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Do You Feel Invisible?

Scared because I fear im invisible

I started a new job last week, along with six other new recruits. The company I work for is very friendly (friendliness and respect for others is actually a part of company culture) and the employees that have been there a while actually take the time to come and introduce themselves and chat to the "newbies". Well, all the newbies except me, of course. I have noticed on repeated occassions that even if I am in a group of just 2 or 3 other people, the established employees can't seem to see me. They address everyone else but me. They do not even make eye contact with me. If I do try to make conversation, they either don't seem to hear or just talk over the top of me. Of course, this has happened to me previously, but not for some time, as I have been out of work and tend not to socialise as much as I should. I had forgotten about this invisibility problem and it has come back with a vengence now that I am working.

After a particularly difficult day of being what I call invisible (hence my forum name), I went home and cried and was actually very scared. The questions
that came up in my mind about the situation were:
Do I look as though I'm not a nice person?
Do I look like a bore?
Do I come across as strange/weird?
If this is how someone perceives me, how so if they have never entered into a conversation with me? One lady just walked straight past me without saying hello, but will say hello to any of the other newbies.

Could someone please help me? I am quite upset and confused as I have no idea what is happening.
 
Re: Scared because I fear im invisible

It happens to me too. I think it's a combination of all three with me. You can't control what other people think of you, and I've found that trying to explain yourself backfires. I would go out of my way to appear as friendly as possible, listen more than talk, and accept the last one. Try to not let it get to you. It's very hard not to do. It does hurt, but people tend to avoid what they don't understand. Hopefully, someone will warm up to you. I feel your pain.
 
Re: Scared because I fear im invisible

All I can say is that I have this problem too. But if I remain in a social situation long enough, some people eventually warm up to me. I'm sorry it's so hard. Try to be patient and focus on your work. It seems that when I act like I am not looking for attention, like I don't need anyone, but am still friendly, people seem to want to talk to me more. But I don't act like I don't care in a snobby, rude way. Just pleasantly going about my business, and if someone wants to strike up a conversation with me, that's great. I don't know if that works all the time, as I only discovered it a few years ago.
 
I feel incredibly invisible, especially with my family. Sometimes I wonder if I just disappeared if they would even notice. Things I say to them are talked over or just ignored. When I brought up the fact that my therapist was seeing signs of Asperger's in me, my mom dismissed the idea but when questioned about my life (she said I'm social, I asked her to name one friend of mine), she was stuck. I tell them these things, it's just ignored.

Sometimes I wonder if I do it to myself though. I've always been quiet and all throughout school and such, I've gone out of my way to just blend in(or try to). I've read that people with AS are like chameleons; maybe I've just gotten too good at blending in to the background.
 
Re: Scared because I fear im invisible

almost invisible said:
I started a new job last week, along with six other new recruits. The company I work for is very friendly (friendliness and respect for others is actually a part of company culture) and the employees that have been there a while actually take the time to come and introduce themselves and chat to the "newbies". Well, all the newbies except me, of course. I have noticed on repeated occassions that even if I am in a group of just 2 or 3 other people, the established employees can't seem to see me. They address everyone else but me. They do not even make eye contact with me. If I do try to make conversation, they either don't seem to hear or just talk over the top of me. Of course, this has happened to me previously, but not for some time, as I have been out of work and tend not to socialise as much as I should. I had forgotten about this invisibility problem and it has come back with a vengence now that I am working.

After a particularly difficult day of being what I call invisible (hence my forum name), I went home and cried and was actually very scared. The questions
that came up in my mind about the situation were:
Do I look as though I'm not a nice person?
Do I look like a bore?
Do I come across as strange/weird?
If this is how someone perceives me, how so if they have never entered into a conversation with me? One lady just walked straight past me without saying hello, but will say hello to any of the other newbies.

Could someone please help me? I am quite upset and confused as I have no idea what is happening.
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Moderator Note:

Hello and welcome to aspiescentral.com
I moved your thread here as I thought you would appreciate the information other members have already contributed on this same topic, hope this information helps ; ]
 
Deno said:
I may be wrong of course, But I think it's just because people need to start paying more attention.. I don't mean to insult, but most NT I talk to pretty much remind me of this..
View attachment 3549
Like seriously, they HAVE TO bring something up that is COMPLETELY irrelevant and in my opinion boring as ****, right in mid sentence as I try to explain or say something. It's so irritating... :mad:
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lol my husband is like that. I'm a bit like that sometimes. I love the gif though

Maybe the reason why people ignore us is because they sense something is wrong and don't know how to deal with it because they can't see it.
 
Sometimes I wish I could be more invisible. When I want to do that I make a point of wearing a baggy shirt with jeans and possibly my glasses. It just helps me to not look like "HEY LOOK AT ME HERE I AM!" everytime I'm in Walmart.
 
imagesbyholly said:
You know, my husband used to do this with me. It was a bad habit he picked up from having some psycho family members and acting like they didn't exist when they were raving, because ignoring them was the most efficient soloution. But it carried over into whenever he was feeling selfish or annoyd with a comment or question, and I was easy to do this to. Now, he has grown up big time and we have a very good relationship. He doesn't do this to me any more. Unfortunately, I've been selfish lately and have done it to him a few times for the first time in my life- I never had the audacity to do something like that before. I always felt ignoring someone was so rude I couldn't do it. I felt like a rude, silly fool afterward and intend not to do it again...
Click to expand...

I've also felt like a rude, silly fool when I've tried to be the cocky, belittling conversational master. I've thought that if other people can disregard my feelings, ridicule me for my errors and talk over the top of me, and get away with it because by the time I've caught up with the conversation it's too late to assert myself, why can't I do it to them. But it's just not me, and it doesn't feel good to treat other people that way.

My coping strategy now with being treated like I'm invisible is really just to withdraw, and to stop seeking attention from those I know are too preoccupied to acknowledge me. There are people I know will never do that to me, and always be courteous and kind. Lately I've spent months trying to organise to go an outing with a school friend of mine. Every time I ask him he says he's busy, and he never remembers to tell me when he's free. After a while, it got to the point where I just felt pathetic constantly bringing it up, so I've just let it pass for now.
Also, if I'm in one of those conversations that aren't really conversations, more like the other person lecturing me on their opinions, and never letting me get a word in, I just end it. It's not worth it.
 
I sometimes feel disconnected with other people. It's like I'm a ghost whos not entirely there to other people which makes me go on unacknowledged and instead of engaging with another i'm merely watching inconsequentially. it doesnt help that I find it stressful to initiate things and and submissive and compliant. this isn't so much the case with my older friends but is definitly true with some of the newer people i've met and tried to befriend (though I suppose we are friends on some level). this is true especially in groups where i eventually become the odd man out where everyone else converses with each other and i'm left to make unnoticed comments. In The end I feel like I can never find theh understanding and relatedness that these other people have to have the type of relationship they have with each other
 
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