Q’Anon, conspiracy theorist.
There’s a part of me that’s been hurt by her so much that it changed my outlook of women and whom I can trust, then there’s another part that misses her and would give it another shot if she was willing. It’s like I’ve been hurt so many times, but it also gets exhausting constantly putting myself out there to women from apps.
You took the second point out of context. I said I don’t want anything from her of monetary value. I’m not looking to marry for money, for status, for class, any of that stuff. I want my person and I want a peace of mind when I died to say marriage was something I did. That’s what I mean by that. I want her, but the only gift I want her to give me is her love.
I’ve gone for women society would not deem conventionally attractive and have gone on dates and seen women whom society would claim are not conventionally attractive. What man wouldn’t love to have a drop dead gorgeous partner? Though it’s also possible they become drop dead gorgeous when getting to know and spend time with them. That’s happened to me a couple times, too.
May I ask why you don’t think donating sperm is a good idea? If I can’t have kids the more conventional route, again, this is about peace of mind.
Take advantage, take me up on, whatever terminology is best with you in regards to women reaping the rewards of whatever good qualities I might have, if semantics are important to you.
Everybody I think shallow to an extent, but if you think I’m just putting myself out there to swimsuit models, I’m sorry to say that you’re wrong.
