Are aspies and auties boring people?

[Ronald Zeeman]

Being on this site has shown me many of you are not remotely boring I hang out with a number of NT's they to me are boring, sports fanatics etcetera.

 

[The Lorax]

The Weinstein brothers are incredible thinkers.

Just remember folks being ~130 I.Q. is 1 in 65. Being 140 is 1 in 360. It's tough to find people you can talk to when you are smart.

To put in perspective 66% of the people in the world are 115 or less.

 

[Ed#]

Isn't one of the common features of Aspergers that you are bored by what "normal" people find interesting?

If so, then it would make sense that it would work the other way around, too. We find them boring; they find us boring.

Actually, though, I don't find "normal" people boring, assuming you get down to the core of who they are -- their insecurities, their struggles. Trouble is, you have to sort through so much superficial fluff to get down to that core, you hardly ever see it.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

You right I have issues finding people to talk too, Icome from a bright family so really enjoy hanging with them.
wif arranged a baby shower for my son tis weekend all his cousins coming should be fun for all like my son says like attending Mensa meeting. attached a table I put together years ago to see what the absolute IQ would be by definition. 100 as mean 1 sigma at 15.

 

[Darkkin]

People aren't interested in what I find interesting, so generally I avoid talking. Problem solved. If someone speaks infodump, I usually find it interesting enough to listen. I love facts and random information.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

When I was working, I only talked about work colour control, treatment systems resins never physics.

 

[furkandorum]

Once, my friends told me that they were going to sit on a cafe and wanted me to come also. Normally, if they were other people i would just say no and make up an excuse. But we were close friends, and i told them that it's one of the most boring activities i heard. Said something like "we'll just sit, drink something and look each other's face?". At that point, even them people who i'm friend with for six years seemed like they were one of those stranger, scary NT's. They gave me a strange look and told me they were going to just chat. I don't think they thought i was an aspie or anything but they definetly thought i was boring as hell.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Once, my friends told me that they were going to sit on a cafe and wanted me to come also. Normally, if they were other people i would just say no and make up an excuse. But we were close friends, and i told them that it's one of the most boring activities i heard. Said something like "we'll just sit, drink something and look each other's face?". At that point, even them people who i'm friend with for six years seemed like they were one of those stranger, scary NT's. They gave me a strange look and told me they were going to just chat. I don't think they thought i was an aspie or anything but they definetly thought i was boring as hell.

I don't think it's that they thought you were boring, so much, though that can be part of it. They wanted to talk and relate. That kind of interaction is about bonding and sharing part of yourselves--getting to be yourself with others. If you describe it as just staring at each other's faces, it makes it sound like you don't care. Or don't see much depth to them. I think they were perplexed that you didn't share their view, and maybe wondered what you thought of them. They included you because they value you, and felt rebuffed.

Just remember folks being ~130 I.Q. is 1 in 65. Being 140 is 1 in 360. It's tough to find people you can talk to when you are smart.

There is some truth to this, but in my experience it's not so simple. My IQ is over 130, but I have more fun talking to people with intellectual disabilities. I find them more honest, sincere, and curious. A lot of people with average or higher IQs seem to lack curiosity, and are too convinced of their intelligence. I'd rather talk to someone who knows little, but wants to learn, than people who think they know more than others because they're very smart in one area. Which is often what you find with high IQs. Sometimes we see the whole world through our strengths, forgetting there is more than our experience.

 

[autism-and-autotune]

Over the years I've been called boring by people I know, and so has my spouse. And the first thought I had when it was said at the time was; Not if you could see inside my brain, you wouldn't even be able to follow the things I'm thinking about at the moment.

One of the reasons I enjoy boring, is I don't like surprises, arguments, drama, the roller coaster of emotions that comes with living a regular life. Someone told me that not only am I boring, but canada as a country is boring

Find this amusing, and wonder if being boring is a reflection of others perceptions of a country and people who shovel snow four months out of the year. And because of the weather stay inside a lot.

As an aspie/autie how do you think about your life?

One man's boring is another man's...uh, not-boring. :/

Holding yourself to the standards and expectations of others will only lead you to be sad. My sister always called me a 'spoil-sport' because I never liked to dance or 'have fun'. Was I a stiff shirt at times? Sure, but others...some things just don't require my energy.

Some consider me boring until you get me talking about what I love--then I won't shut up.

Being called 'boring' for being self-preserving and knowing your boundaries is like being called a loser for wearing a seat-belt while you're driving a race-car.

 

[Raggamuffin]

My ex, Kristy said she wouldn't have dated me if it wasn't for my sense of humour and being able to make her laugh a lot. As my day to day life in my free time is pretty uneventful. 80% is spent sat in front of the PC, listening to music, gaming, reading, instant messaging and surfing the web.

I have other hobbies I enjoy, but they're solo type things - such as staffing, cycling, walking, photography, art. Also, I value my free time highly, and personal space, which means it's very hard to get me to spend time doing things I don't want to do. Which isn't so effective in a give and take relationship. Mind you, with me and her there was never a spark, so my normal people pleasing burnt out, especially after 5+ years in a relationship.

My look is a little hypocritical, as I think a lot of people have come to expect more of an extrovert, and that side of me is only seen by a few people. Fact of the matter is, I'd rather not have the attention it attracts, and yet I don't want to suppress how I like to look.

Kristy and other people I've dated showed a great deal of frustration that their group of friends really enjoyed my company, and thought I was friendly and cool etc. but that I rarely ever wanted to partake in any social activities.

I was quite extrovert as a child, then from puberty onwards I was more and more introvert. I'm gradually coming out of my shell more.

Fact of the matter is one person's normal is another person's abnormal. Same goes for things that evoke interest or promote boredom. I find I can waffle on, and on, I repeat myself a fair amount on certain topics and narratives, that used to frustrate those I dated, I've also been called self-centred on many occasions. Which is quite difficult to hear when I invest so much time and energy into placating others through people pleasing, personality mirroring etc. And that behaviour is taxing and exhausting, hence why I want to spend most of my free time withdrawn, and away from people.

Yes, people can energise. But most of them, and a lot of the time I'm masking, and that just adds to the fatigue. At least in my own space I can be myself. With all the energetic ticks, noises, erratic dancing, rushing, pacing, flapping and all the other eccentricities that I keep pushed down around most people.

Thing is, when it comes to boring - take virtually anything from popular culture and media, and you won't just bore me, you'll make me physically and mentally uncomfortable when discussing or watching/listening to it.

Ed

 

[Darkkin]

How much of our contributions to the boredom factor is simply because is the beige topic? How many neurotypicals are going to be able to keep up in a conversation about lycanthropy viruses in space? (Actual conversation at work this week and it was fascinating).

People who are not comfortable with silence often look to and require others to fill it to their specifications and I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not a mind reader. Conversations like that are painful. And sadly most 'required' conversations are of this type. Empty filler.

If I'm in forced proximity to a person I don't know or someone I don't particularly like, I will not make small talk just to talk. I will either pull out a book or people watch. I've never understood talking merely for the sake of talking.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

The most fun for me is going to visit my autistic brother most of the time he is a hermit when we start talking as my wife can attest it is a long way from boring, she has an accounting background. His special interest in finance really helps her investing decisions. my brother's son gifted, was a investment trader retired last year independently wealthy freedom 30, mining engineer by education. his boss the mine owner noticed his employee was good at trading. Gave him new position to trade on his behalf. Weird how life works cream rises to top

The funniest part is my effect on her over the years, her mother came for a overnight visit one day passed our bedroom and saw all the diplomas over the headboard and commented to her daughter boy does Ron have a lot of diplomas, and she responded half are mine. When i met her she was just a high school grad.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

While I was typing this I was watching, Eric Weinstein and Brian Keating discussing physics and as an inside Eric mentioned if you want to get rich use the Black Scoles equation. Developed by a failed physicist many years ago. Using a bit of advanced calculus, I remember this when it happened. 30 years ago

 

[Ed#]

There is some truth to this, but in my experience it's not so simple. My IQ is over 130, but I have more fun talking to people with intellectual disabilities. I find them more honest, sincere, and curious. A lot of people with average or higher IQs seem to lack curiosity, and are too convinced of their intelligence. I'd rather talk to someone who knows little, but wants to learn, than people who think they know more than others because they're very smart in one area. Which is often what you find with high IQs. Sometimes we see the whole world through our strengths, forgetting there is more than our experience.

Amen. The people I enjoy interacting the most with in the world (dogs) would not perform very well on an IQ test. I also just finished listening to a fellow who said he enjoys working with special ed kids, because they are more spiritually attuned than most normal people.

Of course, there's a difference between interacting with someone and having a good, long-term relationship with someone. For the latter, I do think you need similar intelligence/education levels -- not identical, but close enough that there can be understanding.

This was one of the reasons for my divorce, many years ago. She was a kind, sweet person, but the intellectual/education gap was so large that it was hard to feel understood.

 

[The Lorax]

Neat chart. I kept it.

Who we relate to and find interesting conversation with depends on what we like also.

While I am no expert on history I enjoy talking to people who aren't as educated in it or as smart about it. Often I teach them. On occasion I learn something new but verify it. So much is incorrect. Some of it was surprising at how incorrect.