Anyone Else Feel Like They Don't Belong?

[Captain Caveman]

Uhmmm.

 

[velociraptor]

Only on the days that end in Y. I just take Churchill's advice and KBO.

 

[TBRS1]

Depends on where I am, actually.

 

[thejuice]

Yes but I don't want to fit in either.

 

[DrBadStrings]

Depends on where I am, actually.

I'm like that as well. Though sometimes in gatherings, where I am expected to be social, it can be a feeling that comes and goes depending on who happens to be around me. Lately though with some new coping strategies, and the end result of ongoing therapy, when I'm out and about amongst people I now tend to zone out and not really focus on the people around me unless I have to like going through a checkout line at the store.

 

[Misty Avich]

I belong in general, the only thing that makes me feel I don't belong is the lack of desire to drink alcohol or smoke weed and I secretly become disappointed whenever anyone gets drunk or does the spliff. I feel like a total alien then.

Otherwise, I don't see how ASD can make me less of a human.

 

[NDR2]

I tend to feel like an outsider everywhere I go. Even around other people on the spectrum.

 

[stevens]

Yes, for sure. Whenever anything with another person proceeds beyond a certain level of familiarity, I say or do something that doesn't work and it all fails. This is especially true with "social media." I'll have nothing to do with Facebook etc., but places like Reddit don't work for me.

I'm pretty good at casual conversation and can get started talking with people easily enough. It's just that it doesn't last. I'm really glad this forum exists, because it has a positive design and it's not rigged with algorithms to promote maximum "engagement." Forum type venues on the Internet always have been good for me, especially if they involve a special interest. Alas those kinds of sites are decreasing in number and have almost totally disappeared.

In real life, it's the same. I'm disappointed that 98% of people I used to have a professional association with have not engaged after I left actively working. I am lucky that I have two people that I have retained as friends, but it always amazes me when I meet someone who has connections that go back decades.

I guess "I don't belong" is as good a description for this kind of thing as anything else would be.

 

[Judge]

It's sometimes like having the feeling of being on the outside always looking in. Even when at times I may be surrounded by others. Strange, but there ya have it.

 

[Misty Avich]

I sometimes feel like I don't belong on autism sites because of being the only non-obvious Aspie female diagnosed so young. It's like I never had that...moment. The one where you figure out you may be on the spectrum and get a diagnosis and suddenly everything clicks into place that late diagnosed people like to talk about. Because I've known for basically as long as I can remember, just like people with more severe autism who didn't learn to talk until later (I wasn't a late talker). I know many people will just call me lucky but no, I'm not lucky. I hate people calling me lucky.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

"Any one else feel like they do not belong?"...@Captain Caveman

Every time I am out in public. Every time I watch or read the news. I am an "observing alien". There, but not there. Even when I am recognized, I am not recognized. A glass wall between me and everyone else. Do I bond with people? No. Do I miss people when they are gone? No. Do I want to belong? No. Do I feel lonely? No.

I seek and desire mental stimulation all the time, but it has to be peaceful. Creating/building something, working on/cleaning the cars, indoor/outdoor gardening, research, traveling someplace to do some rockhounding, traveling to destinations away from people.

Interacting with people is fine when they are by themselves and I can interact one-on-one, but any time there is a group, it's a complete turn-off. Something happens when three or more people get together and are on the same "wavelength". The IQs drop significantly, and when my IQ doesn't, I just want to get out of the situation. I despise and have zero patience for stupidity. Any large congregation of people I encounter, I just want to get out as fast as I can. "Never underestimate the power and influence of stupid people in large groups."

No church services, no business meetings, no team sports, no political or religious affiliations, no, no, no.

 

[Jumpinbare]

A better question would be do any of us feel like we DO belong. Not belonging is like a basic feature of ASD.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

A better question would be do any of us feel like we DO belong. Not belonging is like a basic feature of ASD.

Yes.

Autism, from the root word "auto" or "self". "One who walks alone."

 

[Misty Avich]

Yes.

Autism, from the root word "auto" or "self". "One who walks alone."

Ugh, so isolating. That's why I hate it.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Ugh, so isolating. That's why I hate it.

There are basically, two sorts of people. The people who want to bond and want to be social, have friends, a love life, etc, and become distressed when they find themselves unable. Then there are people who are completely content and actually prefer to be by themselves.

 

[TBRS1]

Whether one can feel like one belongs seems like it depends on two things:

1. How well those in the group tolerate your differences.

2. How well you tolerate the differences of others.

A person has limited control over one and a half of those two things.

A person might try to broaden their tolerance of other's differences as much as they can, and try to associate as much as possible with others who try to do that too.

It is also possible to feel like one belongs alone, and to like it.

Both of these work well for me, personally, depending on how I'm currently feeling.

 

[Cryptid]

Anyone else feel like they don't belong?

Belong to what? A corrupt society full of double-dealing hypocrites just waiting for an opportunity to exploit the weak, steal their money, and then blame and ridicule them for being victims?

Yes, thank God, I feel like I do not belong there.

 

[Neia]

"Any one else feel like they do not belong?"...@Captain Caveman

Every time I am out in public. Every time I watch or read the news. I am an "observing alien". There, but not there. Even when I am recognized, I am not recognized. A glass wall between me and everyone else. Do I bond with people? No. Do I miss people when they are gone? No. Do I want to belong? No. Do I feel lonely? No.

I seek and desire mental stimulation all the time, but it has to be peaceful. Creating/building something, working on/cleaning the cars, indoor/outdoor gardening, research, traveling someplace to do some rockhounding, traveling to destinations away from people.

Interacting with people is fine when they are by themselves and I can interact one-on-one, but any time there is a group, it's a complete turn-off. Something happens when three or more people get together and are on the same "wavelength". The IQs drop significantly, and when my IQ doesn't, I just want to get out of the situation. I despise and have zero patience for stupidity. Any large congregation of people I encounter, I just want to get out as fast as I can. "Never underestimate the power and influence of stupid people in large groups."

No church services, no business meetings, no team sports, no political or religious affiliations, no, no, no.

You just wrote my personality résumé.

 

[Captain Caveman]

I have three friends. One offline who lives over 100 miles away.
Two online friends living in other countries.

(So I am doing better than some, but I can still find myself needing someone to talk to at times).

 

[thejuice]

Yes, for sure. Whenever anything with another person proceeds beyond a certain level of familiarity, I say or do something that doesn't work and it all fails. This is especially true with "social media." I'll have nothing to do with Facebook etc., but places like Reddit don't work for me.

I'm pretty good at casual conversation and can get started talking with people easily enough. It's just that it doesn't last. I'm really glad this forum exists, because it has a positive design and it's not rigged with algorithms to promote maximum "engagement." Forum type venues on the Internet always have been good for me, especially if they involve a special interest. Alas those kinds of sites are decreasing in number and have almost totally disappeared.

In real life, it's the same. I'm disappointed that 98% of people I used to have a professional association with have not engaged after I left actively working. I am lucky that I have two people that I have retained as friends, but it always amazes me when I meet someone who has connections that go back decades.

I guess "I don't belong" is as good a description for this kind of thing as anything else would be.

Reddit. I cant use it. Sensational topics and every user is trying to be funny for upvotes, so any helpful informative posts are buried. Oh the humanity!