Are these types of social problems either normal or common for people with autism?

[Steelbookcollector217]

I would also assume they can still happen to people without autism, as in, people with poor social skills or just are very socially awkward, i believe it can happen to NT people as well, but i wonder and i'm going to guess its more common for people with autism, but anyway, here is what i'm getting across, the point i'm trying to explain:

I'll give you an example on how this has happened to me, there have been times in my life where some people have welcomed me in their presence socially, and I could tell that they got along with me and they liked me being in their presence, however sometime later, like let's say weeks or months later I get the vibe from them that they don't want me around them anymore, the way I can tell is from like their facial expressions or body language in which they look like they are annoyed or bothered by me.
And yet I have no clue what I did wrong, I don't know what it is that I did that caused them to get bothered by my presence even though at first they welcomed me.
It has caused me to get very depressed and even get emotional at times.

even though I am completely aware and I know that we obviously can't please everyone and I know that not everyone will want to be friends with us, not everyone will want to have a relationship with us, that's a fact, it's just that it's more painful when at first things are going well with someone or some people, at first we are getting along, they welcome my, or our company, enjoy being around me, us, but then all of a sudden they want nothing to do with me, or us anymore(referring to people who have gone through this) anymore and we have no clue what it is that we did wrong that pushed them away.

Here is how i view social rejection like that, if i attempt to socialize or befriend people, but they reject me right away, i feel i'm able to brush that off, move on from it, doesn't hurt me as much as i used to, i like to have the mindset "their loss, and plus, they didn't get to know me that well either, they hardly knew me or didn't know me at all", the rejection mainly hurts like i described above, when things are going cool or good socially with someone or a group of people, they at first welcome you in their presence, company, but then sometime later, you get the vibe or feeling from them that they don't like you anymore, they appear bothered or annoyed by your presence and you don't know what it is that you did wrong.

Overall, another way to ask, is it common or not unusual, for people with autism, to come across as annoying or bothersome when attempting to socialize and befriend others and you are not aware of what you are doing wrong, but unfortuneately, you eventually find out when the damage has already been done, but you still don't know what it is that caused the other people to be annoyed or bothered, or not like you being in their presence anymore? Unfortuneately, most people, won't be upfront and tell you straight to your face for you to leave them alone or they won't tell you what it is that you did wrong socially that caused them to either get annoyed by you or not want you in their presence anymore.

I will admit, these types of social experiences have caused me to get very depressed and cry, get emotional at times.

 

[Neia]

I would also assume they can still happen to people without autism, as in, people with poor social skills or just are very socially awkward, i believe it can happen to NT people as well, but i wonder and i'm going to guess its more common for people with autism, but anyway, here is what i'm getting across, the point i'm trying to explain:

I'll give you an example on how this has happened to me, there have been times in my life where some people have welcomed me in their presence socially, and I could tell that they got along with me and they liked me being in their presence, however sometime later, like let's say weeks or months later I get the vibe from them that they don't want me around them anymore, the way I can tell is from like their facial expressions or body language in which they look like they are annoyed or bothered by me.
And yet I have no clue what I did wrong, I don't know what it is that I did that caused them to get bothered by my presence even though at first they welcomed me.
It has caused me to get very depressed and even get emotional at times.

even though I am completely aware and I know that we obviously can't please everyone and I know that not everyone will want to be friends with us, not everyone will want to have a relationship with us, that's a fact, it's just that it's more painful when at first things are going well with someone or some people, at first we are getting along, they welcome my, or our company, enjoy being around me, us, but then all of a sudden they want nothing to do with me, or us anymore(referring to people who have gone through this) anymore and we have no clue what it is that we did wrong that pushed them away.

Here is how i view social rejection like that, if i attempt to socialize or befriend people, but they reject me right away, i feel i'm able to brush that off, move on from it, doesn't hurt me as much as i used to, i like to have the mindset "their loss, and plus, they didn't get to know me that well either, they hardly knew me or didn't know me at all", the rejection mainly hurts like i described above, when things are going cool or good socially with someone or a group of people, they at first welcome you in their presence, company, but then sometime later, you get the vibe or feeling from them that they don't like you anymore, they appear bothered or annoyed by your presence and you don't know what it is that you did wrong.

Overall, another way to ask, is it common or not unusual, for people with autism, to come across as annoying or bothersome when attempting to socialize and befriend others and you are not aware of what you are doing wrong, but unfortuneately, you eventually find out when the damage has already been done, but you still don't know what it is that caused the other people to be annoyed or bothered, or not like you being in their presence anymore? Unfortuneately, most people, won't be upfront and tell you straight to your face for you to leave them alone or they won't tell you what it is that you did wrong socially that caused them to either get annoyed by you or not want you in their presence anymore.

I will admit, these types of social experiences have caused me to get very depressed and cry, get emotional at times.

I have a friend who has confessed to me that she once ghosted a friend I remind her of.

This friend was just like me in being closed, not sharing "enough" of her feelings and problems not craving close interaction...

I have to admit that I have been bracing myself for abandonment, for being ghosted like that other friend was.

But the thing is that a couple of times when I tried to be open with her, she was offended by something I said.
I did not, in any way shape or form, try to hurt or offend her. I was simply trying to share with her something that was important to me, my point of view on a subject. But she felt triggered.

So... if she might stop talking with me because I don't share enough, or feels offended when I do try to share my thoughts and feelings...

Hopefully it won't happen because I do love her and her family. But

I think you can only do so much. And if people aren't willing to be honest with you, then there isn't much you can do. It's on them at that point, not you.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yeah, it hurts even more because, some people at at first got along with me, were cool with me, enjoyed my presence, but then later not anymore, they ended up blocking me on social media.

 

[Misty Avich]

Often people my age are friendly to me but often exclude me from their group, which hurts because I'd love to do social activities with my colleagues outside of work, especially if they are my age. Sometimes I feel being teetotal alienates me from my peer group a lot, which annoys me no end because it's like British society makes drinking the be all and end all and if you don't drink then people think there's something wrong with you and you can't fit in so well. So I think that was why I was so excluded from the others at work, even though some activities they did together outside of work didn't involve drinking. I did hint that I would like to try some of the non-alcohol-related activities they were planning but they still didn't include me and I didn't think it was appropriate to just invite myself along, as it would probably make me look needy and it'd only be embarrassing.

 

[Neia]

I once had a hike planned with a group of friends. Someone was supposed to pick me up so we'd go to the mountain for the hike.

I waited and waited and no one showed up.

Finally I called them and they said that at the last moment they had decided to go to a pub (or a club maybe, can't remember) and since they knew I didn't like that sort of place, they'd decided not to tell me anything.

I guess you can guess how peeved I was.
It was the last time they even tried to plan something that included me

Some of them had been my friends for years.

 

[stevens]

I'll give you an example on how this has happened to me, there have been times in my life where some people have welcomed me in their presence socially, and I could tell that they got along with me and they liked me being in their presence, however sometime later, like let's say weeks or months later I get the vibe from them that they don't want me around them anymore, the way I can tell is from like their facial expressions or body language in which they look like they are annoyed or bothered by me.
And yet I have no clue what I did wrong, I don't know what it is that I did that caused them to get bothered by my presence even though at first they welcomed me.
It has caused me to get very depressed and even get emotional at times.

What you describe in your second paragraph is a very common experience of autistic people. I know it's been a feature of my own life for decades. There is no cure for it, because what I've figured out is people eventually get to see more of the real person behind any mask that we put up. And for a lot of people, this is off-putting.

On the other hand you wrote that immediate rejection is easier to take. This also is true, because the investment is lower. If it is consistent and repetitive it can cause a lot of psychological problems too. I've recommended this to other people, but I'll repeat myself: Check out the work of psychologist Noah Sasson. Nearly everyone for years has studied the perceptions and behavior of autistic research subjects. Sasson decided to study the behavior and perception of autistic people by non-neurodiverse people. His results prove what a lot of people have suspected, that our behavior and expressions of social behavior can almost immediately turn people off, and make them want to avoid us.

Meanwhile, be good to yourself. I have had a lot of sadness in my life caused by aquaintances and relationships that abruptly stopped the way you described. It's not fun to arrive at late middle or old age and realize that almost no one from the distant past has come along with you. At this point I do acknowledge that much of the reason for this is that I'm weird. This causes me to hold back more than ever beyond superficial interactions with people. But you can't subject yourself to failures over which you have little control. This is a problem. I hope you can find a way to keep yourself in a good place despite these problems.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I once had a hike planned with a group of friends. Someone was supposed to pick me up so we'd go to the mountain for the hike.

I waited and waited and no one showed up.

Finally I called them and they said that at the last moment they had decided to go to a pub (or a club maybe, can't remember) and since they knew I didn't like that sort of place, they'd decided not to tell me anything.

I guess you can guess how peeved I was.
It was the last time they even tried to plan something that included me

Some of them had been my friends for years.

i assume you and them have gone your separate ways, are no longer friends with them? if so, i'm sorry to hear that, yeah this is an example of that happend to me at work in 2022.

These 2 girls, the 2 girls are good friends with each other, at first they were cool with me, i wasn't trying to date them, wasn't trying to pursue a relationship with them, i would always say good morning and bye as work would start and end, i would chit chat with them here and there, sometimes sit in the area where they would have lunch. Then some months later, as i would say good morning and good-bye to them, or whenever i was around them, i could tell from their body language, facial expressions, that they didn't want me in their presence anymore.

I will never forget this though, i decided to confront one of them and asked them, "i haven't been bothering you have I?", she then told me "you would have to ask her", i could tell in her facial expression that it was negative.

Previously i was friends with them on instagram, however, didn't discover until lately, that one of them blocked me on instagram, one hasn't though.

Yeah yes like i said, i'm aware that we can't please everyone, not everyone will want to be our friend or have a relationship with us, i can accept that, its just its more painful when at first, people welcome having a relationship or friendship with you, enjoy or let you be social with them, but then later on, weeks or months later, that ends up not being the case anymore.

The pain of this revolves around "i did something right in the beginning that made them enjoy my company, what did i do wrong that pushed them away from me?".

Thats where the pain source is.

 

[Neia]

i assume you and them have gone your separate ways, are no longer friends with them? if so, i'm sorry to hear that, yeah this is an example of that happend to me at work in 2022.

These 2 girls, the 2 girls are good friends with each other, at first they were cool with me, i wasn't trying to date them, wasn't trying to pursue a relationship with them, i would always say good morning and bye as work would start and end, i would chit chat with them here and there, sometimes sit in the area where they would have lunch. Then some months later, as i would say good morning and good-bye to them, or whenever i was around them, i could tell from their body language, facial expressions, that they didn't want me in their presence anymore.

I will never forget this though, i decided to confront one of them and asked them, "i haven't been bothering you have I?", she then told me "you would have to ask her", i could tell in her facial expression that it was negative.

Previously i was friends with them on instagram, however, didn't discover until lately, that one of them blocked me on instagram, one hasn't though.

Yeah yes like i said, i'm aware that we can't please everyone, not everyone will want to be our friend or have a relationship with us, i can accept that, its just its more painful when at first, people welcome having a relationship or friendship with you, enjoy or let you be social with them, but then later on, weeks or months later, that ends up not being the case anymore.

The pain of this revolves around "i did something right in the beginning that made them enjoy my company, what did i do wrong that pushed them away from me?".

Thats where the pain source is.

I get this.
Completely.

I still speak with those people. I don't often block someone unless I have very good reason, and I tell them why, because I hate it when people stop speaking with me but give me no reason for it.

That group of friends I wrote out as immature.
I still care for them, but no longer try to keep a relationship going. If they stay away from me, I will no longer go on trying to salvage a one-sided relationship.

It hurts when someone you care about, are friends with, abandons you.
But if they don't want to invest in that friendship, there isn't much you can do but forgive and move on.

I don't try to make friends anymore.
If it happens it happens.
I try to be respectful towards others, try to not offend unnecessarily.
But at my age, if people don't want to be my friends, I'll shrug the disappointment away and keep going.

I'm not telling you to do that.

I enjoy being a hermit, but not all are as I am fortunately.

So if you want to have friends, you need to keep trying. With the consciousness that it might take a long time for you to find that loyal and true person, who is willing to invest in a friendship no matter how hard it may be to smooth out the bumps in that process.

I pray that you will be able to find a respectful and honest friend, who will care enough for you to tell you if you said or did something offensive, and who will also accept it when you feel the need to set things straight about something they did or say.

 

[Au Naturel]

I would also assume they can still happen to people without autism, as in, people with poor social skills or just are very socially awkward, i believe it can happen to NT people as well, but i wonder and i'm going to guess its more common for people with autism, but anyway, here is what i'm getting across, the point i'm trying to explain:

I'll give you an example on how this has happened to me, there have been times in my life where some people have welcomed me in their presence socially, and I could tell that they got along with me and they liked me being in their presence, however sometime later, like let's say weeks or months later I get the vibe from them that they don't want me around them anymore, the way I can tell is from like their facial expressions or body language in which they look like they are annoyed or bothered by me.
And yet I have no clue what I did wrong, I don't know what it is that I did that caused them to get bothered by my presence even though at first they welcomed me.
It has caused me to get very depressed and even get emotional at times.

even though I am completely aware and I know that we obviously can't please everyone and I know that not everyone will want to be friends with us, not everyone will want to have a relationship with us, that's a fact, it's just that it's more painful when at first things are going well with someone or some people, at first we are getting along, they welcome my, or our company, enjoy being around me, us, but then all of a sudden they want nothing to do with me, or us anymore(referring to people who have gone through this) anymore and we have no clue what it is that we did wrong that pushed them away.

Here is how i view social rejection like that, if i attempt to socialize or befriend people, but they reject me right away, i feel i'm able to brush that off, move on from it, doesn't hurt me as much as i used to, i like to have the mindset "their loss, and plus, they didn't get to know me that well either, they hardly knew me or didn't know me at all", the rejection mainly hurts like i described above, when things are going cool or good socially with someone or a group of people, they at first welcome you in their presence, company, but then sometime later, you get the vibe or feeling from them that they don't like you anymore, they appear bothered or annoyed by your presence and you don't know what it is that you did wrong.

Overall, another way to ask, is it common or not unusual, for people with autism, to come across as annoying or bothersome when attempting to socialize and befriend others and you are not aware of what you are doing wrong, but unfortuneately, you eventually find out when the damage has already been done, but you still don't know what it is that caused the other people to be annoyed or bothered, or not like you being in their presence anymore? Unfortuneately, most people, won't be upfront and tell you straight to your face for you to leave them alone or they won't tell you what it is that you did wrong socially that caused them to either get annoyed by you or not want you in their presence anymore.

I will admit, these types of social experiences have caused me to get very depressed and cry, get emotional at times.

Welcome to the wonderful world of autism, where all kinds of messed up stuff happens, and we don't understand why. If you ask an NT why, maybe they'll just say something about "bad vibes." Maybe they'll mention something specific that may or may not be useful in the future. Maybe they'll make up a comfortable lie. Or maybe they'll tell you that you know exactly what you did and bug off. (I've had that one a few times.)

I think a major problem we have is the inability to distinguish between friendly acquaintances and friends. I have had a few of the former, and in 68 years, I can count the latter on the fingers of one hand.

A friend is someone who genuinely enjoys the pleasure of your company. There's a bond there because simply having you there is rewarding.

A friendly acquaintance might like one aspect of your personality or only in a particular situation or only at a distance. Too much "you" and it gets annoying. Or they might just be a generally friendly person towards everyone. Because of neediness, we tell ourselves that these are friends.

I've had a couple of people who wanted to be my friends but I just couldn't be a friend back. We lacked shared interests and had uncomplimentary personality types. No pleasure in their company. They felt very needy and clingy. I was barely keeping my own head above water and couldn't spare the energy. So I kept them at arm's length. Possibly a mistake, but probably necessary, given what I was going through at the time.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I get this.
Completely.

I still speak with those people. I don't often block someone unless I have very good reason, and I tell them why, because I hate it when people stop speaking with me but give me no reason for it.

That group of friends I wrote out as immature.
I still care for them, but no longer try to keep a relationship going. If they stay away from me, I will no longer go on trying to salvage a one-sided relationship.

It hurts when someone you care about, are friends with, abandons you.
But if they don't want to invest in that friendship, there isn't much you can do but forgive and move on.

I don't try to make friends anymore.
If it happens it happens.
I try to be respectful towards others, try to not offend unnecessarily.
But at my age, if people don't want to be my friends, I'll shrug the disappointment away and keep going.

I'm not telling you to do that.

I enjoy being a hermit, but not all are as I am fortunately.

So if you want to have friends, you need to keep trying. With the consciousness that it might take a long time for you to find that loyal and true person, who is willing to invest in a friendship no matter how hard it may be to smooth out the bumps in that process.

I pray that you will be able to find a respectful and honest friend, who will care enough for you to tell you if you said or did something offensive, and who will also accept it when you feel the need to set things straight about something they did or say.

yeah, i wasn't exactly close friends with these 2 women at work, i never hung out with them outside of work though, its just hurts a lot that, when they later got annoyed or bothered by my presence and i have no clue what it is that i did wrong, even though at the beginning, they were cool and friendly with me, welcomed my presence.

Thats not to say i don't have any friends though, i would say i have 2 good male friends in my life at the moment, whom i've had for some years now, others i know like me and enjoy my company, i feel im more acquaintences with them.

 

[Neia]

yeah, i wasn't exactly close friends with these 2 women at work, i never hung out with them outside of work though, its just hurts a lot that, when they later got annoyed or bothered by my presence and i have no clue what it is that i did wrong, even though at the beginning, they were cool and friendly with me, welcomed my presence.

Thats not to say i don't have any friends though, i would say i have 2 good male friends in my life at the moment, whom i've had for some years now, others i know like me and enjoy my company, i feel im more acquaintences with them.

I'm glad to hear you do have good friends

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I'm glad to hear you do have good friends

another one, well he lives in another state, me and him have been friends on facebook for years now, and i know that if we lived closer, we would be closer friends, we both have shared emotional stuff with each other

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I'm glad to hear you do have good friends

Neia, have you yourself lost friends, or are you implying that, you have experienced exactly what i have gone through as well?

 

[Shamar]

I would also assume they can still happen to people without autism, as in, people with poor social skills or just are very socially awkward, i believe it can happen to NT people as well, but i wonder and i'm going to guess its more common for people with autism, but anyway, here is what i'm getting across, the point i'm trying to explain:

I'll give you an example on how this has happened to me, there have been times in my life where some people have welcomed me in their presence socially, and I could tell that they got along with me and they liked me being in their presence, however sometime later, like let's say weeks or months later I get the vibe from them that they don't want me around them anymore, the way I can tell is from like their facial expressions or body language in which they look like they are annoyed or bothered by me.
And yet I have no clue what I did wrong, I don't know what it is that I did that caused them to get bothered by my presence even though at first they welcomed me.
It has caused me to get very depressed and even get emotional at times.

even though I am completely aware and I know that we obviously can't please everyone and I know that not everyone will want to be friends with us, not everyone will want to have a relationship with us, that's a fact, it's just that it's more painful when at first things are going well with someone or some people, at first we are getting along, they welcome my, or our company, enjoy being around me, us, but then all of a sudden they want nothing to do with me, or us anymore(referring to people who have gone through this) anymore and we have no clue what it is that we did wrong that pushed them away.

Here is how i view social rejection like that, if i attempt to socialize or befriend people, but they reject me right away, i feel i'm able to brush that off, move on from it, doesn't hurt me as much as i used to, i like to have the mindset "their loss, and plus, they didn't get to know me that well either, they hardly knew me or didn't know me at all", the rejection mainly hurts like i described above, when things are going cool or good socially with someone or a group of people, they at first welcome you in their presence, company, but then sometime later, you get the vibe or feeling from them that they don't like you anymore, they appear bothered or annoyed by your presence and you don't know what it is that you did wrong.

Overall, another way to ask, is it common or not unusual, for people with autism, to come across as annoying or bothersome when attempting to socialize and befriend others and you are not aware of what you are doing wrong, but unfortuneately, you eventually find out when the damage has already been done, but you still don't know what it is that caused the other people to be annoyed or bothered, or not like you being in their presence anymore? Unfortuneately, most people, won't be upfront and tell you straight to your face for you to leave them alone or they won't tell you what it is that you did wrong socially that caused them to either get annoyed by you or not want you in their presence anymore.

I will admit, these types of social experiences have caused me to get very depressed and cry, get emotional at times.

To answer your questions, the the answer is "yes," at least in my experience. I am socially non functional, and people say I come across as cold. I have also been describe as "creepy," although the person saying it could not describe what it was or why she felt that way. My lack of eye contact and inability to register social cues (facial expression, body language, word inflection, unspoken meaning) certainly does not help. Neither does my physical awkwardness.

 

[Neia]

Neia, have you yourself lost friends, or are you implying that, you have experienced exactly what i have gone through as well?

I've lost friends. And I've gone through situations when I thought I was making new friends to then be pushed aside without explanation.

Not even pushed aside, just sort of "forgotten". It was as if suddenly the persons decided that they didn't want me around after all. They never said why.

I became numb to this sort of thing after a while, and adopted a "better alone than in bad company" mentality.

 

[Misty Avich]

Usually when I've had friends my age they end up bullying me. The friend I had in my last couple of years of high school suddenly turned against me because I wanted to go to college but she didn't want me to. I told her it was my decision and that we could still be friends and that she could even come with me, but she decided to respond with bullying instead, by sending me snarky text messages and calling me names like "liar" even though I wasn't lying about anything.

Then I made some friends at college but after we left I think they got into drugs which changed their personalities, and they set upon me, threatening me and just being really mean. I had to distance myself from them, which meant I had to make a few changes to my daily routine to avoid them and change my mobile phone number.

So I'm more wary now of who I get involved with, although at the same time I'm very open-minded. But I sort of know which sort of people to avoid, plus I'm older now so I'm more likely to meet more mature people than immature teenage girls.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Overall, another way to ask, is it common or not unusual, for people with autism, to come across as annoying or bothersome when attempting to socialize and befriend others and you are not aware of what you are doing wrong, but unfortuneately, you eventually find out when the damage has already been done, but you still don't know what it is that caused the other people to be annoyed or bothered, or not like you being in their presence anymore? Unfortuneately, most people, won't be upfront and tell you straight to your face for you to leave them alone or they won't tell you what it is that you did wrong socially that caused them to either get annoyed by you or not want you in their presence anymore.

I will admit, these types of social experiences have caused me to get very depressed and cry, get emotional at times.

In my experience, "YES".

The best way I can think of to explain it is to imagine everyone else's brain operating on Microsoft-based software, and then there is your brain, operating on Mac-based software. Furthermore, even your brain's "hardware" is different from theirs. To the untrained eye, both brains are performing similar operations, when in fact, they are not. You can't download Microsoft software onto your brain, and vice-versa. You soon realize that despite some of the outward appearances, you're actually speaking past each other and really not communicating with each other in meaningful ways. You aren't going to make those deep, bonding connections. You're present and aware, but not really a part of the "collective". You're that drop of oil in a pool of water, immersed, but isolated.

At some critical points in your life, you may find yourself having to explain this to the people who matter in your life, because they are probably just as confused as you are why you aren't connecting. Other people, well, they either simply pull back, or worse, you become a "target" for abusive personalities.

I've mentioned this before, the term "autism" comes from the root word, "auto" or "self", which aptly describes many of our experiences in life, being by ourselves. After some 55-60 years living with the condition, trying this, that, and the other thing to try to be like other people, the best advice I can give is to simply accept who you are. You will never be like them, nor part of their collective. Adapt and overcome as best you can and stop ruminating over that long list of things you will never have in common or have. You do you and put aside jealousies and envious thoughts, as it only leads to depression and distress. Focus upon what you do well and stop worrying about the things you don't do well. You don't have access to their "software". Head up, shoulders back, stand up tall, and walk forward through life.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Welcome to the wonderful world of autism, where all kinds of messed up stuff happens, and we don't understand why. If you ask an NT why, maybe they'll just say something about "bad vibes." Maybe they'll mention something specific that may or may not be useful in the future. Maybe they'll make up a comfortable lie. Or maybe they'll tell you that you know exactly what you did and bug off. (I've had that one a few times.)

I think a major problem we have is the inability to distinguish between friendly acquaintances and friends. I have had a few of the former, and in 68 years, I can count the latter on the fingers of one hand.

A friend is someone who genuinely enjoys the pleasure of your company. There's a bond there because simply having you there is rewarding.

A friendly acquaintance might like one aspect of your personality or only in a particular situation or only at a distance. Too much "you" and it gets annoying. Or they might just be a generally friendly person towards everyone. Because of neediness, we tell ourselves that these are friends.

I've had a couple of people who wanted to be my friends but I just couldn't be a friend back. We lacked shared interests and had uncomplimentary personality types. No pleasure in their company. They felt very needy and clingy. I was barely keeping my own head above water and couldn't spare the energy. So I kept them at arm's length. Possibly a mistake, but probably necessary, given what I was going through at the time.

yup, as as usual, NT people, whom i figure most don't understand autism, they just naturally expect us people to understand and get it, they expect us to have common sense or just have the social intuition for knowing what we did wrong or awkward in social situations that caused us to rub people the wrong way, they expect us to know without blatantly telling us what we did wrong.

 

[jsilver256]

You will never be like them, nor part of their collective. Adapt and overcome as best you can and stop ruminating over that long list of things you will never have in common or have. You do you and put aside jealousies and envious thoughts, as it only leads to depression and distress. Focus upon what you do well and stop worrying about the things you don't do well. You don't have access to their "software". Head up, shoulders back, stand up tall, and walk forward through life.

Yep. Never even had the opportunity to try being deaf/nonverbal. As accessibility tech improved, I figured out quickly that I never missed out on anything.

 

[thejuice]

Often people my age are friendly to me but often exclude me from their group, which hurts because I'd love to do social activities with my colleagues outside of work, especially if they are my age. Sometimes I feel being teetotal alienates me from my peer group a lot, which annoys me no end because it's like British society makes drinking the be all and end all and if you don't drink then people think there's something wrong with you and you can't fit in so well. So I think that was why I was so excluded from the others at work, even though some activities they did together outside of work didn't involve drinking. I did hint that I would like to try some of the non-alcohol-related activities they were planning but they still didn't include me and I didn't think it was appropriate to just invite myself along, as it would probably make me look needy and it'd only be embarrassing.

British people can't have fun without being hammered