Anyone else find this ironic and unfair?

[Midnights11]

Does anyone else on this forum agree that it’s weird neurotypicals usually make us listen to their interests, but then they call our interests obsessive? I’ve read before that one of the signs of autism is having obsessive interests, but I’m wondering what exactly that means. I prefer the term special of course instead of obsessive. Does it mean we talk about them like a broken record? Or rather, does it mean our interests are seen as a sin to the neurotypical world for some reason? I actually do like a lot of things other people can get behind, like movies, music and YouTube videos. Although I enjoy reading too.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Does anyone else on this forum agree that it’s weird neurotypicals usually make us listen to their interests, but then they call our interests obsessive? I’ve read before that one of the signs of autism is having obsessive interests, but I’m wondering what exactly that means. I prefer the term special of course instead of obsessive. Does it mean we talk about them like a broken record? Or rather, does it mean our interests are seen as a sin to the neurotypical world for some reason? I actually do like a lot of things other people can get behind, like movies, music and YouTube videos. Although I enjoy reading too.

In general, but not always, the stereotypical "NT" will talk about people in their lives, relationships, what they did with whom the other day, what was said in conversation, gossip, etc. In general, but not always, the stereotypical autistic will talk about things and ideas, but also, because of a higher degree of focus, will often take "deep dives" into topics, sometimes to the point of having expert-level knowledge. The "obsessive" component often is part of the neurological condition where the brain keeps firing and firing on a certain train of thought to the point of it becoming intrusive. Part of the learning process that anyone goes through is finding time to verbalize about a topic, so what can happen with the autistic is that we tend to be thinking about our special interest, and then during a random conversation, we make some attempt to "weasel in" that topic into the discussion. It can be quite disruptive to a group conversation.

 

[Midnights11]

In general, but not always, the stereotypical "NT" will talk about people in their lives, relationships, what they did with whom the other day, what was said in conversation, gossip, etc. In general, but not always, the stereotypical autistic will talk about things and ideas, but also, because of a higher degree of focus, will often take "deep dives" into topics, sometimes to the point of having expert-level knowledge. The "obsessive" component often is part of the neurological condition where the brain keeps firing and firing on a certain train of thought to the point of it becoming intrusive. Part of the learning process that anyone goes through is finding time to verbalize about a topic, so what can happen with the autistic is that we tend to be thinking about our special interest, and then during a random conversation, we make some attempt to "weasel in" that topic into the discussion. It can be quite disruptive to a group conversation.

This helps a lot. Thanks

 

[MildredHubble]

I find it's a case that my interests are usually quite specific and unusual, so other people don't really have any frame of reference, and it seems to be the case in NT land, that if it's only you that likes something, you shouldn't talk about it. Majority rules it seems.

I find that other people tend to have the same interests or similar enough at least, that they enjoy talking about them with eachother.

I guess I also have a habit of talking way too much and in too much detail about my interests, particularly if I get the impression it's a subject others are interested in. No-one seems to be as interested in it as much as I am. It's kinda difficult to know when I need to stop talking.

Maybe this sort of thing is why they call yours or my interests "obsessive", we maybe just seem to have spent an unusually large amount of time studying our interests. While that's probably true to a degree, I think we probably don't spend as much time as it seems to them.

 

[MildredHubble]

attempt to "weasel in" that topic into the discussion.

I was trying to think of a way to describe that, but in the end I gave up. I know I can do this, not as a way to take over the conversation, more as a way to try to contribute. Often what I will end up doing is see something in the conversation that I think is analogous to something I'm interested in.

So I will describe how something reminds me of a project I'm working on and at some point I cross over into just literally talking about my project. Often that's because I start to feel like I need to describe it in more detail so people can see how they are similar. Then I realise it looks like I just started talking about something random, though that really wasn't my intention.

There can be times though where I strike the right balance, but I think most of the time I don't.

 

[Outdated]

I agree with all of the above. I think as Neonatal RRT said, when we take an interest in a topic we tend to explore it until we become an authority on the topic, and then we can seem like a bit of a boor.

And also as he said, the weaseling in with an obscure topic. For me it was my trade that was also my special interest, but it was a topic so foreign to most people that I rarely got to mention anything about it, and when I did get someone that wanted to hear I'd get overexcited and start info dumping.

 

[Rodafina]

Does anyone else on this forum agree that it’s weird neurotypicals usually make us listen to their interests, but then they call our interests obsessive?

It seems that you have really divided your world into NTs and NDs. Just remember that you don’t actually know who is who… We don’t wear badges or have tattoos marking what neurotype we operate with. Try to think of people as simply people. For the most part, people here, like me, do not like being considered a monolith. I think we should give people who are neurotypical the same allowances for variation and diversity of personality even though they have one thing that unites them.

 

[MildredHubble]

when I did get someone that wanted to hear I'd get overexcited and start info dumping.

I've been meaning to ask on these forums, and this seems like a good opportunity! Do you (or anyone else) find that they are very tolerant of others' info dumping?

I find that I actually enjoy hearing people tell me, at length, about their special interests. It feels like I'm learning about a world I may have never been exposed to.

Sometimes if I take enough information on board, it can give me some real insight into an area that becomes useful at some point.

A friend I used to work with was a trained welder, and he used to talk a lot about welding. Not quite info dumping, but quite informative anecdotes. When I decided to learn how to weld, I already had the benefit of years of his knowledge just stored in my brain! Within a few hours I was quite a competent welder!

 

[Outdated]

I've been meaning to ask on these forums...

I agree. I've learnt far more over the years from just talking to people than I ever did from any official education.

Sometimes if someone's boring me then I'll subtly shift the conversation on to other topics but for the most part I like learning new things.

 

[Au Naturel]

Does anyone else on this forum agree that it’s weird neurotypicals usually make us listen to their interests, but then they call our interests obsessive? I’ve read before that one of the signs of autism is having obsessive interests, but I’m wondering what exactly that means. I prefer the term special of course instead of obsessive. Does it mean we talk about them like a broken record? Or rather, does it mean our interests are seen as a sin to the neurotypical world for some reason? I actually do like a lot of things other people can get behind, like movies, music and YouTube videos. Although I enjoy reading too.

"Obsessive" is both subjective and relative and always means, "Way more than I think is reasonable." I might be obsessed with nudity relative to some people, while to others, I'm just a hobbyist.

"Special" lacks a negative connotation. Or it did once. "Special" now has a negative meaning when used sarcastically.

If you are obsessed with something the people around you REALLY like, suddenly, you are a social winner. Until fashion changes; then you're an obsessed loser again.

I think the only useful meaning for being obsessed with something is if it prevents you from doing the basic things everyone needs to do to get by. If you stop taking care of yourself, spend money you can't afford, start doing it at work instead of doing work at work, skip classes, cut back on regular relationships or use it as a substitute for any relationship at all, invade the Capital building, skip meals, and don't get enough sleep, then I would say you have an unhealthy obsession.

 

[Au Naturel]

I've been meaning to ask on these forums, and this seems like a good opportunity! Do you (or anyone else) find that they are very tolerant of others' info dumping?

I find that I actually enjoy hearing people tell me, at length, about their special interests. It feels like I'm learning about a world I may have never been exposed to.

Sometimes if I take enough information on board, it can give me some real insight into an area that becomes useful at some point.

A friend I used to work with was a trained welder, and he used to talk a lot about welding. Not quite info dumping, but quite informative anecdotes. When I decided to learn how to weld, I already had the benefit of years of his knowledge just stored in my brain! Within a few hours I was quite a competent welder!

Depends on the intensity of the dump. I need time to process and I need to be able to respond. Otherwise, I'm being lectured and that never goes well. Informative anecdotes are great.

If the content is way out there, like their favorite conspiracy theory about the faked moon landings, or hard-core anti-vax theory, or flat earth, or lizard people running child prostitution rings out of a pizzeria. I am gone.

 

[MildredHubble]

Informative anecdotes are great.

I think that's what I prefer. Lectures, definitely not. I guess I also don't like conspiracy stuff either. I'm actually just reminded of someone giving me a lecture on antivax rubbish and I did challenge every statement they made.

I have had times where I've been eager to listen to someone just talk about something interesting and they have stopped and asked if they were talking too much every few minutes. Like they couldn't believe someone just wanted to listen.

 

[Swansong]

I cannot remember the last time anyone "made me" listen to their interests.

Pointless chatter from a stranger at a doctor's office about their hollow lives (mine is hollow as well, of course)? sure, but I can't really remember anyone just randomly talking about what they like.

 

[Misty Avich]

Usually if I like a person a lot and enjoy their company I feel more interested in what they have to say, whatever the subject may be.

There's a guy at work who often waffles on about his garden, a new hobby of his. While I like gardens, I do get bored when he talks about his garden because he says the same thing each morning when I arrive at work. Then he'd give us an update on what he's doing after his shift, which is usually the same thing - going to the store. I don't mind but he doesn't really talk about anything else, and even if you are having a different conversation he often manages to steer the conversation back on to his gardening or very mundane routine he has that we all know already.

I can't say for sure whether he might be on the spectrum or have ADHD or learning difficulties. He's actually quite intelligent in some ways, but he's always lived with his parents and has never married or had any children, so maybe he has some disorder, not necessarily autism but it could be a possibility.

 

[MNAus]

I know I could be labelled in that category of going on about deep interests. To be it's not at all obsessive, it's just things that are utterly compelling. It's often around structures, patterns, meta patterns. I check myself most the time and SMH mentally that people just don't find these concepts interesting. My youngest has not yet learned that, so he can and does go off on monologues that can last 30 minutes. We understand he really needs to articulate his fascination, and learning on when it's appropriate will come later.

 

[Judge]

The main dynamic that I always observe tends to reflect how we are quick to talk about something (even in a casual conversation) in great detail and enthusiasm, while they are more prone to discuss things in a cursory manner.

That what we do literally intimidates some people. And when it is done enough times with the same people, eventually they don't even want to discuss a particular subject.

At least that's my experience, and quite often with those in my closest orbit. Family....

 

[Luca]

I find it's a case that my interests are usually quite specific and unusual, so other people don't really have any frame of reference, and it seems to be the case in NT land, that if it's only you that likes something, you shouldn't talk about it. Majority rules it seems.

I find that other people tend to have the same interests or similar enough at least, that they enjoy talking about them with eachother.

I guess I also have a habit of talking way too much and in too much detail about my interests, particularly if I get the impression it's a subject others are interested in. No-one seems to be as interested in it as much as I am. It's kinda difficult to know when I need to stop talking.

Maybe this sort of thing is why they call yours or my interests "obsessive", we maybe just seem to have spent an unusually large amount of time studying our interests. While that's probably true to a degree, I think we probably don't spend as much time as it seems to them.

Thank you for wording this so well. This is my exact experience too.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I've met very few people over my lifetime that even remotely cared how the universe works. Or even less would want to spend any time even thinking about it too intimidating. So my interest has never come up kept my mouth shut
This is the first place. I kicked off my thread with something I wrote over 20 years ago. know 16,000 views later I am stunned.

 

[Progster]

I think that NTs have obsessive interests too, I know a couple that do, but they are better at picking up on when others are bored and it's time to move on to a different topic of conversation. They seem to be better at turning off that interest when they need to, while we are more likely to need to talk about it.

I don't mind people infodumping, as long as I find that topic interesting. If they infodump about astronomy or dogs, that's interesting. If it's about sport or what the neighbours are up to, that's not interesting (to me).

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Does anyone else on this forum agree that it’s weird neurotypicals usually make us listen to their interests, but then they call our interests obsessive? I’ve read before that one of the signs of autism is having obsessive interests, but I’m wondering what exactly that means. I prefer the term special of course instead of obsessive. Does it mean we talk about them like a broken record? Or rather, does it mean our interests are seen as a sin to the neurotypical world for some reason? I actually do like a lot of things other people can get behind, like movies, music and YouTube videos. Although I enjoy reading too.

I am really weird with this where I do not like talking about excessive talents that much with others or 'special interests' they are just stuff I do though I like showing my art to people who understand and know me and are not like ' you are so talented' with excessive praise and admiration.
I like just general talking I am very real with people who love me for me.
But I do prefer kind woman it is much easier to be open and honest
I have a problem with special interests,where if I do want to share them some are very personal to me amd I do not like copying and I do not like finding like mindedness with others
Where if they start feeling inadequate for my cool interest I do not want to make them feel better for their boring one or pretend I like it.
And if I really live something like the movie Grease and someone else says wow I love it...I'm just like no...
Especially NT and people who do not love me for me if my support worker says it then I'm like that is fine because she has her own stuff and generally well most of the time does not copy.
I just like people who love me for me and I can be funny, have fun and talk about totally random things like would u rather be hit by a car or train or something like do you think loch ness monster exists or just fun stuff that I like and sometimes like wellness maybe ???
And have fun
Rather than special interest and people who get art and music helps and are smart
But do not be really intense about it and serious