Are you content in your isolation?

[arthurfakaya]

So I'm just wondering how many of you are content with social isolation?

When I'm in a crowded situation I crave isolation. But even though I can tolerate isolation quite well, I do long to connect intellectually with others. Even books and TV satisfy in this regard to some extent. I can do without the mindless socialising, preferring to connect solely through the Internet, getting to the gist of things with like minds. I have no urge to make regular social contact with others. It might be different if I didn't have extreme social anxiety, but I'm not sure how much of that is due to my aspergers. I'd consider socialising in person if it was with other aspies.

 

[CJinherPJs]

I'm usually content in my isolation and would consider myself a "lone wolf", so to speak. I don't mind social contact, but for me it's best if it's on a one-to-one basis and depends on my level of comfort around that person. I wouldn't go out of my way to pursue a friendship or relationship, and I'm aware that I often come across as aloof. I've never really felt any sort of "connection" with anybody before but you don't miss what you never had, right?

 

[FishyEnthusiest]

Everyone calls me a "home body" because it doesn't bother me to be home and doing stuff that interests me. On the other hand I do like having my boyfriend around. It is nice to have someone to talk to sometimes or even just someone to be here. For me it is not a necissity to get out of the house and do things.

 

[Cerulean]

I like being alone, and fortunately my husband is such a neutral presence to me (i.e. not noisy enough to bother me or silent enough to be weirdly conspicuous) that I can feel alone in a good way and not be lonely. I like being around people too, I just wish I didn't have to speak with them. I love to people watch and I can listen to anybody ramble on about anything for quite a long time, but as soon as I start making noise it bumps me out of my little world and starts to wear me out. At the end of family gatherings or small groups of friends I'm usually grumpy and have to go home and be left alone for awhile.

 

[Bay]

I like being alone, and fortunately my husband is such a neutral presence to me (i.e. not noisy enough to bother me or silent enough to be weirdly conspicuous) that I can feel alone in a good way and not be lonely. I like being around people too, I just wish I didn't have to speak with them. I love to people watch and I can listen to anybody ramble on about anything for quite a long time, but as soon as I start making noise it bumps me out of my little world and starts to wear me out. At the end of family gatherings or small groups of friends I'm usually grumpy and have to go home and be left alone for awhile.

Decompression time is critical for me as well. It can be family or associates, I need that down time.

 

[King_Oni]

Decompression time is critical for me as well. It can be family or associates, I need that down time.

Same here... I need that for pretty much each social interaction I have. The big problem however is "how much down time do you need". If I have forced social interactions, of which I need a break, I'm "recovering" after 2 weeks still... and that's pretty much the problem. Most of the time, there's not that amount of time going on to get yourself together again... a few hours on an off day maybe... but imagine one would need about 96 hours (4 days) back to back, to just chill and relax on it's own. What a therapist told me years ago, when I held a job, was that pretty much, I'm so stressed out cause of my job, that I'd probably need 2 days off for every day worked, and it was no wonder I called in cause I was stressed out.

So yeah... the big issue here is probably what amount of time is acceptable to isolate yourself.

 

[FishyEnthusiest]

I also need the down time after socialization. I find it hard to work two days in a row so I will work Monday and Thursday. I recently had to attend a graduation for my dad and it took two days for me to get back to my normal self. I needed that time to recooperate and that requires sleep and a lot of quiet.

 

[Bubblepig]

I am very content on my own. I can't say I ever get lonely. It was actually quite a problem when I lived away from home because I just never felt the need to leave my room and became quite ill because of it.

 

[total-recoil]

I enjoy being alone but am aware I most definitely have a need to have friends. My best friend is a German Shepherd dog and we are incredibly close friends because dogs are very faithful and love unconditionally. I sometimes think he enjoys my company as opposed to being with other dogs. In fact he gets jealous and aggressive if a dog approaches me sometimes.
Still, at the end of the say, he's a dog and dogs are social, pack animals. So are humans. I don't want to be isolated and remote. I enjoy often being on my own but sometimes I need to be hugged and stuff like that. Or just to talk.

 

[WildCat]

I've been content for as long as I can remember. And TBH, I'll even go out of my way to actively avoid it sometimes, though not as much as I did in the past. The fact that I haven't logged into Facebook in a week is proof to my testimony.

 

[total-recoil]

I love the quiet times by myself. I enjoy watching an eighties DVD while in bed at night. My family worry a lot because they can't understand why I don't socialise that much. However, sometimes I do a little. Then again, sometimes I can get very down after socialising when I appear to have been left out.
I now figure I can understand better why I get left out and figure it will pay off to try and give friends more of a chance. I think they ignore me mainly because I noticed something that takes place in group interaction:
You see, when we communicate in a group, you'll notice the person who speaks will look at each person to make eye contact. The eye contact then convinces that person you're interested in hearing what they say and you become included. Well, problem is I seldom look at the person who tries to include me so immediately become as if I'm not there and less and less included. It's just psychology. I do speak of course and force my way in at times but tend to overdo it. And now I can see that sometimes when I'm talking to someone I tend to talk at them. Or amazingly pace about while I'm talking.
Much of this I think can be gradually improved. I say that because I work with dogs and dogs will experience all sorts of problems if not socialised.
Of course, you can't cure social communication issues but you can improve and find friends that will appreciate your efforts and do their best to include you more. Most of my friends have lacked understanding at times but some of them I'm now telling about my A.S. situation. So far they've all been O.K. And I really do want to enjoy time by myself but also sometimes mix a bit more. Maybe in stages, taking it gradually.

 

[NeverEnder]

I love the quiet times by myself. I enjoy watching an eighties DVD while in bed at night. My family worry a lot because they can't understand why I don't socialise that much. However, sometimes I do a little. Then again, sometimes I can get very down after socialising when I appear to have been left out.
I now figure I can understand better why I get left out and figure it will pay off to try and give friends more of a chance. I think they ignore me mainly because I noticed something that takes place in group interaction:
You see, when we communicate in a group, you'll notice the person who speaks will look at each person to make eye contact. The eye contact then convinces that person you're interested in hearing what they say and you become included. Well, problem is I seldom look at the person who tries to include me so immediately become as if I'm not there and less and less included. It's just psychology. I do speak of course and force my way in at times but tend to overdo it. And now I can see that sometimes when I'm talking to someone I tend to talk at them. Or amazingly pace about while I'm talking.
Much of this I think can be gradually improved. I say that because I work with dogs and dogs will experience all sorts of problems if not socialised.
Of course, you can't cure social communication issues but you can improve and find friends that will appreciate your efforts and do their best to include you more. Most of my friends have lacked understanding at times but some of them I'm now telling about my A.S. situation. So far they've all been O.K. And I really do want to enjoy time by myself but also sometimes mix a bit more. Maybe in stages, taking it gradually.

Well-written, meaningful and very interesting, total-recoil.

 

[smith2267]

Yes and no. I don't want what NT's call socializing, all that weird crap they do at parties. And I like being alone most of the time.
But sometimes I think back to the handful of friends I had in high school, guys who really got me. And I miss that terribly.

 

[Christian T]

Maybe deep inside, my subconscious has decided I would rather have a minimal social life than to keep up with all the obligations of maintaining an active social life.

Whenever I make an effort to be social, that good old peaceful isolation looks very tempting, especially as things get hectic and convoluted (at least to me).

 

[Christian T]

In terms of down time, I find I'm usually exhausted after an uncommonly long social session. All those forced polite smiles, cheesy jokes and superfluous comments take a lot out of me, and I usually withdraw. That's partly why I always get to school right on the bell and go straight to class, even though everyone else gets there early to socialise. It's also why I don't have facebook, I just don't see the need for constant communication. I like my social outings to be a special event with meaning.

Also, at primary school I'd often prefer to wander around on my own thinking up fantasy worlds and stories than play sport with the other children (that's all they ever did!) and I used to have to avoid concerned teachers who told me that I had to find someone to play with, thinking that alone=loneliness=bad. It's not that simple.

 

[Loomis]

As I have gotten older I have learned most people are a pain in the butt. The worst ones are those who need to blabber on and on about nothing in particular. So, yes I have become comfortable being alone because the alternative is to have to tolerate a lot of boring nonsense. I have a brother-in-law who loves to tell stories but he contradicts himself making it quite clear that what he is saying cannot be true; I do not need to waste my time with such rubbish.

 

[consultingrodent]

i'm content with my isolation to an extent. i hardly ever desire to socialize or go out with people. i don't mind going out places like to the mall or the movies, but i only ever feel really comfortable doing that when my mom is with me. i didn't have such an issue with friends in elementary school, but once we all got a little older, the desire to socialize and hang out got more important and i never wanted that, so i become the one nobody ever called up to see. if i was there, i was automatically the third wheel, because (and i'll be honest) i found it hard to be interested in what my peers were interested in, and there was always a complete lack of eye contact on my part.

though i won't say i never get lonely. i'm okay with hanging out with just one person, but more than that's over whelming and when i've been made to socialize, i NEED my downtime. i need to just be left alone in my room and not interrupted for a little while, which is really hard for my family to grasp, because they think i'm being rude and antisocial by shutting myself in my room, but if i don't get that time, i snap and end up getting very angry. i don't want to call it a tantrum, but i do have episodes where the anger wins out and there's yelling, but i cool down again once i've had that time to myself.

what i think is MORE isolating than actually being by myself is that my mom constantly tells me i need to get friends my own age and that she doesn't want to go places or do things with me. like, i know i should want to have more friends my own age that aren't my mother, but i don't.

 

[RubenX]

I have no idea what "content" is supposed to mean. If it means that I'm happy when isolated, that's wrong... I'm lonely. But most of the time, being lonely beats being mad hands down. If people get in the way of me pursuing my interests, I'll get mad. But that doesn't mean I want to be alone. I might not make sense, is not easy to explain.

 

[Bay]

Actually, one of the times I am fondest of is when I am sitting with my partner, each on our own computer pursuing our own individual interests, occassionally mentioning interesting thoughts or observations. Alone, in a sense, but not lonely. Giving each other that space is a very loving thing to do, I think.

 

[total-recoil]

I discovered the feeling of being an outsider takes place for 2 reasons:
(1) Your friends perceive you as being a bit "different"
(2) You may not be making actual contact with them by not looking at them or engaging. Thus, they ignore you and you isolate them. So, you feel unhappy and left out and maybe even rejected.
I have experienced this for years and it has made me feel at times very low. Now I understand far better what is happening. And amazingly the other week I discovered I stim at times. I suddenly noticed I was flapping my right hand while talking to a friend. So, I have now started to open up to one or two friends. I'm not ashamed to be who I am and I don't want to isolate myself as much as I did in the past. It does hurt when I get ignored and it still happens but I think now I can see both sides of it. I mean, if I talk at people as I sometimes do (can't help it) they will automatically not be so good at engaging back. I try to just not let it become such a big deal and sometimes I will join a group and joke a bit with them (even though I still get a bit left out).

I am not content with my isolation. I like when I am home with no visitors, yet wish there was someone to share it with. When I take my sons to karate, it is awkward either way. Either I talk with the other mothers, and feel like the oddball, or I don't talk with them and feel like an outsider. When I am at school/work I feel ok to be social a little so long as I am not just standing around doing nothing. However, I notice my voice. I notice I speak slower like I'm being careful to say the right words. It's awkward to spit them out. Sometimes the wrong word slips out. I notice that my speech does not come out in a natural way the way it does with others. I feel embarrassed.
One thing I am content about is not having much of a social life. I never feel like going out and being social. I don't know how I'm going to find a companion, but somehow feel faith that it'll happen if it's supposed to.