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Am l cold and heartless?

Aspychata

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
I want zero romantic connection. I just want to meet someone on their terms, but with no expectations. Is this being ASD? Please don't judge. Just answer from your prospective. Is this my biological disconnect? Please understand, l don't have a personality of doing mean or criminal things, it's just like my disconnect or plug doesn't fit society norms. This is a very difficult issue for me to discuss. However, l don't date much, so my life is relatively safe. I always feel that there is a wall that separates me from whoever l am seeing. We are different in how we make friends, and how we make romantic connections. But somehow this feels like a burden that has lifted from my shoulders.
 
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It's not that it's not serious, it's just not a priority. Like it has zero meaning to me. That's why l feel disturbed that l am so disconnected. So it's back to being on the spectrum, we don't have certain feelings of caring that a relationship is serious or not serious. So if l date someone on the autism level, l don't hold them to much.
 
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It might be to do with being on the spectrum. I don't seem to be affected by it in that way but that's not to say it's the same for everyone on the spectrum.

My autistic friend is similar. She can feel love for her son's but she can't feel love for her partners (she's in a polygamy relationship). She is a very fascinating person.
 
You probably won’t be able to convince anyone who frequents this site that you are either cold or heartless.

Personally, I am a very lonely person and would love to have a romantic interest, but with one human lifetime behind me, I’m not interested in going again through the wall of courtship to achieve another close relationship.

Is this because I am autistic? That’s probably a major factor. I want love and romance, but these things come much more difficult for me. Were something comfortable to fall into my lap, so to speak, I would welcome it, but I’m not so hungry that I’m willing to upset my only recently righted apple cart.

No, I don’t take that as cold, but it may be calculating. You have to decide whether owning the hill is worth the battle. I believe that battle is much more difficult for us autists.
 
Maybe l need to take away just because l don't have certain feelings, doesn't make me less than.
 
@Jonn , it's always a wall of indifference. Just because we don't feel doesn't make us less than or more than. It's not a sentence of anything. You can't judge someone on something they don't feel. We need to open up this door of feeling okay, no matter who we are.
 
Misty Avich said:
It might be to do with being on the spectrum. I don't seem to be affected by it in that way but that's not to say it's the same for everyone on the spectrum.

My autistic friend is similar. She can feel love for her son's but she can't feel love for her partners (she's in a polygamy relationship). She is a very fascinating person.
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I think it is more likely an autistic quirk in her case.
However, there aren't any rights and wrongs in general here, IMO.
"It is what it is."

The evolutionary process creates many permutations when it comes to personality traits.
But as I have suggested above, emotional trauma may also be involved.

Most on the spectrum have a degree of PTSD, myself included, so emotional dissociation may be a factor here.

But consider:
Many NTs aren't honest about these sorts of feelings or rather, lack of feelings.
Whereas, autistic ppl have a greater tendency to have unfiltered honesty.

Also:
The frequency of emotional distancing may be more obvious in professional research but less so anecdotally in the NT community.

There is a lot to consider here.
 
Aspychata said:
@Jonn , it's always a wall of indifference. Just because we don't feel doesn't make us less than or more than. It's not a sentence of anything. You can't judge someone on something they don't feel. We need to open up this door of feeling okay, no matter who we are.
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There are degrees of emotional connectivity.
I find your use of the word "indifference" interesting.
Could you explain in greater detail what you mean by this?
Can you give examples?
 
Can we truly admit we don't feel? Is this our big aha moment? I feel so bad to argue logic over emotions. I refuse to pass judgment here.
 
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Of course, autistic ppl have feelings.
Often our emotions are overwhelming because of our low E.Q.

But there are times where:
Alexithymia occurs in approximately 10% of the general population and often co-occurs with various mental disorders, particularly with neurodevelopmental disorders.[
 
Aspychata said:
Can we truly admit we don't feel? Is this our big aha moment? I feel so bad to argue logic over emotions. I refuse to pass judgment here.
Click to expand...
It depends on who you are talking to.

Regarding self-honesty, I think it is essential that we do.
I have always strived to be so, despite the cost.

However, most ppl only want to hear/believe what they want.
 
Neurodevelopmental disorders are a group of conditions that begin to emerge during childhood (or the development of the nervous system). According to the American Psychiatric Association Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, (DSM-5) published in 2013, these conditions generally appear in early childhood, usually before children start school, and can persist into adulthood.[1] The key characteristic of all these disorders is that they negatively impact a person's functioning in one or more domains of life (personal, social, academic, occupational) depending on the disorder and deficits it has caused. All of these disorders and their levels of impairment exist on a spectrum, and affected individuals can experience varying degrees of symptoms and deficits, despite having the same diagnosis.[1][2]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurodevelopmental_disorder
 
I am not as hard and fast as the above article.
There are times when neurodevelopment is simply another form of development, imo.
Most of these articles have NTs in mind.
 
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