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Continuous Struggle

Thinx said:
Will your parents pay for a depression support group now your insurance no longer covers it? Or are there any assisted programmes or online support initiatives you can access? In the UK we have the Mind charity that offers some help to people. It's pretty hard when you don't have access to support. Could you even maybe see if there are any self help groups near you, or even initiate a meet up at a suitable venue for a self help group?

Have you ever looked in to co-counselling? It's a low cost self help oriented approach that operates internationally, I did their short training and got a lot out of their groups and residential events, lovely people and yes, people do meet partners in that environment, albeit you would need to each be very aware of any issues or boundaries. But that's always the case in any relationship. It's empowering and hard work, but everyone is working on themselves.
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I still have a therapist and I just pay out of my pocket for our sessions.
 
tree said:
That could be a good match for your current energy level.
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My energy level became the way it is now with the disappointments, bad weather, negative interactions, and poor health that I’ve been subjected to this year.
 
Markness said:
My energy level became the way it is now with the disappointments, bad weather, negative interactions, and poor health that I’ve been subjected to this year.
Click to expand...


I was thinking the low-T has a major impact.

Time will tell.
 
Markness said:
He’ll send text messages about what he’s upset about to me instead of talking to me in person.
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That, in itself, doesn't seem passive aggressive.

The content is the key element.

If, for example, he texted you that he wished he could take as much time
getting out of bed as you do and that it must be nice to have that advantage,
but his responsibilities don't allow that much leisure.....that would be passive
aggressive.

If, for example, he told other people instead of you that he was dis-satisfied with
your behavior, that would be passive aggressive.
 
tree said:
That, in itself, doesn't seem passive aggressive.

The content is the key element.

If, for example, he texted you that he wished he could take as much time
getting out of bed as you do and that it must be nice to have that advantage,
but his responsibilities don't allow that much leisure.....that would be passive
aggressive.

If, for example, he told other people instead of you that he was dis-satisfied with
your behavior, that would be passive aggressive.
Click to expand...

He was upset I didn’t take out the recyclables in the morning fast enough. He also brought up how I didn’t bring in groceries but instead stayed in my “air conditioned haven.”
 
*fast enough*
Is there a set time table for when that stuff is expected to be moved?

*bring in groceries*
Who bought the groceries?
 
He bought the groceries.
The groceries were in the car.
Were you along for the grocery buying trip?

--
Is there a service that comes by to pick up the
recycling?
 
tree said:
He bought the groceries.
The groceries were in the car.
Were you along for the grocery buying trip?
Click to expand...

No, I was not. I don’t like grocery shopping with them because they are stressful to be around when it comes to that activity.

Is there a service that comes by to pick up the
recycling?
Click to expand...

Yes, the city’s recyclable program sends out trucks to get the stuff.
 
So he expected you to voluntarily bring in groceries from the car?

---
Is taking out the recycling your assigned chore?
 
That doesn't sound entirely unreasonable, helping
bring in the groceries. How much stuff was there?

What if you decided make it your task to take the recycling out?
 
tree said:
That doesn't sound entirely unreasonable, helping
bring in the groceries. How much stuff was there?

What if you decided make it your task to take the recycling out?
Click to expand...

Flip perspectives for a minute.

Step-dad goes to the store, buys to groceries (which are never cheap), takes the groceries to the car, loads the car, brings the groceries home, and one assumes these are household groceries (meaning you help eat them, etc.) ?

It is completely reasonable to expect some help from other household members to bring in the groceries.

A small step that can relieve fraught interactions. Hear the car pull up, go to the door, be pro-active and ask: Do you need a hand with those?

Preemptive action can negate a lot of small irritations that lead to bigger blow-ups. Much of the time it is the one little thing that is a trigger for a blow up.

Housework and chores are major sources of stress and anxiety for most people, even those we have conflicts with.

Expectations of help with the home environment are not unreasonable. Whether living with family, roommates, alone, or with a significant other. It is the biggest source of strife in relationships of any sort.
 
Were you aware, at all, that anyone had been grocery
shopping, returned, and might want help bringing in
the purchases?

--
What can you do to remind yourself that it's the day to
take out the recycling?
 
Forest Cat said:
If you live in the same house as your mom and stepdad, I have to tell you a truth. You're 33, you should do things because you want to pull your own weight and help them. If I were your dad, you would carry those groceries. I would make you if you tried to be difficult about it. Trust me, you would carry those groceries. And it's too much work for you to carry garbage outside? Would you rather see your mom do it? Don't be like that, take a big step forward for your own sake and do those things.

What you are doing is not good for you or anyone, you are spoiling yourself. And I don't want to be mean at all, but I think you need to hear this. You eat food, right? Carry that food from the car. Help your mom, do your part.
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I wasn’t being difficult. I didn’t hear them bring the groceries in. If they asked me for help, I would’ve done it. But they didn’t ask and I wasn’t present when they brought the stuff home.

I take the garbage out when I remember to do so. I just didn’t remember to do so this time.
 
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