Being Around People Drains Me

[Priti1968]

It took me many years to realized this about myself, but I starting to understand being around people drains me. I will give some examples about myself.

Family: For having a large family, there is always lots of people at family events. At least 30 to 50 people and sometimes even more. With all the conversations going on, and me not able to connect with anyone, I feel left out. During this process, it does drain lots of energy around me. All is on my mind is I want to leave as soon as I can. Family gatherings on average for my family is at least 6 hours yet it feels like a full day to me.

Co workers: Anything related to work social events drains me deeply. I always end up being bored for these type of things. I decided to decline for all future events as it no point for me. The exception if it during office hours, then I'm kinda stuck since I would lose pay during that time if I didn't show up. Though I could use a vacation day which is something I might try to do next time.

Out In Public: Hearing people conversations in public normally drains me as most things people talk about in society I don't care about. To manage through this, I must have music with me at all times.

I have learned to enjoy things alone. In about a week from now I'm going camping alone for 5 days. I choose the first day of my camping trip on Canadian Victoria Day. Why? Well, by the time I arrive at my camp site, many people would have left since people need to work the next day. As a whole, I plan my trips during non busy periods as I can't stand doing vacation trips when their lots of people that would drain my energy away.

As some of you know I'm aiming to build my life to be a hermit. Once I reach this goal, I will have all the energy in the world on a regular basis.

Dear Penguin Won't you get lonely at some point? I get you wanting to be a hermit but what about what you can offer the world? There are children on the spectrum that would miss out on your knowledge and guidance. Another person be it on the spectrum or an NT on the love only you can give. Don't be alone and secluded please. The world would miss you. Just something to think about. Perhaps a small community. Trust me people drain me too. Too many dumb callous individuals to deal with. Noisy too. I wear earplugs due to hypersensitive hearing but I get you. Peace and love be with you.

 

[The Penguin]

Dear Penguin Won't you get lonely at some point?

Sometimes but I'm use to it as I lived alone for 15 years.

I get you wanting to be a hermit but what about what you can offer the world?

My employment. I do have a decent job and have good talent I can get a job in my trade at many places. Outside of that, I have no idea.

When I do live as a hermit, I'm not cutting everyone out. I still speak to a few family members sometimes and some online friends. My life would be almost the same as it is now. The only difference when I do live as a deeper hermit, I will be living in a super low populated area. If my house located in an area I can't see any other homes with my eyesight, then this is the perfect place.

 

[Priti1968]

Oh my beautiful penguin, I hope that you wanting to be a hermit is only because of overstimulation and noise. I pray that your experiences didn't make you come to the conclusion that being a hermit is your only choice to be content. Being used to being alone isn't the same as liking it. I'm sorry you have been alone for 15 yrs. Humanity can be so rude when others are not exactly like them. We are not all the same though. There are wonderful people in this world who have great capacity to love others despite obstacles and differences. I don't know your age but if this is your final decision then I respect that. Much love and peace be with you. Hugs from Brooklyn.

 

[The Penguin]

Being used to being alone isn't the same as liking it.

There was one point I didn't like it but I don't mind it anymore. For the last 5 to 6 years, I find endless things to enjoy myself alone including camping and hiking which I'm going in 7 days from now. I had some people suggest an hiking group but it would't work for me as I don't do my trips for the social aspect. I do my trips to enjoy nature. I can spend endless hours filming and take pictures of nature.

I had many people ask me how can I enjoy camping alone? Well, I meet many other people enjoy camping alone. I think most people are use to doing trips with people, but doing trips does not always have to be with people. Also, what I love being alone being on my own schedule.

I'm sorry you have been alone for 15 yrs.

No need to be sorry. There was a few gaps during those 15 years I lived in shared accommodations. Never liked it. I love my current place I had for 5 years, a single home. I can enjoy doing what I want in my home without disturbing anyone.

 

[Suzanne]

My goal as a child was to be a hermit.
My mum's side is a large family. I feel anxious when having to attend events even when not everyone will be there. Hell, having to entertain my own parents is draining.
I was alienated from work occasions as i could not bring myself to go them. I was the odd girl in the office.
I have to wear earphones down the street and to the supermarket cos i can't process everyone's conversations.
I think my main aversion is due to the inane conversations ... purile ... chit chat about nothing ... etc.
I still think I'll end up a grey haired old hermit lady with a pack of dogs happy days

Oh my, that is so me, ie cannot cope with inane conversations, but sadly, most NT's thrive on inane conversations and those who are ok chatting with me, probably have a bit of the aspie in them anyway lol

 

[Kirsty]

I pray that your experiences didn't make you come to the conclusion that being a hermit is your only choice to be content.

I think this is what it comes down to. Many people online and offline have ended up hurting him one way or another. If I was one of them, it wasn't intentional. I care about William a lot.

 

[Judge]

For myself I can only say that solitude keeps me sane, yet loneliness keeps me sad.

An odd balance of sorts, but it is what it is. It keeps me guessing as to whether or not there was ever really another person I could coexist with and thrive rather than struggle with. For better or worse, "it's my life", and has been for a very long time.

 

[WildCat]

You're not the only one Penguin. The thought's crossed my mind too many times to count, and I'm getting to the point where thinking being by myself is probably the safest option for me, for the sake of my well-being and sanity.

Maybe it's me focusing on all the negatives, lack of social prowess, attitude...whatever it is, it's a tempting option for me. I say do what YOU think suits you best and go from there. From reading through your posts, it looks like you have the money (or career and/or skills for it) and resources, so if that's what you need, then by all means: like Nike, "just do it".

 

[Priti1968]

There was one point I didn't like it but I don't mind it anymore. For the last 5 to 6 years, I find endless things to enjoy myself alone including camping and hiking which I'm going in 7 days from now. I had some people suggest an hiking group but it would't work for me as I don't do my trips for the social aspect. I do my trips to enjoy nature. I can spend endless hours filming and take pictures of nature.

I had many people ask me how can I enjoy camping alone? Well, I meet many other people enjoy camping alone. I think most people are use to doing trips with people, but doing trips does not always have to be with people. Also, what I love being alone being on my own schedule.


No need to be sorry. There was a few gaps during those 15 years I lived in shared accommodations. Never liked it. I love my current place I had for 5 years, a single home. I can enjoy doing what I want in my home without disturbing anyone.

I get you Penguin and I send you lots of love and hugs. I wish you the best today and always.

 

[Priti1968]

Oh my, that is so me, ie cannot cope with inane conversations, but sadly, most NT's thrive on inane conversations and those who are ok chatting with me, probably have a bit of the aspie in them anyway lol

You are too adorable. I'm not on the spectrum but I am with you there. Most people are just foolish and talk just to hear themselves. They add no substance to conversation and the topics are sometimes just plain dumb!! But to each their own.

 

[Priti1968]

You are too adorable. I'm not on the spectrum but I am with you there. Most people are just foolish and talk just to hear themselves. They add no substance to conversation and the topics are sometimes just plain dumb!! But to each their own.

Einstein could not put it any better. I love Einstein!!

 

[Priti1968]

View attachment 33827 Einstein could not put it any better. I love Einstein!!

suzz

 

[Priti1968]

For myself I can only say that solitude keeps me sane, yet loneliness keeps me sad.
I believe there is someone out there for each one of us. The man I am with is on the spectrum. He was convinced he would always be alone till I came along. It is possible. Communication is key. Much love to you.

An odd balance of sorts, but it is what it is. It keeps me guessing as to whether or not there was ever really another person I could coexist with and thrive rather than struggle with. For better or worse, "it's my life", and has been for a very long time.

 

[HelzBelz]

I admit I'm very pessimistic about people in general when I go out. Rationally I know most are fine, but my kids and I all have the attitude of 'ugh, people!' and make quiet comments amongst ourselves about wanting them all to stay home or leave town (Antartica sounds nice this time of year!). Anywhere there is more than one person I'm putting my guard up, not making eye contact or smiling as to not encourage interaction. I'm sure I could stop and ask someone directions or something and they'd probably be polite and accommodating, but my natural state wants to go out into the world, do what I have to do, then retreat back to the safety of home.
I can't remember who said it, but I agree with the lady who said it's about balance. It is for me, anyway. I love my space but after long periods alone I enjoy interacting with one friend at a time. Or if I'm feeling calm and energised (it DOES happen occasionally!) I'll pop out somewhere I would normally avoid (supermarket or department store) and be more open to eye contact and the occasional smile to strangers.
I've got myself a huge bush/tree covered section with a large house for my kids to be able to retreat from each other, and my extended family have decided we need a big family reunion and my place would be a great option to meet... sounds like hell to me!!

 

[Suzanne]

You are too adorable. I'm not on the spectrum but I am with you there. Most people are just foolish and talk just to hear themselves. They add no substance to conversation and the topics are sometimes just plain dumb!! But to each their own.

Wow, can't agree that I am too adorable, not even part, but thank you sincerely sincerely for you sweet words.

 

[Samantha mcbay]

I'm the same. I can handle one or two people. But being around lots of people is physically draining. I feel more alone around a lot of people than I do on my own. It's awful and most people don't or cant understand how horrible it feels. It gets so much that I just shut down and become very depressed and it can take weeks for me to be ok again. I like being spending time alone mostly but I don't mind being around other people as long as it's just 1 or 2.

 

[Samantha mcbay]

Not trying to sound rude or anything.. but it honestly feels like you just can't handle big groups. Then by default you are feeling "drained" by everyone else. That seems a bit unfair to everyone in the world. Not everyone is bad just because they are being themselves! What you are doing seems like "stereotyping" which rarely does any good. Being a hermit just seems like an excuse to avoid people (majority that you don't even know).

That's a rather ignorant comment. No being introverted doesn't mean your being judgemental or that you really even dislike other people, it just means we find being around other people physically exhausting or taxing. What it does to us is not a choice. The majority of us envy those who are more extroverted because we would love to just be around other people with out it effecting us so much. We've learnt to not like large crowds and prefer being on our own, not so much because of the people around us or environment but because what is happening with in us and how it is affecting us. We can't control what is happening to us but we can control whether or not we put ourselves in situations that will trigger it. Hence the preferences for being alone. And we actually like our own company. If we could control those reactions though we would because it causes us more pain than we want. I've been like this my whole life. And it's never going away.

 

[Priti1968]

Wow, can't agree that I am too adorable, not even part, but thank you sincerely sincerely for you sweet words.

Hey Suzanne you are adorable because your expressive writing tells me so. Also do you know why when I post something after what someone else wrote it becomes actually the middle of their post. It appears like they wrote it. Did I make sense? Arghhh!! It happens sometimes.

 

[Samantha mcbay]

I always wear headphones if I have to go out alone (which is rare). It helps because I can't hear everything going on around me, and also means that people don't (generally) try to talk to me.

That's a good idea. Never thought to do that

 

[Desiree W]

In my case, a lot of times I like to be around people, just not with them. For example, I'm more of a loner and I like it that way. However, I do like to go to cafes/bookstores and drink coffee while reading. There are times when I just get tired of sitting at home, if that makes any sense.