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Anyone here feel totally hate their condition?

Amethystgirl, I think I have the opposite outlook to you: I spent 65 years of my life thinking I was defective, broken, and unacceptable, not knowing how to fit in or find my place, and miserably unhappy, depressed, and Rx medicated for 30+ years
(not to mention 15 years of inappropriate self-medication)

Finally having diagnoses of ADD, high-functioning ASD, and co-morbid [don't you just hate that word, sounds like death warmed over] dysthymia
has been a relief. I am finally able to begin to understand the arc of my life, put the pieces together in a way that makes sense.

Honey, I made so many mistakes I can't even count. And I hurt a lot of people unintentionally, just because I didn't understand. I regret those things and have prayed hard over them.

I have never hated myself and don't know how to help you with that, other than to say regardless of where you are in your life, it isn't over until the last heartbeat. You can always decide to make a different choice anywhere along the journey.

Like my husband the mechanical engineer says, you have to want to. No one else can walk your path.

All of us are here to walk along with you, if you want to walk with us <3

There are many really great people here with huge hearts and so welcoming and encouraging

Some of us struggle with emotional understanding - we are not being argumentative, we are just trying to understand the precise situation to craft an appropriate answer
 
I hate the way the world treats people with our condition. They think we're either intellectually disabled incel terrorists with creepy fetishes and unhealthy obsessions anime and My Little Pony, or insufferable math geniuses who can solve a Rubik's cube puzzle under 5 seconds but annoy everyone with our rude and unlikable behavior.
That's what they think about male people on the spectrum, anyway. Most female people on the spectrum are invisible to everyone else and we're lucky if we get diagnosed at all. I have to keep reminding myself that we're "different" from male people on the spectrum.

I feel like everyone in the world hates us, and if they do like us, it's only in spite of our condition. Not that I'm crazy about most NT humans.
 
Wallowing in self-pity and refusing to even try to objectively evaluate and improve one's circumstances is a certain loser. No one will ever "get better" unless they try.
 
i like some aspects of being autistic, but it has been very negative overall if you consider it in having a normal life, in school/ high school /university /life it just gave me trouble.
 
AmethystGirl, I had another thought just as I was waking. It will sound cliche or insulting, but I mean neither by it, really I don't. <3

We can live "down to" other people's labels and expectations, which confirms their negative bias and binds us.

Or we can live "up to" our own inner light, highest hope, and best effort, which confounds them and helps us grow.

[Knowing that for some of the extreme bullies and for some of the control freaks, that second option can be like catnip and make them go after us even more vigorously.]

Does this help at all? I don't know. We each have this incredible opportunity for expression for " threescore and ten" and whoever our best self is, surely that is who we should strive to be?
 
I just explained it to you. I would like to drive, have a job, have more friends or be in a relationship. Or finish high school properly and go to university or college. Those things that neurotypicals do.

Saying "I do things like neurotypicals" is not the same as saying you'd like to do the same
things neurotypicals do.


But now that you have clarified what you meant, I see what you were trying to say.
 
Great quote from The Shawshank Redemption:

“Either get busy living, or get busy dying”

It’s the purgatory in the middle that we all seem to struggle with that makes us miserable.
 
Something to consider metaphysically speaking. Take it or leave it. ;)

As eternal souls we basically craft our own lives (with help) for this temporary plane of existence. That we are here to enlighten ourselves reincarnating as mortal beings. Something that cannot happen on our primary plane of existence. A major reason why bad things happen to good people here. In essence, because they are supposed to- by design. That no matter how bad our mortal lives may be perceived, that they are inherently intended to be temporary.

And when we return to our primary plane of existence, we will have the ability to reflect positively from such negativity in a manner that cannot be accomplished as mortal beings. That each and every one of us is largely responsible for choosing who and what we are while we live fragile and painful, yet above all, temporary mortal lives. That however arduous they may be, the more we stand to enlighten ourselves when we return to our natural state of being as immortal souls.

So take heart, and consider so many other souls who for whatever reason have chosen to lead far more rigorous and horrible lives than ourselves. Whether for a very short, or very long duration. The worse the life we choose, the more we stand to gain from it. With some souls being more evolved than others. All in pursuit of a common cause of enlightenment.

I'm just grateful to have figured out who and what I am, even late in life some years ago at the age of 55.
 
I hate my condition and I feel I'm not a good person because I have major low self esteem issues. Anyone here feel similar?
Me 2.
It has ruined my life and people have been such assholes to me.
I cannot tell you how much it had ruined everything good and beautiful for me.
I love my talents but no I do not like this or being told to be less autistic and punished and betrayed when u are not
 
Thank you for your nice answers. I can't help having no self esteem as it's been that way for many years.
I hate being told to have self esteem when I do
Thank you for your nice answers. I can't help having no self esteem as it's been that way for many years.
I hate being told to have self esteem when I do not especially as a pretty women who used to be larger
I have had illness and I do not know why anyone would tell u to be more secure about your appearance especially when u struggle
 
Me. I hate the ASD part because of the stress and grief I caused for my mum when I was younger. She passed away from cancer a couple of years ago and I feel it's all my fault she got cancer, as I'm always hearing "stress causes cancer". If I were born an NT like everyone else in my family then maybe my mum might still be here today.

The stress I caused my mum was unthinkable. She had to go on strong Prozac for a while to cope. Maybe if the stupid doctors and teachers had noticed my ADHD instead of giving me a useless diagnosis of Asperger's (now PPD-NOS) things might have been different, as I might have been able to go on meds to help with ADHD symptoms and been less challenging to bring up in an otherwise stable home.

So maybe it's not ASD itself that I feel cursed with, just the diagnosis. I don't know.
 

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