Dating relationship help with autism

[WVV]

This is all my fault!!

 

[Aspychata]

It's good u came here to discuss this. It's good to talk about this so that you don't hold all the frustration inside. Sometimes talking thru things might bring you to an answer on your own. Sometimes in life, it's the wrong time to meet someone. I definitely see you two have a very deep connection. Maybe you can go become the best person you can be. Take some time to work on yourself. Don't be upset with yourself. Some things are truly outside of our control.

 

[Rodafina]

I think Will has some responsibility on his shoulders, too. Two people in a relationship both have to own their contribution when things don't work out. It's a really tough situation when you are an adult but still have parents who are acting as caregivers. Both you and Will are in a tricky and complicated situation.

 

[WVV]

I think Will has some responsibility on his shoulders, too. Two people in a relationship both have to own their contribution when things don't work out. It's a really tough situation when you are an adult but still have parents who are acting as caregivers. Both you and Will are in a tricky and complicated situation.

Yes that is true and none of his relationships will ever work out!!! I never meant to hurt him and i never manipulated him either!! I do not know why his mom even thinks that and i never said i would break up with him if he didnt participate none of that is true!!! I was still grieving for my mom so I wasnt thinking clearly at all and thats all on me!!! I cant live without Will and Im doing everything and talking with my therapist to see what the next step is to fix this!!! I should have set his mom straight the first time and even if i did tell her the truth i doubt if she would have even believed me!!! Ive already had several nervous breakdowns bc of it all!!!

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes we need to step back with our emotions. She may feel she is truly looking out for him. The same way you feel. She may feel she made the best choice for him at that time. The fact that she let you stay is very open of her.

 

[WVV]

She only let me stay because she was hoping to get rid of him. She has been trying to find someone to take him because she does not want him. She does not have his best interest at heart for his emotional and physical needs. She only cares about herself. She even went on for weeks about how i was he best friends daughter and how i would always be around and i was never going anywhere and then bang!!! She kicked me out of her house!! After everything i did for her and her family!!!

Whats the point of even talking about it when nobody has a solution to this. Talking abt it all goes no where and it fixes nothing!!!

 

[WVV]

On top of everything else his mom thinks we slept together under her roof bc her daughter told her that which we all know that her daughter wouldn’t lie (being sarcastic) because she does lie, which isnt true either. We never slept together!!!

Also this isnt the first time or the 10th time that this happens to me. I never make it to my first date and im so frustrated with it all!!! Ive never had inappropriate adult conversations with a guy before either!!! My mom scared away all of the other guys bc she never wanted me to date or live on my own bc she wanted to control everything I did in my life!!!

 

[Hypnalis]

Whats the point of even talking about it when nobody has a solution to this. Talking abt it all goes no where and it fixes nothing!!!

Two adults, , at least one of them a legally competent adult, with sufficient income, the ability to run a household independently or with a support provided by the state (i.e. local or national government), can set up on their own.

So that's your practical gating factor. Can you meet all of those requirements?

 

[WVV]

Two adults, , at least one of them a legally competent adult, with sufficient income, the ability to run a household independently or with a support provided by the state (i.e. local or national government), can set up on their own.

So that's your practical gating factor. Can you meet all of those requirements?

Yes I can. I was put on disability bc my family said I couldnt make good decisions but im not mentally handicapped or anything!!!

I know how to take care of a house and i know how to cut grass as well

 

[Hypnalis]

You're right about "talking for entertainment" rather than making a plan.
But the nature of plans is that in general it takes someone with some "skin in the game" to actually make one.
In this case it has to be you. That's your second requirement: you have to take responsibility and accountability for this.

A "plan" for something like this doesn't mean a lot of detail. But at least you always need to be aiming for a tangible "milestone".

You should address your "people problems" sooner rather than later too. And stop sharing sensitive information with the wrong people /sigh.

 

[WVV]

You're right about "talking for entertainment" rather than making a plan.
But the nature of plans is that in general it takes someone with some "skin in the game" to actually make one.
In this case it has to be you. That's your second requirement: you have to take responsibility and accountability for this.

A "plan" for something like this doesn't mean a lot of detail. But at least you always need to be aiming for a tangible "milestone".

You should address your "people problems" sooner rather than later too. And stop sharing sensitive information with the wrong people /sigh.

Sorry!! I did not know how to get them to stop!!
You are right im all in!!!

 

[Aspychata]

You have to step back and disengage for awhile. This is making you all upset. That won't get you anywhere. This may be the type of situation where there is no quick fix. You getting very upset and frustrated isn't going to change much. So take a deep breath, and concentrate on yourself.

 

[Hypnalis]

Sorry!! I did not know how to get them to stop!!
You are right im all in!!!

Friends won't press you for information you don't want to provide.

You have the right to lie to your enemies. It's not that easy to lie to people BTW - if you haven't had any practice, you'll need to prepare.

@Aspychata is right about "staying on an even keel". Power to influence others comes from calm, not adrenaline.

 

[WVV]

Friends won't press you for information you don't want to provide.

You have the right to lie to your enemies. It's not that easy to lie to people BTW - if you haven't had any practice, you'll need to prepare.

@Aspychata is right about "staying on an even keel". Power to influence others comes from calm, not adrenaline.

I do not know how to lie!! Im always very honest

 

[WVV]

I do not know how to lie!! Im always very honest

I know!!! Just talking abt certain issues with the relationship just frustrates me. I will do better staying calm!!!

 

[Hypnalis]

@WVV

You don't have to tell any big lies, but even so it's still quite difficult. I can help you a little, but this is a conditional offer. I won't do it in the public forum, and you didn't conform to my condition last time, so we'll need to talk about that.

I can help with staying calm, but:
(1) It's impossible for anyone to get good at managing this quickly. You must put in the work, and you must be patient.
(2) You can't stop your body releasing adrenaline when human interactions become "heated". (Some people can do this, but it's a "1 in 10 000 000" kind of weird skill. I certainly can't do it).

(2) means you have to learn to act correctly even when your body is affected by adrenaline, and is preparing you to run away from, or fight, a "saber-toothed tiger" So it's impossible to be completely calm when it matters most. It's not too hard to learn act well even so, but it's difficult to practice it.

It's essential though - if you can't manage yourself, you'll "lose" every interaction with assertive/aggressive people.

Lesson 1:
You seem to be "blitz posting". Slow down:
* Read every word you've written in a post before sending it to the forum
* Check for clarity, accuracy, and completeness. Edit if necessary. Check again. Post it only when it's ready.

NB: You'll still make mistakes, leave typos in the posts, etc. That's ok.
But (a) the posts will improve, and (b) practicing the cycle (create/wait/review/act) is the point of the exercise.

You need to routinely pause your emotion->idea->act cycle. The instant version is also for tigers
In human interactions it makes you weak.

 

[WVV]

Ok. Got it!!! Sometimes its really hard to do when you have adhd affecting everything you do especially with emotions!!! I will do my best with everything you mentioned.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

My 26 year old boyfriend has autism and we grew up together and know each other very well. We had been together for eight months after we both lost a parent weeks apart from cancer. His family seemed ok with us wanting to date. Well his mom who is self serving decides to separate us which sent me spiraling into multiple nervous break downs. In 2023 he reached out to me and told me he is all in with the relationship and wants it to work. Well his mom separated us again after a year of being together and now she is saying I have no future to offer him and that the statement that her son said is not true. How do I fight this or find a solution to this problem so my boyfriend and I can go on our first date. FyI we are both considered disabled!!!

i assume your BF was the one who asked you out and started talking to you first

 

[WVV]

i assume your BF was the one who asked you out and started talking to you first

Yes. He knows me very well bc we grew up together!!! We started hanging out after my mom passed away and his dad passed away a week apart in the same year!!

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Yes. He knows me very well bc we grew up together!!! We started hanging out after my mom passed away and his dad passed away a week apart in the same year!!

why am i not surprised, and i have a feeling your relationship is gonna be much better than my last one, whom i feel very reluctant to even call an ex-girlfriend, didn't feel like a true relationship at all due to her asexual personality.