Bullying

[Sparticus]

Please re-read my post. I edited it to be more ICM friendly...I was reacting to what happened in my teenage years and not to you. Though my unedited version did not specify that. Typos, yeah I make lots of em.

Honestly you would have been one of the best students...I've taught a few people though I'm not an expert. For me their heart and soul is what counts. But you are right. The human condition tends towards bullying. Sorry I was too insensitive not to look at your point of view.

 

[IContainMultitudes]

I can understand your emotional reaction, and it sounds like martial arts was something important to you when you were younger, and it may very well be an important means of learning self-defense (and better judgment about when to fight and when not to fight) for some, I was just trying to make the point that learning it is not always a one-size-fits-all practical solution to bullying (I also kind of think that there's a certain "mythology" surrounding martial arts that's not really useful to people like my 12-year-old self, but it may be a bit too late at night for me to articulate that idea very effectively). I don't think it's what you were going for, but I think that idea, if taken too far, can shade over into a "survival of the fittest" mindset where kids who are bullied are looked upon as kind of deserving it for being "weak." It always makes me angry when I hear people express attitudes like that since it seems to express a tolerance for bullying as a "rite of passage" rather than something that should be changed. If someone is in a truly dire situation where they need to fight back to survive, that's one thing, but I don't like idea of kids (well, boys, essentially) learning to "stand up for themselves" being this kind of macho "rite of passage." Also, when it seems like pretty much everyone in school seems like a bully (as it did when I was younger), how does one really "fight back" short of going apes**t on a bunch of people and getting expelled or worse?

 

[Nolan1971]

@ Sparticus Dis you grow up loving Kung Fu the series? I learned a lot emotionally and spiritually from it
in my attitude towards bullies. I became a fan as early as 3yrs old though I never learned martial arts what i got from it was invaluable!

 

[Xavier Marik]

As for me, learning martial arts is out of the question. For me, fighting is a matter of kill or be killed. Last time I was involved in a fight, my opponent nearly died, quite literally. (Hence why I jioned the army I guess). I made friends with a rather tall and strong member of my school's female rugby team instead.

 

[Ylva]

I think of bullying as a function of primate psychology. Well, animal psychology. Makes it a lot easier to disregard for my own part.

 

[tlc]

I was bullied constantly. Not only chased and harassed, but broke a finger blocking a kick to the ribs, and a couple pretty severe punches to the side of the head. But that's what happens when you live in a town of 400 people, and half the kids are related to school staff so nothing gets done. Also it was a dutch town, nearly every town blood was tall and thin so not me. I almost quit many times but stuck with it because I never believed in quitting, I'd just be shooting myself in the foot. After graduation I swore I'd move out of that town for good and stuck to it.

So I took my diploma went and got an engineering degree and have a decent job. Guess where the bullies are? In and out of jail several times for theft or drugs, some are even dead from drug overdoses.

 

[Winter_Rose]

As I wrote in my personnal introduction, I have been bullyied both physically and emotionally. Broken ribs, punches in the face, being scared of everyone was my daily routine. Did it happen to other people around here?

I was psychologically bullied in both seventh grade and all during high school. Nothing ever became physical, though.

 

[GallacticGorilla]

As I wrote in my personnal introduction, I have been bullyied both physically and emotionally. Broken ribs, punches in the face, being scared of everyone was my daily routine. Did it happen to other people around here?

Xavier that stinks! im sorry to hear that , I was severely bullied in high school.I went to this screwed up boarding school, with all these idiot delinquent kids. I was picked on mercilessly, cause there was no parents there, just deans and supervisors It was a little like Lord of the flies, and I was the wierd chubby kid. Im exaggerating, but not that much is the messed up part... I was held down and had the crap beaten out of me on multiple occasions, once to the point where my entire chest was black with bruises. I had all my clothes ripped off in a room full of people, I could go on and on.

kids that bully are looking for easy target, and as an awkward Aspie kid that was not at all violent and did not have the social know how to react correctly to this, I was a VERY easy target. To this day I am still an easy target.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________

ANYWaYS, i don't know you Xavier, but if i could go back and give my high school self any advice, i would be that Bullies function just like predators, they look for easy targets. If you dont take crap from them, then you will be a pain in the ass to bully, and they will move on to an easier target. You might have to get in a fight that you don't want to be in. You might have to reach deep down inside yourself and find courage that you didn't know you had, but just feel the fear and use it to put those idiots in their place.

I absolutely abhor violence!!! I do not condone it whatsoever! It makes me physically ill, but the thought of a bunch of idiots picking on an Aspie kid makes me even sicker. But when you are dealing with neandrathals, you have to think like one.
A DISCLAIMER: this clip has some graphic violence, but take a page from old Cool Hand Luke's playbook, and I promise you,PROMISE you ,they will leave you be.

 

[Autism]

As I wrote in my personnal introduction, I have been bullyied both physically and emotionally. Broken ribs, punches in the face, being scared of everyone was my daily routine. Did it happen to other people around here?

Unbelievable that people are capable of such atrocities. When I visited school in Europe that was simply not the case, only one or two very isolated childish cases.
What happens in American schools is extremely abnormal. I have adults that act in similar ways, Americans have a huge problem growing up when they arrive in the workplace.

 

[garnetflower13]

Yes, I was bullied. It started around 4th grade, and continued until I dropped out of high school. I did go on to college later, but those experiences scarred me for life. Even now, as an adult, if I am walking down the street and see a group of middle school aged children or even high school students, I go another way. It's like I am magically transformed into that gawky kid who made such good target practice for those cretins I went to school with. In 7th grade, after nearly half the class ganged up on me, my mother withdrew myself and my brother and sister from public school and sent us to Catholic school. There I was ignored or laughed at, but no physical bullying. When my daughter was in grade school. I taught her to take no sh**t. I said if someone hits you, hit them back twice. She only had to defend herself once and the kids backed off.


And I agree with what others have said about books and games saving my sanity. We didn't have video games when I was a child, but I read voraciously, and watched old movies. This saved me!

 

[anthoskate]

I have always managed to not get noticed by other kids although I was bullied a couple of times in high school. The ones that bullied me the most where the teachers by always showing me up on front of the class or sending me to the headmasters office everyday for couple of months so that she didn't have to deal with me. I had difficulties learning because I couldn't block out background noises, I was always in another planet and a load of other things that apies have difficulties with like imagination, generalization and writing. One of the teachers made me so nervous on front of all the class that I vomited.

I stuck up for a kid once that I didn't like much and took the beating for him because he didn't look like the kind of person that could handle it although the bullying wasn't as bad as what you described.

Xavier, I hope that your mental scars heal and that you are feeling better now.

 

[I am that which I am]

Hello,

I am glad that things are better and that the bullying stopped. Yes because I was such a strange individual I was bullied, rejected, and hated throughout my entire childhood by various people (parents, teachers, peers), at least (and surprisingly) nothing was broken. I also got in trouble often and several teachers just hated me. One kicked me out of the class when it was time to learn English because I became frustrated when I did not understand, evidently I did learn it. I describe many of the atrocities but have accepted it as the past and tried (am trying) to let go. So count me in for psychological/emotional and physical abuse and neglect.

 

[Timmy1]

Well, I remember back as a younger kid I was being bullied, and like well I was just upset about it and kept it to myself.

But in the teens and when I was being bullied, to be honest it was kinda funny, because when I was being bullied. I kinda turned them from bullying me into what ever they were doing, so it was more like fun for both of us, like a game.

sometimes at lunch they would be throwing all the fruits,etc at me, (and you know, when someone starts, everyone gets around in a circle), but instead of taking it negative, I took it as a good thing, and I enjoyed it. then we like formed teams to throw the fruit,etc. and then one of the guys threw a sandswitch at me but instead of reacting negative I just tried to juggle the sandswitch and I was I kept then putting it up in the hair, but then the bag brust and all the sandwitch flew everywhere, and it was funny as hell. everyone was laughing like crazy and it was good fun.

i think that if your being bullied, then try to turn the "bullying" into "fun", like a game. and once you enjoy it also. like I never acted back by throwing the fruit , but they still continued , and like it even hit my face, BUT I manged to turn that "bullying" into fun, so then I had guys with me and we were throwing fruit back at them and what not. and it turned out to be a great day. in fact, it was good that they started because we all had fun .

Because, lets say for example you are being bullied, the thing is what will the outcome be?. Because, if you are being bullied and the outcome is you being sad, and that the bullied did hurt you.

Please note: That what I am saying is not always the case, BUT certain situations, in my opinion you can turn "bullying" into "fun" and ganging even reputation from folks and even getting people back on your side, thinking your cool,etc...
Because, sometimes when someone is bullied and everyone knows about it, its like then everyone does not like you as much, and pretend and act around you , which in my opinion, can drive one nuts

If you take the bullying as a bad thing, and let it happen to you,etc:
So that is:
[-1] -> Being Hurt (emotionally)
[-1] -> Decreased reputation from friends,etc.
[-1] -> A added weight on your shoulder.
[-1] -> etc..


If you take the bullying as a good thing and turn it around:
Now, if we look at being bullied good,
[+1] -> Feeling good & happy
[+1] -> Increased reputation from friends
[+1] -> Increased friendship (outer circle)
[+1] -> Overall everyone is happy
[+1] -> The outcome is good. there's no other negative things that may happen.


Experiences:
If I was being bullied, and I take the bullying as a bad thing then this makes others not like me as much, it also of course makes me feel awful, and effects my work in school. etc ...
BUT BUT BUT, if I am being bullied and switch the bullying from a bad thing to a good thing, THIS INCREASES MY SPIRIT, and I feel good, AND also may even help me get more friends. (which has happened, its like the guys notice, oh wait this guy is pretty cool).

Notes:
- It of course depends on the situation. Sometimes its just bad and that's the way it is.
- I don't think you should react in anger, but react in more of a fun way but still react.
- Its about changing a bad situation to a good situation.

And like it depends on the person really, some people are pure bullies, but this thread is talking about the bullying that may happen with guys you hang out with, in your class,friends,etc.


E.G:
You a group of guys are just hanging around, but then a guy starts to pick on you, then others may join in. Now, instead of taking it as a bad thing and effecting you in a bad way, try to switch the picking on you into a good thing, so some how you just switch it around and its almost like your on this level that your with the guys (the whole group)... e.g: a group of lads have sticks and are poking/hitting you with it, and your like in a corner, maybe get a stick and join in and play, but then go like hey guys I need a guy on my team also and then just play.

 

[I am that which I am]

Well, I remember back as a younger kid I was being bullied, and like well I was just upset about it and kept it to myself.

But in the teens and when I was being bullied, to be honest it was kinda funny, because when I was being bullied. I kinda turned them from bullying me into what ever they were doing, so it was more like fun for both of us, like a game.

sometimes at lunch they would be throwing all the fruits,etc at me, (and you know, when someone starts, everyone gets around in a circle), but instead of taking it negative, I took it as a good thing, and I enjoyed it. then we like formed teams to throw the fruit,etc. and then one of the guys threw a sandswitch at me but instead of reacting negative I just tried to juggle the sandswitch and I was I kept then putting it up in the hair, but then the bag brust and all the sandwitch flew everywhere, and it was funny as hell. everyone was laughing like crazy and it was good fun.

i think that if your being bullied, then try to turn the "bullying" into "fun", like a game. and once you enjoy it also. like I never acted back by throwing the fruit , but they still continued , and like it even hit my face, BUT I manged to turn that "bullying" into fun, so then I had guys with me and we were throwing fruit back at them and what not. and it turned out to be a great day. in fact, it was good that they started because we all had fun .

Because, lets say for example you are being bullied, the thing is what will the outcome be?. Because, if you are being bullied and the outcome is you being sad, and that the bullied did hurt you.

Please note: That what I am saying is not always the case, BUT certain situations, in my opinion you can turn "bullying" into "fun" and ganging even reputation from folks and even getting people back on your side, thinking your cool,etc...
Because, sometimes when someone is bullied and everyone knows about it, its like then everyone does not like you as much, and pretend and act around you , which in my opinion, can drive one nuts

If you take the bullying as a bad thing, and let it happen to you,etc:
So that is:
[-1] -> Being Hurt (emotionally)
[-1] -> Decreased reputation from friends,etc.
[-1] -> A added weight on your shoulder.
[-1] -> etc..


If you take the bullying as a good thing and turn it around:
Now, if we look at being bullied good,
[+1] -> Feeling good & happy
[+1] -> Increased reputation from friends
[+1] -> Increased friendship (outer circle)
[+1] -> Overall everyone is happy
[+1] -> The outcome is good. there's no other negative things that may happen.


Experiences:
If I was being bullied, and I take the bullying as a bad thing then this makes others not like me as much, it also of course makes me feel awful, and effects my work in school. etc ...
BUT BUT BUT, if you I am being bullied and switch the bullying from a bad thing to a good thing, THIS INCREASES MY SPIRIT, and I feel good, AND also may even help me get more friends. (which has happened, its like the guys notice, oh wait this guy is pretty cool).

Notes:
- It of course depends on the situation. Sometimes its just bad and that's the way it is.
- I don't think you should react in anger, but react in more of a fun way but still react.
- Its about changing a bad situation to a good situation.

And like it depends on the person really, some people are pure bullies, but this thread is talking about the bullying that may happen with guys you hang out with, in your class,friends,etc.


E.G:
You a group of guys are just hanging around, but then a guy starts to pick on you, then others may join in. Now, instead of taking it as a bad thing and effecting you in a bad way, try to switch the picking on you into a good thing, so some how you just switch it around and its almost like your on this level that your with the guys (the whole group)... e.g: a group of lads have sticks and are poking/hitting you with it, and your like in a corner, maybe get a stick and join in and play, but then go like hey guys I need a guy on my team also and then just play.

Haha That is a really original idea and it makes sense why it works. You do not give the bullies the reaction they want. If only I would known that when i was younger and had the temperament to go through with it.

 

[Specter]

I unfortunately did have to deal with a lot of bullying throughout my school life, since I always found it hard to conform to gender 'norms'. It started to get physically abusive by middle school but thankfully it came to an end toward my last year there.

I only began getting friends waaay toward the end of middle school, so I had a lot of time to wallow in my social rejection. And it was during those dark times I even tried my hand at being a bully myself but I definitely wasn't cut out for it. I'm still ashamed I even considered it. Bullying really is a chain reaction. :<

 

[Ylva]

Commander has a point. Aikido is good, it's mostly trained reflexes and non-confrontational, from what I've heard. I don't know if you are like Zen in Chocolate, but watching training videos can't be entirely bad. The book that has been recommended to me is called "Aikido and the Dynamic Sphere".

 

[KassieMac]

If we were capable of defending ourselves the bullies wouldn't target us, would they? How about instead of telling us what to do (and therefore implying that the targets of bullying are to blame) … how about if those who can defend themselves stop the bullies and teach them right from wrong? We've got to look out for each other, no one else will.

Thanks for all your help.

 

[Ylva]

Remember that you are in practice dealing with primate social dynamics.
Just in case you are like Zen (to whatever degree anyone is like her), watch this:

Although, pertaining to the aforementioned social dynamics, if the school administration has so far sided with the bullies, keep in mind that they will probably continue to do so.

 

[commander]

huh, this is starting to remind me of the movie chocolate.

 

[KassieMac]

Remember that you are in practice dealing with primate social dynamics.
Just in case you are like Zen (to whatever degree anyone is like her), watch this:

Although, pertaining to the aforementioned social dynamics, if the school administration has so far sided with the bullies, keep in mind that they will probably continue to do so.

That's precisely what I'm trying to point out, and that's where the real problem lies. We need to look out for each other, because those in authority rarely do (if ever).