When this all began I posted a thread on here about my ex boyfriend suddenly ignoring me.
I figured I would do a new post on everything that has happened, mainly for me to vent it out and start healing but also to see peoples opinions on this situation. I apologize for the length.
My ex and I met on ok cupid, I was at the point of giving up on online dating and so I barely responded to him.
When I realized we have similar values I gave him more of my attention and we ended up FaceTiming on a daily basis and then talking pretty much all day via text.
I do auditing for cruise ships so I work 28 days then have 7 days off. He works offshore and works 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off.
This was ideal because he is able to travel to me in his off time and I would do the same in mine.
He had explained that he was previously married to his high school sweetheart, and has two boys one who is 8 and the other who is 3. The youngest is mute and on the autism spectrum.
My ex also told me that he has Asperger syndrome, but I shouldn't worry about it, he knows how to "control" it.
After talking constantly for 3 weeks he offered to drive from Houston to New Orleans to meet me( I was getting off a ship there) I really appreciated him putting so much effort in to meet me.
The minute I met him I felt so comfortable. And so happy. He was so affectionate and loving and it felt like we had known each other forever. We spent the next two days together walking around and doing fun touristy things in New Orleans.
After New Orleans he kept telling me how into me he is and that he can not wait to see me again so he decided to fly to Tampa the week after to come visit me there for 3 days. Again it was perfection. We toured the area, went to great restaurants, the aquarium, the beach we just had such an amazing time. Every night he would tell me how he sees a future with me.
He then told me he loved me. I was really hesitant at first because it was so soon but I really felt so much for him.
He had to go back to work so for the next two weeks he would FaceTime me 3 or 4 times a day. He told me he wanted to introduce me to his boys and his family and that we should move in together next year. He is still needing to pay Alimony and child support so most of his salary goes to his ex wife. So we had discussed that if I could pick up most of the costs for dinners and activities now then in April when the alimony stops then he will take care of all of them come April.
I trusted him so I had no problem paying for things now. So he invited me to Texas to meet his family and boys and I was really nervous about it as I have never dated a divorcee or a father so it was completely new territory. I told him I didn't have to meet them so soon but he really wanted me to. His home was destroyed in hurricane Harvey so he is living in a camper on his property. Which I gotta admit I wasn't thrilled about but at the end of the day it had everything you would need.
We spoke for about three weeks and he was showing me pictures of engagement rings and coming to South Africa with me now over christmas. He always initiated talks about the future.
I flew to his home and met his mom, grandmother, cousins and aunt too and it went so well. We spent loads of time with them and then we went to the mall together and bought things in preparation for getting an apartment together. We went to watch Halloween and scary movies freak me out so he held my hand so tight all movie. He made me feel so protected.
He mentioned that his company was being bought by another company so he was a bit stressed as he wasn't sure if they would still be keeping the original staff there. But he didn't mention any more about it.
We decided to get a puppy together, we drove a few hours to pick up Olly an American bulldog, we absolutely loved him.
I met his kids on the weekend and I felt very awkward as to be expected but we had fun with them and I could accept not having his full attention while they were there. He had let me know the night before that he hadn't had the chat with his eldest yet about him having a girlfriend so he introduced me as a friend.
I flew back to work and for the next two days things were normal. Constant communication again. Then all of a sudden nothing. He had messaged me how much he missed me then nothing. I got really worried. My messaged weren't being read and he hadn't been on social media but his phone was on. He was meant to be going offshore that day so I was so worried he had had an accident.
2 days pass and I had tried finding his family on Facebook with no success, I messaged him on every possible platform. Then I realized I had an email from his work email where he had sent me his schedule for next year. It had a phone number. So I called and he answered. I felt sick, I had been so worried.
He told me that he had by mistake driven over his phone so the screen is black but it vibrates so he was waiting to get a new on to the oil rig. I asked why didn't he email me and he said he needed text verification and Facebook was blocked on the offshore computers. I believed it and I shouldn't have. I asked him if he still wanted to be with me and he said yes of course and that he loves me.
So I called him again the next day and spoke normally then the next day the same but he seemed distracted. He expressed that Work is incredibly stressful and he was having a hard time. I offered my support but he didn't want to go into details.
The next day I tagged him in a photo on Facebook and then about an hour later his account was deactivated. I called him confused and he said that he doesn't have access he doesn't have a phone. Then I saw all my messages were read and he sent a message saying he got his new phone finally.
I asked if we could FaceTime and he said yes so I called and he didn't pick up. He texted and said he was in a meeting. 3 hours later I texted him to see if it was over and no response.
I called him that evening and asked what was going on. He just said he was busy. It was so unlike him and he said he would call me later. He never did.
I left it, I didn't contact him for 4 days and he didn't message me. So eventually I called again and just asked. ‚Are we still in a relationship?‚His answer was we can talk about this later.
I didn't hear from him again. So I was meant to visit him again the following week and still had my flight. He had a bag of my belongings at his place so I figured I'd go get it and hopefully get an answer.
I arrived at his place and he looked like he had seen a ghost. I explained I was just there to collect my belongings. He stared at me while I packed my things up.
Eventually I asked if I was going to get any explanation and he said he didn't know what to say to me.
I stopped and looked at him and just asked why. Eventually he said he had a meltdown and lost his job.
Of course I'm empathetic and told him I wish he had spoken to me I would have supported him.
It just didn't make any sense.
I asked what I did wrong and he said nothing, you are perfect (which is not a fair answer)
I asked if he was thinking about me at all and he said yes and that he still loves me. I laughed to stop myself from crying.
He told me he had lost his job, that his ex has some medical issue so he is going to support her longer, he will have the boys when he was home, and that he cuts people out and is a bad partner when the weight of the world is on his shoulders, that he is depressed and its not fair to me.
I just told him I wish he had discussed it with me so I could make a decision whether I would put up with that or not.
I asked again if he still wanted to be with me and he said I'm sorry, my heads a mess.
I asked where our dog was and he said the dog had died. I still don't know how but he says the dog jumped off the porch with his leash on and hung. It makes no sense that the dog was even leashed up on a porch. It bugs me so much, I want to know what really happened to our dog.
I got back to the hotel distraught. I went on ok Cupid and he had reactivated his account. I was broken seeing this.
The next few days he was posting songs on Snapchat, all very emotional lyrics and was screenshotting all my snapchat videos.
My credit card from South Africa was delivered to his house and unfortunately arrived the day after I left.
I asked him if he would send it to me and he said of course.
I was going to be at a hotel for one night on the Sunday. The card was delivered to his place the Monday before. That Friday he messaged saying he will send it and if he could have the zoo tickets I had bought for his boys previously. I ignored him.
Sunday I got to the hotel and the card hadn't been delivered.
I called him and he said he didn't have a tracking number.
I asked the hotel to let me know if it got delivered at all and called them daily and nothing was delivered. I asked again for the tracking number and he ignored me.
A friend of mine said he would go to his place to collect it. Because he should be at home if he lost his job. My friend got there and was told that my ex is offshore. We called his work and he was there. So he never lost his job at all.
He blocked me from social media, text etc.
He owes me a few hundred dollars but I really needed a bit for a flight and I now don't have a credit card so I sent a request on Venmo. He blocked me there.
The whole situation is just bizarre and I have felt like I am losing my mind over it, trying to put all the puzzle pieces together.
I figured I would do a new post on everything that has happened, mainly for me to vent it out and start healing but also to see peoples opinions on this situation. I apologize for the length.
My ex and I met on ok cupid, I was at the point of giving up on online dating and so I barely responded to him.
When I realized we have similar values I gave him more of my attention and we ended up FaceTiming on a daily basis and then talking pretty much all day via text.
I do auditing for cruise ships so I work 28 days then have 7 days off. He works offshore and works 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off.
This was ideal because he is able to travel to me in his off time and I would do the same in mine.
He had explained that he was previously married to his high school sweetheart, and has two boys one who is 8 and the other who is 3. The youngest is mute and on the autism spectrum.
My ex also told me that he has Asperger syndrome, but I shouldn't worry about it, he knows how to "control" it.
After talking constantly for 3 weeks he offered to drive from Houston to New Orleans to meet me( I was getting off a ship there) I really appreciated him putting so much effort in to meet me.
The minute I met him I felt so comfortable. And so happy. He was so affectionate and loving and it felt like we had known each other forever. We spent the next two days together walking around and doing fun touristy things in New Orleans.
After New Orleans he kept telling me how into me he is and that he can not wait to see me again so he decided to fly to Tampa the week after to come visit me there for 3 days. Again it was perfection. We toured the area, went to great restaurants, the aquarium, the beach we just had such an amazing time. Every night he would tell me how he sees a future with me.
He then told me he loved me. I was really hesitant at first because it was so soon but I really felt so much for him.
He had to go back to work so for the next two weeks he would FaceTime me 3 or 4 times a day. He told me he wanted to introduce me to his boys and his family and that we should move in together next year. He is still needing to pay Alimony and child support so most of his salary goes to his ex wife. So we had discussed that if I could pick up most of the costs for dinners and activities now then in April when the alimony stops then he will take care of all of them come April.
I trusted him so I had no problem paying for things now. So he invited me to Texas to meet his family and boys and I was really nervous about it as I have never dated a divorcee or a father so it was completely new territory. I told him I didn't have to meet them so soon but he really wanted me to. His home was destroyed in hurricane Harvey so he is living in a camper on his property. Which I gotta admit I wasn't thrilled about but at the end of the day it had everything you would need.
We spoke for about three weeks and he was showing me pictures of engagement rings and coming to South Africa with me now over christmas. He always initiated talks about the future.
I flew to his home and met his mom, grandmother, cousins and aunt too and it went so well. We spent loads of time with them and then we went to the mall together and bought things in preparation for getting an apartment together. We went to watch Halloween and scary movies freak me out so he held my hand so tight all movie. He made me feel so protected.
He mentioned that his company was being bought by another company so he was a bit stressed as he wasn't sure if they would still be keeping the original staff there. But he didn't mention any more about it.
We decided to get a puppy together, we drove a few hours to pick up Olly an American bulldog, we absolutely loved him.
I met his kids on the weekend and I felt very awkward as to be expected but we had fun with them and I could accept not having his full attention while they were there. He had let me know the night before that he hadn't had the chat with his eldest yet about him having a girlfriend so he introduced me as a friend.
I flew back to work and for the next two days things were normal. Constant communication again. Then all of a sudden nothing. He had messaged me how much he missed me then nothing. I got really worried. My messaged weren't being read and he hadn't been on social media but his phone was on. He was meant to be going offshore that day so I was so worried he had had an accident.
2 days pass and I had tried finding his family on Facebook with no success, I messaged him on every possible platform. Then I realized I had an email from his work email where he had sent me his schedule for next year. It had a phone number. So I called and he answered. I felt sick, I had been so worried.
He told me that he had by mistake driven over his phone so the screen is black but it vibrates so he was waiting to get a new on to the oil rig. I asked why didn't he email me and he said he needed text verification and Facebook was blocked on the offshore computers. I believed it and I shouldn't have. I asked him if he still wanted to be with me and he said yes of course and that he loves me.
So I called him again the next day and spoke normally then the next day the same but he seemed distracted. He expressed that Work is incredibly stressful and he was having a hard time. I offered my support but he didn't want to go into details.
The next day I tagged him in a photo on Facebook and then about an hour later his account was deactivated. I called him confused and he said that he doesn't have access he doesn't have a phone. Then I saw all my messages were read and he sent a message saying he got his new phone finally.
I asked if we could FaceTime and he said yes so I called and he didn't pick up. He texted and said he was in a meeting. 3 hours later I texted him to see if it was over and no response.
I called him that evening and asked what was going on. He just said he was busy. It was so unlike him and he said he would call me later. He never did.
I left it, I didn't contact him for 4 days and he didn't message me. So eventually I called again and just asked. ‚Are we still in a relationship?‚His answer was we can talk about this later.
I didn't hear from him again. So I was meant to visit him again the following week and still had my flight. He had a bag of my belongings at his place so I figured I'd go get it and hopefully get an answer.
I arrived at his place and he looked like he had seen a ghost. I explained I was just there to collect my belongings. He stared at me while I packed my things up.
Eventually I asked if I was going to get any explanation and he said he didn't know what to say to me.
I stopped and looked at him and just asked why. Eventually he said he had a meltdown and lost his job.
Of course I'm empathetic and told him I wish he had spoken to me I would have supported him.
It just didn't make any sense.
I asked what I did wrong and he said nothing, you are perfect (which is not a fair answer)
I asked if he was thinking about me at all and he said yes and that he still loves me. I laughed to stop myself from crying.
He told me he had lost his job, that his ex has some medical issue so he is going to support her longer, he will have the boys when he was home, and that he cuts people out and is a bad partner when the weight of the world is on his shoulders, that he is depressed and its not fair to me.
I just told him I wish he had discussed it with me so I could make a decision whether I would put up with that or not.
I asked again if he still wanted to be with me and he said I'm sorry, my heads a mess.
I asked where our dog was and he said the dog had died. I still don't know how but he says the dog jumped off the porch with his leash on and hung. It makes no sense that the dog was even leashed up on a porch. It bugs me so much, I want to know what really happened to our dog.
I got back to the hotel distraught. I went on ok Cupid and he had reactivated his account. I was broken seeing this.
The next few days he was posting songs on Snapchat, all very emotional lyrics and was screenshotting all my snapchat videos.
My credit card from South Africa was delivered to his house and unfortunately arrived the day after I left.
I asked him if he would send it to me and he said of course.
I was going to be at a hotel for one night on the Sunday. The card was delivered to his place the Monday before. That Friday he messaged saying he will send it and if he could have the zoo tickets I had bought for his boys previously. I ignored him.
Sunday I got to the hotel and the card hadn't been delivered.
I called him and he said he didn't have a tracking number.
I asked the hotel to let me know if it got delivered at all and called them daily and nothing was delivered. I asked again for the tracking number and he ignored me.
A friend of mine said he would go to his place to collect it. Because he should be at home if he lost his job. My friend got there and was told that my ex is offshore. We called his work and he was there. So he never lost his job at all.
He blocked me from social media, text etc.
He owes me a few hundred dollars but I really needed a bit for a flight and I now don't have a credit card so I sent a request on Venmo. He blocked me there.
The whole situation is just bizarre and I have felt like I am losing my mind over it, trying to put all the puzzle pieces together.
