Especially since I am not official, I do feel a fraud a lot of the time and even more so, when some introduce me as having aspergers, which is silly, because they have got to know me and so, must conclude I have it, otherwise, they would not introduce me to a fellow aspie.
I think the issue is, because one looks "normal"; it is mostly in the behaviour, accept for the blank stare, which I used to go through a lot, but only mildly now. Some also have expressionless faces and so, it is easier to feel like an aspie and yes, I do wonder if I am overstating my stimming or sensory issues. It has a sense of putting a bright light on what I do, whereas before, it was just something I did.
This morning, my husband was making his sandwiches for work and I hyperventilated to see him using our best knife to butter the bread and even he mentioned that it felt weird, but he couldn't find the butter knife and continued to butter the bread and I could feel rage building up in me and in a sort of strangled voice, I said: it will probably be in the dishwasher and he said: well, you can find it, because I looked. I found it and almost snatched the best knife from his hands!
Yesterday, someone had an umbrella and I noted that the tag was still on and again, feeling very uncomfortable, I suggested she cut it off and she actually just said: oh, it doesn't matter! She must have noticed my reaction, because she said: if you want to cut it off, you can, but hubby thought it was just stupid and hid the umbrella from me and just said: don't look then!
So, it is the little things that I wonder if I am putting on a show, to point to me having aspergers? But in truth, I think it is just out there now, since I discovered aspergers.
