Are a portion of people on the autism spectrum asexual? Asking due to my failed relationship

[Rodafina]

women have never had to do anything to make a relationship happen with a guy.

This is an example of erroneous thinking that you could work on with a therapist.

women are the reward

Women are not a reward. Women are people.

Please do consider scheduling time with a therapist to talk about your anger and resentment and cognitive distortions.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

a failed or ruined, incompatible relationship can definetley ruin or destroy someone, but yeah i figure i should just refer to her as a friend, not an ex-girlfriend.

 

[Au Naturel]

another angry and enraging reminder whenever people say that it is something you learn, because it reminds me that i get even more annoyed whenever people say that women have to learn as well, which never makes sense since women have never had to do anything to make a relationship happen with a guy. Yes i'm aware people will say don't compare yourself to others, don't worry about the comparison others don't have to do.

Just doesn't feel like pursuing a relationship anymore because of my age, yeah the way it looks like, women are the reward but men do the work in order to get the reward.

Women have their own problems. I don't know a single woman who hasn't had sexual trauma or other violence in her life, sometimes repeatedly. Not to mention the women who were "loved and left." Women are risking vastly more in a relationship than men. Life is tough all around, and if women are picky about who they choose to have a relationship with, that's biology at work. There is no fault or blame to be assigned here and no reason to be angry. It is what it is.

A certain number of "cis-het" women decide they don't ever want a relationship with a man. (They can do that today, but in the past, the culture made it very difficult.) Or they take their availability off-line temporarily for some reason. Males are far less likely to do this. (I think the male biological drive to find a mate is much deeper than the reverse.) Inevitably, there will be "cis-het" guys who don't manage relationships with women. That is the math of monogamy; (Polygamy is much worse! Polyandry is extremely rare.) not something to get resentful over.

 

[Au Naturel]

a failed or ruined, incompatible relationship can definetley ruin or destroy someone, but yeah i figure i should just refer to her as a friend, not an ex-girlfriend.

A relationship is a facet of life. It can be a very important facet, but it is not the entirety of life's meaning. (Pop entertainment, to the contrary.) Making another person the entirety of one's life is unfair to them and likely to drive the other person away. If you need a relationship in your life for meaning, then you have a problem you need to work on.

All relationships are die rolls. A "normal' life has several failed and ruined relationships. One picks up the pieces and moves on.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Possibly it isn’t that your ex was asexual; it was that she just didn’t want to have sex with you in particular? I wouldn’t, not in a million years. Most women aren’t at all attracted to guys who find courtship something that they’ll “hate until the day they die,” as you’ve said many times on this forum. Perhaps try to tone down your incel misogynist vibes and you’ll attract less asexual and/or asexual-seeming women? Personally, I wouldn’t touch you with a ten-foot pole. In fact I’d be afraid of you if I met you in person, based on your posts on this forum. If I met you I’d scamper away at the first opportunity.

but yeah, if she didn't want to have sex, then why would she have chosen to have any type of relationship or contact with me in the first place?

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

A relationship is a facet of life. It can be a very important facet, but it is not the entirety of life's meaning. (Pop entertainment, to the contrary.) Making another person the entirety of one's life is unfair to them and likely to drive the other person away. If you need a relationship in your life for meaning, then you have a problem you need to work on.

All relationships are die rolls. A "normal' life has several failed and ruined relationships. One picks up the pieces and moves on.

yeah, i count this more of a situationship, she wasn't exactly my GF, but we kinda dated, but for like 4 months, this was back when i was 29, in 2017, but she was definetley not asexual, she did not have problems or issues with sex/physical intimacy, but since we were together a short-term, that means obviously very little, because of that, now i should feel she was the closest thing to a GF i ever had.

 

[tree]

Is it inconceivable that a person might enjoy your
company? Companionship not motivated by
sexual urge.

but yeah, if she didn't want to have sex, then why would she have chosen to have any type of relationship or contact with me in the first place?

 

[Kalinychta]

another angry and enraging reminder whenever people say that it is something you learn, because it reminds me that i get even more annoyed whenever people say that women have to learn as well, which never makes sense since women have never had to do anything to make a relationship happen with a guy. Yes i'm aware people will say don't compare yourself to others, don't worry about the comparison others don't have to do.

Just doesn't feel like pursuing a relationship anymore because of my age, yeah the way it looks like, women are the reward but men do the work in order to get the reward.

I totally get that you’re sexually frustrated, and I understand that that happens when men are cut off from women. I do, seriously, 100%. Actually I was just joking with a friend the other day about how the world would probably be reduced to rubble in a matter of months if women disappeared but men didn’t (kind of not joking at all). But you also have to understand that women don’t like bitter, misogynist pricks. You’re blaming women because of your failures. It’s so irrational. And you’re never, ever, ever going to get anywhere until and unless you realize how irrational and hateful your views are. Women are attracted to confident, kind, funny, sweet men who treat them like human beings. Do you possess any of those characteristics?

 

[Forest Cat]

Actually I was just joking with a friend the other day about how the world would probably be reduced to rubble in a matter of months if women disappeared but men didn’t (kind of not joking at all).

I think you're wrong. It would be a matter of weeks, not months. I had this discussion with someone a while ago and we agreed that we would probably all drink too much and fight too much and just wander around aimlessly. Like zombies.

 

[Kalinychta]

I think you're wrong. It would be a matter of weeks, not months. I had this discussion with someone a while ago and we agreed that we would probably all drink too much and fight too much and just wander around aimlessly. Like zombies.

It seems funny, but it’s actually true. My friend and I were talking about how women wouldn’t be happy at all if men suddenly disappeared (I would be miserable), but we would adapt, we would be alright. But men would completely unravel and go insane without women. The world would burn down. But maybe to the OP this is helpful in understanding why men approach women more often than the other way around? Seriously, by the time a woman even thinks about approaching a man, he’s already been scoping her for the last hour and has the next six months with her planned out in detail.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

It seems funny, but it’s actually true. My friend and I were talking about how women wouldn’t be happy at all if men suddenly disappeared (I would be miserable), but we would adapt, we would be alright. But men would completely unravel and go insane without women. The world would burn down. But maybe to the OP this is helpful in understanding why men approach women more often than the other way around? Seriously, by the time a woman even thinks about approaching a man, he’s already been scoping her for the last hour and has the next six months with her planned out in detail.

Not all of us have the positive experience with women some people would suggest. It's belittling to say we'd all go crazy and destroy the world while women would adapt. I've seen way more competition between women than men, in my life. Which isn't to say they compete more, just that women--being human--are going to cope and behave much as men.

I've also had women approach me who I wasn't scoping out, because I wasn't actually interested in them. Though, I would say I've ever scoped out and planned--six months in detail--my life with someone I don't know.

 

[Forest Cat]

It seems funny, but it’s actually true. My friend and I were talking about how women wouldn’t be happy at all if men suddenly disappeared (I would be miserable), but we would adapt, we would be alright. But men would completely unravel and go insane without women. The world would burn down. But maybe to the OP this is helpful in understanding why men approach women more often than the other way around? Seriously, by the time a woman even thinks about approaching a man, he’s already been scoping her for the last hour and has the next six months with her planned out in detail.

One basic thing is that without women there are no kids. So building things and taking care of the planet and trying to make the future better would be pointless because we would know we would soon go extinct. So we wouldn't really have any reason to do anything. Besides drinking and fighting of course.

Same thing goes for women I think, no men means no kids. Maybe the ladies would adapt but you would still go extinct and knowing that could make it difficult to find motivation to do anything. What's the point of making something and surviving and plan for the future when no one will be here. Might as well get drunk and not give a crap about anything.

 

[Kalinychta]

Not all of us have the positive experience with women some people would suggest. It's belittling to say we'd all go crazy and destroy the world while women would adapt. I've seen way more competition between women than men, in my life. Which isn't to say they compete more, just that women--being human--are going to cope and behave much as men.

I've also had women approach me who I wasn't scoping out, because I wasn't actually interested in them. Though, I would say I've ever scoped out and planned--six months in detail--my life with someone I don't know.

I know, it’s not going to be “all men.” I get that. But generally speaking, I think many men wouldn’t be able to cope.

 

[Kalinychta]

One basic thing is that without women there are no kids. So building things and taking care of the planet and trying to make the future better would be pointless because we would know we would soon go extinct. So we wouldn't really have any reason to do anything. Besides drinking and fighting of course.

Same thing goes for women I think, no men means no kids. Maybe the ladies would adapt but you would still go extinct and knowing that could make it difficult to find motivation to do anything. What's the point of making something and surviving and plan for the future when no one will be here. Might as well get drunk and not give a crap about anything.

It goes way beyond procreation. I think there’s an emotional and sexual dependence that men have on women far more than women have on men. Orson Welles once said: “If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.” I think this is so true. If there were only women, we’d just all become lesbians and be vegans.

 

[Forest Cat]

It goes way beyond procreation. I think there’s an emotional and sexual dependence that men have on women far more than women have on men.

I like to think it goes both ways. At least a little.