Do you go places independently?

[Geordie]

I go out alone myself usually, before Aspies Central. Now, with encouragement of a friend here, I finally hang out with a friend. Cool.

 

[Billi]

I have always been independent, often even to the point when it is dangerous. I sometimes don't always understand why something is dangerous, as I tend to be a little naive and trusting. I have been in some places where I realized it might not be safe for me, but have never had a problem. Even as a kid, I liked carrying a knapsack around to keep things in. I got picked up by the police several times, because they thought I was running away. I suppose an eight year old waking down the side of an isolated country road miles from anywhere at 6am with a knapsack on his back is suspicious. I have traveled overseas a bit, and here in the states. I usually like to go it alone because I can do what I want, also I meet such interesting people, who I doubt would approach a group. My last trip alone was a three day bicycle camping trip, into the outskirts of a large wilderness area. I only spoke to people at stores I stopped at when I rode to town for water. I do not like crowds, noisy places, etc... being alone lets me choose where I go, and when I leave. I still prefer not to drive although I do alright, it really is stressful for me.

 

[Blint]

I would have never went myself since I would always be in fear, now im perfectly fine.

- Blint.

 

[Billi]

I had a thing happen today where I was supposed to meet some people for lunch after a group bike ride, It was out of town, but I had no problem finding it since I had looked it up on a map last night. They gave me directions,(verbal) to the restaurant, it seemed very simple, only one turn, but I couldn't find it. First I turned around and went back about 5miles since I thought I had missed the turn, then I turned back around going the right way. I was supposed to have followed someone, but they drove off without me. Then I found the road to turn right on, and I turned right on the exit ramp. After another 5 miles I still had not seen the place and I was getting upset. I pulled off in a parking lot, I was so mad at myself for not being able to follow simple directions, I felt so stupid. I wanted to cry, (I don't cry) I just feel like I screw everything up, that sometimes it's so *#@! hard. (The logical part of me knows that it's so much easier for me, than a lot of other people, (I think of my cousin's son with HFA who is barely verbal, but very intelligent.) but that doesn't make it any better.) It reminds me how this thing screws with my life. How it makes me different. It hurts. I want to bang my head on the window (I don't, I really try not to do that.) I'm mad at myself for not bringing the GPS, for not programming someones number in my phone, or asking how far it was. I call my partner to get him to try find it on the computer, but he can't find a restaurant with 'ale" in the name, and I am still very upset and frustrated, he doesn't get it, he just calls me a "spazz" (I haven't told him I think I'm an aspie, I'm not ready for that yet.)
I feel like a lot of people in my bike club already think I'm weird and kind of flaky, I am late a good bit, and if I am too late I just won't bother showing up. I had said I would be there for lunch and I know when I don't show up they will wonder why. I turn around and head home. When I get home I have an email from a friend, "What happened? I thought you were meeting us for lunch?" I still haven't answered. I don't know what to say, Either, I can't figure out simple directions, or I changed my mind about going to lunch. Either way I'm going to look stupid.

 

[jaws]

Billi, I'm sorry to here about the lunch thing. For what it is worth, it has happened to me few times...I generally just admit that I couldn't find the place and prepare for the razzing...however, most of the time it gets me phone numbers (that I probably should have already had) and it is not as bad as I make it out in my head. I also think about my better traits, and I have a high self esteem and just use it as a learning experience. Although, I must admit it has been a long time since I agreed to meet anyone some place...thinking back on it...I usually try to pick the place we meet and it may be defense mechanism I use to avoid this type of scenario. If you don't mind, please let us know the excuse you end up choosing and how it goes over.

As far as your partner...I've told mine, and it is not always for the better. At times when I really could use some assistance, I don't often get it and get called the equivalent of a spazz...or worse, he tends to make everything about my Asperger's and I feel he does not give me credit for being quite capable in many areas.

 

[Billi]

I told my friend Jim the truth, I couldn't find it, so I just came home. I'm sure I'll hear more from some others the next time I ride with them. I don't do very many of the out of town rides, I don't like driving much, and when I do I usually follow someone to the resturant, or I've ridden, or driven, with someone else anyway. I am really good with maps, and I have a good sense of direction. I just can't do verbal directions, I'm not good at giving them either. I will get some phone numbers, and next time I will take the GPS.

 

[superboyian]

I told my friend Jim the truth, I couldn't find it, so I just came home. I'm sure I'll hear more from some others the next time I ride with them. I don't do very many of the out of town rides, I don't like driving much, and when I do I usually follow someone to the resturant, or I've ridden, or driven, with someone else anyway. I am really good with maps, and I have a good sense of direction. I just can't do verbal directions, I'm not good at giving them either. I will get some phone numbers, and next time I will take the GPS.

That's definitely another thing I'm not so good at unless someone was to explain it clear enough for me to understand and I'm normally very good at remembering directions if I was to go there either once or twice.

I definitely recommend a GPS too but sometimes there are disadvantages using a GPS which you would need to like update the maps every so often.

 

[Firnafth]

I've failed to find somebody's house before. It was irritating, but I probably didn't miss out on much (it was a party and probably wouldn't have been that fun).

Yesterday I went to a movie by myself. I enjoyed that a lot. I had to take the bus down to the Ohio River (which is large enough for coal barges) and then walk across the river on the footbridge to get to the movie theater. I was reminded that I enjoy public transportation - since I have a car I haven't used it recently. I liked being able to walk as fast as I wanted to (I walk very quickly) and being able to to do whatever I felt like while I was waiting for the movie to start.

 

[salemzarves]

I go places by myself every chance i get to, and I find it exhillerating to do so, my faverote place to go by myself is the mall, movie theatre, and restaurants, im still not too sure about going to the bar without my dad, thats just about the only place i feel funny going to alone, but the funny thing is i would go to a rave alone becasue i dont know anybody who likes crazy techno music as much as i do and i would still carry my taser in case if some werido trys to catch me.

 

[LgndKllr24]

I don't really go places by myself too often, usually my wife is with me wherever I go. I like that though because I enjoy spending time with her and I feel less stressed. I can go places by myself but I usually choose not to. I especially don't like going places by myself for the first time though because I have the fear that I will get lost, etc. like has been mentioned earlier in this thread.

 

[Spinning Compass]

If I don't go to places independently, I don't go at all. I have more problems going with other people. Either they don't want to come or they aren't interested in the things I am interested in. I have learned that if it is something that means a lot to me to go alone. Because I don't want it ruined by the other person's attitude. You know, "I'm bored. That's stupid. That sucks." I don't get it. I was taught to be polite and not complain. I can put up with something that's not particularly interesting to me for the sake of the friendship but apparently it doesn't work the other way around.

 

[2wheels4ever]

Thread seems to be old but it showed up on my recommend. When I didn't have my own means of transport I hated going anywhere; I was always at the mercy of someone who dictated when to arrive and leave or stay. When I played gigs with bands though it was fun, but any other time I was instantly the 2nd class person and had no input or influence. Going places on my own was limited to a very small geographical area and timeline - even though I could usually find the quiet buses, some of the routes I needed stopped running at 6pm.

Since I became eligible to drive I've gone from So Cal to Tucson AZ, to Nor Cal and back a couple times, and in 2008 I took a solo motorcycle trip to Springfield MO and back. When it rains or I have to ask RM with his truck to drive me somewhere I'm digging fingernails into my palms the whole time, when I can't ride I'm hating every minute of it

 

[Arashi222]

Well because I am also visually impaired I tend to not go places unless I am familar with route the bus takes or my mom takes me. I also since I have a friend who drives we do lunch sometimes but other than that I don't go places. It frightens me badly. I can be confident on routes I know because the bus drivers know me. I know them they keep my seat open for me. I get upset and worried and anxious if I have to do something I am unfamiliar with or a familiar situation with a twist like tomorrow (dollie meet with two ex-friends who keep making comments about having so much fun how they can't wait to see everyone) ummm..grumble...But these are reasons I don't go alone. I don't mind the company because its usually someone I know. I don't know if its an AS thing for me or if its visual impairment thing for me maybe both.

 

[King_Oni]

I usually go places alone and all. Sometimes my aspie friend joins me. And I'll go places with my girlfriend sometimes.

But quite often I'll just go on my own. If I go with other people I need to have a plan and a heads up in what they want, to encounter surprises with them being around. So I make sure I have that sorted out even before we go. I also give them a decent heads up where I want to go, and that I don't really need to go to other places, so if they're joining in don't give me "this is boring" crap. I really helps if I tell people up front where I'm going. Besides, having a mutual interest with a friend helps a lot... thus places we end up are places we both like one way or the other.

If I go to a city I've never been before I take a look at a map they day before and plan a route where I'm going (besides having a navigation app on my cellphone) and usually I can work from there, my sense of direction quite good. I pretty much never ask people for directions, and I'm usually listening to my ipod and wearing shades to block out sensory stimuli.

But most of the time I don't leave the house if only for the reason that I don't have an urge to leave the house. I'm comfy with being inside for 23 hours a day, with all lights out and the curtains closed. And if I go out, it's usually during the night... which is mostly just for a small walk. I live in a quiet town so I could pretty much go outside without music or shades on... chances are that I encounter about 1 car in an hour or so... and 2 people walking/on bike.

As for mandatory stuff, yes I can make that by my own. I can visit the supermarket on my own, that's no problem, however I try to skip the really busy hours. So I'm usually in just after opening at 8 am, or just before closing at 8 pm.

 

[earthsteward70]

i like travelling alone all the time especally travelling interstate its good and enjoyful to explore new places you havent been before when you were growing up when you were a child. some people love travelling as their hobby

I love to travel. I have a kind of GPS in my head. All I have to do is look at the route on Mapquest and I can get there and back, for hundreds of miles, without printing the map. If I happen to get surprised by rush-hour traffic I do get nervous if I am in a new city because I'm watching the green signs on the interstate because cities are famous for having a 'business loop' with the same route number as the interstate that I am on, and need to avoid. That is when I switch off the radio in the car and ask the passengers to be quiet. Then all is fine. Otherwise, I can drive all day. It feels like an interactive movie. I don't know how I don't get bored at driving through hundreds of miles of scrub, cornfields, or whatever the scenery, but I don't. I think it's in my genes to drive. My dad has been a truck driver since '75. I've always had wanderlust.

 

[2010Dolby]

I usually go places alone but sometimes I refuse to depending on certain things. If I need to get some quick lunch before work or class then I'll drive through town looking for a place to eat. If I see one of the restaurants is full of people I won't go in alone, but I will if Im with a friend. I won't go into a super busy gas station or store alone either. A large group of strangers requires me to be with some people that I know.

 

[2wheels4ever]

@Earthsteward, I appreciated that you mentioned turning the radio off. Whenever I am asked to drive a cage, even if it is just to move 2 spots back in a driveway. That is much different than driving in circles in a dirt field; then I have been known to crank up the Guns N Roses! BTW I like the U/N

When I rode the 1100 Honda I had at the time to Springfield MO in 08, that was the very first time I have ever been on the freeway by myself, even then I rode surface streets to the least confusing onramp. Once I got a few miles in I was comfortable enough to exit and re-enter for my stops, except for that near-miss getting back on near The River, went to signal left and instead honked the horn.
I mostly just stayed in the right lane except to pass, when I approached Albuquerque the road began to widen significantly, I avoided the 2 rightmost lanes through much of the city and that flowed well. One of my frustrations on that trip was the fact I could not just move between the stopped and slow moving cars like I can where I live, once I got out of California


@KingOni I appreciated you mentioning how to go about ironing out the details when going on group ventures. It has been several years since I had been to the guitar shops with a handful of people I know. That experience was good; the others are high functioning versions of their DXs, nobody had a meltdown, we all got to talk about guitars, a shared SI among the group. Even then I still felt I was being rushed out of the store!

 

[Bay]

I usually go places by myself. Otherwise I wouldn't go anywhere at all! I have traveled quite a bit by myself and am usually comfortable with it. I do feel as though I must take some precautions because I am female, such as not walking alone at night unless it is an area with a lot of people out and about. However, when I travel alone I can sightsee at my own pace, see museums at my own pace, rest when I need to, etc. things that seem to require constant negotiation when I'm with others. It's nice to have company once in awhile though. Ideally, I guess, I would travel with someone I was close to but we would feel free to go our separate ways from time to time.

 

[Caspar]

I usually go do things by myself though I have never traveled alone. One of the perks of living in a big city is that there's always people. And there's always other people doing things alone too.

 

[shinyedge]

Long ago I realized I wasn't going to go anywhere if I didn't go by myself.