Nadador, thanks for another interesting thread. I would have replied sooner but I've been seriously ill and am now just catching up on everything. I hope it isn't too late to add to the discussion.
You asked, "What experiences have you had of partners with significant age differences? What related problems did you find, if any? When and how did those problems come into play? Would you consider another partner with a gap?"
Around age 20, I had two relationships with much older men. One was 21 years my senior, the other 26 years senior. Looking back, I know that my attraction to these men was more an Aspie desire for acceptance than any kind of love. I was needy and infatuated and liked the attention, the money, and having someone who could take care of me, provide for me, almost like a father. I'm not proud of those relationships, but they have been valuable learning experiences. Several years later, I had a few brief relationships with guys about a decade older, and they had the same characteristics of the earlier ones: seeking acceptance and security, but no real affection on my part. Clearly I hadn't learnt my lesson yet.
The only relationship I've had with someone younger was a brief one with a girl about five years my junior. She was experimenting and I felt taken advantage of.
there was a language gap, so that didn't help.
Regarding problems, I think that the problem of the men wishing to avoid serious attachment while I was too eager for it was the one that presented itself most obviously. I'm now almost the age those men were when I was with them and I can see things from a different perspective. By this age we have settled into habits and it can be hard to break those to accommodate someone new. I sure couldn't stay up all night talking (or whatever, ahem) these days, for example.
Interestingly, the three long term relationships I've had in my life, including with my current husband, have all been with people less a year apart in age. My husband and I met online 7 years ago, and discovered we had done the same course at uni, at the same time, had been in the same lectures, and knew the same people then, but we had never known each other. We had both been through unhappy marriages, both had similar mental health issues and history, liked many similar things, and very importantly, we were on the same wavelength. Similar values, and such.
For me, knowing that we had been through similar experiences made it easier for me to feel a deeper attachment and mutual understanding. It was wonderful to find someone who seemed to see things the way I do. There are problems, to be sure, but we felt we were meant to meet when we did (and not earlier at uni) and still feel we are destined for each other. We finally got married this year (two kids later), and fate was a theme in our wedding vows. We know we're in it to the end. Forgive me for gushing...
You know, I really think it depends on the individuals within any given relationship. For some, an age difference works. Humanity is at an interesting point in its cultural development, in which technology has made almost unimaginable leaps and bounds and has left the generation gap seemingly even wider than ever before. This does pose a challenge to those not tech savvy, I suppose. My husband is a secondary school teacher and he often deplores his students' poor knowledge of cultural history but I think it's inevitable that we will reach a point at which relationships with greater age gaps will be unviable simply because of a language difference.
(As a side note, I miss going to the library and using index cards to find the books I wanted. No computers, no beeping, no wifi frying my brain. Ne the silence... Ah, memories...
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