"Bad" people

[Maelstrom]

"DogwoodTree, post: 189224, member: 11539"]Very good explanation, yes. Yes, I think that is a huge part of it. Their energy doesn't match their words, and yet I'm usually so caught up in trying to perform the socializing dance and not make a misstep...that I can't take the time or mental energy away from that process long enough to really think through what feels so off or how to respond to it. And looking back later, I have to rely only on my memory of what details I caught in order to process it as best I can.

Hi Dogwood I'm not sure I get the fake thing maybe you guys can read a pattern I'm missing. Some people seem to set off more warning bells than others. But mostly I watch to see if they are really trying to be nice. Every one has a bad day once in a while but if they don't try to patch things up and blame others for not nice things they did, then after awhile there are too many black marks to good marks in my head, and I just avoid them. I only have so much time for people anyways, why not spend it with some one who will treat me nice.

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="DogwoodTree, And looking back later, I have to rely only on my memory of what details I caught in order to process it as best I can.[/QUOTE]

Hi DogwoodTree I'm the same as you on the prosesing thing afterwards. And my previous post was referring to my personal life only.

 

[Spiller]

"And looking back later, I have to rely only on my memory of what details I caught in order to process it as best I can."

"Hi DogwoodTree I'm the same as you on the prosesing thing afterwards. And my previous post was referring to my personal life only."


I always do this.. as you say Dogwood, Maelstrom, there's no time to deal with the contradiction your senses/intuition/empathic sense are picking up and, annoyingly, it's too late to bring it up later - part of why I seem so slow or quiet to others, I think.. I call this post-processing myself; I can spend 2-3 hours in an evening looking back over 2-3 days worth of interactions and find I'm able to pick up nuances of expression/behavior I consciously missed at the time also.
I wish it was acceptable to continue those parts of conversations the next time you see that person, but it never seems to work.. they just change the subject, like it's old news.. well it's not to me!

 

[DogwoodTree]

Yes, I mull over conversations for hours...days...weeks...sometimes even years later, something about a conversation will click for me.

 

[On the Inside]

I used to have the exact opposite problem to OP, but not so much now that I'm older. When I was younger, I had such a hard time understanding people, that I would determine whether I liked a person on a different set of principles as most regular people would. For example, if a person was nice to me, then that was enough. If other people would normally shun that person, I wouldn't understand why, and would just see a person who was nice.

As I got older, I realised that there are certain traits that people use to judge others, outside of whether they're friendly to you. I've also had to teach myself to actively become more judgemental; firstly, because I needed to recognise the "bad traits", if they were in fact bad, and secondly, liking everyone for simply being nice doesn't always work in your best interest; especially since being nice can be easily faked. This apparently is a common problem for women with AS.

I am this way as well, and have only now been starting to develop a screening process.

While I've had some unpleasant encounters and been taken advantage of at times, I've never been in any danger because of my naive trust in others. I'm a tall athletic male, though, with a bit of a "don't mess with me" vibe. What usually happens is that I know someone, through work, or school or something, and I get along with them fine. Then find out later that most everyone else doesn't like them, thinks they are jerks, or some other judgement, and I just shrug and wonder why.

There have been a few people who I definitely wish I had been more circumspect about my involvement with, they were definitely nothing but trouble in the end and it took me forever to realize that.

What I need to do is to develop a stronger sense and attraction to people who are truly good at heart, giving, positive, helpful. Those are people who in the past I suspected had ulterior motives, and didn't trust (why are they interested in me,why do they want to help me?). Maybe in some cases I was right, but I know I've also pushed many good people away, or shied away from them.

 

[Ellylldan]

I'm not sure I get the fake thing maybe you guys can read a pattern I'm missing.

For me it's not even patterns, I just "feel" it somehow.. I can't really explain it. I came up with this explanation about energy contradicting their words after long long analysing.

There is too much going on in my head during a conversation. I have fight the anxiety, I have to remember to look in the person's eyes and also to pay attention not to overdo it, I have to try not to get distracted by the background noise, and with all this I also have to follow the conversation itself. Oooh, it's a lot of work! And I would spend next days analysing, I would be thinking what I did wrong, how I could do it better, and a lot of things I missed would come clear-er.

I wish it was acceptable to continue those parts of conversations the next time you see that person, but it never seems to work.. they just change the subject, like it's old news.. well it's not to me!

Hehe, yes. I always secretly hope the old topic will come up again, now that I'm prepared, but no way..

 

[Maelstrom]

For me it's not even patterns, I just "feel" it somehow.. I can't really explain it. I came up with this explanation about energy contradicting their words after long long analysing.

There is too much going on in my head during a conversation. I have fight the anxiety, I have to remember to look in the person's eyes and also to pay attention not to overdo it, I have to try not to get distracted by the background noise, and with all this I also have to follow the conversation itself. Oooh, it's a lot of work! And I would spend next days analysing, I would be thinking what I did wrong, how I could do it better, and a lot of things I missed would come clear-er.

Hehe, yes. I always secretly hope the old topic will come up again, now that I'm prepared, but no way..

Hi Ellylldan Thank you I will make a mental note on what you said on the eyes. I tend to look away too much when talking, but you are right, a persons eyes and how everything moves around them often does give away tells on how they are feeling. I have spotted flashes of hatred or even evil in them on a few occasions. On the unpacking missed of voice tones, expressions, and hidden emotions and agendas it is like watching a bad horror movie. It took me 6 months for new missed stuff, to stop popping up in my head after the break up. It was not pleasant and my family really were not helpful at all, acting like it was no big deal and poring salt in the wounds all the time by letting those people bother me with phone calls..etcetera. And yes the temptation to wish you had said this, or seen that, can drive you mad. But there is no re-do time travel button for us on this stuff, I wish there was. It is very depressing some times, I wrack my brain looking for ways to lower the stress threshold so I don't miss so much stuff on dates and crash and burn.

 

[Madame Catfish]

I don't usually have "feelings" about people.
Most people seem to have an instant vibe about a person's character without a concious register as to why they feel that way, but my judgements are concious to a fault. I can be quite judgemental, but it is less of a gut thing than a conclusion. NT's seem to do this unconsciously due to their social skills, but I have to do it consciously, which sometimes helps my results to be more accurate, abut can seriously slow my decisions about a person.

For instance, I once had a male teacher who used the pronoun "I" four times as much as any other, sauntered with his hands clasped in front of him, and smelled like cheap perfume made for people who want to smell like they have something expensive. When introducing himself on the first day of school he mentioned that he had served many different jobs as a teacher in different states, collected smurfs, and liked the piano. He also mentioned that he did not approve of homosexual marriage.
My feelings were based off of his strong denial of his own homosexuality (constantly hating on gays any chance he had without any provocation), rocky employment record and inability to sustain jobs around children, obsessions with toys and childish paraphanalia, recurrent narcissism, and the fact that he stood a foot or less away from children, yet two feet + from other adults. It amazes me that most people make the same conclusions without being aware of the information, though, and often quicker than someone who does it conciously.

Within fifteen minutes I had my "feeling". I didn't get it automatically but the information that I gathered lent to the feeling. The man was a paedophile. I knew it and would be the only person to notice for the next few weeks. Most of the other students had the gut feeling after the first few weeks, but didn't know why. Whatever the case, they came to the same conclusion without the concious effort. Eventually someone finally reported him for pouring water down students shirts and making sexually explicit comments to some of my classmates, which confirmed my feeling, if him repeatedly stroking my classmates and I after we had asked him to stop wasn't proof enough as to his character (or lack therof).

I seem to be ranting again.
What gut feeling does that give you?

 

[Ovrthkr817]

I know when I like people and I know when I don't. I don't always know why.

When I don't though, they usually end up proving me right. My sister says I have a sixth sense for people's character.

Also, with the people I get bad feelings about, I tend to open up a lot less to them, because I don't trust them.

 

[fredvizsla]

I think what you are discussing is due to visual thinking and intuition. Many (if not all) of us are visual thinkers; what we SEE is what forms our perceptions. We "read people" visually. Images are processed intuitively, meaning that our thinking is unconscious (without using words.) The "delay" is because we have to translate visual thinking into words: words seem to "pop" out of nowhere.

If you read Madame Catfish's post it's obvious that she is emphasizing what the teacher looks like, smells like and observation of his body language: this is what we do and it can be far more accurate than what "word-based" people know: they tend to believe what people say, even if they're being dishonest.

for more about Asperger characteristics: Asperger: The HypoSocial Human | Investigating the Asperger brain as a legacy of ancestral humans

 

[Streetwise]

i m sick of being slandered by what i legally have to call children
just heard the horrible high pitched voice of a slandering child it chills me for once its creator was controlling it not for long enough though

[QUOTE="DogwoodTree, there are a few people I've come across in my life where I just can hardly stand to be around them.

Hi I think great care should be taken on this, intuition is a natural defence, and should not be ignored, could even save your life. There was this lady my father counceled, for years. I had a bad feeling from day one told my father she was bad news. But she played the damsel in distress, every one was picking on her, every one abused her, every one misunderstood her, bla, bla. Father told me I wasn't charitable enough, she spent 10m years worming her way into my family. Finally got her step daughter to trick me into dating her, courting letter and every thing. She went on endlessly about how wonderful a person she thought I was. But the minuet things didn't turn out in her favor, turned on me like a cold blooded wolf, no mercy, no humiliation too great, endless lies, slander, spying, manipulations, attempts to extort me, any dirty trick in the book to get her way. I now believe her sob stories of being abused are likely almost all lies. Still half worried she'll show up one day on the porch and John Lennin me. So if your auti side smells that hungry aggressive wolf thing, run, lock the door, cross the street, very bad people can smile real nice and be charming, and cut you up into little peaces the minuet they get you cornered. Sociopaths do not advertise, they hide in plain sight.[/QUOTE]

 

[Maelstrom]

i m sick of being slandered by what i legally have to call children
just heard the horrible high pitched voice of a slandering child it chills me for once its creator was controlling it not for long enough though

Hi I think great care should be taken on this, intuition is a natural defence, and should not be ignored, could even save your life. There was this lady my father counceled, for years. I had a bad feeling from day one told my father she was bad news. But she played the damsel in distress, every one was picking on her, every one abused her, every one misunderstood her, bla, bla. Father told me I wasn't charitable enough, she spent 10m years worming her way into my family. Finally got her step daughter to trick me into dating her, courting letter and every thing. She went on endlessly about how wonderful a person she thought I was. But the minuet things didn't turn out in her favor, turned on me like a cold blooded wolf, no mercy, no humiliation too great, endless lies, slander, spying, manipulations, attempts to extort me, any dirty trick in the book to get her way. I now believe her sob stories of being abused are likely almost all lies. Still half worried she'll show up one day on the porch and John Lennin me. So if your auti side smells that hungry aggressive wolf thing, run, lock the door, cross the street, very bad people can smile real nice and be charming, and cut you up into little peaces the minuet they get you cornered. Sociopaths do not advertise, they hide in plain sight.

[/QUOTE]
Am not sure what you meant???...you okay?

 

[Streetwise]

Am not sure what you meant???...you okay?[/QUOTE]
they accuse me of doing something because i wont pander to them i say legally children as people could be reading what i said and want to sue me for libel
i cant call children the name IM thinking IM not that naive .
and IM harassed because they have also only heard my dog barked at people after vile children had tormented it

 

[Bella Pines]

Are you able to tell if your feelings about someone are based on that person's character, or instead based on your own, possibly inaccurate perceptions of that person?

b. Your own perceptions. In all cases.

 

[Maelstrom]

It is a difficult thing I hate to think badly of people unfairly... but on the other hand it seems like most of the the time if they can find a way to put their hand into the Bad Cookie jar to ruin you...there their hand is!
I have over the years gotten into the habit of leaving cookie jars out just to see who is good, and who isn't, because reading faces is so hard...very few people pass the test.
Very very very few!
Today may be a world class on that front!
still some checking to do but it looks really, really, really, bad.

 

[Streetwise]

Are you able to tell if your feelings about someone are based on that person's character, or instead based on your own, possibly inaccurate perceptions of that person?

There are a few people I've come across in my life where I just can hardly stand to be around them. There's nothing wrong with them, they're not bad people, they're not mean to me, in fact most of these people actually seem to like me. Maybe it's even the very fact that they do like me that feels so repulsive about them, I don't know.

Watching these people around others, they're typically the kind of person who seems a little bit "off" somehow, but no one else seems to notice. Everyone else seems okay with them. But for me, I can hardly look at them. I read recently that autistics often can't look at the people they don't like and yet will look frequently at people they do like. So maybe this is partly an aspie thing, at least that part of it. But I have no idea if it's something I'm picking up about these people that no one else sees, or if it's just my own craziness interfering with what could otherwise be a perfectly good relationship.

Thoughts?

well its happened again just thrown a stone at the window then the vile chilling high pitched voice with particular regional accent saying "SHALL AH DO IT?"
obviously throw another one started a panic attack