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Dating relationship help with autism

Steelbookcollector217 said:
why am i not surprised, and i have a feeling your relationship is gonna be much better than my last one, whom i feel very reluctant to even call an ex-girlfriend, didn't feel like a true relationship at all due to her asexual personality.
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Im hoping so too. The problem is getting his mom on board. Im trying to figure out how to get around mom… thats the only issue. His mom separated us the first time and says that i had lost her trust but she will not even tell me how it was lost. Im so sorry that your last relationship didnt work out. You deserve to have someone who loves cares and treats you well. I hope you find the right person!!!
 
WVV said:
Im hoping so too. The problem is getting his mom on board. Im trying to figure out how to get around mom… thats the only issue. His mom separated us the first time and says that i had lost her trust but she will not even tell me how it was lost. Im so sorry that your last relationship didnt work out. You deserve to have someone who loves cares and treats you well. I hope you find the right person!!!
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yeah, i doubt either you or him are asexual, and i assume you both live close by each other? yeah thats why i have paid for sex a couple of times, i've had sex with some escorts/sex workers, due to not getting my sexual/intimacy needs/wants in my last relationship.
 
No we are not asexual. We both love to kiss and cuddle. Well we use to live close by each other. His mom got remarried a year later after her husbands death so now she moved everybody to a different county which is an hour and thirty minutes away from me. She keeps telling me that I do not have a future to offer her son. Can you believe it!!! She let us be together for 8 months before the first seperation and then he reached out to me in october of last year. On dec 27th 2023 we actually set up and planned to meet at the movie theater out by my house and his mom found out and separated us again. So altogether we have been together for a year!!! Oh and he told me he was all in with the relationship and i told his mom that bc i wanted to know if i could have contact which she tells me no and she told me that what he said about being in it for the long haul was not true now!!!
 
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WVV said:
No we are not asexual. We both love to kiss and cuddle. Well we use to live close by each other. His mom got remarried a year later after her husbands death so now she moved everybody to a different county which is an hour and thirty minutes away from me. She keeps telling me that I do not have a future to offer her son. Can you believe it!!! She let us be together for 8 months before the first seperation and then he reached out to me in october of last year. On dec 27th 2023 we actually set up and planned to meet at the movie theater out by my house and his mom found out and separated us again. So altogether we have been together for a year!!! Oh and he told me he was all in with the relationship and i told his mom that bc i wanted to know if i could have contact which she tells me no and she told me that what he said about being in it for the long haul was not true now!!!
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the last woman i dated, even though i feel reluctant to call her an ex-girlfriend, she was fine, okay with kissing and cuddling, making out, but doing more than that, sadly not so much, thats why it didn't feel like a true relationship to me.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
the last woman i dated, even though i feel reluctant to call her an ex-girlfriend, she was fine, okay with kissing and cuddling, making out, but doing more than that, sadly not so much, thats why it didn't feel like a true relationship to me.
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Totally understand that!!! My boyfriend and i would do so much more than that if we ever got the chance to do so!!! I miss him terribly and i crave for his touches and kisses!!! I wish i could share a bed with him right now!!! We were so good for each other and brought out the best versions on ourselves!!! Truth is I want him to take my Vcard so badly but we both are Christians and to us it will be worth waiting to do after getting married.
 
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WVV said:
Totally understand that!!! My boyfriend and i would do so much more than that if we ever got the chance to do so!!! I miss him terribly and i crave for his touches and kisses!!! I wish i could share a bed with him right now!!! We were so good for each other and brought out the best versions on ourselves!!! Truth is I want him to take my Vcard so badly but we both are Christians and to us it will be worth waiting to do after getting married.
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yeah and thats why i went to escorts/sex workers, because that doesn't require any social skills and it doesn't require any seduction or courtship, i will admit, i stayed with her longer than i should have and i was reluctant to break up with her for a while because i didn't want to become alone/single again, but bigger reason, don't want to have to go through the drama and burden of having to court a woman all over again, don't want to have to go through the drama and burden of having to do the pursuing all over again.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
yeah and thats why i went to escorts/sex workers, because that doesn't require any social skills and it doesn't require any seduction or courtship, i will admit, i stayed with her longer than i should have and i was reluctant to break up with her for a while because i didn't want to become alone/single again, but bigger reason, don't want to have to go through the drama and burden of having to court a woman all over again, don't want to have to go through the drama and burden of having to do the pursuing all over again.
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Yeah I get that!!! I feel the exact same way if my relationship with my boyfriend Will does not work out then i do not want to date nor do i want to date someone else!!! I do not want to start all over again!!! Will and I understand each other too well. We both have sensitivity to loud noises and etc. His mom said she took away his phone forever to make sure he does not talk to me in any way.
 
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WVV said:
Yeah I get that!!! I feel the exact same way if my relationship with my boyfriend Will does not work out then i do not want to date nor do i want to date someone else!!! I do not want to start all over again!!! Will and I understand each other too well. We both have sensitivity to loud noises and etc. His mom said she took away his phone forever to make sure he does not talk to me in any way.
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yeah but you as a woman have the luxury of never being expected to approach a guy or never having to be the confident assertive one, you can get away with being socially awkward/socially inept and never have it be dismissed or perceived as weird/creepy when interacting with the other sex, the reverse is sadly not true though.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
yeah but you as a woman have the luxury of never being expected to approach a guy or never having to be the confident assertive one, you can get away with being socially awkward/socially inept and never have it be dismissed or perceived as weird/creepy when interacting with the other sex, the reverse is sadly not true
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I understand that and you are so right!!! I have not thought about all the pressures men are under when they have to approach the girl to ask her out…. Never thought about the heart breaks men feel when being rejected and being rejected is the worst feeling in the world!! I do hope everything works out for you!!!
 
Maybe both bc im still talking with my therapist/ social worker and we are still trying to come up with the next steps and plans!!!!
 
Do you have the facts on the exact legal relationship between Will and his mother?
I know she's an official caregiver (makes sense), but not if she's his legal guardian (not as usual given he's over 18).
 
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I do know that she has conservative-ship over him. I doubt that she has guardianship and I heard from her mouth in person that she will not get guardianship over him ever.
 
Yes I have!!! Thanks for the thought, i had no idea that i was putting my emotions into it!!!
 
We can work on this a little if you like, but perhaps not in the public forum, and not too much.

The relevance is that you may need some new skills to achieve full independence together with Will, and anyway the first layer of skills are useful to everyone.

Onn topic: one likely path for you to be successful is to be able to persuade others (like a court) that you can and will:
* Run a household together indefinitely, given current access to resources (money).
* Bring up a child together (perhaps). This may not come up, but ignoring the possibility would be foolish.
Operating effectively and calmly are essential skills for both the "sales pitch" to be allowed to do them. and the actions themselves.

Don't read too much into this - perhaps it won't be relevant. But I wrote that because an important part of planning to identify potential "show-stoppers", and ask "do we need this capability?", "do we have it already?", and if not "how do we develop that capability?".

The are many proverbs about preparation, but I like this - it tells the same story, but it's focused on the result :)

Sun Tsu:
"The greatest skill in conflict is to break the enemy's resistance without fighting."
 
WVV said:
I understand that and you are so right!!! I have not thought about all the pressures men are under when they have to approach the girl to ask her out…. Never thought about the heart breaks men feel when being rejected and being rejected is the worst feeling in the world!! I do hope everything works out for you!!!
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yeah, my last relationship whom i feel very reluctant to even call an ex for what i disclosed about her already, i didn't really have to pursue or chase her, hit on her or have to initiate with her, it was kind of a mutual effort, the way i met her was, i was introduced, kinda set up with her by her cousin, her cousin is one of the group organizers of an autism meetup group through meetup.com, she told me about her, she had her cousin follow me on instagram, message me first.

To sum it up, she started the initial interaction, but i was the one who asked her out though, thats how it was mutual, but we all know that 90 percent of the time or more, its not like that, the man normally does everything in the beginning. Something that i will hate and resent until the day i die, until my last breath.
 
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