AuDHD

[kriss72]

I didn't get help and I did have to work full time in the beginning. Working live performance singer/musician. But after the first 5 years we moved into the bush, with no power, no vehicle, bad access and stopped working for a while. Problem was, my kid's dad wasn't too kind to me. And I got very ill. Psychotically ill. Which made him worse.

That sounds extremely hard, I don't understand why some people are just treating their partners badly, like what do you gain from being evil to you own children's caretaker. I'm assuming he didn't help much with the kids.

My faith has been the thing that's got me through, and my wits. And my love for my children.

I'm happy you had faith to help you, and yeah I know how the love for a child (as I only have one), can make us stronger.

I never went on anti-psychotic medication. Turned out I was dangerously low on Vitamin B12 and Iron and it has affected my brain (malnourishment from eating little, vegetarianism and having five babies and breastfeeding them, by then). I got shots and was able to recover from the brain issues that caused the psychosis.

I can see why your body was under a lot of stress, it's good you at least got help to solve that issue.

It took me a lot longer to be able to get away from my kid's dad because for one, I'm an autist of the two variety, and two, I couldn't drive, and three, he gaslit me a lot, and told me I was "crazy" a lot and that "If you leave, you'll never get the children, because you're crazy" and I believed him.

Somehow that sounds familiar, if I had been sure I would get our daughter, and I would be safe, then I would have left with her when she was young.

So I had my two youngest and no regrets there! They are amazing and wonderful people! My youngest daughter, who has a baby (recently moved back here, so I'll see lots of them) says she had a good childhood, too, which surprises me, considering how desperately unhappy I was with her father. I masked so much, it's taking years to recover.

Wauw, hearing your child telling you she had a good childhood must be amazing, even I'm not surprised- you sound like an incredible mother, and you didn't push your hardship to your children.

 

[Harmonie]

I was diagnosed with ADHD long ago and am now strongly suspecting I'm also autistic. I watched a video where a woman with both goes through some things she experiences and one that really stuck out to me was contradictory traits.

Contradictory traits describes me so well I don't even know where to begin!

Routine: I need strict routine at my workplace and will get extremely upset if I get interrupted or get put on an unexpected task and my routine gets off. On the other hand, strict routine leads to burnout, and I often find myself thinking that things would be better if each day was actually different. Not in tasks, but like I came to work every day at different days, and had varying shift lengths. This probably sounds like a nightmare to someone who is purely autistic, but I think it makes sense with both. I mean, it doesn't mean sense... but I make sense of it. xD

Socializing: I have been called an introvert, but internally think of myself as a bit of an ambivert. When there's someone I really enjoy the presence of, I can talk, talk, talk forever and be sad when we part. However, generally, I have a limit on how much I can socialize and need to be home by myself for a time to recharge. I am a lone wolf by default. I can spend days and days without going outside and not think a thing of it. When I have vacation time, the last thing I think about is going out and going somewhere away from home. What I think about is recharging with time to myself in my room, otherwise I don't think I can handle going back to work.

It can be very hard to make sense of these weird contradictory traits, but I guess now I have a framework on which to do so. lol. TBH, it feels like my autism side traits are more prominent. Limited people may see the other side of me, but I've hidden that from most people because I know it'll get me labeled as annoying by most.

 

[kriss72]

I was diagnosed with ADHD long ago and am now strongly suspecting I'm also autistic. I watched a video where a woman with both goes through some things she experiences and one that really stuck out to me was contradictory traits.

Contradictory traits describes me so well I don't even know where to begin!

Routine: I need strict routine at my workplace and will get extremely upset if I get interrupted or get put on an unexpected task and my routine gets off. On the other hand, strict routine leads to burnout, and I often find myself thinking that things would be better if each day was actually different. Not in tasks, but like I came to work every day at different days, and had varying shift lengths. This probably sounds like a nightmare to someone who is purely autistic, but I think it makes sense with both. I mean, it doesn't mean sense... but I make sense of it. xD

Socializing: I have been called an introvert, but internally think of myself as a bit of an ambivert. When there's someone I really enjoy the presence of, I can talk, talk, talk forever and be sad when we part. However, generally, I have a limit on how much I can socialize and need to be home by myself for a time to recharge. I am a lone wolf by default. I can spend days and days without going outside and not think a thing of it. When I have vacation time, the last thing I think about is going out and going somewhere away from home. What I think about is recharging with time to myself in my room, otherwise I don't think I can handle going back to work.

It can be very hard to make sense of these weird contradictory traits, but I guess now I have a framework on which to do so. lol. TBH, it feels like my autism side traits are more prominent. Limited people may see the other side of me, but I've hidden that from most people because I know it'll get me labeled as annoying by most.

it is almost scary how much this sounds like me, but also nice to hear others with the same experience, thank you for sharing @Harmonie

It's really sometimes like a fight between the adhd, autistic and logic/masking parts of my brain.

When I went through the assessment process (I was diagnosed with both adhd and asd at the same time) it was the first time I met someone who could make sense of my brain, like I would say something like ain't it contradictory that I do this and that, and the assessor would smile and say no, you do this because of the asd and that because of the autism, like she understood this constant fighting, and could explain it too me

These contradictions also ended up in my assessment reports section on workplace accommodations and I have been lucky enough to get a job where they have listened to most of it, except I'm on a fixed weekly number of hours (20 pr week) it's a real struggle some weeks.

 

[Neri]

I wanted to update on how I'm going with beginning treatment for me ADHD combined types. I saw my ADHD naturopath and she's given me a herbal combination. So far, I've taken it in very haphazard ADHD-y way, but, she's arranged for me to get another bottle made up at my village's apothecary and I'm going to try my best to take it regularly and as prescribed.

I do think it's helped, even so.

I do have an appointment with an ADHD psychiatrist in 6 months, but, it costs so much, I'm thinking of cancelling, as he doesn't sound very conscientious, nor does he offer ongoing titration, he expects my Dr to do that and I'm not very happy with the Dr I've been seeing, as it is.

My burn out, autistic inertia and executive function are still impairing me, but, I did manage to help my son move and that was a hectic time and a big job.

I'm really happy with my naturopath though. She's lovely and I can tell she genuinely likes me as well, which means a lot to me. She offers ADHD life coaching as well, but, is away supporting her sister who is having a baby, at the moment.

 

[kriss72]

I do think it's helped, even so

Sorry to hear that it hasn't helped Neri, did you manage to get any coaching before she moved away? Do you know when she will be back?

 

[Neri]

Sorry to hear that it hasn't helped Neri, did you manage to get any coaching before she moved away? Do you know when she will be back?

Oh sorry. I didn't make that clear. It HAS helped, and she's coming back, I'm not sure when, I think I can see her in a few weeks. I've spoken to her on the phone and I could be doing zoom sessions, but, I'm waiting for my disability funding to pick in, because it should covet it and it's not affordable for me, otherwise.

 

[kriss72]

Oh sorry. I didn't make that clear. It HAS helped, and she's coming back, I'm not sure when, I think I can see her in a few weeks. I've spoken to her on the phone and I could be doing zoom sessions, but, I'm waiting for my disability funding to pick in, because it should covet it and it's not affordable for me, otherwise.

I'm happy to hear the coaching part has at least helped you I hope you disability funding starts paying soon so you can continue, can you continue with the coaching part even if you stop the herbal medication? If it doesn't help it seems like a waste of money... do try to take the next batch as prescribed thou

 

[Neri]

I'm happy to hear the coaching part has at least helped you I hope you disability funding starts paying soon so you can continue, can you continue with the coaching part even if you stop the herbal medication? If it doesn't help it seems like a waste of money... do try to take the next batch as prescribed thou

I haven't started the coaching, yet. I'm taking the herbs and they are good. They have helped a bit.I will take them as prescribed when I get my next bottle. They should help more when I do.

 

[kriss72]

I haven't started the coaching, yet. I'm taking the herbs and they are good. They have helped a bit.I will take them as prescribed when I get my next bottle. They should help more when I do.

Lol, I think I'm very good at misunderstanding people today sorry, about the confusion - I hope the coaching will also be helpful when you start it

 

[tree]

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...ging-diagnosis?utm_source=pocket-newtab-en-us

 

[MNAus]

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...ging-diagnosis?utm_source=pocket-newtab-en-us

Interesting (though I'm getting pretty tired that these articles persist in representing autism as predominantly being a young, female thing with their interviews and images).

Through discussion with my psychologist we've come to the conclusion I very likely have ADHD. Which type is difficult to say, because I understand the hyperactivity is usually internalised in adults, and externalised in kids. That would suggest combined type is likely, but the autism clouds things. I'm putting in an appointment with a psych to get the diagnosis, though as I have no family here, no school reports, etc it might be a struggle and if they are unable to understand how it presents with autism, it will be even more challenging. So how does it present?

Well, this post is a great example of one aspect which is the tug of war between focus and distraction. I have something else I need to be doing, but the idea of writing this post was irresistible. So I started with enthusiasm. I had a structure in my head and a ton of ideas. I started writing, kind of got the idea of how it was going to go and basically had it all laid out in my head. At that point, I don't want anything more to do with it. Since I started writing this I've actually already been to about three or four different other sites to have a look around, played with the puppy for a bit, made a coffee, played with the puppy again, had a chat with someone. I may or may not finish it. But as you're reading it I guess I did.

If I do post it the autistic side will kick in again and I'll edit it many times (I'll try to resist just this once) to improve how it reads. ETA: It's this ongoing conflict between needing precision and really not being bothered. It's like I almost get to the point where I'm begging myself to leave the details alone because they bore me soooooo much, but I simply must go back and tweak.

And that is how it is with everything. I have this hyper focus which allows be to mentally arrange things but the ADHD distracts me. It might sound like I get nothing done, but I can move mountains. If there is something urgent (as in needs doing, not should be done by some arbitrary date), something incredible difficult, challenging, etc. it'll get done. Some of the biggest and most difficult ideas get solved. I can see patterns and solutions, models, outcomes. My autistic side has blessed me with this ability. My ADHD has blessed me with a curiosity, but also handed me a short attention span. My autism has handed me a difficulty in communicating my understanding. My life is full of incredible insights and half-filled forms.

We thought I might have some sort of demand avoidance thing, because I leave so many things I should be doing undone, but it's not that, I just get incredibly distracted as soon as the problem is 'solved', even if that solution only exists in my head.

I can finish things (like this post!!!) but it takes effort to stay focused. But I am able to finish stuff, which means I have a fairly successful career, but I could have been so much more. I have a general level of noise in my head, including music on repeat, phrases people said playing back a few times, etc. I'm hoping to get that diagnosis.