Do You Feel Invisible?

[Galaxy Freeze]

Do you ever feel like no one can hear you? Not just friends, but maybe even family members?

Like, they don't reply when you try to clarify something, or they don't even look like they want to listen to you while you speak, stuff like that?

I get very angry when my parents don't acknowledge that they heard me, because how am I supposed to know otherwise?

I can think of a million examples of when I have tried to ask the simplest of questions and they totally ignore me, or they even start texting on their stupid phones right in the middle of me talking.

Or better yet, when I try to APOLOGIZE to them about something, and they don't say a word. Sometimes, it's not because they're mad, but it's just because they're... I don't know! They just don't want to hear me!
I guess they refuse to believe every word I say. Another thing, they tend to listen to just about EVERYONE else except me. WHAT THE HELL?! What is wrong with me?!

So, you know, I realize this and stay very quiet on some days (selective mutism, as you may say), and then they turn around and wonder why I don't speak. COME ON!
They pay attention to me when I'm quiet, and they ignore me when I'm trying to say something, doesn't something seem a little wrong here?

Being misheard or ignored is my worst nightmare, it makes me incredibly angry, and they know it. A lot of us on the Autism spectrum hate to be ignored and not acknowledged I'm sure.

So, back to the question up top, do you ever feel like no one can hear you? Do you get frustrated when they don't acknowledge that you said something or asked a question? Do you feel like it is pointless to speak sometimes? I know I do.

 

[epath13]

I think I felt more... overly visible... if I may call it that way, the only problem was, in many cases people would create an opinion about me in their minds, which might have nothing to do with reality, or misunderstood what I said... to be honest I still can't figure out how people see me, ... One of my favorite stories, when I was a kid, was Gulliver's travels (the adapted version), primarily because so many times I felt sort of like Gulliver in Lilliput... anyway
I've met quite a few people who were sort of "invisible" I don't think it's necessarily have something to do with Asperger's. I think it's more of a personality thing... Have you tried to discuss your feelings with your parents. Have you tried to tell them how you feel? It could be a start for you. The only thing about expressing your negative emotions (just a little piece of advice, you might not even need it but I'm going to give it anyway ) don't blame people for anything, don't tell them that they don't listen to you, tell them how being, as you call it, ignored, makes you feel and sometimes, it's nice to give an example. If you do that you can see where your parents stand, how much they're really into themselves, their opinions, their worlds. Sometimes it might seem that people want to ignore you, but once the ignored person opens up, it might be that they didn't even know that, they didn't think the person was hurt. You could write them a letter if you'r not feeling comfortable talking about it or get a counselor on your side to help you with that.

I don't think it's pointless to talk, it's just that sometimes people are not ready to listen, sometimes there has to be an understanding that different people express themselves differently and lots of patience....

so I don't feel invisible but I do feel misunderstood a lot, primarily because of my attitude towards life, because of my sensory and processing needs, because of the way my mind works, the way I see the world and sometimes the reasons behind my actions.

 

[cheetoe80]

I've also felt more overly visable

 

[Caspar]

@Galaxy Freeze - I have a similar problem. I think it is due to talking out of turn or talking when the person we are talking to is focused on some other task. Timing when to talk can be difficult. It takes some practice...

 

[Nesspie]

Yes I've often felt that way. But then I tend to be extremely quiet in person, especially in groups. Plus, I seem to have a lot of difficulty expressing my thoughts and feelings out loud. I relate to feeling like it's pointless to speak at times.

 

[Arashi222]

I often feel that way too. I feel like I just shrink into the wall. Esepcailly in larger groups or places where I am unfamilar. I also feel that way at family get togethers.

 

[King_Oni]

I'm hard to miss in general. Even if it's by physique. And in general, my looks do draw some kind of attention. I don't hate it that much, cause that usually is a conversation starter. I'm well aware of that, and if don't want to talk to people I'd just not be that place at all.

So I feel that if people act like I'm not there, they're ignoring me on purpose, which makes me get all annoying and ask them "why the F are you ignoring me?"

 

[Christian T]

Do you ever feel like no one can hear you? Not just friends, but maybe even family members?

Like, they don't reply when you try to clarify something, or they don't even look like they want to listen to you while you speak, stuff like that?

I get very angry when my parents don't acknowledge that they heard me, because how am I supposed to know otherwise?

I can think of a million examples of when I have tried to ask the simplest of questions and they totally ignore me, or they even start texting on their stupid phones right in the middle of me talking.

Or better yet, when I try to APOLOGIZE to them about something, and they don't say a word. Sometimes, it's not because they're mad, but it's just because they're... I don't know! They just don't want to hear me!
I guess they refuse to believe every word I say. Another thing, they tend to listen to just about EVERYONE else except me. WHAT THE HELL?! What is wrong with me?!

So, you know, I realize this and stay very quiet on some days (selective mutism, as you may say), and then they turn around and wonder why I don't speak. COME ON!
They pay attention to me when I'm quiet, and they ignore me when I'm trying to say something, doesn't something seem a little wrong here?

Being misheard or ignored is my worst nightmare, it makes me incredibly angry, and they know it. A lot of us on the Autism spectrum hate to be ignored and not acknowledged I'm sure.

So, back to the question up top, do you ever feel like no one can hear you? Do you get frustrated when they don't acknowledge that you said something or asked a question? Do you feel like it is pointless to speak sometimes? I know I do.

Yes, I experience just about everything you've mentioned on a daily basis, especially the feeling that only I am not worth responding too, and that their response when they've heard me is often the same as when they haven't heard me. However, most people I know love it when I apologise to them. It's when I dare to ask for an apology myself, or talk about something they've done wrong that they suddenly become deaf.

I also hate being interrupted - people just plowing through what I want to say is intolerable to me, and I'm so submissive I always let them, without thinking. It's so frustrating!

I also hate it when if, for example, I tell someone at a disco that all the songs being played sound the same to me, they shake their head and go "no", exactly as if I'd just asked "Do these songs all sound the same to you?"

No! I actually have an opinion myself, which I'm stating to you because I have the right to and I don't appreciate you trampling all over it! Disagree with me if you want, but at least acknowledge that I'm a conscious being with my own opinion.

I wanted to complain about one last thing, but I've forgotten it, so that's it for now.

 

[Bay]

I have trouble with the rhythm of conversation and cannot figure out when I can speak. Add to that the fact that I tend to speak quietly, and I think I just become invisible. Sometimes that is fine with me, as I hate small talk and idle chit chat and would just as soon be overlooked. Other times I actually have something of value to contribute but cannot figure out how to get people interested in what I have to say.

 

[total-recoil]

I'm developing a possible theory on this because the whole phenomenon you describe begs answers to reasonable questions.
I notice it when I go out (on rare occasions with my family to eat out). Well, basically they talk as if I'm not there. This can go on for some time till somebody notices that inevitably I've gone online on my mobile. And the fact I was being ignored was the reason I got on my phone and found alternatives.
Now, with my German Shep that never happens and it's the very opposite. If I go online with him around he throws a tantrum and becomes destructive, chewing things up so I'll have to put the phone away and give him attention.
So, odd as it may sound, I really do relate better to pets than I do to people (or they somehow relate to me).
But why does it happen. Is it the aspie who isn't making eye contact or making the effort to communicate? Many psychologists believe that to be the case as autism was thought of as "selfism", whereby the aspie withdraws and isn't sociable.
However, I now suspect it goes a lot deeper, having experienced this phenomenon for many many years and often even being very upset by it.
My supposition is that N.T. types in their subconscious are picking up on the autism even if they're not cognitively aware of it. I know that sounds a bit far fetched but I do have strong suspicions in that direction. Also, friends will tell me that no way do I have aspergers or autism but, despite that, they most definitely don't treat me or relate to me as they would someone else. Therfore, logic dictates you pose the question as to why?
In fact, like many other aspies I also find that one-to-one I relate to people far far better than if that same person were in a group. And vice versa. I've been with a person who quite happily chatted to me, someone else suddenly arrives and then I get absolutely cast out into nowhere land. I kid you not. It's as if somehow the first person completey forgets I was ever a presence and I turned invisible.

Do you ever feel like no one can hear you? Not just friends, but maybe even family members?

Like, they don't reply when you try to clarify something, or they don't even look like they want to listen to you while you speak, stuff like that?

I get very angry when my parents don't acknowledge that they heard me, because how am I supposed to know otherwise?

I can think of a million examples of when I have tried to ask the simplest of questions and they totally ignore me, or they even start texting on their stupid phones right in the middle of me talking.

Or better yet, when I try to APOLOGIZE to them about something, and they don't say a word. Sometimes, it's not because they're mad, but it's just because they're... I don't know! They just don't want to hear me!
I guess they refuse to believe every word I say. Another thing, they tend to listen to just about EVERYONE else except me. WHAT THE HELL?! What is wrong with me?!

So, you know, I realize this and stay very quiet on some days (selective mutism, as you may say), and then they turn around and wonder why I don't speak. COME ON!
They pay attention to me when I'm quiet, and they ignore me when I'm trying to say something, doesn't something seem a little wrong here?

Being misheard or ignored is my worst nightmare, it makes me incredibly angry, and they know it. A lot of us on the Autism spectrum hate to be ignored and not acknowledged I'm sure.

So, back to the question up top, do you ever feel like no one can hear you? Do you get frustrated when they don't acknowledge that you said something or asked a question? Do you feel like it is pointless to speak sometimes? I know I do.

 

[total-recoil]

That's the first possible hypothesese, i.e. that the aspie has poor interpersonal social skills and as a result is ignored.
However........
Believe it or not. I was analysing it at a family get-together 2 weeks ago and most definitely, for all practical purposes, I might as well have been invisible. People were just talking across me as if I were a foreigner. So, after making a point of it, I got my mobile out, went online and doodled out my homework till someone noticed my situation. That was my aunt in fact and then she told them all off for not taking any notice and I was asked to put my phone back.
I got so used to this, I will just resign myself to it and get on my mobile.
Sometimes, in fact, it can be very hurtful.
Now, the first time I knew there was something not quite right was when I first started school. I would have been about 8 or 9 years old. The teacher told all the kids to make pairs as we were going to learn to dance. Well, all the kids started to shuffle about and, when all the shuffling and moving around had winded up, there was me on my own! And in time, I began to start asking my parents why I was different because it happened more and more.
Even worse was team games. I would literally be the last one picked.
Which brings me back to the Planet Of The Apes movie. Did you know that during the making of the original movie, some of the actors were made up as gorillas, some as chimps and some as baboons. It was found that during recess and in between movie takes, all the baboons sat at one table to eat, all the chimps at another table and all the gorillas also apart? They didn't mingle. Which suggests human beings differentiate at a sub-conscious level and pick up differences also at a subconscious level.
Does this sound in any way logical? Or maybe too far fetched?

@Galaxy Freeze - I have a similar problem. I think it is due to talking out of turn or talking when the person we are talking to is focused on some other task. Timing when to talk can be difficult. It takes some practice...

 

[Soup]

@GalaxyFreeze:

What those people are doing to you is called giving someone THE SILENT TREATMENT. It can be everything from a dismissive form of disrespect, to a form of childishness to a form of abuse. Some also call it giving someone 'the cold shoulder'. It is designed to make the recipient feel invisible, irrelevant, erased or just plain wrong. It is a very rude thing to do to someone.

Some people, when they're angry & in the throes of intense emotions, do this to the person they're mad at or to whomever happens to be around. It usually says more about the doer than it does about the target. Some do it because they're afraid of what they might blow up & say when they're angry. Some do it as a form of passive aggression because they know it'll really frustrate & anger the other person.

Someone in my life used to do this to me a lot. Since I'm one of those 'leave me alone' type Aspies. The silent treatment was like a gift! The other person could never 'get' why their lame strategy wasn't having the desired effect. I thought of it this way: 'Soo...you don't want to acknowledge me? Your call! It spares me from having to force air through my larynx & move my mouth about to formulate words to waste on you! Your loss!" Then I go happily off to devote my energies to something I actually enjoy.

 

[total-recoil]

Do you ever feel like no one can hear you? Not just friends, but maybe even family members?

Like, they don't reply when you try to clarify something, or they don't even look like they want to listen to you while you speak, stuff like that?

I get very angry when my parents don't acknowledge that they heard me, because how am I supposed to know otherwise?

I can think of a million examples of when I have tried to ask the simplest of questions and they totally ignore me, or they even start texting on their stupid phones right in the middle of me talking.

Or better yet, when I try to APOLOGIZE to them about something, and they don't say a word. Sometimes, it's not because they're mad, but it's just because they're... I don't know! They just don't want to hear me!
I guess they refuse to believe every word I say. Another thing, they tend to listen to just about EVERYONE else except me. WHAT THE HELL?! What is wrong with me?!

So, you know, I realize this and stay very quiet on some days (selective mutism, as you may say), and then they turn around and wonder why I don't speak. COME ON!
They pay attention to me when I'm quiet, and they ignore me when I'm trying to say something, doesn't something seem a little wrong here?

Being misheard or ignored is my worst nightmare, it makes me incredibly angry, and they know it. A lot of us on the Autism spectrum hate to be ignored and not acknowledged I'm sure.

So, back to the question up top, do you ever feel like no one can hear you? Do you get frustrated when they don't acknowledge that you said something or asked a question? Do you feel like it is pointless to speak sometimes? I know I do.

"Although I am a typical loner in daily life, my consciousness of belonging to the invisible community of those who strive for truth, beauty, and justice has preserved me from feeling isolated.

- Albert Einstein, The World As I See It (1949)"

 

[Cerulean]

I have trouble with the rhythm of conversation and cannot figure out when I can speak. Add to that the fact that I tend to speak quietly, and I think I just become invisible. Sometimes that is fine with me, as I hate small talk and idle chit chat and would just as soon be overlooked. Other times I actually have something of value to contribute but cannot figure out how to get people interested in what I have to say.

I have a similar pattern.

Frequently when I'm in a group of maybe five people, I'll say something quietly that is either fairly insightful or funny, only the person next to me will hear it, and will smile at me. Then 2 minutes later when it's appropriate to interject into the conversation, they will jump in with what I said and everyone will be like oh person B you're so smart/funny. I've tried just speaking up but apparently my timing isn't great. I prefer this kind of semi-invisibility over making a rear-end out of myself.

 

[Butterfly_Lady]

I have definitely always felt invisible. sometimes i even feel that people don't care about me, i would start talking to someone about something and they would turn away and sometimes walk away even thought some of those times they asked me a question and i was answering it. they seemed totally disinterested in a truthful answer to the question they asked me, because of this, to keep this from happening so often, i have adapted the standard "i'm ok" or "I'm alright" answer and walk away because i am so tired of having people walk away from me. i want them to see how it feels.

 

[Deno]

Do you ever feel like no one can hear you? Not just friends, but maybe even family members?

Do you get frustrated when they don't acknowledge that you said something or asked a question?

Do you feel like it is pointless to speak sometimes?

Paraphrased ^

Yes, I feel like people notice when I start speaking sometimes, but it is as if my voice suddenly becomes unknown to them and they lose all attention to my words. Everyone does this to me. This may be the one thing I hate most about being me.

I feel as though I can tell when someone is NT when I am interacting with them. Same thing the other way, I think the NT brain notices some difference(s) in the Aspie's brain, and that makes them literally ignore us. Any thoughts?

 

[Cerulean]

Paraphrased ^

Yes, I feel like people notice when I start speaking sometimes, but it is as if my voice suddenly becomes unknown to them and they lose all attention to my words. Everyone does this to me. This may be the one thing I hate most about being me.

I feel as though I can tell when someone is NT when I am interacting with them. Same thing the other way, I think the NT brain notices some difference(s) in the Aspie's brain, and that makes them literally ignore us. Any thoughts?

I feel like that too sometimes, like I'm so obviously different that I'm disregarded.

 

[Butterfly_Lady]

Paraphrased ^

Yes, I feel like people notice when I start speaking sometimes, but it is as if my voice suddenly becomes unknown to them and they lose all attention to my words. Everyone does this to me. This may be the one thing I hate most about being me.

I feel as though I can tell when someone is NT when I am interacting with them. Same thing the other way, I think the NT brain notices some difference(s) in the Aspie's brain, and that makes them literally ignore us. Any thoughts?

I definitely feel like this as well. there are so many times that this happens to me and i hate it.

 

[Soup]

Many hard of hearing & deaf people have embraced their difference, refuse to be 'cured' or see themselves as impaired & have little to no interest in joining or integrating into the 'hearing' world. They view themselves as a distinct yet inclusive culture that comprises people from all over the world. They use sign language (as you well know) & view it as a shame & an impairment that hearing people cannot sign!

I think about this a lot in relation to those of us on the spectrum. Part of the problem with us is that we're reclusive so we tend to not seek to socialize 'in person' much. some of us are friendly & would LOVE to have some in the flesh relationships (romantic AND platonic) BUT get misunderstood or excluded by NTs & don't know where all the Aspie caves are. The internet & sites like THIS one are enabling us to begin building Aspie interrelationships & sharing our perspectives & values & life experiences with each other. Blogs by Aspies are also great as is the fact that Aspies are beginning to write books. We're finally getting something other than the NT perspective on who we are & what we're like.

 

[Cerulean]

I'm a hearing person and I'm learning sign language just for fun. I think it's shame too that more hearing people don't sign, since a lot of communication is nonverbal anyway, it seems like it'd help others who have communication problems but not necessarily hearing problems if it was more commonplace.