Anger is one hell of a drug.

[Boogs]

Have you never heard of the phrase:

Spoiler

"Revenge is best served cold"?
But in this case it would be put in a microwave first and served steaming hot.

Jokin' aside tho', I never found revenge a satisfactory answer to 'problematic' people. In the end, I stopped getting angry when I realised that out of the worlds many billions of people, there were bound to be 99% who'd deeply disagree with anything I believed or said, and would do me wrong if I put myself in a position where they could, and to rail against them would be such a pointless exercise, like Canute on the shore telling the tide to recede.

Far better to withdraw and ignore. Violence, whether physical or other, create ripples that spread far beyond the source of ire, and always hit a wall and bounce back. For every idiot I despised, there'd be hundred's more waiting to fill a seat made vacant by my actions.

Anger seems to have become a highly negative emotion in our current world, and only tends to cause poor decision making. It suppresses intellect in the moment, and makes one quick to act on emotions. None of that tends to work out for the best for anyone in the end.

But then it's also collective anger that rouses a populous to action when treated unfairly by their perceptions, turn the sheep into wolves for a brief moment, creating change where otherwise non would happen. And there again, it's one of the most easily exploitable emotions, and being angry diminishes that awareness of manipulation.

Ah! the human state,
It really isn't great.
But it's what we are,
When viewed from afar.
Denying that our nature,
Requires legislature.
We'll never be perfect,
So lets honestly reflect.
Anger can be poison,
Especially when in foison.
But it's a part of us,
And something to discuss.

 

[Jonn]

Far better to withdraw and ignore.

This is what I usually do.
I disengage and distance myself.
My attitude is:
That is their level. <shrug>

 

[NB79]

Anger is a ok 'natural feeling', the problem can be what you do with it.
Is bad to swallow anger though it poisons you.
Holding grudges can make you sick. Better try to forgive.

 

[Boogs]

I find it's far easier to forget than forgive, and that does the job nicely (for me, at least).
But then I don't carry the memories of what experience made me angry, only the abstract fact it did so.

But is all anger the same? It may feel so, but what generates it may differ wildly, and that underlying cause may well direct the anger in different ways to result in different reactions against it.

For instance: anger of being betrayed by a long known and previously trusted friend, will impact differently to the anger of a unpleasant encounter with a stranger whom I'll never see again.

 

[Shamar]

Honestly, I do not fight this alone. I figure if I am paying through my nose for therapy, I may as well take the therapy seriously.

Yes, I find the therapy and advice I get here to be far better (with MAYBE one exception) than any of the many therapists I paid for. The collective experience, perspective, and advice here is incredible and useful. I try to contribute what little bit I can.

 

[Mary Terry]

My husband is the "strong, silent" type. I've seen him cry about a dozen times over the decades - when his father was diagnosed cancer, when his father died, when his mother died, when a young patient he was fond of died of cancer, and when he smashed his finger with a hammer. He cried when I got pregnant the first time and when he held our baby girl right after she was born. His tears have ranged from sadness, to pain, to joy.

But most of the time, he remains "strong and silent".

 

[Judge]

My husband is the "strong, silent" type. I've seen him cry about a dozen times over the decades - when his father was diagnosed cancer, when his father died, when his mother died, when a young patient he was fond of died of cancer, and when he smashed his finger with a hammer. He cried when I got pregnant the first time and when he held our baby girl right after she was born. His tears have ranged from sadness, to pain, to joy.

But most of the time, he remains "strong and silent".

That's essentially how my brother and I were raised. To seldom expose one's vulnerabilities.

Yet anger and a conflated work ethic still killed my father.

 

[thejuice]

Well, you probably are correct about that, but rather naive of the male experience,... "It's been a pretty much consistent cultural norm across time and the world that men are considered "weak" if they express their emotions. In any position of power and authority, males are absolutely not allowed to demonstrate emotional vulnerability, as all respect is lost immediately. Even within the typical family dynamic, fathers and husbands will lose that respect. Men NEVER receive unconditional respect or love. It's always on the condition that they have high degrees of emotional self-control and self-discipline and are providers. It's likely why their female partners get so upset and reject their male partners when they do express their emotions. Given the consistency of this type of behavior across time and cultures, I am inclined to think this is almost an instinctual protective mechanism that heterosexual men have when interacting with women."

I agree and those that do not live up to the male archetype will be left behind or live in a relationship simmering with resentment. My impression is that a lot of women don't want to be in their masculine energy, taking up the slack for a weak man.

I had a look of horror when my voice started to crack when I was very distressed during a breakdown in my early 20s. The relief from her was palpable when I pulled it together and stopped myself from bursting into tears. It just would have been embarrassing for both of us.

I also think the current talking therapy model doesn't work for men. For one, 90% of therapists are women which is an initial stumbling block for us. Second, most men don't really like talking about feelings, it's not an interest of ours, we have to be trained into it. I might do it only when I'm really ticked off, and then it's only to find solutions.

Which is why men bond and make friends over hobbies and activities etc. We are at our best when in 'doing mode'. We wouldn't tend to do something like ring each other up to just talk.

It's not toxic masculinity at all, what is toxic is the lie that women and men are basically the same which has been spread in society. This absurdity has led to the unrealistic expectation that men are to act like and be like women. We are probably in a crisis because men have lost their primary role and purpose in society. We are emasculated.

 

[Aspychata]

Some of us are born survivors, we are fierce and will fight for a common cause by force, words, etc. Anger is key in standing up for society ills and mistreatment. So l don't hate anger. But anger just holding you down and keeping you mirrored in black and white thinking, l definitely had to look at. But most of my life choices, l am not changing. If people wish to upset me, then that's on them and their insecurities. The minute you allow someone to upset you is the minute you gave them power. If your anger motivates you to make a positive choice, then you have capitalized and turned anger into a healthy anger.

 

[Metalhead]

For me, resentment is poison if I use it as an excuse to retreat into maladaptive behaviors.

 

[Marianna]

I’ve been there too—getting stuck in anger and self-pity just drags you down. I found that focusing on my own actions and making small, positive changes really helped. It’s tough, but shifting that energy into something productive instead of letting it consume you makes a huge difference. It’s like, instead of waiting for things to change around you, you start by changing what’s within your control.

 

[Jonn]

I’ve been there too—getting stuck in anger and self-pity just drags you down.

However, there is:

"A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
And a time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing."

Spoiler

 

[Mr. Stevens]

For me, resentment is poison if I use it as an excuse to retreat into maladaptive behaviors.

Has the thread been helpful to you?

 

[Mary Terry]

As the climate heats up, food can no longer be grown in places where it thrived for thousands of years, water resources dry up and/or are diverted to corporate agriculture in places that were never capable of sustaining food production in the first place, I fear we are only seeing and sensing the tip of an iceberg. Of course, there won't be any icebergs, either, so maybe a better way to express it is as a coming, inevitable tsunami.

I am worried about the future of humanity.

 

[Judge]

For me, resentment is poison if I use it as an excuse to retreat into maladaptive behaviors.

Indeed, there are many "avenues" of anger and despair. I appreciate your candor.

That's a good point in defining your own sense of anger. Even better that you are able to publicly state it. Though I suspect it is quite common among people in general. To rush towards anything perceived to "lessen the pain" one senses as a result of such anger.

Doing things over and over which ultimately prove to be ineffective in relieving stress or anger, and that as a consequence we abuse them. Quite the vicious cycle.

I suppose when any of us arrives at that point, the first thing to consider might be that our sense of anger and despair may be so intense that we need to find a long-term solution, rather than any short term solution which may ultimately be no solution at all. However I suspect in many cases it also means "taking a big step". Making a BIG change in our lives, to move into a more positive direction and away from that which gives us so much stress on a regular basis.

On occasion you've hinted towards such possible long-term solutions. Now perhaps you need to begin considering on acting on them. Ways in which you won't so easily fall back into those maladaptive behaviors you know all too well.

 

[Boogs]

Anger is a natural normal part of being human (among other things), but that doesn't mean it's a good thing in all circumstances, and as humans one of our primary attributes that have separated us from other species is our ability to apply our conscious self awareness to ourselves, and modify our own nature (programming).


That happens regardless of desire, but can as easily (often is) to our disadvantage. Just the fact you can abstract your self and analyse that abstraction and understand it's a feeling that isn't beneficial is a powerful thing. If making those changes is a painful and difficult thing to process, with all the masses of underlying behaviour established in that context that it drags up, then to my mind, that's because a fundamental thing is being positively addresses, rather than avoidance, denial and trivial misguided and ultimately unhelpful actions distracting from meaningful change.
Maybe treating anger more as a warning of conflicting subconscious issues that create poor decision making is more helpful than focusing on the thing that overtly seems to have caused the anger?

 

[Boogs]

Even the smartest of experts make the most irrational decisions sometimes. As for the rest of us ...

 

[tree]

Some Edits or Deletions were made to this thread
to remove political content unrelated to autism.

Per https://www.autismforums.com/threads/politics-discussion-forum-statement-of-purpose.19704/

 

[Metalhead]

I have stopped telling my blood family about what is going on in my life. That is a great start. I now have a family that is not blood. I carry them as they carry me.