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Are there different levels of Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism?

Thanks droopy!

popculture: King mentioned something along the lines of taking a more casual approach and not making girls the top priority. I agree with that in every way, you'll have more success if you just relaaaaaax :)
 
popculturegeeknerd06 said:
i don't care, i wish i had experience but i don't, i wish i had an ex-girlfriend, or exes, i don't like being different.
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Can I ask what your main reason for desperately wanting a girlfriend is? Is it for friendship, love, sex drive or a combination of them? Just wondering.
 
popculturegeeknerd06 said:
i don't care, i wish i had experience but i don't, i wish i had an ex-girlfriend, or exes, i don't like being different.
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I still say, it's better to have no experience than bad experience in that way. Obviously that's in retrospect, but I wouldn't push for just anything and settle- that will never end well. And it's not wholly different, there's tons of people who have no experience in that arena, in all ages and situations. So it doesn't necessarily make you "weird" or anything negative, it's just a game of chance sometimes. Like Dolby said, you just have to take it easy and figure things out.
 
Droopy said:
Can I ask what your main reason for desperately wanting a girlfriend is? Is it for friendship, love, sex drive or a combination of them? Just wondering.
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combination of both, i don't like being different, i don't like being inexperienced, having missed out on what the overwhelming vast majority of people have experienced already, done already, dealt with already.
 
popculturegeeknerd06 said:
What is the reason why people are turned off by people who are desperate? why is desperation so unattractive?
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Desperation sends the unspoken message of "You can find someone better then me, but please give me a chance anyway."

Im NOT saying anything about you, Im just letting you know thats why desperation in general is a bad thing.
 
well it's a thousand, million, billion times worse if you are a guy, people say that being desperate means you are gonna settle, you are going to take what you can get, but even if a person is desperate about having the right one, the one they really want, they will still be doomed.
 
I'll start by saying that I lost my virginity at 27. I did not even attempt to get a girlfriend until I moved out of the town I grew up in at 18 because pounding your head against a brick wall is so, so painful.

Confidence is better than desperation, but I can't really imagine many of us being overly confident. So you need to hit the happy medium - relaxation. Don't worry about getting any one individual wo/man, and especially don't worry about being confident, as that will override any confidence you might actually have (ironically). If someone likes you enough, s/he will let you know eventually (although those sneaky women like to be subtle).
 
popculturegeeknerd06 said:
What is the reason why people are turned off by people who are desperate? why is desperation so unattractive?
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Because it sends a message that you don't have any standards or care much about the person as an individual, besides that they are willing and you need someone NOW. People want to know that they're with someone because they care about them and think they're special somehow. People want to be wanted for who they are, not just because they're there and willing. Besides it not being romantic in any sense, it also can come off as very selfish and shallow, qualities that aren't appealing either.

Not saying that's what everyone who is acting desperate really goes for in that sense- actually many desperate people want a more romantic goal, it just never comes off that way through the 'desperate' behavior.
 
she will let me know? and you are right, sneaky women like to be subtle, and having Asperger Syndrome makes it very difficult to read non-verbal hints, social-cues, like for me personally ,I struggle, can't tell if a girl is just being nice and friendly to me, or if she actually likes me, is actually interested.
 
and Online Dating has never been a success for me, i do not get any responses, could that mean i'm ugly or what? i hear that a guy's looks matter more online than in person
 
Please note, I'm trying really hard not to come across rude, but sometimes advice just comes across as a rude wake-up call, sorry in advance.

Well, a picture says a lot about you... sometimes a picture makes you look like a big douchebag. I once read a section in a book that was about philosophy and social networks (actually just about Facebook; but it could apply anywhere) and it had some interesting theories how pictures might come across to people who see it. And if you're doing the datinggame that's no different.

Keep in mind a lot of people don't like to read a lot of text, and if you provide them with an image on a dating site, they're judging by that. And it's not only guy's looks. Reliable sources (AKA girls, as well as men I talk to who got in touch with girls online) all state "well, the image was the first thing I liked, then I read her profile".

So, no I don't want to dent your confidence by saying your ugly... that's a silly statement to make since we don't know how you look (and it's not an invitation to pull up a hot or not thread here), but no, I cannot comment on aesthetics. Weirdly enough, people that only judge pictures rarely know or use the word aesthetics.

Anyhow, you might have that picture on there and people browse it and "next". Keep in mind, you're not the only one, there's competition, and in a way, unless you've got something totally awesome and unique to bring to the table, the text besides the image doesn't mean anything. Especially if there's silly beauty ideals running rampart and people care a lot to be like those.

Also, a thing that I discovered myself, and I adressed that in the other thread you started; what girls are you looking for? If you're communication-clumsy (or in general have a bit of a social disorder like "we" have), then some people think you're a freak, you're weird, you're retarded, and some people will even be blunt and tell you that upfront. I learned to let that go... I know my way of communication doesn't get me a lot of attention nor reactions but that doesn't mean I can't try. Somewhere, someone will always give it a try. But just don't expect to land a date every week.

How many contact messages do you send out a week? 1? 5? 20? 100? Obviously, if you're in the 3-digit area, you'll likely to land some contact somewhere, even if it's just a date, or a chat and see where that goes.
 
I hate, it really angers me, pisses me off, frustrates me, why does it always have to come down to a guy's social-skills, conversation-skills, attitude, mindset, mentality, way of thinking, his character, the way he carries himself, his confidence, passion for things, etc., that make him boyfriend material, i feel that the list of traits, things, that girls look for in a guy is much longer than the other way around.
 
Well,

I did not find my wife until I was 27. She was 30. If I tried to find someone beforehand it would not have lasted. I think many girls are very immature and focuses on things that don't last. Popularity only goes so far. But I know that will be of no help for you. And I did date before meeting my wife. I don't mean to be so forward but I am sure you are very frustrated by the whole situation. If I was single now I don't know what I would do? Life is much more difficult with internet and smart phones. I mean everyone has them today almost.

My opinion but I think it is a rare girl that is inspired by intelligence and social class. I have always been into Classical Music and Opera. Had my quirks, and somewhat like a gifted student building radios talking to the Space Shuttle or doing some sort of public service. Reading classics and pursuing a classical education. I was very fortunate to find and marry someone with more degrees than me!

B
 
kg4fxg said:
My opinion but I think it is a rare girl that is inspired by intelligence and social class. I have always been into Classical Music and Opera. Had my quirks, and somewhat like a gifted student building radios talking to the Space Shuttle or doing some sort of public service. Reading classics and pursuing a classical education. I was very fortunate to find and marry someone with more degrees than me!

B
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I don't know... I think there're tons of women with degrees and all kinds of interests. I'm not sure what women you're talking about :) And I did spend my youth in Russia, so it might be a little different but still... in college I was in a group with many intelligent women who were struggling to have normal relationships, but ok, it was explainable, a very large amount of men in the country were alcoholics, so that made it tough already. But if you took men who were not alcoholics but nice, intelligent and all that, what kind of women they would want to be with? hot, attractive, if she was smart - good, but she also had to look nice. No pony tale, long skirt, polyester shirt. No weirdos in big glasses no matter how much in common they might have had. Talking about immaturity and focusing on things that don't last :D but you know, that's just Russia, maybe in any other country it's different :) and that wasn't a judgment by the way, I was a queen of immaturity and nonsense... (still a little bit that way possibly)... just stating some facts :)
 
well i've never dated before, never been in a relationship, never had a girlfriend, i would have rather had loved and lost than to never have loved at all, i don't want to be 30 and still single, i hate how us guys have to have confidence but girls do not
 
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