Aspie Women & Masculine Brains

[Desiree W]

I never wanted children, either, which I attributed to being the oldest child, and a girl, and having to basically act as a housewife without any of the autonomy; a classic "responsibility without the power" situation. I figured it had burned me out on it. Besides which, I found the constant demands of small children would literally wear me out mentally and I knew it would be a struggle to try to do the typical mother thing; a job AND taking care of the house AND run all the errands AND do all the raising of the kids. At least, that is what I saw around me, growing up, and it did not appeal.

Don't think it has anything to do with Aspieness, actually; too many NTs, when given the same look at things, will also choose that way. And I'm plenty nurturing... only with adults and pets.

Children, I like them and get along with them... but they are so darn immature!

I totally get how you feel. I told people back when I was a teen that I didn't want kids. Other girls talked about having kids and they'd hold babies a lot. I wasn't into it. People told me I'd change my mind.... NOT! I'm 46, never married, no kids. The thought of being a housewife and mom was a turn-off to me back then. Some women try to make other women feel "less than" for not having kids. I don't think that's right. People have to live their own lives.

I had some of that, in my early thirties; I had a good marriage and a house and so forth. It was like a craving But even so, I realized I didn't have the resources to do it the way I wanted.

I would be surprised if our species didn't have such... we'd have died out if some people didn't really want it, regardless.

 

[Streetwise]

i have a neurodiverse friend neighbour but because of her neurodiversity it prohibits best friendship she chooses another neurodiverse female -autism is a curse

Actually, I think I had one a few years ago. And it was awesome while it lasted, so yes, 10/10, would recommend ASD women as friends. But would virtual friends do? That's all I can handle at the moment.

I wonder if other unconventional women, not necessarily ASD, would be good friend-matches, too. Does anyone have a telling experience?

 

[Sid Delicious]

This thread was very entertaining to read! My sister refers to me as 'a gay man in a female body' and that's probably a fairly accurate description. I'm perfectly happy being female and have zero interest in changing sex, but I do find it much easier to relate to men and struggle to understand a lot of 'typical' women. My hobbies and interests are all predominantly 'male' too, so I rarely get to have an interesting conversation with another woman outside of work (I get to attend tech meetups, which seems to attract more 'nerdy' types of both genders). I don't know any women in every day life who enjoy things like stock trading, programming, cars/planes, gaming or economics. If I do chat to a woman, then I always have to let them lead the conversation. Otherwise, I'm either met with a bored/annoyed expression or they laugh and tell me I'm 'funny' and politely change the subject! Glad to know there are others out there like me!

And yes, I get the 'kids' issue too! I love hanging out with other people's kids, as they can be really entertaining for a day or two. But I feel it would be incredibly selfish of me to have children when I know I would not make a good parent. I'd rather be a kick-ass aunt and cousin instead.

 

[Fitzo]

I too have always got along better with men than women and just couldn't relate to most women's conversations.
I have always worn jeans and shirts more than any other clothes. I never considered this wanting to seem masculine though. I just have a more masculine body shape - broad shoulders and slim hips - so rarely found dresses and skirts that suited me. I even wore pants on my wedding day.
I have always been interested in learning how to do things so have become quite adept at home repairs, renovating and carpentry. Once again, not because I particularly wanted to be masculine, but from sheer practicality. I just don't see gender as a barrier to doing anything unless it requires brute strength, and even then I have always been stronger than most women I know.
Conversely I used to be a hairdresser and have always taken an interest in hair and makeup. I also worked in fashion for a number of years.
I do think I confuse people though because they like to put you in a box, which I don't fit in. Nothing new there!
I once had a conversation with a guy who was horrified when he found out I had a tractor and used it on my property. " I always thought you were so feminine !"
I am feminine - does that mean I can't be practical too?

 

[Lady Penelope]

I'v loved reading all these replies! My little heart feels so comforted that you amazing women exist when I've spent my whole life convinced you didn't. I relate to more than one thing in just about every reply.
This has been incredibly helpful and nourishing to read. You are all perfect beings and I am so chuffed to be able to say I'm part if this. That I know to my core I belong. High fives to everyone!

 

[OkRad]

Wow. Same here. I am small and look feminine but grew up with two brothers, so am quite a tomboy. But not really male-feeling. Hate make up, hate female clothes, but hate male clothes. I buy my clothes in the kids' girl section. Things like leggins and shorts, not like dresses and bows or crap like that. It's just that the clothes are fully functional and allow you to move and run and DO things. Women's clothes are binding and ridiculous and not funtional. The same leggins in WOmens' small are $14! Instead of $4 in kids' section. Plus in womens' they might ride low in the back or have bell bottoms or try to look sexy whereas in kids' it's just because OK, we have to cover ourselves with SOMETHING and fig leaves are now out.........

Other mscualine things........ I can go to the gym and pop out like 20 pullups, so it's odd!
In my history classes I always took battle and warfare history as opposed to what other women were doing and that was womens' history.
I learned to hunt and fish early, but I NEVER killed anything. I learned it but decided against doing it because of killing. So I am kinda feminine there.
Also prefer hanging out with guys, but it get complicated because of feelings. Platonic relationships can be hard.
I like other women and can hang out with them, but they seem not to like me much because I cannot stand make up and stuff and am always talking about philosophy.

Oh, wait, that turns off men, too. I look rather delicate but can do some pretty male stuff. But in the end, I don't think I am even HUMAN, let alone M or F.

 

[Ylva]

In "Delusions of Gender" it says that girl fetuses subjected to a surge of testosterone (the thing thought to cause brains to become "male") grow penises but keep their wombs, and that there is insufficient evidence that there is such a thing as a "male" brain.

 

[Katleya]

I don't know any women in every day life who enjoy things like stock trading, programming, cars/planes, gaming or economics. If I do chat to a woman, then I always have to let them lead the conversation. Otherwise, I'm either met with a bored/annoyed expression or they laugh and tell me I'm 'funny' and politely change the subject! Glad to know there are others out there like me!

Tell me about it. Most of the other women in my outside life insist on talking about their boyfriend, or their teething baby, or how their couple's therapy is going.
I'm much more interested in political economy, planes & aviation, or a bunch of other things that I don't feel are gendered. Lately I've been catching myself reading most of the news about soccer on the Google news thread, and I don't even care about soccer; meanwhile, I haven't read a single article on celebrities.
Needless to say, I end up having very few conversations outside of here.

But wait, is it not to you that I owe a reply in another thread on the wise ways of a streamlined beauty/outfit routine? (Not that I have much to say... it's streamlined because I use Excel spreadsheets, really

 

[Ylva]

Maybe allistic women are like us in a sense. They have spent their lives disguising who they are and acting.

 

[Gracey]

I think I quite like the idea of the emergence of non specific gender. Not so much relating to biological equipment but losing some of the traditional ideas and perceptions on how a specific gender ought to conduct themselves.

There is no getting away from the biological facts that bodies have evolved in the most effective way to reproduce naturally and continue the species but a change in perception of 'roles' in society is most welcome.

I don't desire a relationship with another woman and I don't want to transition surgically in order to have a penis ...I can get as many of those as I want as a female ! ...joking aside,

But I am more comfortable in the company of men, I seem to understand the conversations, behaviour, actions far better than in the company of women.

I had always presumed it to be because I grew up with alot of male influence and very little female input but I could also say that I ignored alot of female input and gravitated towards; what was considered back in the day as mostly 'male' activities. Having brothers (possibly on the spectrum) made it easy to be included in fishing, footie, bike rides and adventures, they never told me to 'get lost' and go and play with girls. I don't think it ever occurred to them.

Perhaps there is something to the label of being 'male-brained'?

 

[WereBear]

We have no way of knowing what we are really like when our gender programming is so relentless.

 

[Streetwise]

I'v loved reading all these replies! My little heart feels so comforted that you amazing women exist when I've spent my whole life convinced you didn't. I relate to more than one thing in just about every reply.
This has been incredibly helpful and nourishing to read. You are all perfect beings and I am so chuffed to be able to say I'm part if this. That I know to my core I belong. High fives to everyone!

Do you think everybody knows what chuffed means I inwardly chuckled when I read that as you don't hear it A lot now

 

[Lady Penelope]

Do you think everybody knows what chuffed means I inwardly chuckled when I read that as you don't hear it A lot now

I blame my precocious reading tendancies as a kid. I sounded like i came right out of a Dickens novel instead of Australian bush!

 

[Streetwise]

I blame my precocious reading tendancies as a kid. I sounded like i came right out of a Dickens novel instead of Australian bush!

Not totally Australian English is a lot like British English

 

[WereBear]

I grew up in the Deep South, at a time when the subculture demanded women be decorative, subservient, and air-headed. It's not that the women around me were any stupider than in other places. They just would fit themselves into the culture by seeming so, or they took advantage of the culture to not apply themselves, or avoided even the appearance of intelligence lest they become "undateable."

With adulthood, I moved to NYC, where women were expected to be far more assertive, intelligent, and self-driven by comparison. And... they were.

 

[Lady Penelope]

Not totally Australian English is a lot like British English

True but most Aussie kids can't string a sentence together... it's worse nowadays. Jeeze that makes me sound old...
I didn't use slang which made me sound posh. Aussie's pretty much exclusively speak in slang. Alien in my own culture as well as non-NT!
It probably didn't help that I'd also put on the British accent

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

I'm autistic with a masculine brain xD

 

[Kalinychta]

But how much of this is because of societal gender roles? There's still very few ways male brains differ in reliable studies. This has gone back and forth so often. Males do better with maps; no wait, when we redid that study, women did just as well! And so forth.

When I was growing up in the SouthEastern US, I might as well have been raised by wolves. There, women were supposed to be "girly," not that bright, passive, fluffy brained, and obsessed with shoes and shopping. While I liked reading books and didn't care what I wore as long as it was comfortable. And the South had a name for that, too: bluestocking. But it wasn't a compliment. I wasn't "supposed" to be that way.

When I grew up and moved to NYC, it felt like home. There, women were outspoken, bold, and could be smart if they wanted. I fit in much better there.

A lot of it is gender roles. After all, art and reading and such are often thought of as "girly" and yet almost all of our art and literature was written by men... because women weren't allowed!

I don't think we have any idea about what is male and what is female.

In addition, a lot of those Southern girls got married and had children and often had a useless husband (because he wasn't allowed to be his real self, either.) And suddenly, with lives at stake, she'd get a job, juggle finances, and manage complicated things.

It's all a mess and I'm not going to contribute to it by believing the Daily Mail. If anything, our experiences show we don't conform like NTs. But that, I think, is all

You’re exactly right. People here are talking about gender roles and gender norms, which have nothing to do with neurological differences between male and female brains. Our brains don’t lead us to wear makeup and dresses and talk a lot about our feelings, etc.—these are learned. And in fact the differences between our brains aren’t really even that significant anyway.

And also, women are not more emotional than men. In fact, many studies show that men are more emotional than women. Boys learn from an early age that expressing emotion makes them look weak and female (god forbid), so they bury them. Anger is basically the only socially acceptable male emotion, whereas sadness and other less-intense negative emotions are acceptable in females...so, when “emotion” is defined as “the emotions that are socially acceptable for women but not for men,” then of course women will be seen as more emotional than men.

 

[Crossbreed]

The forum page shortened this thread's title to "Aspie Women & Masculine Bra..."

(It's a bro... No, it's a manziere!

)

 

[Streetwise]

The forum page shortened this thread's title to "Aspie Women & Masculine Bra..."

(It's a bro... No, it's a manziere!

)

not a .......abomination