Advice please !

[Judge]

But you have all enlightened me soo much , is if I text he won’t reply for ages . Normally when I text with NT friends it’s a fairly usual time lapse but he won’t answer for hours . Is this normal ? For Aspies ? I have queried this and he says “ it’s only been ***** hours “ you psycho ! As if I am at fault , but said in good jest! Confused . Com!!

"Normal" ? Hmm. That's not a term many of us prefer to use, let alone even consider. An abstraction- maybe even a non-sequitur for we who are on the spectrum.

What you have to consider is that some of us are not likely to associate casual conversation as being time-sensitive. Nor for many of us is casual conversation a necessarily pleasant or routine experience. Something you may well take for granted. However in our world, a conversation that amounts to much about nothing can be daunting. Fraught with so many unknowns without patterns or consistencies.

Then again, who knows? If you text him a math problem he might just answer you immediately! Am I kidding? No, though I'm trying to be a tad humorous about it all. It's just who and what we are. Where spontaneous communication can potentially be illogical, mystifying and intimidating to us depending on the circumstances. Or on occasion, we simply might just have nothing to say.

The trick in learning about such things, is not to attempt to make any sense out of it, but rather to take it on face value. To just accept that "it is what it is".

 

[china autie]

Whether or not he is on the spectrum, the kindest thing we can do for each other is to treat each other as human beings.
You are a great friend and I wish you were mine.

 

[Susie]

Thanks . To be honest tho I don’t think my friendship is wanted any more . I feel like giving up . Since Christmas my Aspie friend has been gradually reducing contact and changing settings on phone so I can no longer see when they are online . When I joked can you possibly disappear anymore he replied ‘ I can go further ‘ . Most of my texts now have short replies or if I talk anything warm or emotional they are ignored . Saw him last week and I did not feel that welcome ... i said do you want me to go ?and he replied well I do want to go to the toilet ...and cook my tea Just suggested a get together and the reply was it depends as I may be redecorating theliving room ... I adore my friend but sorry it’s fairly obvious he is fed up of my friendship , has taken what he needed from it and now enough. Very sad

 

[wight]

you should consider the idea that your friend has more than platonic feelings toward you. Since you clearly do not have anything more, he may have finally realized that this friendship was never going to be more. While his actions seem "cold", he may simply find it too painful to see you.

 

[Sarah S]

OR he just need some alone time as things have as i understood this been more active this past time, he can also have a BAD period were he as i said needs to have some alone time.

Susie dear i understand how al this must make you feel BUT as we also tried to say he is special and as such you CANT expect nor read to mush of how the ord people would function with this socializing . What you need to do is to try to find a way to understand how HE works and try to adapt to this. The constant questions and hints " like do you whant me to leave ,Can you disappear any more" for example seems to me be confusing to him.

Sadly its also a stated fact that us with /or similar NSD Diagnosis are often misunderstood (incl perceived as cold and un interested etc.... ) thats not the case Susie its just were not in many cases that blessed with knowing the art of socialization (i know for a fact im shore as heck not (even says so in my papers ) and i had to learn AL of it from LOTS of trials and errors )

SO Susie what i would suggest is TRY to calm down dear and then give him some alone time and THEN GENTLY get back to him dear. from my point of view i would think its more as i said he needs some alone time again & NOT as you think okey we had our fun thank you good by If i were to think like that Susie i wouldn't have been able to get to know MANY of those within said ASD Spectrum in other forums as well as currently a few ongoing Pm`s in here with members dear TRUST me on this Susie

 

[Crossbreed]

'Aspergers' is an obsolete diagnosis btw, at least in USA

It is still used colloquially for ASD-1.

 

[Crossbreed]

...being anti-social isn't bad.

Being dyssocial isn't bad. Being anti-social IS bad.

 

[Susie]

you should consider the idea that your friend has more than platonic feelings toward you. Since you clearly do not have anything more, he may have finally realized that this friendship was never going to be more. While his actions seem "cold", he may simply find it too painful to see you.

 

[Susie]

Thanks for that but no that’s wrong . HE has made it clear in the past he just sees me as a friend with nothing more , has no romantic feelings at all for me . We have had this discussion . It is just friends .. he is not attracted to me . He seems to have just had enough of my affection and concern. I will let him alone now , there is only so much rejection
And pain I can take . He obviously does not feel comfortable with me any more . Thanks anyway you are all
Amazing !

 

[Sarah S]

Its youre desition Susie and i respect it im sorry things dident work out tho dear and i wish you al the luck in youre future life ( HUG )

 

[Fino]

Being dyssocial isn't bad. Being anti-social IS bad.

"DYSSOCIAL BEHAVIOR: "Dyssocial behaviour is associated with criminal activities.""

"Antisocial: not sociable; not wanting the company of others."

I feel like I know what you mean but I'm having trouble finding a meaning for "dyssocial" beyond that and the old name for anti-social personality disorder.

If you could possibly link to a definition, I'd be happy to learn, as I had never heard the word before now.

 

[Crossbreed]

If you could possibly link to a definition, I'd be happy to learn, as I had never heard the word before now.

Its alternate meaning (that my psychologist recognizes) is "socially klutzy/clumsy," but not deliberately antagonistic.

anti- < against, opposing. Antonym, pro-
dys- < poorly, bad (at it). Antonym, eu- /ev-

 

[Fino]

Its alternate meaning (that my psychologist recognizes) is "socially klutzy/clumsy," but not deliberately antagonistic.

anti- < against, opposing. Antonym, pro-
dys- < poorly, bad (at it). Antonym, eu- /ev-

So it's made-up, but not officially so yet, based on word etymology?

 

[Crossbreed]

So it's made-up, but not officially so yet, based on word etymology?

My psychologist knew that meaning, so I assume that it is present in psych jargon. She said that she likes (but it took some getting used to) counseling someone familiar with psycho-technical terms.

 

[Fino]

I always pretended to not know anything about anything they're supposed to know about, to avoid making them feel threatened, which I do in lots of other situations too.

 

[Crossbreed]

I still shock GPs and ER docs when I discuss conditions in medical terms; an artifact of figure studies/figure drawing. They seemed surprised in a positive way.