Can we (I) ever do enough?

[LucyPurrs]

@Chance should read the dice man and apply It to his life.
For one week!

The bets on. 1$

Ok what are you betting $1 on? I'll up you by $2 but I gotta know what it is we're betting on, LOL.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Ok what are you betting $1 on? I'll up you by $2 but I gotta know what it is we're betting on, LOL.

The dice man decided ,whenever he had a decision to make, he would roll a die instead.
The bet is chance cant do it for a week

 

[Chance]

@Chance should read the dice man and apply It to his life.
For one week!

The bets on. 1$

The mood she is in today... She will run me over!!! Not kidding. She is angry with me big time...
I'm not planning on staying here tonight... Hell's fury is here for something I did yesterday and no amount of water can put out that stuff until she decides to flame out and then come back being all loving and sweet and stuff... I never know what mood to expect. I just know its my fault.

Have you ever seen "Once upon a time" The series... I have seen some of it... Regina (the Queen) yep!!!! That looks like and acts like who I am married too..


See that sword... It's often INVISIBLE but it hurts just the same!!!!

 

[Chance]

The dice man decided ,whenever he had a decision to make, he would roll a die instead.
The bet is chance cant do it for a week

I think I got lost on this... Your rolling invisible dice on me doing what??? Jumping out of the car after I tell her Im a jerk??? I can do that easy... It might be a long walk home but thats peaceful... : )

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

The mood she is in today... She will run me over!!! Not kidding. She is angry with me big time...
I'm not planning on staying here tonight... Hell's fury is here for something I did yesterday and no amount of water can put out that stuff until she decides to flame out and then come back being all loving and sweet and stuff... I never know what mood to expect. I just know its my fault.

Have you ever seen "Once upon a time" The series... I have seen some of it... Regina (the Queen) yep!!!! That looks like and acts like who I am married too..
View attachment 43301

See that sword... It's often INVISIBLE but it hurts just the same!!!!

But she turns out all sweet and nice by season 4...

But that's a lot of episodes to get through first!

 

[LucyPurrs]

NONONONONO, don't tell her you're a jerk when she's IN the car, but when you're in the car and she's not. We don't want her running you over that's for sure. And you don't want to have to jump out of a moving vehicle even if you don't mind walking home, XD.
And if she gets all lovey and sweet maybe that's the time to tell her you're not going to change rather than when she's angry. Just a thought.

 

[Mr Allen]

Nope, for the last 20 odd years I've literally been busting a gut to get a job, with very little success outside of the voluntary sector, do the Daily Fail readers on Facebook thank me? No, they still criticise me for being on benefits and think their taxes are giving me a "living".

 

[Major Tom]

No thanks I can't seem to handle the one I have.
Nor could I imagine being one of these guys who has one on the side, oh hell no...

Sadly I could never not love her, but it's so hard to like her at times.
When we met I thought I won the love lottery... I got a lady 10 times outside my league who was sexy, pretty, and it was like some dream... My friends were like damn, is that your wife?!
I was like, Yeah and she has a twin sister... : )
Its was a dream... that become my worst nightmare to date.

I was a "project" it seems. Now a "Failed project" that she couldn't fix.
In counseling I was told some ladies do pick guys that are sweet and caring for a reason... Sadly ASD wasn't known at the time of her choosing me...
That reason is not always LOVE... It's not really a game. I'm not sure what to call it, but its for them, not us.
Then when it doesn't work we are to blame. We are ALWAYS to be blamed for anything EVEN if we had zero to do with what we are being blamed for... Its a great experience. I'm in lots of hot water because of how I was not "interacting" with others yesterday. I was rude to be on my computer with my headphones on...
Yep... I'm a jerk, or so I am told.

It makes no difference in how we need to find ways to cope with situations that prove us to be very different...We are not supposed to be different. : )

I feel for you man, I really do.. My wife's favorite word is the f word (fault) .. She should have been a tennis judge..

 

[Fitzo]

I know you hate confrontation @Chance but surely the time has come to say enough is enough!
Unfortunately as long as you keep letting her make all the rules, she is going to keep walking all over you.
It's your house too and you have EVERY RIGHT to be consulted about what's going to happen and when.
You have EVERY RIGHT to set boundaries and stick to them!

And what's more, I wouldn't mind betting you'll get a lot more respect because deep down she really wants you to show how strong you are. We all know you're strong because you've survived so much and succeeded in spite of the best efforts of some people to destroy you! Oh, of course she'll hoot and holler, but she will also realise there IS a limit to how much you'll put up with. You need to take back some of the power in the relationship. You've let her have it for too long. Deep down I think everyone wants to respect their partner no matter how much they may act like they don't. You might even find it will save your relationship!

I realise it's contrary to your nature, but what have you got to lose at this point?

Everyone told me my mother would never change, but when I finally started using boundaries and sticking to them....lo and behold her behavior actually improved. And I started to feel a lot better about myself!

Win/win. I wish you courage and strength!

 

[mw2530]

People pleasing is a a game that you cannot win. It is a path to misery. When I was doing my best mentally I had decided to do everything for myself. It sounds selfish at first, but happy people probably do more for others than unhappy people. Deciding to do everything for yourself does not mean you don't ever give back. But it does mean that you establish boundaries and enforce them. And it may mean you cut ties with people that are toxic. When you do everything for yourself, it does not mean that you forget about all your responsibilities. By doing everything for yourself, you may please others at times, and other times you may irritate others. But that is really no different than when you intentionally try to please others. Sometimes they are still dissatisfied and sometimes they may actually be happy. But the difference is you will be miserable in the long run. When I was able to live this way for a brief period, I actually found that people seemed to begin respecting me more than ever before. Change is tough to do though even if it involves putting a stop to doing things that you dislike to do.

 

[Progster]

It sound like this lady needs putting in her place.

 

[Chance]

I know you hate confrontation @Chance but surely the time has come to say enough is enough!
Unfortunately as long as you keep letting her make all the rules, she is going to keep walking all over you.
It's your house too and you have EVERY RIGHT to be consulted about what's going to happen and when.
You have EVERY RIGHT to set boundaries and stick to them!

And what's more, I wouldn't mind betting you'll get a lot more respect because deep down she really wants you to show how strong you are. We all know you're strong because you've survived so much and succeeded in spite of the best efforts of some people to destroy you! Oh, of course she'll hoot and holler, but she will also realise there IS a limit to how much you'll put up with. You need to take back some of the power in the relationship. You've let her have it for too long. Deep down I think everyone wants to respect their partner no matter how much they may act like they don't. You might even find it will save your relationship!

I realise it's contrary to your nature, but what have you got to lose at this point?

Everyone told me my mother would never change, but when I finally started using boundaries and sticking to them....lo and behold her behavior actually improved. And I started to feel a lot better about myself!

Win/win. I wish you courage and strength!

I fell asleep answering this... I woke up to a million of these... /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (now laughing at my weirdness), how strange.

Anyway... I will figure it out.. I always do... It just takes me longer than most people because I have to think everything to death. I have to do the best I can with a crappy situation and make it not such a crappy situation. I have to find some level of honor in the choices I make... That's any choice, not just this.

I'm basically done and that's not a hidden secret in any way... I only hang around because I know she can't (or won't) provide for herself, AND she has a tendency to make my stuff leave to her advantage... EVEN if it means giving it away, or letting people "borrow" it, or just messing it all up because she knows it makes me upset to not have my stuff organized... I think this is done from spite, and to prove she basically hates my guts BUT she won't leave... She has zero plans to leave - ever, or so she says??? I have no idea, and I have no trust left in what she says.

The "boundary" thing worked for a very short time, but now it's totally ignored again... I was so hoping for my job transfer, but that fell apart and new people are now in charge that don't know me, understand me, or could care less about me and what was basically promised to me, and I understand that... BUT that would have given me an honorable "soft" out that was work related... So now I am looking at other possibilities and trying to find a way to put some distance between us...

I'm not even wanting a divorce because of the absolute nightmare involved. I have spoken to a lawyer, and it would most likely a losing battle to not lose the properties and business my grandparents left me (and that is half owned by my cousin also)... Plus I have properties of my own, that no one but me has ever worked on, and paid on... On top of that Texas is an alimony state... I could be "paying" her for the rest of my life... AFTER she takes and forces me to sell everything to give her half or more... AND I am left paying on stuff I no longer have if this goes really wrong... Plus where does this leave my cousin and the wishes of my grandparents??? It just cant be done in that manner, period.

Its a situation where I might/could/probably would lose WAY more than I would ever gain... and be forced to sell, or give up half of something to someone (and Lawyers) who never lifted a finger, or paid a cent on... None of my stuff is in her name, or our names, but in Texas that makes zero difference... and that sucks!

ALL I NEED is a way to CREATE some small level of peace in my life - without destroying everything I have worked for in the process... I do stay at the other house a lot, but its a remodeling nightmare and I have very little spare time to work on it, and my stuff is all here at this house (for now)...

She has had her expected screaming raging fit, and now she isn't speaking to me... and I still don't know what I did... I know she is dying for me to ask, so she can continue her fury... but I know I wasn't doing anything too horrible at all... So I really don't even care. While ago she came in to hug and love on me like nothing happened. I pulled away (because I see that as manipulative and psychotic) and she is now a raging b...h again... Nothing new... I had zero to do with that unorganized Easter nightmare she is mad over, and I still have zero to do with it.

It's very obvious I have trapped myself and it seems I am "owned" or the property of a full blown narcissistic monster who is now confused because I am learning how to NOT feed her desires and fuel her habits, so it seems she thinks her next level narcissism will be the cure to regain her "control"... What she cant figure out is that I have FINALLY figured her out (with the help of a counselor).

Maybe my biggest issue or "flaw" is to be forced to do a lot of things that seem "MEAN"... That makes me feel like an abuser, or maybe a narcissist, or like I am turning into the monsters who raised me... That I swore on my LIFE I would never act like... So, it makes me suffer the same crap over and over until I can figure this out.

It's not like I don't understand it, or that I'm stupid... It's that I know I am trapped just like I was when I was a kid. I found my way out then, I will find my way out of this also, but it's more complicated then when I was a kid, yet it's not (if not for all the legalities involved)... My freedom will come, BUT... I will never be free if I screw this up, be dishonest with myself or others, and just make another nightmare and a mass of regret...

I vent on here, but I really do a lot in real life to gently set things up for a great future that is not a roller coaster nightmare. It just takes TIME, and in that I have to endure lots of fits, anger, hatred, raging accusations, and toxic drama... But I have a whole lifetime of learning to tune all that stuff out, and I mostly can, until it just overruns me every now and then and crushes me like a bug under a shoe...

My greatest hope is that some extrovert NT hunk of a man will come along and sweep her off her feet and they will live happily ever after in their perfectly narcissistic nightmare... I'm horrible... : )

 

[Tom]

Concerning personal relationships, I have experienced this when sometimes people are focusing on results rather then appreciating things for what they are. That is the other persons issue and should be dealt with accordingly. But I can also get into a mode of trying to fulfill imaginary demands that aren't there. That is my issue to resolve.

Expectations are more natural in work environments but not absolutely. People are flesh and blood, not tools.