Bullying

[Ylva]

That's precisely what I'm trying to point out, and that's where the real problem lies. We need to look out for each other, because those in authority rarely do (if ever).

They do if they are under sufficient pressure. That's probably why the NTs at his school won't stop the bullying either; they can't see any political advantage for themselves in it.

 

[KassieMac]

They do if they are under sufficient pressure. That's probably why the NTs at his school won't stop the bullying either; they can't see any political advantage for themselves in it.

When you're the student and no one looks out for you, who's going to put pressure on the administration??

 

[KassieMac]

I'm telling you, the bully cares more about his own safety then he does if he gets in trouble. if you can defend yourself then he will back off regardless.

Not everyone can defend themselves. Instead of redirecting the bully onto some other victim, how about teaching the bully right from wrong? We have to look out for each other.

 

[GallacticGorilla]

I was just revistiting this old thread. I have to say, as someone that has a degree of Autism, has some social defecits, like a lack of theory of mind. It makes no logial sense to be violent or stick up for ourself. An NT is much more likely to stick up for himself in a natural way.

Thankfully i dont have to deal with this much as an adult (besides one very abusive relationship i had, with someone with Borderline Personality) . But sticking up for myself was a learned beahavior. No one taught it to me, but I wish they would have. Theory of Mind/ sticking up for one's self, reading social ques, social skills can all be learned and pacticed by the analytical part of our brain, and on some level be understood deeper than an NT. These skills will never be natural, organic, or thoughtless. They will always be preformed by the analytical part of our brain, BUT sticking up for ourselves is one of those skill that we all should learn. Especially you younger Aspies.

We live in a world where, if someone sees the slightest chink in your armor, they will zero in on it, and exploit it. ESPECIALLY in high school .

Im not condoning violence, I m just saying dont be a push over.

My 2 cents, and I am happy to hear if you see my theory is flawed.

 

[KassieMac]

I was just revistiting this old thread. I have to say, as someone that has a degree of Autism, has some social defecits, like a lack of theory of mind. It makes no logial sense to be violent or stick up for ourself. An NT is much more likely to stick up for himself in a natural way.

Thankfully i dont have to deal with this much as an adult (besides one very abusive relationship i had, with someone with Borderline Personality) . But sticking up for myself was a learned beahavior. No one taught it to me, but I wish they would have. Theory of Mind/ sticking up for one's self, reading social ques, social skills can all be learned and pacticed by the analytical part of our brain, and on some level be understood deeper than an NT. These skills will never be natural, organic, or thoughtless. They will always be preformed by the analytical part of our brain, BUT sticking up for ourselves is one of those skill that we all should learn. Especially you younger Aspies.

We live in a world where, if someone sees the slightest chink in your armor, they will zero in on it, and exploit it. ESPECIALLY in high school .

Im not condoning violence, I m just saying dont be a push over.

My 2 cents, and I am happy to hear if you see my theory is flawed.

All that would be great if I had a time machine to teach my younger self. All I got was the same old useless 'advice' … "Stay away from them" (they'd then pursue me), "Don't react, they'll get bored" (they'd get angry & redouble their efforts), and then the same old victim-shaming "You're just too sensitive." The adults around me (not just my parents) either didn't notice how different I was or didn't care. When throwing a trite, overused cliché at me didn't work they'd just blame me … because they couldn't be bothered to deal with the source of the problem. Or maybe even these adults were too intimidated by these grade-school bullies and were avoiding any confrontation. And you know what happens to grade-school bullies that are never confronted? They become workplace bullies that still pursue & target us.

Read back through this thread and count how many times people posted that we should defend ourselves if we can. My point is, I couldn't, and no one else cared or could be bothered to take them on. It's still a problem to this day, why do you think so many of us are unemployed? Those grade-school bullies are now supervisors & managers, doing what's always worked because no one ever stopped them.

 

[GallacticGorilla]

This thread hits close to my heart, I could tell stories of bullying that would sound absolutly horrifically unbelievable, and im not saying it was my fault, but the fact that it happpened again and again in different points of time, age, geopgraphy, leads me to see a pattern in my own life that absolutly is related to ASD.

Kassiemac- respectfully, please dont be offended by this, but canyou honestly say you are totally and completly helpless to assert pressure against another person?
If you can analytically see bullying for what it is. WHich is a part of humanity built into our DNA to solidify a hierarchy in a pack mentality. Make no mistake, humans are pack animals with a desire, even a biological need to establish Alpha and Beta rolls within a group.

If you can analytically see it for what it is, then, it is my opinion that you can rise above it, using brains over brawn, and some assertiveness. I fully realise that is easier said than done, but not beyond any one of us.

I think it is interesting as an Aspie, i dont identify as an Alpha or a Beta, but more as a leader of my own 1 member pack.

 

[KassieMac]

This thread hits close to my heart, I could tell stories of bullying that would sound absolutly horrifically unbelievable, and im not saying it was my fault, but the fact that it happpened again and again in different points of time, age, geopgraphy, leads me to see a pattern in my own life that absolutly is related to ASD.

Kassiemac- respectfully, please dont be offended by this, but canyou honestly say you are totally and completly helpless to assert pressure against another person?
If you can analytically see bullying for what it is. WHich is a part of humanity built into our DNA to solidify a hierarchy in a pack mentality. Make no mistake, humans are pack animals with a desire, even a biological need to establish Alpha and Beta rolls within a group.

If you can analytically see it for what it is, then, it is my opinion that you can rise above it, using brains over brawn, and some assertiveness. I fully realise that is easier said than done, but not beyond any one of us.

I think it is interesting as an Aspie, i dont identify as an Alpha or a Beta, but more as a leader of my own 1 member pack.

Yes, actually I can say that. Thanks so much for your confidence, and your willingness to help.

 

[GallacticGorilla]

Yes, actually I can say that. Thanks so much for your confidence, and your willingness to help.

Well I can respect that KassieMac, and am not trying to say who is capable of what. I know that if i were to go back and tell my younger self this, Things might have not been so hard for me.

 

[IContainMultitudes]

Let's please stop the violent rhetoric in this thread, it seems to be leading to an argumentative tone here. I'm not saying that anyone should just passively accept abuse, but the idea that everyone should be able to just beat up their bullies, and therefore there should just be no such thing as bullying, seems to carry a component of victim-blaming and seems like rather unhelpful, if not outright harmful, advice (especially for those of us in the adult world who generally don't get to physically assault someone, short of a self-defense situation, without some pretty serious consequences). If the tone of this thread does not stay respectful, it will be closed.

 

[GallacticGorilla]

I dont get the vibe that anyone was being confrontational?

 

[toothless]

am the survivor of severe bullying.
ever since being around other people;have been bullied.
had been placed in a mainstream infant/junior school because mum and dad didnt want self and sister splitting up,and was treated viciously by other kids; blamed for trouble or accidents done by other kids because was not able to speak,physicaly abused by them,sexualy abused,verbaly abused,and was hated and bullied by the teachers as well until was transfered to special school.
was bullied every day in the community up to adulthood and beyond-to the point am suffering PTSD today.
was regulary hit with broken bricks,rocks and called forest gump and retard by one gang-even though was with mum and was being dropped off at the private minibus for special college-plenty of people stood around but didnt do anything.
even now,am abused everytime go out into the community,called a retard [no sht sherlock?],people come out of nowhere and shout down ears because am wearing ear defenders and they think am wearing some 'uncool looking' headphones.

also have been bullied badly online by one person on wrong planet;he is now banned for what he did thankfuly but he still sockpuppets the hell out of it under unknown proxies and VPNs,was bullied by him for a number of years; with his main account he pretended to be female and have severe classic autism and was groomed by him for a while so he coud copy identity,once he had finished getting what he wanted he started the bullying,threatening and e-stalking across various forums and youtube videos of mine,was called a retard often by him and told am worthless to society and shoud kill self,was unable to communicate what was going on to others and ended up developing severe major depressive disorder and pyschosis,plus last september it caused such extreme challenging behavior in the old residential home of mine that ten police came around,was restrained on the floor,handcuffed and leg cuffed and wrapped in wallpadding of mine so was unable to self injure and they held head down so was unable to bite them.

eventualy was took to hospital in an ambulance with the police on top of self, was left in accident and emergency for twenty hours fully restrained by them and unsedated so had fought against it the whole time and as a result suffered a permenent injury to the nerves in lumbar/spine.
because am LFA and not suitable for pyschiatric settings,was found a place in a intelectual disability hospital and detained there for four months,ended up losing placement at last residential home-all this because of a jealous POS.

he used to make a lot of topics on forums about how people with LFA have no worthwhile opinions and people with LFA shoud not be given high rate mobility and blue badges [have got them and he knew it],he woud make sockpuppet accounts to back himself up.
he used to bully on forums then woud ask on the blog under a supposed 'friend' account if am ok and how the bullying felt.
POS.
he has done serious damage that am still not recovered from.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

am the survivor of severe bullying.
ever since being around other people;have been bullied.
had been placed in a mainstream infant/junior school because mum and dad didnt want self and sister splitting up,and was treated viciously by other kids; blamed for trouble or accidents done by other kids because was not able to speak,physicaly abused by them,sexualy abused,verbaly abused,and was hated and bullied by the teachers as well until was transfered to special school.
was bullied every day in the community up to adulthood and beyond-to the point am suffering PTSD today.
was regulary hit with broken bricks,rocks and called forest gump and retard by one gang-even though was with mum and was being dropped off at the private minibus for special college-plenty of people stood around but didnt do anything.
even now,am abused everytime go out into the community,called a retard [no sht sherlock?],people come out of nowhere and shout down ears because am wearing ear defenders and they think am wearing some 'uncool looking' headphones.

also have been bullied badly online by one person on wrong planet;he is now banned for what he did thankfuly but he still sockpuppets the hell out of it under unknown proxies and VPNs,was bullied by him for a number of years; with his main account he pretended to be female and have severe classic autism and was groomed by him for a while so he coud copy identity,once he had finished getting what he wanted he started the bullying,threatening and e-stalking across various forums and youtube videos of mine,was called a retard often by him and told am worthless to society and shoud kill self,was unable to communicate what was going on to others and ended up developing severe major depressive disorder and pyschosis,plus last september it caused such extreme challenging behavior in the old residential home of mine that ten police came around,was restrained on the floor,handcuffed and leg cuffed and wrapped in wallpadding of mine so was unable to self injure and they held head down so was unable to bite them.

eventualy was took to hospital in an ambulance with the police on top of self, was left in accident and emergency for twenty hours fully restrained by them and unsedated so had fought against it the whole time and as a result suffered a permenent injury to the nerves in lumbar/spine.
because am LFA and not suitable for pyschiatric settings,was found a place in a intelectual disability hospital and detained there for four months,ended up losing placement at last residential home-all this because of a jealous POS.

he used to make a lot of topics on forums about how people with LFA have no worthwhile opinions and people with LFA shoud not be given high rate mobility and blue badges [have got them and he knew it],he woud make sockpuppet accounts to back himself up.
he used to bully on forums then woud ask on the blog under a supposed 'friend' account if am ok and how the bullying felt.
POS.
he has done serious damage that am still not recovered from.

I'm really sorry you went through all of that. I really hope things will get better for you now. Don't give up. You've found a good place to come to for support and for making some friends.

 

[Simples]

.Did it happen to other people around here?

You are not alone on this

 

[clg114]

When I was a kid in school, nobody knew anything about Asperger's. I was just "different". In our family, the father was the dominant presence and he had a "take no guff" attitude. Us kids were raised with this attitude and we're large people. So physical bulling was not a problem. I was picked on, however. I am a very trusting person and am prone to believing things that I shouldn't. People would take advantage of me to get things that I had or just to make me look bad in front of others. It was really bad. This IS bullying.




'

 

[Ian114]

I was a special needs kid, and got bullied mercilessly for that and my odd behavior. I used to have major meltdowns every day, aggravated by the bullying, and was removed from school in eighth grade. I got my GED at 16, went to community college, and never looked back.

 

[musclecarman]

I never really get bullied but sometimes people piss me off using my interests for example with me liking dolphins everyone who knows that keeps bringing it up its so annoying anyone else who has something similar.

 

[Graelwyn]

I was bullied through most of my school life. Girls would gang up on me and chase me through corridors into the toilets, block chairs so I couldn't sit near them, name calling, that sort of thing. I was and am quite sensitive so it did have quite a deep impact on me and has impacted how I react around people... ie, I still fear that sort of rejection as an adult. I did not really tell my parents about it at all at the time, not sure why. I think many people, even NTs are bullied at some stage during their school years.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I'm lucky I never got the really disturbed bullies that would call together the entire playground to try to break my bones, pull dangerous pranks, or other annoying things. Mine were weak and easy to handle. They'd act big and bad, but I had a louder bark and I was more willing to attack them than they me, so they'd leave me alone. Never did figure out a good way to square off against an adult, they played dirty, especially against kids. I've learned how to be underhanded like them, but I'd rather just pop them upside the head and be done with it. Emotional bullying was not a good idea. I'd pay attention to what they were doing, how they were doing it, and return the favor. I've made more people cry than I can remember, and that's not counting the sorta accidental cases because I'm more blunt than what people are used to. I don't understand why people feel the need to cross me. I've been hailed many times as an incredibly sweet person, why can't they just take the easy road and be nice?

The bullies I cannot yet fend off are the ones that use my kid against me. How they always manage to find a legal way to threaten to have him taken from me if I don't do what they want, I don't know. They'd better hope I don't find out how to go toe-to-toe with them. I don't appreciate my kid being threatened.

 

[Daniela]

You know what, whatever you do, dont ever do one of the things that he said, even if its out of desperation, dont belive yhou are worthless to society, dont kill you'r self the moment you do that his the momet he wins, and we dont want him to win do we ?

 

[Progster]

I was bullied quite a bit in my first year of primary school until I moved school. They would provoke me until I melted down or started shouting, which they thought was great fun. I didn't understand why I was their target and shouted "why?" at them, and that became their nickname for me. They would stand round in a circle and chant "why?" When I moved school I wasn't bullied so much. I think I scared them at the beginning of the new school because I got angry and hit the form teacher who everyone was afraid of, and they generally left me alone, though I was teased and name called quite a bit in middle school. The school was well supervised and there wasn't much opportunity for bullying if you kept within sight of a member of staff. The place which held the greatest danger for me was the school bus, and there were one or two unpleasant incidents for me there.

I was bullied in the workplace at one point too, but I didn't realise that this is what she was doing until a lot later. The bullying was subtle, constantly undermining me and putting me down, but still bullying.