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As an NT How do I know when I should ask out my (potentially Aspie) crush?

I will try. Gonna just stop thinking about it and let it play out. He may be totally different in person. He doesn’t text much except work related stuff.

I am truly excited though.
 
Rodafina said:
calm down, relax, be yourself.
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Completely agree - I don't think the point is to "talk" at all cost. If this were a business meeting, maybe, but this is personal, so perhaps you could just focus on what you like about the guy, because you'll be with him then - which could fundamentally be a pretty cool thing to look forward to (albeit scary). Maybe try to "feel" the moment rather than try to control it?
 
I think you need to sway between being straight forward and bold. You seem to be okay with that. If he's not able to ask you enough questions (if any) and if you're okay revealing some personal information on your own or developing context for that, then you should do so. I would just split all bills at least for now.

This isn't something you'd normally do, but it might be appropriate for this context: Maybe when you split a bill, you can ask him if he's ever considered exchanging paying of others for bills and is able to have that kind of trust without having be asked. Since you have understandable reservations about his social etiquette, this is totally the way to go.
 
Well our date was Saturday night and he offered to pay. Kept that balance of straight forward and bold, even though I hadn’t received your advice yet.

We sat in a restaurant and talked for four hours! I listened to a lot about his work, but it was far easier than I thought. I recognized several “aspie” moments, but loved every second of it. The ending was a little pleasantly awkward but he wants to do it again and so do I!

Text convos afterward, have been more relaxed and a little flirty.

Thanks to all of you who’ve helped me navigate all of this. Love this forum and all of those I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with!
 
mylife2023 said:
Well our date was Saturday night and he offered to pay. Kept that balance of straight forward and bold, even though I hadn’t received your advice yet.

We sat in a restaurant and talked for four hours! I listened to a lot about his work, but it was far easier than I thought. I recognized several “aspie” moments, but loved every second of it. The ending was a little pleasantly awkward but he wants to do it again and so do I!

Text convos afterward, have been more relaxed and a little flirty.

Thanks to all of you who’ve helped me navigate all of this. Love this forum and all of those I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with!
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So happy to hear this and we wish you well!

Even though aspies can be more socially awkward, some of them can be more dependable, trustworthy, honest, and they have different ways of thinking that are better than the average person. It sounds like both of you may've found a treasure in each other.
 
OP, this person is a human being. If you can't figure out how to communicate with them, maybe you're just not compatible. You're not going to have a very healthy or enjoyable relationship if you attribute all your differences to his diagnosis.
 
Guess just be straightforward, respect boundaries, ask questions, and be happy.
 
mylife2023 said:
I've never been that girl that asks a guy out, but with this particular guy, I feel like I am having to take the lead on everything. I don't mind that, but there's a learning curve. He responds more when I am straightforward, and then it kind of wanes until I say something bold. I haven't interacted much with him, because of distance, but I am willing to drive the four hours to go on a date. I've found a nice quiet restaurant so that we could maybe talk face to face.

My question is, how do I know when it's okay to just ASK? Do I pay? Do I suggest we split the bill? I just have no idea how to go about this. I know he's clearly interested, and he's slowly talking more (some days, anyways).

What's the green light to move forward?

Thanks for any advice.
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"
I've never been that girl that asks a guy out".

That's because you as a girl have the luxury of never having the pressure of having to take the lead in anything or be the one to ask a guy out and why do I get the feeling that one-sided unfairness will always be one-sided as in fall on guy shoulders
 
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