ASD and following instructions

[Pats]

My ex used to always try to tell me how to do things - even would try to tell me how to do things in my job as a nurse (he was a carpenter). I'd usually get mad and walk away telling him to quit trying to tell me how to do something that he doesn't even know what I'm doing.

 

[Mia]

Generally I have difficulty following verbal instruction, even at school. Always managed to do well because I inhaled all the textbooks and associated materials first before starting the classes. And then wrote the papers and exams. If someone wanted to stick a pen in my eye, I would prefer that to a school lecture. I don't follow them well, become distracted, lose focus cannot sit still for more than an hour and go home and read up on everything afterwards.

As for following directions for anything, my spouse read the directions, as I physically or visually put something together and am finished before he's completed reading the instructions. Experiment and am 'hand's on' with things like cameras and electronics figuring out how they work and then using them. I've been that way since I was child, I learn by doing things, and am more of a visual learner. Prefer trial and error, as that way I don't easily forget.

It's much like @Pats has mentioned, I'll look at a picture and figure it out quickly. When I sew, I use measurements, but don't use patterns as long as I understand how something is constructed, I can usually copy it. When grocery shopping for example I never make a list, walk through the store keeping a running total in my head of the costs, and have memorized the location of everything I need. If they alter the layout of the goods in the store, although they don't where I shop, I relearn all the locations again.

 

[Shamar]

I have noticed that most people with ASD are really bad at following instructions. They rather want to do something in there own way.

I find, personally, find the problem is not wanting to do things my own way, but instructions are not clearly communicated and I have to figure things out on my own. Written instructions are no problem (unless they are translated from Japanese by someone who barely understands English).

I'm best at open ended directions when the final result is clear. Once I was told "Make a three axis electromagnetic sensor that can fit down a 5 inch hole and is waterproof to a depth of 150 feet. Use whatever materials we have on hand. You have a week" It was fun. I had free reign to do whatever I needed to get it done, as long as it fit the final specs. I had it ready in three days. On the fourth day I was told "Oops, we were misinformed. It has to fit a 4 inch hole. There are two days left."

 

[Gracey]

If I'm to assemble flat pack furniture for example,

I'll refer to the instructions only if I get stuck.


If, in my minds eye,
I can take something apart, look at how each piece works and put it back together,
I usually don't need assistance from instruction.

I can follow verbal instruction if I understand it.
the more concise the better.

My favourite (jokey-lazy) phrase to hear is,
"Can you pass me 'that' please?"

infinite number of 'thats' to choose from.
in that instance, feeling bewildered makes me smile

 

[Misery]

For me it depends alot on whether or not I think the thing in question is bloody stupid. Which it tends to be.

Like, back in highschool, in PE they were always doing sports. Football and basketball and blah blah. I say "they" because I utterly refused to do any of it. I dont even know how to play Whateverball, and had no interest. No, I dont want to leap all over the place or crash into idiots. No amount of coercing could make me do it. Same with running/jogging. Nope. Eventually, they decided "screw it" and had me just walk aimlessly around the track during PE while everyone else did stupid crap.

They could only take the complaints so far, too, which is part of what made it work. For no apparent reason my legs are very strong, and it's really obvious just from looking, so they couldnt exactly say things like "you need to work out, you weak noodle!" Granted my arms ARE weak, but they didnt need to know that.


It's the same for alot of other stuff. If I dont want to do something, then I'm not going to freaking do it. And if I DO want to do something, but the "normal" way is idiotic, I'll do it my way. Usually that happens with gaming. If playing competitively, I often find that the "correct" way to do whatever is often bloody stupid, so I'd always come up with my own methods and techniques. Amusingly, I was usually the one winning.

And above all else.... I'm just inherently stubborn.


Now that being said, there are exceptions. If I need to assemble something, I'll sure as heck follow the instructions. And with my board game hobby, I'll follow the rules to the letter even though I'm playing solo and nobody could complain even if I did change something (the exception is Dark Souls. The normal rules have.... issues... so I use a community-created variant. Hilariously, it actually makes the game even harder). Granted it's easy to forget a rule every now and then, particularly early on, but that applies to pretty much everyone in that hobby.

 

[Adora]

I definitely not good at following instructions, my husband has gotten frustrated with me due to this and also my older brother who lives with us and is also on the spectrum struggles with listening to verbal instructions aswell.

I am also the type to like doing or learning things in my own way and prefer to teach myself and find it less stressful for myself.

 

[Aspychata]

It seems less stressful if l know everything first before l study it. Terminology , technical concepts, schematic or a index that l can browse and see the overview. Then l can come in at the lower level and examine the details. If just hit with details, l feel lost and what purpose does this solve? But music teachers, some are great, others do kill motivation.

 

[Progster]

Yes. Yesterday, I was chopping kindling wood, when my partner came along and siggested another way to do it. Thing is, I have already found my own way of doing it, have tried his method previously but still found the method I was using to be best, I explain this but they may get upset, offended or take it personally because you don't use their method.

When I'm doing something, I always try to figure out how to do it myself first without help, and then only refer to instructions or other help, like a YouTube tutorial, when I have tried and not been able to do it. I dislike it intensely when I'm doing something and someone comes along and tries to take over from me - when this happens, an argument will ensue.

My ex used to always try to tell me how to do things - even would try to tell me how to do things in my job as a nurse (he was a carpenter). I'd usually get mad and walk away telling him to quit trying to tell me how to do something that he doesn't even know what I'm doing.

Ditto that. Sometimes the parents of my students try to tell me how to teach, I really don't appreciate that at all. I don't tell them how to be a doctor/accountant/engineer or whatever their job is, and they have no business to tell me how to do mine. Although their insight on the child is often helpful.

 

[Bellacat]

I have an overpowering need to know "why" before my brain will let new information in. If the instructor can't provide a good explanation for doing something, I don't want to blindly follow their instructions. I don't want to waste my precious time and energy on pointless exercises just because someone said so. It's also hard to remember what I'm supposed to do if I don't know why I'm doing it. Then I have to rely on my working memory, which isn't very good. I need to have a chance to see, evaluate, and accept the reasoning behind what we're doing.

Not having the right motivation can bring up a wall too. When I took piano lessons, the teacher wanted me to play particular pieces over and over again until I could play them correctly. The problem was that I didn't like the music in the books, which made it hard to practice. I really wanted to play music I liked. I tried hard to practice and do what she asked. I understand why she would want me to learn the fundamentals really well before moving on to harder pieces, but that wasn't working for me. She probably thought I was being stubborn, but I was just bored and frustrated. I wanted to learn, but needed a different kind of motivation and challenge, so I took the initiative to find sheet music for songs I liked but were a higher level, and I presented one piece to her. She said it was too advanced and we should stick to the books. I went home and learned it on my own just to see if I could. Then I was super motivated to practice! When I went back, I excitedly showed her that I was able to do it, and still she insisted that we stick to the books and progress through them song by song, so I quit.

 

[SusanLR]

I dislike it intensely when I'm doing something and someone comes along and tries to take over from me - when this happens, an argument will ensue.

This is when I will become annoyed too.
If I have found a way of doing something that works for me, whether self taught or taught by someone
else, then someone tries to take over and say I'm doing it wrong is cause for aggrivation.
It's time for some explaining at least.
I always want to know why also.

This hasn't gone over well with instructors or employers because I'll ask why?
Sometimes I feel they don't have a legitimate reason why and that is what angers them.
They just want to show authority by telling you they are right and you are wrong.

This could be the reason behind some teachers also.
If they can give a sensible explanation it would be a work of co-op.
Just stating do it this way makes the grades, but creates friction if you don't understand the reason.

 

[harrietjansson]

I have a practical theory on aspergers (and I mean practical).
People often tell us that people with aspergers or other ASDs are childish and childlike in many ways. Why is it easier to diagnose spergers in adult than in children? What was ok as a child might be unacceptable as an adult.
The way of learning language that kids use is often not acceptable for adult. Many polyglots learn languages like a child. I say "like" because it is never exactly the same.
Why do I hate just playing from sheet music? Music is a language and I want to speak it. Play is important for kids and for many aspies as well. I want to experiment and play eg simple four-part harmony on the organ or piano. I do this experimentation with a wise teacher. He tell me we must start from experience and then go to theory. Not the other way around. People often give us rules or theory before we are allowed to arrange tunes. This is the opposite of what a child does when he is playing and experimenting.
Some instructors start with experimenting but does dislike the natural way. A child starts by sayibg ma-ma and pa-pa. A child does not start with long sentences eg greetings. I guess a polyglot would visit a country or a person speaking a language and try to speak eg ordering coffe even though the grammar might be wrong.
We people are either too methodical or anti-methodical. I cannot see why any aspie wouod be able to follow methods when most of the aspies I know don't do well with methods. We need to accept our inner child.
A good instructor helps us with experimentation. And then we may not want to admitt this but aspies can easily be upset like children. We have to be aware of this.
What do you think? Any practical thoughts on this?

 

[Bolletje]

I cannot see why any aspie wouod be able to follow methods when most of the aspies I know don't do well with methods.

Well, it seems like you’re biased based on the people with Aspergers you know. Just in this topic there are quite a few people saying they do follow methods and prefer working from instructions, so your hypothesis doesn’t fully work here. Maybe you can’t imagine Aspies being able to follow methods, but this topic proves different.
Also, using a methodical approach doesn’t mean you can’t embrace your inner child. I’ve always used a methodical approach ever since I was a kid. I could play music without sheet music, but learning new songs was easier with sheet music. I can learn things by doing, but I prefer gathering information first.
I’m a very curious person, but I can satisfy my curiosity while using a methodical approach as well.

 

[harrietjansson]

Also, using a methodical approach doesn’t mean you can’t embrace your inner child. I’ve always used a methodical approach ever since I was a kid.

I cannot use methods since they tell me too much what to do rather than let me experiment myself.
Methods are too theoretical or anti-"playing by ear". I cannot see how you can combine "only playing from a sheet music" and "both using sheet music and your own arrangements".

How were you able to combine these two?

 

[harrietjansson]

Maybe you can’t imagine Aspies being able to follow methods, but this topic proves different.

I cannot imagine it because I never met aspies who don't want to experiment.
I myself want (or need) to try out things my way.

 

[Bolletje]

I cannot see how you can combine "only playing from a sheet music" and "both using sheet music and your own arrangements".

How were you able to combine these two?

Simple. It’s not black and white. Using sheet music occasionally doesn’t mean you have to do it all the time. It doesn’t disqualify you from making your own arrangements. Cooking by recipe doesn’t mean you can’t experiment on the next meal you make.
I like experimenting but that doesn’t mean I can’t follow methods. I’m perfectly capable of discerning what approach a certain situation needs. I’m flexible enough to be able to do both.
Stop trying to say all Aspies are the same way because you know a few that share characteristics and you can’t conceive of people taking a different approach than yours.

 

[patrick183]

Absolutely true for me. I very much am wired not to want to follow instructions. I find I can understand things much more deeply if I figure them out in my own way. I also challenge most anything everything that is not justified by consistent logic. It's allowed me to become extremely intelligent and understand things really deeply, but it takes way longer to learn things this way. I nearly failed a lot of classes, and did fail a couple, but only because I wasn't allowed the time to learn things in my own way. In university I had an engineering class where the professor allowed allowed unlimited time, and stumbled upon a difficult question. I did not know the formulas, but I had build a solid understanding and intuition of physics fundamentals, and over the course of three hours derived a formula I needed. It was marked incorrect even though my answer was correct, because the TA grading the exam didn't understand how I did it. I had to email the TA a couple times and meet with him to show him what I did. And also that professor did ask me to finish up after 4.5 hours, I hadn't yet finished the other questions... so much for unlimited time.

 

[zurb]

To a degree, I agree with you. However, for a lot of practical things (including music), muscle memory, dexterity, physical flexibility, coordination are required (and these are usually weak points for auties and aspies). There’s no shortcut, but lots of practice exercises will get you there. Experimentation typically won’t.

 

[Aspychata]

I support the op and l support the peeps. Different subjects lend themselves better to experimental learning then others. Music teachers really should try to give their student songs that they would wish to learn but it doesn't always happen for lots of reasons. The hard sciences, not much wiggle room unless you have unlimited amounts of time to create a new system.

 

[BlueSky Aozora]

I have noticed that most people with ASD are really bad at following instructions. They rather want to do something in there own way. Sure they want help but the teacher or guide have to meet them were they are. Some do not bother to take private lessons in eg music just because they want to do thing their own way. Some do take private lessons and suceed but most people (like me) need to do things their own way and having the teacher accept that. Sure they will need a guide/teacher but only one who let them be who they really are (which sometimes never happpens). What do you think this is all about?

Honestly sometimes I found it annoying when I try to help, introducing this & that that might help the person, but the person is not enthusiastic with it and always refuses all the suggestions flatly. Probably because the suggestions are not inline with his interest or way of doing things (how should I know..).

I would expect someone who always telling that they have this & this problem to be enthusiastic to try any good ideas that might help them overcome it. But maybe I'm mistaken. Maybe he just want me to hear it and just nod. Maybe I was impatient to see the person's growth. Maybe I should stop trying to solve his problem, when he doesn't see it as a problem he needs to change. Maybe I should stop being a worrywart. Sorry for the ranting.

Edit: Ooops, I mistaken "instructions" as "advice". Sorry..

 

[BlueSky Aozora]

Shouldn't the instructor let the student be the guide and help the student from there?
I think they call it taking responsibility for your own learning. Why would a certain method help me? Wouldn't the greatest method be guiding me from where I am rather than asking me to follow an instructor? This is why I hate a lot of instructions! They are simply asking me to do it their way rather than mine.

You can just find an instructor who would let you do things independently while giving you guidance sometimes. They are two different types of instructors. Or you can just discuss with him/her.