Autism and the emotion of love

[Gerald Wilgus]

I’ve wondered that, too. I think this would be an excellent topic for a whole separate thread, as a matter of fact. I totally wonder if it’s gender-specific. Maybe because there’s so much performance and faking it that goes into being a woman, so perhaps we’re just so relieved to be left alone? Although personally I’ve defaulted to solitude since I was a toddler. For me it’s definitely an autistic thing, not a gender-specific thing. But maybe there are things that are gender-specific autistic things also?

I have also wondered about it as age related. Being aware of catfishing by people taking advantage of older people who may be missing a trusting relationship when a spouse dies or leaves, just makes me aware of people using basic human needs in a predatory way. It seems that being alone would be preferable.

 

[Kalinychta]

I have also wondered about it as age related. Being aware of catfishing by people taking advantage of older people who may be missing a trusting relationship when a spouse dies or leaves, just makes me aware of people using basic human needs in a predatory way. It seems that being alone would be preferable.

Totally agree. My mother was annexed by a narcissist a few years ago and ended up marrying him. Now she spends every waking minute catering to his ego. It’s really so tragic that this sort of thing happens to elderly people so often.

 

[Callistemon]

Think being outta of sight , outta of mind, is okay. Because a hyperfocus is not good. I am sure that NT's don't think about the one in their love life constanly.

Perhaps being on the spectrum, it's rather hard for others to grab our interest, because we need to be engaged on many different levels. Our senses, our imagination, our logic, because some of us are very sensitive. It's rare that l find that person that really grabs me and l chose not to settle for a blah relationship. And l chose not to be in a relationship purely for just that reason. Is this love? It's a journey to discover myself and that person and enjoy our interaction.

Well, I think whether NT or ND, it's fair enough for people to want to be compatible on all sorts of levels with a life partner. That makes for better relationships...if we're trying to "relate" after all! And it really is fantastic to be with another person who is imaginative, creative, sensitive, thoughtful, matches your intellect etc - but best of all, has a good heart. I think not only for a life partner too; my best friends over my life were like this as well. (Because people move around so much these days, and for a while that was me also, we can end up far apart from our friends geographically but still remember then fondly and stay in touch, albeit less than would be nice, due to life pressures etc...)

I think to have a "blah" marriage would be such a waste of a life...

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Well, I think whether NT or ND, it's fair enough for people to want to be compatible on all sorts of levels with a life partner. That makes for better relationships...if we're trying to "relate" after all!

Exactly! Once I started coming out of my cage of social isolation my life and relationships revolved around outdoor activities for the most part. But I especially enjoy that my spouse enjoys the cultural too. I have friends, met through Sierra Club outings, that have moved near where I am precisely because they like the variety of outdoor activities here.